I ended it with my bf after my best friends wedding. I dont trust him enough. There were too many lies for me to feel comfortable staying. It hurts and it just sucks. I have no interest in anyone else. I think I need to just be on my own for a while and live life and focus on making money because now I have to pay all the bills by myself!

I loved him, I thought he was it for me. I am holding up ok. I think I made the right decision because trust is so important and he told me that all the lies he has told me in the past (About 8-10 over a 2.5 year period) shouldnt effect me as much as they have.

I really wish it could have been different.

To anyone out there with my problem...life is not supposed to be spent worrying and snooping due to the fact that you have caught your guy in lies. It's not right...and most likely it will keep happening!

I looked up your posts about your boyfriend - it has been heading this way for a while. I think you are doing the right thing; there is no point in a relationship where trust has gone out of the window. You will be heartsick for a time, but weigh this up against a lifetime of misery and doubt. It is very hard to leave even a spoiled relationship, and I feel for you. Let yourself grieve and be sad, the positive thoughts for the future will surface eventually in good time and then you will be ready to move on with your new life. Look after yourself, Sera

Thanks Sera! You're right. It has been in the making for a while but when you love someone it is so easy to think "This can be fixed". He blamed me for not trusting him...he told me it shouldnt effect me so much (his lies)...he told me it was because of me that he did lie. AUGH! I hated hearing all that. It was his choice to lie, it was his choice to say he would NEVER do it again, and it was his choice to continue to do it.

I am going to really focus on...me. Just me. No boys, just my finances and my happiness and my friends of course.

There was more to it then the lies, his lifestyle was a problem for me.

I tried!

I read your other posts also. I was waiting to see that he cheated or did something worthy of being untrustworthy..well..I couldn't find that in any of your threads. I hate to sound mean but this looks like one where he will be better off without you. He's in a band so there a certain "lifestyle" in that itself. What were the lies about? Were they lies to keep from causing trouble in your relationship? Not that lies are good. But sometimes they are needed when the other person in unreasonable or insecure. I prefer brutal honesty. But thats not always a good thing. I've had a lot of arguments that could have been avoided either way by just not saying..or twisting the truth. If its not cheating or doing something outside of relationships moral boundries..then whatever. Anyway...2.5 years is a long time to throw away over small stuff. And so far it looks like small stuff.

Trust is a very important thing in a relationship. If you can't trust them, you'll never be happy. be glad you ended it before you got married...

I read your other posts also. I was waiting to see that he cheated or did something worthy of being untrustworthy..well..I couldn't find that in any of your threads. I hate to sound mean but this looks like one where he will be better off without you. He's in a band so there a certain "lifestyle" in that itself. What were the lies about? Were they lies to keep from causing trouble in your relationship? Not that lies are good. But sometimes they are needed when the other person in unreasonable or insecure. I prefer brutal honesty. But thats not always a good thing. I've had a lot of arguments that could have been avoided either way by just not saying..or twisting the truth. If its not cheating or doing something outside of relationships moral boundries..then whatever. Anyway...2.5 years is a long time to throw away over small stuff. And so far it looks like small stuff.

Well you're rude. I am going through a terrible break up and you come on here and critize me like this telling me he is better of without me. I was honest, faithful, and supportive of everything he did. I was a great gf to him. Just because I didnt run here everytime he told me a lie doesnt mean he didnt do it.

Examples...said he went home at 1am but was out until 7am and LIED about it...went to a bar with another girl and LIED about it...wrote his exgf an email that was relatively inappropriate and LIED about it...went to lunch with his ex's sister and LIED about it.

There are a few others and the whole point is...when you are planning on spending your life with someone you can only take there word for things and if every few months you turn around and you find out that something else they have told you wasnt true...you start to question that very important trust factor. It doesnt matter what the lie is even about...if you lie everytime you think you may get in trouble for something...what is that? It is being a coward. And breaking trust. Like I said, I had nothing but his word to go by.

And i'm sorry, but once you are 30 and are in a serious relationship you need to settle down a bit, not continue being out until 3am everytime you decide to go out (even during the week).

And the fact that he justified every lie by blaming me and told me how it should or shouldnt effect me...not what I can be in. I was always 100% honest with him and I deserved the same back, I begged for the same back...and it didnt seem like I was going to get it.

