singer78
10-17-2007, 01:51 PM
Hi.
I just got back from radiation #3. 17 more to go.
I don't know what's happening with me....I'm feeling very depressed & immobile. Is that from radiation????
Linda, if you're reading this---I called around to try to find something like "Healing Touch," but we don't have it here in my area. I asked the hospital where I go, and they said they've been trying to get something off the ground for 3 years now, but there was no interest. :(
I was actually doing better during chemo, emotionally, believe it or not.
I'm usually not a depressed person, but yesterday I had an overwhelming scary feeling...almost panicky. And now, I'm thinking I am a candidate for antidepressants again, but I've tried 2 or 3 times in my life (due to hormones, the 1st time) and they never seem to work for me. I don't think that's the answer, anyway---although maybe there's an ultra mild one that would work for me. I just couldn't seem to sleep when I tried them.
My poor husband doesn't know what to do with me. I feel like I'm rejecting him, too.
Do you think I should tell my Oncologist I'm sinking deep?
I'm also losing my appetite. I was doing pretty good there, when I had those weeks off... No kind of food sounds appealing to me now.
I'm weepy, too... I was going to call & talk to my sister last night, but was afraid I couldn't, for crying.
Advice?
Thanks.
S.
I just got back from radiation #3. 17 more to go.
I don't know what's happening with me....I'm feeling very depressed & immobile. Is that from radiation????
Linda, if you're reading this---I called around to try to find something like "Healing Touch," but we don't have it here in my area. I asked the hospital where I go, and they said they've been trying to get something off the ground for 3 years now, but there was no interest. :(
I was actually doing better during chemo, emotionally, believe it or not.
I'm usually not a depressed person, but yesterday I had an overwhelming scary feeling...almost panicky. And now, I'm thinking I am a candidate for antidepressants again, but I've tried 2 or 3 times in my life (due to hormones, the 1st time) and they never seem to work for me. I don't think that's the answer, anyway---although maybe there's an ultra mild one that would work for me. I just couldn't seem to sleep when I tried them.
My poor husband doesn't know what to do with me. I feel like I'm rejecting him, too.
Do you think I should tell my Oncologist I'm sinking deep?
I'm also losing my appetite. I was doing pretty good there, when I had those weeks off... No kind of food sounds appealing to me now.
I'm weepy, too... I was going to call & talk to my sister last night, but was afraid I couldn't, for crying.
Advice?
Thanks.
S.
Sponsor
singer78
10-17-2007, 03:12 PM
Hi, it's me....Thought I'd add something to this post.
My husband and I were talking. I think he figured it out.
While I had that month "off," I had a little energy, was starting to feel like my "old" life a bit....then along comes radiation.... It's an everyday thing, I'm back to focusing on my health....etc. etc. etc.... And back to the reality of the "fight for my life," with buzzing machines, short-tempered technicians, and fighting the traffic every morning.
My husband has been so wonderful trying to help me and understand what I'm going through. Thank God I have him. I feel bad, though---I think I've been somewhat unappreciative.
I also worry about my aging parents. Prior to diagnosis, I did more for them than I did myself, practically. I know the "Baby Boomer's" are all facing this...if they're lucky enough to still have their parents. I (by the Grace of God) still have both of mine, although they're both very frail and having health problems.
Anyway--someone on this site (but on another topic) quoted a book I think I may go look for today, promoting good, strong mental health. It's called "Extraordinary Healing," by Art Brownstein. Anyone here familiar with it? The gentlemen that posted, said it really helped him. I'd rather sort myself out on my own, than with antidepressants.
You all must think I'm a basket case. I'm really not. I just vacillate a lot. Heck, I make myself dizzy! :dizzy:
I can't wait until Thanksgiving! Hopefully, I'll have a LOT to be thankful for!!
XO
p.s. CC...forgot to ask, are you o.k., and are you having chemo?
If so....this is the Big 6 !! I pray you're o.k.
