Yeah, basically how bad does your husband's anger have to get before you walk?

My husband is so frustrated with his life (money, job, having responsibilities) and often takes it out on me. Not physically but he shouts and is aggressive. I try to calm him down but that never works - some men seem to just enter that zone where their testosterone stops them being able to hear.

He has shouted at me recently whilst I was breastfeeding our newborn and our 3 year old was cowering into me. He really scared our little boy - who was crying, and my husband smacked his leg for crying (yeah that'll help). He's scared our son before in a fit of rage - throwing things (not at anyone) and punching the refridgerator, breaking the garbage bin.

The reasons he blows up like this aren't enough to justify it. For example, last night I got up to feed the baby (who sleeps in our room) and when I got back to bed she wasn't settling well and that's when the anger started. He says really hurtful things when he's in the rage. After I told him I was pregnant he had a lot of rages. He was trying to force me into having an abortion - which I know I could never have lived with. Once he said he would have to pray for me to fall down the stairs.

I know he wouldn't physically hurt me but the hurtful things he says are pain enough. He's tried some counselling but I think it was aimed at other issues. We've had marriage counselling after I had feelings for someone else and left my husband (for one week - in which time I slept with the other man). Since then my husband had a one night stand that he kept from me for months but he insists that what I did was worse because he was just drunk and it didn't mean anything. I feel like I'm not allowed to be hurt by what he did because of what I did - I never give him a hard time about it. I also feel like I have to put up with more from him because of what I did. Part of the reason I cheated was because I was so unhappy - he was angry before I cheated - shouting at me (and our child - saying it was all his fault) when I had our 1st child in my arms

We're not sleeping together presently - I just can't and I think that is partly due to the anger. He gets angry because we don't have sex then I just continue associating sex with anger because that's all sexual conversation and thoughts ever come to. This issue is what he 1st showed anger with me about - because I didn't like foreplay.

What a mess! Sorry for long post - thanks for reading.

x

how bad does it have to get?
it's there now.......I wouldn't tolerate it.......he's abusive or on the verge of being abusive.....however you want to look at it......it's not healthy for you or your baby. I'd start making plans for a life without him if he doesn't shape up. You don't need this.
:angel:

Yes it does sound very bad to this point...somewhat reminds me of myself....I really don't get the whole male bad....leave him and move on scenario. I understand that treating a woman badly is wrong it goes both ways I think....but after what I have gone through you actually need to talk to the person and offer them your support and help them realize you have a problem to get help with. everyone has issues at some point, do you just pack up and go? It's very hard doing it on your own and wish every day that I haven't lost my loved one but had her stand by my side and support in getting the help I needed before it was too late....theres too much to lose. It's been rough.

My husband had fits of rage kind of like your husband. He went to anger management & that helped somewhat. What really helped is him going on Paxil for anxiety. It's sad that it takes a drug to make things better but sometimes that's the only course they're willing to take. Please do something soon to start the process of him getting help. If you try to excuse away his behavior & ignore it it will only get worse. Some how he thinks he's controlling the situation by yelling, saying terrible things & slapping your child's leg. You're raising your children in an unhealthy environment. Try to talk to your husband when you think he is calm & won't became angry about going to counseling. Maybe a night when someone else could sit with the kids outside of your home?
Good luck.

Dear L,

Whenever a person puts you in a situation that you have to question "why am I still here" you should listen to that "inner consciousness."

If you feel belittled or have to question your self worth.............

I will leave it at that.

Please take care of yourself.

Phoenix