I have just completed my 7th IVF! I find out on Thursday if if worked or not. I have only gotten pregnant once but had a miscarriage at 8 weeks. I have undergone IUI's and FET's as well (Overall 12 attempts in the last 3 years). Of course my insurance covers absolutely none of this (not even meds), so you can imagine I am broke. My doc decided to do PGD this time and the results were not good. Only 1 out of the 9 was PGD normal. So going through another round of IVF and $15K for one embryo has been very devastating. I know everyone says to keep positive, but I am struggling to do that. I had to go into this cycle knowing that this would be my last one. I cannot afford to do it anymore financially. So it was even that much harder to hear the results of the PGD. I am doing this as a single person (just have not found that right man in my life and I want nothing more then to be a mom). So going through this alone has been that much harder. All the procedures and appts are on my own. Every injection I do myself (even the big ol PIO)!!
Today has been particularly difficult. I keep finding myself just crying. I am not ready to accept that I cannot have kids (but my bank account tells me a different story). After my miscarriage I was deeply depressed(this was in March) and it took me a while to decide to go for it one more time. It just seems every where I look there is a pregnant woman or a newborn baby and its so hard to control my emotions. I am just scared this is not going to work. I am scared about how to handle it! I will be at work when I get the news and sure I will have to leave if I get bad news. I just don't know how strong I can be if this does not work.
It just seems so unfair that any of us are on this board posting! It should not be this hard to try and have a baby.

Ok - I just needed to vent a little because I am just scared and alone through this process. My family and friends just don't get how stressful and emotional this process is and think I should just move on.

Emma

oh Emma, I am so sorry for all that you have been thru. I understand your heartache and wish u did'nt feel so alone. I will keep you in my prayers and just know that us girls on this board will always be here if u need a shoulder. Huge (((hugs))) coming your way. I hope to see a surprise BFP from u sweetie.

Kari

I'm sorry to hear about your ordeal, Emma. You are so brave to go through all this on your own. I can't even imagine what you have gone through. Just don't give up hope yet. Miracles do happen and it is usually when the hope is almost gone.

Have you considered adoption? (I know. It is not the same and it makes me sad when people ask me the question, but when I think about it, there are so many unwanted babies out there it makes me furious to know there are mothers out there who don't know how lucky they are).

Does your clinic have a support group? Maybe meeting with people who are going through a similar experience can help.

I wish you the best. Keep us posted. Do you find out this Thursday or next Thursday?

Emma, I am so sorry to hear about all you have gone through. And to do it alone, you are so strong! My thoughts and prayers go out to you. Praying this cycle is the one to make your hopes and dreams a reality. :angel:

Hugs and baby dust,

Holly

I find out this Thursday!! Had a big cry session with my therapist tonight!!
Thanks for all the kind words and I will let you know how things go on Thursday!!

Fingers and toes crossed for you, Emma!!! Only one more day....

Holly:)

Hi Emma!! I just want to you know that I am hoping for the best best news!! One more day!!!!!! :D:D:D:D:D

*****************babydust*************** *******

Emma, it sure can be nice to have a good cry every now and again, doesn't it? I hope you are feeling better. Good luck to you sweetie... hope it's good news for you tomorrow!

Emma

I am sorry for all the pain that you are going through.

Praying that it s going to be a bFP for you today. Please keep us posted.

Amy

I am sorry you are feeling this way, yes it surely is frustrating and the hardest thing to bear. We are thinking of you, let us know how things go.

Hi Emma, just wanted you to know I am pulling for you today as you go for beta. Really hoping you will have good news to share with us soon. :angel:

Holly

Hi Emma--- i just want you to know that I am sohoping that your beta comes back with high, happy numbers and we can celebrate your BFP :D Can't wait to hear from you!

************babydust****************

Thank you all for the kind words and wishes, but it was BFN!!
I am heartbroken

Oh no, Emma, I am so sorry. :( I can tell just by the shortness of your post how heartbroken you are. It's okay to grieve, darling, it really is okay. If you want to cry, and be sad, then go ahead. Or if that's not what you want, then that's ok too :) Don't lose hope, dalring, you will be a mother someday :angel:

Comforting ((((hugs))))

Emma, I am so very sorry it was bfn. :( I know you are devastated, and I wish I could give you a huge hug and let you cry on my shoulder. You said this will probably be your last cycle & I can only imagine how difficult it would be to give up the dream of becoming a mom. Can I ask, have you considered adoption? I hope that's not too personal of a question...if it is, feel free to ignore it. I only ask because you said you cannot keep doing these cycles, and adoption would be an alternative option to motherhood. I just know that after all you have been through and all you have done trying to get pg that you would make an amazing mom to some lucky child out there looking for a home. But you don't have to think about any of that right now. Just take care of yourself. You will need time to get over the disappointment.

I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers. I am so sorry it didn't work out. Please let me know you're okay when you feel up to it.

Holly

Thank you all so much for the kind words and hugs. Its been a rough few days and sinking deeper and deeper into depression. I know I will snap out of it eventually, its just hard right now. I just keeping asking Why is this happenning? Why don't I deserve a baby? Have a done something so wrong that I am being punished? I just can't seem to stop crying. I know I would make a great mom so its hard to accept all of this.
Its also a difficult time for be because I had a miscarriage earlier this year and my due date is coming up in 2 weeks. People in my life don't understand my emotions about this. To me this was the biggest loss in my life. I lost the baby early but I heard a heartbeat, so it was so real to me. Because I had to have a D&C , genetic testing was done so I know it was a boy. So all I can think about is how in 2 weeks I should have a son. It's just a sad time and I don't mean to bring everyone down. It's just I don't have anyone who understands how painful infertility is to endure.
I have to make a follow up about with my doctor to discuss this last IVF, but holding off until I am a little stronger. The only reason for the appt is really for closure. (I know what the next options are - Donor Eggs or Adoption) neither of which I have money to do.

So for now, I struggle with my grief and hope for better days.

Emma

I am so so sorry for what is happening with you, I can read how upset you are and I wish things could be better for you. Please take care.

Emma, I'm so sorry. I hope you weren't offended that I mentioned adoption. I'm sure you do know your options. My heart goes out to you. Please know that you will be in my thoughts and prayers.

Hugs,

Holly