Please read:
I'm editing this again, because I want to tell you what happened this morning. I had a radiologist "training" technician DROP my tray (from shoulder level) that was made for me (the one that slides in, with the lead on it). She knew she shouldn't "do" that, and picked it up very quickly, and added "I need some more coffee." The other 2 technician's kind of laughed. Well, I came home & discussed it with my hubby, and he prompted me to call and tell the Head Radiologist. I'm so glad I did. He certainly didn't scoff at me, and took it very seriously. He said, "You paid for that....that's your own personal tray. The technician should have reported that to me." Anyway, he put it through some machine to make sure it wasn't damaged (which he said it wasn't...he called me back) and he said tomorrow when I come back in, they'll take a picture of me, just to be on the safe side, to make sure I'm in alignment. I'm SO glad I called. I hope I didn't get anyone in trouble, but if I did....so be it. That young, dumb tech shouldn't be messing around, dropping such valuable things & making light of it. I just hope they all don't hate me tomorrow.
Sorry...this is so long.
My husband and I were talking. I think he figured it out.
While I had that month "off," I had a little energy, was starting to feel like my "old" life a bit....then along comes radiation.... It's an everyday thing, I'm back to focusing on my health....etc. etc. etc.... And back to the reality of the "fight for my life," with buzzing machines, short-tempered technicians, and fighting the traffic every morning.
My husband has been so wonderful trying to help me and understand what I'm going through. Thank God I have him. I feel bad, though---I think I've been somewhat unappreciative.
I also worry about my aging parents. Prior to diagnosis, I did more for them than I did myself, practically. I know the "Baby Boomer's" are all facing this...if they're lucky enough to still have their parents. I (by the Grace of God) still have both of mine, although they're both very frail and having health problems.
Anyway--someone on this site (but on another topic) quoted a book I think I may go look for today, promoting good, strong mental health. It's called "Extraordinary Healing," by Art Brownstein. Anyone here familiar with it? The gentlemen that posted, said it really helped him. I'd rather sort myself out on my own, than with antidepressants.
You all must think I'm a basket case. I'm really not. I just vacillate a lot. Heck, I make myself dizzy! :dizzy:
I can't wait until Thanksgiving! Hopefully, I'll have a LOT to be thankful for!!
XO
p.s. CC...forgot to ask, are you o.k., and are you having chemo?
If so....this is the Big 6 !! I pray you're o.k.
Please read:
I'm editing this again, because I want to tell you what happened this morning. I had a radiologist "training" technician DROP my tray (from shoulder level) that was made for me (the one that slides in, with the lead on it). She knew she shouldn't "do" that, and picked it up very quickly, and added "I need some more coffee." The other 2 technician's kind of laughed. Well, I came home & discussed it with my hubby, and he prompted me to call and tell the Head Radiologist. I'm so glad I did. He certainly didn't scoff at me, and took it very seriously. He said, "You paid for that....that's your own personal tray. The technician should have reported that to me." Anyway, he put it through some machine to make sure it wasn't damaged (which he said it wasn't...he called me back) and he said tomorrow when I come back in, they'll take a picture of me, just to be on the safe side, to make sure I'm in alignment. I'm SO glad I called. I hope I didn't get anyone in trouble, but if I did....so be it. That young, dumb tech shouldn't be messing around, dropping such valuable things & making light of it. I just hope they all don't hate me tomorrow.
Sorry...this is so long.
LINDA505
10-17-2007, 08:22 PM
Hello Singer,
It is not unusal to feel blue or depressed. Chemo does alter your hormones so you may want to check with your oncologist and tell him how you are feeling. I do not think they want to give you any hormone replacement right now but if you can find out if they are balanced or not. I would check my thyroid as well. You are coming to the end of your treatment soon and that can be a double edged sword....you are done but you also have to find out if the treatment has worked and you are in remission. That can be scary and cause you to be depressed., Here again you are facing the what ifs.
