You may have read some of my past postings, but I'll give you some info on myself. I'm 37, married, no kids, and underweight. I'm in therapy, and attend an ED support group weekly (usually).

I'd like to think I'm working toward a healthier outlook on food consumption. I've greatly reduced certain ED behaviors - I very rarely purge anymore and I only took laxatives twice. I generally stick to my "safe foods" during the week, but allow myself a little freedom (within parameters) on weekends. This means I allow myself to eat one "bad" meal on Saturday and one "bad" meal on Sunday. I'm still pretty restrictive on weekdays, but I'm working on it. May sound strange, but my current rules are more relaxed than they were. It took a lot of time, courage, and work to get myself where I am now mentally. I'm continuing to (slowly) improve.

I can't stand to see my nude reflection. I think I look good clothed, but emaciated naked. At the same time I have a fear of gaining and would like to stay where I am. No less. I'm afraid what my husband will think when he sees me (we're not the most intimate couple and I don't run around the house naked.) I guess this isn't a question, but I'd like your thoughts. For those married or in relationships, how did you face this fear?

I consider myself a healthy anorexic. I don't let my weight drop too low. I, like you, eat on the weekends, but I keep it to a minimum during the week.
When I notice myself becoming too thin, I try to cover it up from my husband by wearing baggy clothes or avoiding him, but he usually ends up telling me, "You're getting too thin." And by him saying that, I , too already know it and then I'll go eat something.
Right now though I'm at the point where I'm trying to lose a couple more pounds to the point where he tells me again that I'm getting too thin. This time I won't eat. I want to get thinner. Maybe he won't notice. But sometimes he has me get on the scale. Go figure.
Sorry for rambling. I don't know if anything I even said made any sense.
In other words, I want to, and try to please him. But at times I don't care and would rather chose anorexia. Unlike you, I think I look fat naked. Or at least my tummy could be flatter.

Thank you for your reply. Any support / feedback helps me remember that I'm not alone in this, and not totally insane! I'm comfortable as long as my weight is in a certain range. I have high and low weight danger zones. My weight bounces back and forth between these numbers like a ping pong ball - as I approach the high number I restrict. If I near the low number I make an effort to eat more. (My therapist had me sign a contract stating if I went below my low number I'd check into a hospital.)

As long as I'm within range I don't feel I need to lose weight. But gaining causes me terrible anxiety. I'm OK with how I look (within the range), for the most part. But I'm afraid of my husband's reaction if he saw me without my padded, push-up bras (there's nothing in them). Even though that part of me looks disgustingly emaciated the thought of putting on weight terrifies me. I wish I could get beyond this! I'm so tired of fighting with myself!

I am 23 years old, and I have two more semesters after this current semester of college left. I want to get married to my beautiful boyfriend who is 24 and graduated from college, yet my eating disorder has managed to creep into both of our lives in the worst ways. The college I attend had administration look into my low weight, and the dean now monitors me, I must see an outside theripist, and I must see a nutritionist on a regular basis. He attends these appointments with me, which means driving an hour and a half from where he lives, yet he will then spend the weekend with me at my apartment, which is only minutes from the doctor's office. I was almost suspended from college in the middle of my academic career with a 3.9 average. So much for privacy.

I am telling you this because you are a married person who is suffering from an eating disorder, and I am soon (hopefully) to be a married person who suffers from an eating disorder. That came out wrong, yet I think you understand what I am trying to say. How can you deal with it long-term? My boyfriend is always bashing heavy-set people verbally, which is just devistating to me. He is one of those people who is very tall and very thin with much lean muscle mass (think like a professional bicyclist-type-body), and he really and truly eats whatever he wants. As in, his grandmother will make him a cake, and he will eat 1/3 of it "just to clean it up." There is not an ounce of body fat on this boy and he has never, ever had to watch what he eats, so there is no way that he could ever understand the need for a human to have to have the will-power to turn down food. And here I am, deciding between the low-fat and the no-fat wafers. Would I love to eat crazy amounts and not gain weight? Sure! But it isn't going to happen.

Now I am rambling, so back to the point, I suppose. Hwo can I, we, any of us live as a married couple with this "thing," this evil, mind-twisting thing between us, this thing that has become as much a part of me as my own arms it seems. Any thoughts? Suggestions? Am I going to be able to enjoy the cake on my wedding day? Thank you.

hey there...i think the most important thing is to remember that your partner or husband loves you for you not because your [removed] heavier or lighter!...i was [removed] heavier when i met my now ex boyfriend and i slipped into horrible anorexia and bulimic cycles which i am now very badly involved in and desprately trying to stop (this has been going on for 18months now), my now ex used to have a previous dating history of really skinny girls and before we started dating would only ever say the skinny ones were hot which made me feel disgusting so it fuelled my already growing list of reasons my ED developed..i lost all the weight and it ended up ultimately distroying us because i went to mental with this ED and for so long and i pushed him away - (he ended up being a jerk in the end but even so it was a main reason behind us splitting that i had become this broken person)...he said to me i would rather have you happy and healthy like when you first lost [weight] and you were so confident and happy anyday than this...so just remember they love you because your you not for what the scales say! you are beautiful to them in your own unique way so embrace that!..im just starting a new relationship and im terrified to tell him about my ED as i want him to get to know me as bec not bec and her ED as i know people judge and dont always understand..when do you think it is a right time to tell somebody? i really like this guy and its proven to me as when im with him im controlled im half as anxious as i normally am and im actually eating, i was so bloated and had put on [weight] after a big weekend and i saw him and he saw me getting changed and was like wow how did you get so beautiful! i felt like a million bucks as he still liked me even tho i felt like a whale :) when do you think i should speak up?

Please call your attention to the sticky post at the top of this Board: "Avoiding Triggers".

I've been dating this guy for over a year and we just got quite serious. He has NO idea I binge and purge [removed]. It scares me to death that he will find out or that I will have to tell him. That would be my worst nightmare. I, for years, have stayed out of relationships in order to keep my secrets secret, but now I'm really ready to move on with my life.

I'm very scared

Yesterday around 6:00PM I decided it's time to do something drastic. I really want a bulimic free life. I want to stop wasting my time in the food. I want to have a life and have a healthy relationship....and I want to be healthy. I've never been in a normal relationship. I really want to share my life with someone and I want them to share their life back with me. I really want to do this.

I don't want to continue to live this lie

SG

well done on making a good choice! i have recently started seeing this guy and i told him on the weekend that i have an eating disorder i didnt go into detail i just said that its something that he needs to be aware of and that i am dealing with it through docs etc..i told him that i dont want him to be apart of it as i want him to see me for me and only me not me the ED and i am prepared to do whatever i can to get better so that i am just me again..he was very understanding and said he wont ask questions but for me to know that he is proud of me and that if i ever need to talk he's here, now ive only been seeing him for about 3 weeks (known him for alot longer) but it proved to me that he was worth it..i know this disorder is not our fault nor should it become the responsibillity of the person we are with but if the person you are with cant show you anything but compassion and love then maybe they arnt worth it, after all thats what love is, its unconditional

Hi Abbec,

I just don't want anybody watching my food but me. I can get very defensive when I feel someone wants to interfere with my food rituals. I like having total control over what I eat.

Congratulations on the new beau! I'm having great fun in my new relationship and it's really giving me a huge reason to get on the straight and narrow. They say you shouldn't recover for anybody but yourself. But hey, if that doesn't work for you, I say...grab onto whatever you can to help you better yourself. It's not only our lives, but the quality of our lives that we are talking about here.

SG