Update on my Mom - we now think she is only clinging to life because somewhere in her confusion she knows it will be her 99th birthday on October 22. She sleeps most of the time, hardly ever leaves her bed, eats virtually nothing, drinks hardly at all - yet she is still alive.

I never knew that this would be such a slow drawn out dying.

Love

Martha

Thank you for the update Martha. My thoughts and prayers still go out for you and your Mom.

Love, Deb

So sorry Martha - I know it's hard. I will say a prayer for your Mom tonight, and for you too. Cindy:angel:

I wondered how your Mom was doing Martha...but hesitated to ask...I'm glad you let us know. Somewhere in those tangled minds, there seems to be remnants of happily shared days...and I bet you're right that she knows that birthday is coming up.

So glad that you and your daughter were able to say goodbyes...so many who loose loved ones feel the guilt of "I wish I would haves".

You and your family remain in my prayers.....sending love your way, Pam;)

Hi everyone. This is the first time I have been in this forum although I regularly get email from the Alzheimer's Association. I went to New Orleans in early June to get my ex-husband of 30+ years and bring him to NC to live with me because he could no longer stay by himself and there was no one else who was willing/able to care for him. I had him at my home for one month and then I put him in the hospital because his BP and heart rate was almost nonexistent. He was there one week and then the staff said they really wanted him to go to a nursing home because I have no one to help me and I have my own health problems.

He has acclimated well to the nursing home environment but each day I see a declline in his mental status. He doesn't really know who I am. He knows I'm the lady who brings him Oreo's and lets him hug me and hold me. He doesn't remember that we were ever married. For a time he remembered who our son was when I showed him a picture but he no longer knows who that person is. He doesn't recognize himself in photos. I showed him some of our wedding pictures and he asked me who was that guy. I told him it was him a long time ago and he got a frown on his face and said, "You didn't tell me you were going to put me in the paper." Told him it was a long time ago and not to worry so he didn't.

I go to see him at least every other day because I don't want him to forget me...the person he knows as me. It's sad to watch him go down a little more each day but I seem to have disconnected. Perhaps this is my way of protecting myself. I would hope I've not become unfeeling. All I know is that I feel guilty for not being there as much as possible and for detaching. I was talking to one of his nurses today and I asked how his general health was doing. She said he was pretty healthy. I said, "Damn!" She understood.

Don't know what I want from this forum. Perhaps just to vent. Do any of you feel the same way as do I? It's been years and years since we were together but we've always remained friends and we've always loved each other in some way that is at times indescribable.

Okay. I've finished.

Martha, I continue to pray for you, your dear mom and the rest of the family.

Deanna, welcome to the boards! I've found a TON of support and love here. We all have a kinship that no one who hasn't experienced what we have understand.

You said you've disconnected. Don't let yourself feel bad about that. Sometimes we need to do that at least for a while in order to go on. Disconnecting doesn't mean you don't care or love that person. It does mean that you need to find a way to balance things. You need time for yourself. You've taken on a HUGE responsibility. And even with him in a nursing home, it is still very stressful on you.

We've all had to learn to take time for ourselves and not feel guilty about it. It's hard but it's neccisary for our own health and well being.

Please feel free to post as often as you wish. There are a lot of caring people on this board.

Martha has started a thread addressed to you.

Take care of yourself!

Love, Barb

martha,

My prayers for you and your mother. I pray for strength for you and peace without suffering for your mother. It is a difficult road for all of you...

Mom will be 99 on Monday - and still hanging on. She is now in bed almost all the time or, if they get her into the wheelchair, she is comletely slumped over. Yet clinging to life. Life is a mystery.

Love,

Martha

Martha~Sending many thoughts your way to you and your Mother. God Bless, DeeDee

Martha...life surely IS a mystery...and this horrendous disease weaves its deceiving fingers around us all as it journeys through our lives.

Please know my thoughts and prayers will join the others as your family faces this final challenge. Many of us know exactly how you feel...a deep sadness from loosing your Mother years ago...when the realization of "never going back" really seeps into our being. The lack of hope for the recovery that accompanies many illnesses is difficult to accept. Our loved one will never...ever...be able to come back to us. Such a difficult truth for each of us to accept!

I'm sure, my friend, that you found yourself like me...praying for a quick end, then feeling guilt for what seems like a selfish request. Martha...you and your personal journey have been an important piece of this puzzle for many who gather here! Your compassion and experience has been such a positive part in helping others understand this disease...and their gratefullness is so obvious!

Bless you, Martha........and know you're in my thoughts.......Pam;)

Well, in my little neck of the woods here ........ It's Marth'a s Mum's Birthday ........

Happy Birthday to you
Happy Birthday to you
Happy Birthday Martha's Mummy
Happy Birthday to you !!

Hip, Hip ! Hooray !!!!!!

So even if she passes in US time, she still made it to 99 over here ;)

Love & Hugs

Hey Sally, that brings me to the time difference between Germany and here -- Mom was born in Bavaria in 1908, and there it is ---TA DA --- October 22, 2008! She made it! Now may she go peacefully into that other world, where she will not be crippled, confused, half blind, old, and unable to enjoy life ...

Love and thanks,

Martha

Martha, what is your mom's first name? I want to say a special birthday prayer for her.

Happy birthday Martha's mom!!!

Love, Barb

My prayers and best wishes go to your Mother on her birthday Martha. Celebrate her life. What was and not what is....

Love, Deb

Mom's name is Martha like mine, but all her friends and family call her Martl (pronounced Moddle) ..

Love,

Martha

[CENTER]I birthday bird came flying by[CENTER]
dropping special wishes from the sky
sent from those whose wish the best
friends of Moddle and all the rest

We wish you joy and peace sublime
And rest and quiet for all time
This birthday is your special day
Blessings upon you we pray.