Don't be so hard on yourself with your husband. When you have cancer the other spouse usually is catching all your angst. It is hard to remember to say
thank you when you are feeling ill. Just tell him how you appreciate him every now and again. I see this in almost all the people I have taken care of.
Cancer sometimes makes you selfish cause YOU are fighting for your life.
That is too bad that they do not have healing touch. It really is a wonderful
thing and I believe is the reason my brother is doing so well. He has finished the 5 days of chemo which is 10x stronger than any chemo and he did not
have one side effect, not even nausea or vomiting or anything. Even his doc
is amazed. My brother said it is because of the healing touch. He will have
the transplant on Friday. He said he feels great.
I am sure the girls will give you alittle snub tomorrow but that is their problem.
She should have told her supervisor that she dropped the tray especially if it could alter the position. If she gets in trouble she will learn from it.
Call your oncologist tomorrow and tell him how you are feeling. I do not think that radiation can cause this. It is emotional not physical.
If you do not have an appetitie take the Merinol. You need to eat. No excuses.
Let me know how it went tomorrow.
Love
Linda
It is not unusal to feel blue or depressed. Chemo does alter your hormones so you may want to check with your oncologist and tell him how you are feeling. I do not think they want to give you any hormone replacement right now but if you can find out if they are balanced or not. I would check my thyroid as well. You are coming to the end of your treatment soon and that can be a double edged sword....you are done but you also have to find out if the treatment has worked and you are in remission. That can be scary and cause you to be depressed., Here again you are facing the what ifs.
Don't be so hard on yourself with your husband. When you have cancer the other spouse usually is catching all your angst. It is hard to remember to say
thank you when you are feeling ill. Just tell him how you appreciate him every now and again. I see this in almost all the people I have taken care of.
Cancer sometimes makes you selfish cause YOU are fighting for your life.
That is too bad that they do not have healing touch. It really is a wonderful
thing and I believe is the reason my brother is doing so well. He has finished the 5 days of chemo which is 10x stronger than any chemo and he did not
have one side effect, not even nausea or vomiting or anything. Even his doc
is amazed. My brother said it is because of the healing touch. He will have
the transplant on Friday. He said he feels great.
I am sure the girls will give you alittle snub tomorrow but that is their problem.
She should have told her supervisor that she dropped the tray especially if it could alter the position. If she gets in trouble she will learn from it.
Call your oncologist tomorrow and tell him how you are feeling. I do not think that radiation can cause this. It is emotional not physical.
If you do not have an appetitie take the Merinol. You need to eat. No excuses.
Let me know how it went tomorrow.
Love
Linda
singer78
10-17-2007, 09:05 PM
Linda,
Do you happen to know, will I have another Pet/Ct scan at the end of radiation? Is that always protocol? I think I will jot down some questions for my chemo nurses.
I wish I would've just asked my Onc, early on, about my moodiness, rather than have him refer me to a Psychiatrist I didn't like. I even heard one of my chemo nurses say that she had gone to the same psychiatrist & didn't go back. This "woman" had 2 young trainees do all her work for her. They asked me tons of questions, then she came in and "lowered the boom." She said my anxiety was learned from my mother....then threw the prescription(s) at me. Like I said, I wish I would've never gone to her. ...bad bedside manner.
I did happen to find a support group at another hospital. Perhaps on my way home from radiation tomorrow, I might stop in. It's sort of on the way. They offer Reiki, massage, spiritual support, etc...
I heard Oprah mention that her thyroid was giving her problems for years. That just goes to show that you can have all the money in the world, & still stump doctors. I knew something was wrong with me years ago... I sought help from all kinds of doctors, to no avail....to think of all the money I spent on hormonal blood panels, etc...
My appetite is a little better today. I'm don't seem to want anything, but carbs. I'm trying to eat healthy, but nothing healthy, other than protein shakes and eggs & turkey bacon & wholegrain breads, sound good. I think chemo has changed my tastebuds.
