Hi

My mum (70) has been diagnosed with stage 3 NSCLC. It's in her lungs and lymph nodes, she'll be starting cemotherapy soon.

I want her to come and live with me, she currently lives alone about half an hour drive away. We would be able to convert our dining room into a bedsit and hopefully put a toilet into the understairs cupboard.

Mum and I get on brilliantly, she's my best friend and I love her to bits. My husband is also happy for her to come live with us. However I have a 19-month old son and am due to give birth at Christmas, Mum thinks it'll be too much for me to cope with 2 young children and her at the same time. I disagree, we cope with what we're given and I think it would be less stressful if she were in the same house and I could tend to her wants as and when they arose, rather than having to travel with a baby and a toddler to visit her.

I was wondering what your thoughts were on the subject. Do you think the noise of 2 young children will be very troubling to her? Do you think having someone close by at all times is necessary during chemotherepy? I don't want her to be alone and I don't want her needs to be unmet. I have two brothers, one lives in France and the other is useless.

Also, are there any tips you could recommend if she were to come or even to help her through her treatment? I've tried to research it but there doesn't seem to be much out there, lots for breast cancer and professional carers but not anything very practical for me.

Thank you :)

(x-posted on caregivers board)

I agree with your thoughts on wanting to have your mom in your house. It would be much easier on you, I think, not wondering if she's ok. I wouldnt think she would take much care at first but maybe if she had a place to go lie down where it's quiet when she gets fatigued. I think an alone place would be the most important thing for your mom. If she's like mine was, she wont want to be a burden, but I had to become the parent as such and put my foot down. You can only take the I dont want to put you out thing so far and then forget it. Im really sorry that you are having to go through this. Im glad your husband is supportive, because you are going to need it. Good luck on your journey and come back for support if you need it.

I'm sorry about your mother. I too am caring for my mom. I lived in LA and wanted to move her out to LA so I could care for her (and I don't have a family) and decided not to because I didn't want her to lose her doctors. You, however, have the benefit of her being a half hour away so she can still see her doctors. I think it will be good for your mother to be around her family.

Hi, I think your heart has already spoken. You would regret not doing so regardless of the difficultly. Yes it will be hard and you will find yourself and your families patience worn thin at times. In the end you will find many fond memories of having spent that time with her. What do we really have except for our loved ones. Best wishes

I also think your heart has already given you the right decision, Saliero. I have taken care of my mom at her home for 4 years and I have now had her with me and my family for the past 5 years. In Dec. 06 she was diagnosed with Stage IV small cell lung cancer. It has been a very long and difficult road these past ten months, but I don't regret for minute taking care of her through this cancer, chemo, and everything else! She has really needed a lot of caregiving, especially during the chemo period and there are nights I just sit in the recliner chair and sleep next to her in her room. I could write PAGES on all the things that have happened this year, but unless you would like to know specific information, I will not go there! I feel it is truly a blessing (in disquise) caring for my mom who is terminal. We have really bonded and I feel that is the Silver Lining in this dark cloud of doom. My prayers are with your mom, you, and your entire family.
Take Care,
SherryAnne