Five years ago today I could have died. I weighed way too little and was on a demolition path. Thanks to a great young therapist and some awesome friends I was able to enter into recover that very day.

It's been a studggle lately; I'm trying to finish up my discertaion and dealing with some auto-immune metabolic disorders; not to mention parent's that are getting divorced. My desire to reach my five year anniversary kept me in recovery.

So here I am today and it sucks. One of my friends recoverd from Lukemia and on her anniversary her family and friends threw here a huge party. I couldn't even get anyone to go out for dinner with me. I went to visit my parents thinking they would understand and they were so busy arguing with each other that they barely noticed I was there. On top of all that my dissertation might be coming apart at the seems.

I haven't felt this bad in years; sick to my stomach, gagging at the sight of food, and just genreally not wanting to eat. No one believes or cares that I'm recovered anyway (not even the endo.) I've been working with. I still hate my body, so what's the sense of eating. Starving makes me feel good even though I know it's wrong. HELP!

Congrats on your anniversary!! I'm sorry nobody is around for you at the moment. Having an ED sucks and it takes an incredible amount of strength to recover . The fact that you have been recovered for five years is awesome!! Although you are feeling very triggered at the moment don't go back and restrict! You've come so far! ;) Do something nice for yourself to celebrate. Get a manicure or a massage. Treat yourself to shopping and buying nice things. You deserve it.

The fact that you have been in recovery is great.

I've been in recovery 7 years, but don't really ever celebrate it or bring it up...why bother? It's in the past and better to stay that way IMO. I also don't have one particular day that I associate with recovery; it's a process, it doesn't happen all at once. I have a year when I knew I was last very ill (2000) and then I wasn't the next year, so that's more what I keep in mind. But I don't talk about it to people much or expect special attention because of it; once you've recovered, it's better to leave that part behind.

I'd much rather get attention for other positives in my life--getting my master's degree, publishing articles in scientific journals, getting married, buying a house, now it's having a baby (I'm due in Dec.).

Don't fall back into that trap & start restricting. It's a downward spiral. I still have some lingering body image issues (not as bad as they were in the past), but basically, consider myself recovered. Now it is a bit of a challenge as I'm gaining weight being pregnant and my body is changing too (getting a bit of a pregnant belly that makes getting around awkward), but I'm not going back that way. Recovery was difficult enough the first time. If I get sick, I'll just have to recover again, either that or die or live with the ED my whole life and be miserable all the time, in which case it's not much of a life either.

Do something special for yourself to celebrate. The dissertation will get done; I know I was stressed out writing my dissertation for my master's and preparing to present it before my committee...in the end, I did survive, and you will too.

Dear Posc,

Well deserved and belated anniversary wishes to you.

Take care.

Phoenix

Congrats on your coming this far in recovery!

I've been in recovery since July 2004... I guess I officially count July 23, 2004 as my "recovery date" because that's the day that I left a residential facility that I'd been at for 4 months, but truthfully recovery is a journey and every day after that day has been a day to celebrate, even those days where I struggled and didn't know if I wanted to continue on in recovery or just fall back into anorexia altogether.

Recovery was something that I did for myself, not anyone around me. Even though my family and friends had a huge impact on me deciding to go back into treatment for the 4th time, I still went into treatment for ME and did recovery for ME. I'm guessing that you chose recovery for yoursel as well - most people can do recovery for others for a little while, but you've been at this for 5 years and that is not something that can be done for "others" for that long!

I know it's hard to not have something like this acknowledged, but you know it's been 5 years and that is good enough. I am positive that your friends and family are proud of you for how far you have come but that doesn't mean that they are going to celebrate this date with you every year. Honestly, no one in my life has celebrated any anniversaries with me since I've been in recovery, but that hasn't taken away how hard I've worked get here. Mostly we celebrate my recovery as a whole, not as one specific date. You should be proud of yourself and don't allow yourself to relapse just because people in your life aren't doing what you had hoped they would do.

I care. And I think it's fantastic that you have been in recovery for so long! WOW!!! You give those of us who are struggling a lot of hope. Congratulations! When or if I feel like throwing in the towel today, I will think of you and how I could have 5 years also if I keep going :)

((((((Cyber Hug))))))

SG