It always helps 'talking' to you, Linda.
I will definitely call tomorrow...or better yet, I'll just walk up to my Onc's office & try to explain to them what's up with me. My problem is, when I start talking about this, I start crying & feel ashamed. I want to be stoic, but lately, I just can't.
XO, S.
Do you happen to know, will I have another Pet/Ct scan at the end of radiation? Is that always protocol? I think I will jot down some questions for my chemo nurses.
I wish I would've just asked my Onc, early on, about my moodiness, rather than have him refer me to a Psychiatrist I didn't like. I even heard one of my chemo nurses say that she had gone to the same psychiatrist & didn't go back. This "woman" had 2 young trainees do all her work for her. They asked me tons of questions, then she came in and "lowered the boom." She said my anxiety was learned from my mother....then threw the prescription(s) at me. Like I said, I wish I would've never gone to her. ...bad bedside manner.
I did happen to find a support group at another hospital. Perhaps on my way home from radiation tomorrow, I might stop in. It's sort of on the way. They offer Reiki, massage, spiritual support, etc...
I heard Oprah mention that her thyroid was giving her problems for years. That just goes to show that you can have all the money in the world, & still stump doctors. I knew something was wrong with me years ago... I sought help from all kinds of doctors, to no avail....to think of all the money I spent on hormonal blood panels, etc...
My appetite is a little better today. I'm don't seem to want anything, but carbs. I'm trying to eat healthy, but nothing healthy, other than protein shakes and eggs & turkey bacon & wholegrain breads, sound good. I think chemo has changed my tastebuds.
It always helps 'talking' to you, Linda.
I will definitely call tomorrow...or better yet, I'll just walk up to my Onc's office & try to explain to them what's up with me. My problem is, when I start talking about this, I start crying & feel ashamed. I want to be stoic, but lately, I just can't.
XO, S.
LINDA505
10-17-2007, 09:06 PM
Dear Singer,
I wanted to ask you.....are you in menopause yet? If not you could be entering into it. Like I said chemo can throw off you hormones and put you in menopause. Just a thought....take care
Love
Linda
I wanted to ask you.....are you in menopause yet? If not you could be entering into it. Like I said chemo can throw off you hormones and put you in menopause. Just a thought....take care
Love
Linda
singer78
10-17-2007, 09:13 PM
Yep. Been there, done that. Initially, they put me on Premarin. We all know how bad that is. Then I did some research, and found out about "natural hormonal therapy." I did that for quite a few years. I thought I was "doing my body good," but my onc told me to quit. So, quitting the hormones abruptly like that, did a number on me, too. I'm constantly hot/cold....hot/cold all the time. I don't know if it's the Hodgkin's, or hormonal, or chemo...:confused: When I sleep, I have the covers on/off....on/off....all night long. I never really did have sweats, though....just hot and sometimes extremely cold, to the point I can't get warm.
xx, S.
xx, S.
LINDA505
10-18-2007, 11:44 AM
Sorry Singer I just read your other post. There is no shame in crying and giving in to your emotions. If no one understands that its their problem not yours. Walk a mile in your shoes. Right? I really think you need to be with other women who are going through what you are. In person, face to face
so you can see you are not alone. It is true that misery loves company. The
feeling that you are not alone in your fears and that someone else can say
I know what you are going through and really know what you are going through. Right?
I am sure that you will have another PET/CT when you are done I just do not know how long that wait. My mother never had but one PET scan after her
treatment. Every onc is different in their approach and follow up care. Some
overdo it and others under do it.