Oh, and the night before we broke up he spent 3 hours in the middle of the night behind a bar in a parking lot with his best friends ex. "TALKING!"

I read your other posts also. I was waiting to see that he cheated or did something worthy of being untrustworthy..well..I couldn't find that in any of your threads. I hate to sound mean but this looks like one where he will be better off without you. He's in a band so there a certain "lifestyle" in that itself. What were the lies about? Were they lies to keep from causing trouble in your relationship? Not that lies are good. But sometimes they are needed when the other person in unreasonable or insecure. I prefer brutal honesty. But thats not always a good thing. I've had a lot of arguments that could have been avoided either way by just not saying..or twisting the truth. If its not cheating or doing something outside of relationships moral boundries..then whatever. Anyway...2.5 years is a long time to throw away over small stuff. And so far it looks like small stuff.

WHAT?!?!?!?!:confused: In my book, lying is unacceptable behavior! I never lie to anyone and cannot accept being lied to! Of course everyone has their acceptable behavior and how much BS they will take from a partner.

WHAT?!?!?!?!:confused: In my book, lying is unacceptable behavior! I never lie to anyone and cannot accept being lied to! Of course everyone has their acceptable behavior and how much BS they will take from a partner.

Thank you Hoopty!!!!

Ash, you don't need a man who down plays those types of lies, or any lies to that matter. And telling you that you are making a big deal out of nothing is wrong. These lies that he has told are not little lies, and you have no idea what he was actually doing out all night long. Even though you feel ready to settle down he is obviously not at that point yet. My first husband lied continuously about all kinds of stupid things, and it got to the point where I didn't believe a thing that came out of his mouth, whether it was about him being unfaithful, or something as stupid as did he wash his hands after he sneezed into them. It was ridiculous!! At least you did not marry this guy. You are better off without him. maybe someday he will grow up, maybe not, I know my ex still continues to lie about stupid s***. I thought he would grow up and grow out of it, but he never did. I wasted 11 years of my life blaming myself for his lies, and telling myself that I was not good enough for him to respect and treat right. He moved away and was living with one woman, and when he would come here to see his son he would be out with other women, so he still has not changed. Good luck, get over this guy and be glad that you did. It will be hard for a while, but you will thank yourself later. Nikki

see. now those lies are unacceptable. i agree with the too old to be out that late. AND i don't think couples should be at a bar PERIOD. just spells trouble. as for an "acceptable lie"...i would say if he went out with a friend..male..that you didn't like but told you he was out with one you did like..still a lie..but to keep from having an arguement..an acceptable lie. most people tell little white lies every now and again to keep from getting into trouble with an SO..or kids....like you have no idea how that ding got in the bumper of the car..or you don't know who left the dog out and he ran way...if you've NEVER told one..well you are a lier...:D

see. now those lies are unacceptable. i agree with the too old to be out that late. AND i don't think couples should be at a bar PERIOD. just spells trouble. as for an "acceptable lie"...i would say if he went out with a friend..male..that you didn't like but told you he was out with one you did like..still a lie..but to keep from having an arguement..an acceptable lie. most people tell little white lies every now and again to keep from getting into trouble with an SO..or kids....like you have no idea how that ding got in the bumper of the car..or you don't know who left the dog out and he ran way...if you've NEVER told one..well you are a lier...:D

Those lies he told were unacceptable and they caused me so much stress!!! I am glad to see you understand. It was hard to read he is better off without me. I was soo great to him. He knows it.

Ash I am in a VERY similar situation, 2.5 years and over too. Basically the straw that broke the camels back was finding out that he was emailing his ex behind my back. That was enough, especially after other things I had put up with. People dont understand unless they are in the relationship the degree to which something harms someone else. For me, finding out something as significant as communicating with an ex who caused problems in the past (over and over!) is enough for me to move on. And they can say they are doing nothing else but they have already proven they lie. But, my ex is the same way.....he tries to make me think that I am childish for "making such a big deal" out of emailing his ex. Best of luck.

MissBrit- I know! It is so hard and it is so frustrating!!!!!

I want people to just not tell me about him. My brother is really good friends with him and it makes it hard.

Then I come into work this morning and have a message in my yahoo saying that someone with my boyfriends name has requested me as a friend on my space. Uhmmm...i cant check at work because that site is blocked but he better not be requesting me as a friend right now. I'll just say no. I need time and the more people bring him up the harder it makes all this. If it is him he must have just opened it.