Yes that psych. sounds like she thinks more highly of herself than what others think. I saw a psychologist for over a year for stress and work burn out and all she wanted to do was bring up things when I was a child. I had
a great childhood and a wonderful relationship with my mother. I had a bad
experience when I was in kindergarten being tied to a chair by the teacher and put in the cloak room in the dark. I never understood why I would get so angry if someone held my wrists and would go off on them. Then I realized it was from that incident so many years ago. Once I realized that I discovered other hang up I had were related to my childhood. She wanted to just keep bringing it up every wk. and I didn't. I know I am a very complex
person and I just have to learn to deal with things as they present themselves. It is hard to do when you have done the same thing most of your life but I am learning. What you are going through is surreal right now and it is hard to put your head around all the changes you are going through.
I know you worry about your parents as I did my whole life. I worried every day about my Mom and would make myself sick thinking about the day she
would no longer be with us on earth. I thought I would die when she did but
you know what......life goes on. I miss her terribly and love her with all my life but I survived her passing. I live my life as that is what she wanted for me. I will live and carry her memory in my heart and mind . It does not serve you or your parents to worry about them. They are getting old and as you know that makes them more suspectible to getting ill. Enjoy them while they are here. You can not change what will happen to them by worrying.
I am sure that your illness is hard on them. You are not the one that is suppose to be ill, they are. Right? My Dad just turned 81 and I am thankful
for everyday he is around. I refuse to ruminate about the what ifs with him.
I did that my whole life and found myself sad and depressed and not truly enjoying my parents. I always had it in my head that don't have too much fun cause one day they will be gone so you might as well act as though they are already. Crazy, isn't it. Now I see how useless it was. My fears of losing them interferred with my joy of having them. I loved my Mom so much and we spend every Thur. together for over 25 yrs. We shopped , went to the movies and did everything together. I have so many wonderful memories of our times together. I don't know where I am going with this but just know that I understand your angst with your folks.
Hope that you get to feeling better about things. It takes time but you will
get there.
Love
Linda
so you can see you are not alone. It is true that misery loves company. The
feeling that you are not alone in your fears and that someone else can say
I know what you are going through and really know what you are going through. Right?
I am sure that you will have another PET/CT when you are done I just do not know how long that wait. My mother never had but one PET scan after her
treatment. Every onc is different in their approach and follow up care. Some
overdo it and others under do it.
Yes that psych. sounds like she thinks more highly of herself than what others think. I saw a psychologist for over a year for stress and work burn out and all she wanted to do was bring up things when I was a child. I had
a great childhood and a wonderful relationship with my mother. I had a bad
experience when I was in kindergarten being tied to a chair by the teacher and put in the cloak room in the dark. I never understood why I would get so angry if someone held my wrists and would go off on them. Then I realized it was from that incident so many years ago. Once I realized that I discovered other hang up I had were related to my childhood. She wanted to just keep bringing it up every wk. and I didn't. I know I am a very complex
person and I just have to learn to deal with things as they present themselves. It is hard to do when you have done the same thing most of your life but I am learning. What you are going through is surreal right now and it is hard to put your head around all the changes you are going through.
I know you worry about your parents as I did my whole life. I worried every day about my Mom and would make myself sick thinking about the day she
would no longer be with us on earth. I thought I would die when she did but
you know what......life goes on. I miss her terribly and love her with all my life but I survived her passing. I live my life as that is what she wanted for me. I will live and carry her memory in my heart and mind . It does not serve you or your parents to worry about them. They are getting old and as you know that makes them more suspectible to getting ill. Enjoy them while they are here. You can not change what will happen to them by worrying.
I am sure that your illness is hard on them. You are not the one that is suppose to be ill, they are. Right? My Dad just turned 81 and I am thankful
for everyday he is around. I refuse to ruminate about the what ifs with him.
I did that my whole life and found myself sad and depressed and not truly enjoying my parents. I always had it in my head that don't have too much fun cause one day they will be gone so you might as well act as though they are already. Crazy, isn't it. Now I see how useless it was. My fears of losing them interferred with my joy of having them. I loved my Mom so much and we spend every Thur. together for over 25 yrs. We shopped , went to the movies and did everything together. I have so many wonderful memories of our times together. I don't know where I am going with this but just know that I understand your angst with your folks.
Hope that you get to feeling better about things. It takes time but you will
get there.
Love
Linda
pinkmada
10-18-2007, 02:56 PM
Hey Singer, I'm sorry i've not been onine, my brand new computer died on me on monday and this is the first chance ive got to a pc. Firstly I'm mentally kicking your a** for reading internet sites! Most of them are so unreliable and you give yourself unnessecary heartache. I know, i've done it loads. I read a site that told me that chemo would kill me and i'd definatly die of a secondary tumor etc and i cried my eyes out for days!
i had no idea you are getting it everyday. I thought maybe once or twice a week. Definatly tell your oncologist that you are feeling low. I'm not one for taking anti depressents but having someone neutral to talk to was a big help for me. I always thought that if i told my family or friends what was going on in my head they'd get angry or upset. So yeah i think you should tell him/her. My oncologist is always telling me that if i'm feeling down or theres something worrying me to tell her casue its causing me to worry (possibly unessasarily) and is not good for the psyche.
How is the radiation going? Are you getting any side effects? I know that its frustrating that some of us didnt get radio but your oncologist makes up a treatment plan that is best for you. It will depend on everything from height, weight, age, the size of the lumps, the location, the amount... the list is endless. It just depends on what your doctor thinks is best. I know that when i was first diagnosed and was told my spleen was covered in many 'nodules' i wanted to know why they wouldnt just take my spleen out and they said they wouldnt cause i had a lump under my arm too, (something i think would've been avoided completely if they had listened to me when i first went to the doctors, but thats my bitter side coming out!)
anyway, look how much you have been through already! And another 3 and a half weeks and this will be done! finished! and then you can go on that well deserved holiday to the bahamas and i'll meet you there!!!!
speak to you soon, though i might not be back online til next monday! So hi to everyone else, i hope everyone is well.
amnda
xxxxxxxxxxx
i had no idea you are getting it everyday. I thought maybe once or twice a week. Definatly tell your oncologist that you are feeling low. I'm not one for taking anti depressents but having someone neutral to talk to was a big help for me. I always thought that if i told my family or friends what was going on in my head they'd get angry or upset. So yeah i think you should tell him/her. My oncologist is always telling me that if i'm feeling down or theres something worrying me to tell her casue its causing me to worry (possibly unessasarily) and is not good for the psyche.
How is the radiation going? Are you getting any side effects? I know that its frustrating that some of us didnt get radio but your oncologist makes up a treatment plan that is best for you. It will depend on everything from height, weight, age, the size of the lumps, the location, the amount... the list is endless. It just depends on what your doctor thinks is best. I know that when i was first diagnosed and was told my spleen was covered in many 'nodules' i wanted to know why they wouldnt just take my spleen out and they said they wouldnt cause i had a lump under my arm too, (something i think would've been avoided completely if they had listened to me when i first went to the doctors, but thats my bitter side coming out!)
anyway, look how much you have been through already! And another 3 and a half weeks and this will be done! finished! and then you can go on that well deserved holiday to the bahamas and i'll meet you there!!!!
speak to you soon, though i might not be back online til next monday! So hi to everyone else, i hope everyone is well.
amnda
xxxxxxxxxxx
CancerChick
10-18-2007, 08:40 PM
{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Singer}}}}}}}}}}}}} }}}}}}}}}}
singer78
10-18-2007, 09:40 PM
CC---So glad to hear from you. Typing my name like that was sweet.
My lovely people,
I called my chemo nurse today. I told her I was a bit incapacitated Mon/Tues. She gave me her take: That when you're first diagnosed, it's a whirlwind. There's one test after another....going here, going there... Then, you start chemo. You feel lousy, but you're busy. It's a different mindset. Then...after 4 months or so....it STOPS>! You don't feel good for quite some time, but when I did....it's kind of like, you finally have time to grieve. You miss your old self. It's kind of like a "reality slap in the face." I truly think that's what happened. She suggested, since I'm not a fan of psychiatrists, I go to a psychologist, instead. She believes I need to "talk things out," (like you keep telling me, Linda). I think she's right. I know I have this constant "blaming thing" I keep doing to myself. Why didn't I do this?...and why did I do that??