I was doing so good and then a combination of that and my brother bringing him up has me stressing again!!!!! I hate it! Damn it is so hard. I have to try and NOT look at his page. I wonder if i can block his page from existing to me. HAHA! I doubt it. Maybe it's not him, but if it is he will have to be REJECTED.

I have to keep reminding myself as to why we broke up!!!

Ash, you did the right thing. Don't let anyone tell you differently.

Ash- 2.5 years is a long time....i think that is why it is so hard! Just keep reminding yourself why things didnt work. I was at this point last year too with him and couldnt handle the pain so I made things work. Well, the result is that a year later I am back to square one! Now, my friends keep telling me "you can hurt now or hurt later, you have to choose to hurt now". They know that even though we love each other we just don't work together in a relationship. For me it helps to keep busy. He keeps asking me when we can be friends and why cant things work? I am avoiding him because it is time I put myself first! I dont see the pull of the ******* thing....it might be him manipulating you like "see, I am moving on and look at my page and all the friends and girls I have!"....I am glad you rejected it! Keep me posted and keep busy for now!

Kszan- Thanks! I feel like I am, as much as it stinkn hurts sometimes!!

Missbrit- Yeah, I dont know why he sent me a friend request. I know that down the road he wants to be friends because he doesnt want to lose me from his life but I need to right now. Maybe eventually, but now certainly is not the time to do that.

It is so nice to get support from all of you! It really helps and what your friends have been tellingg you is right, I can hurt now, or hurt later. It's like he doesnt have the level of honesty in him that I need and I cant negotiate on that.

There were other things too. I had a ablation procedure done on my heart. It was done on a Thursday. He was good that day and Friday, there for me and all. But Saturday rolled around and he left a 6pm and didnt come home until 4am. I know where he was...but it was ONE weekend. I couldnt drive and I was still getting weird PVC's and after effects from the procedure and I was still scared. He didnt even call and check on me. That upset me big time. If it were him, I would have sacrificed a weekend for him, and he knew i was upset when he was leaving!

Oh my gosh, you had an ablation? My dad is supposed to have that done and he is terrified. he has been putting it off for a year. Are you ok? Was it really painful? Would you reccommend it for someone who has really bad afib? I am trying to encourage him but he's really worried.

Oh my gosh, you had an ablation? My dad is supposed to have that done and he is terrified. he has been putting it off for a year. Are you ok? Was it really painful? Would you reccommend it for someone who has really bad afib? I am trying to encourage him but he's really worried.

It's definately scary!!!! I am 25 and I was just so fed up with having arrythmia's (I have SVT), but it was not 100% successful for me due to the type of arrythmia i have (i cant spell that ever).

I am ok. It was a bit painful during the ablation parts but those only lasted up to like 40 seconds at a time. It was like a sharp pain in my neck, gums and jaw. Like a heart attack i guess.

For afib, from what i understand, it is also not 100% successfull all the time and he may have to go up to 3 times. I had a very good doctor. I may need to go again but he said this time he will put me under. I was WIDE awake the first time.

So, It is very scary, but the risks are very low and the benefits could be great. They went through my groin too, not my neck thank goodness.

All in all...as scary as it is...it is not THAT bad. Do I want to do it again, no...but I might in the next couple years if my stuff doesnt fix itself.

What state are you in? I highly recommend my doctor...he is young, high volume operator and very good.

My parents actually live in the Chicago area. I told them to look into University of Chicago hospital because they have some of the best doctors.

I didn't know they went in through the groin, that's what they do with an angiogram, too. I thought they could do it through the throat to make it not invasive. I was hoping it could be done without an incision. Well, he's meeting with the doctor tomorrow to discuss it, so I'm really hoping for the best. Thanks for the info, it helps to hear about other peoples' experiences.

I've been married for many, many years to a man who has a history of alcohol & drug abuse, infidelities, as well as being physically abusive. I tried, after his stint in rehab a few years ago and aa meetings, promises of change, etc., to put our life back together. Now, 5 years later, I wish I had never taken him back. He's back to his old habits. I'm not saying that people can't really change if they want to but honestly, once that bond of trust has been broken repeatedly, I think it's nearly impossible to rebuild it. I think you're doing the right thing.