I had a better day today, girls. After radiation, I MADE myself go out. I've been looking for shelves...lots of them. I so badly want to get organized, but like my chemo nurse said, "take it slow." I went to Borders & Books and got an uplifting book (sorry forget the name) and had a coffee, and realized life is what you make it. No one can pull me up, but me. I had a "lightbulb over the head" moment in the car. :) Maybe it was God speaking to me, after I opened myself up.
Oh...about the radiation trays---they apologized. They also "redid" everything they did Monday, just to make sure nothing was off. I'm glad they did that. I shudder to think how much those trays cost. I'll find out, I'm sure, eventually.
Linda and CC, I'm so sorry you've lost your moms. CC, I would imagine it was especially rough, losing your mom at such a young age. My elderly mom is trying so hard to stay positive for me, it hurts. She has her hands full with my elderly dad, but thank God, they still have each other. I'm thankful everyday.
Radiation, so far, is just a pain getting there everyday. No side effects, to speak of, yet. I'm so paranoid. I had to laugh---today when I was calling my chemo nurse, I looked down (didn't have my glasses on) and had this BLACK spot on my finger. I thought, "oh my God....what in the world now.?????"---Guess what??? It was magic marker! --came right off. For Heaven's sake.
love, S.
My lovely people,
I called my chemo nurse today. I told her I was a bit incapacitated Mon/Tues. She gave me her take: That when you're first diagnosed, it's a whirlwind. There's one test after another....going here, going there... Then, you start chemo. You feel lousy, but you're busy. It's a different mindset. Then...after 4 months or so....it STOPS>! You don't feel good for quite some time, but when I did....it's kind of like, you finally have time to grieve. You miss your old self. It's kind of like a "reality slap in the face." I truly think that's what happened. She suggested, since I'm not a fan of psychiatrists, I go to a psychologist, instead. She believes I need to "talk things out," (like you keep telling me, Linda). I think she's right. I know I have this constant "blaming thing" I keep doing to myself. Why didn't I do this?...and why did I do that??
I had a better day today, girls. After radiation, I MADE myself go out. I've been looking for shelves...lots of them. I so badly want to get organized, but like my chemo nurse said, "take it slow." I went to Borders & Books and got an uplifting book (sorry forget the name) and had a coffee, and realized life is what you make it. No one can pull me up, but me. I had a "lightbulb over the head" moment in the car. :) Maybe it was God speaking to me, after I opened myself up.
Oh...about the radiation trays---they apologized. They also "redid" everything they did Monday, just to make sure nothing was off. I'm glad they did that. I shudder to think how much those trays cost. I'll find out, I'm sure, eventually.
Linda and CC, I'm so sorry you've lost your moms. CC, I would imagine it was especially rough, losing your mom at such a young age. My elderly mom is trying so hard to stay positive for me, it hurts. She has her hands full with my elderly dad, but thank God, they still have each other. I'm thankful everyday.
Radiation, so far, is just a pain getting there everyday. No side effects, to speak of, yet. I'm so paranoid. I had to laugh---today when I was calling my chemo nurse, I looked down (didn't have my glasses on) and had this BLACK spot on my finger. I thought, "oh my God....what in the world now.?????"---Guess what??? It was magic marker! --came right off. For Heaven's sake.
love, S.
LINDA505
10-18-2007, 11:43 PM
Singer,
That is what I was trying to say what your chemo nurse told you it just came out different. Glad that you talked and had a lightbulb moment.
Life is what it is you just have to make the best of it. I know it is hard but what choice do we all have.
Hope each day you have gets better and better.
Love
Linda
That is what I was trying to say what your chemo nurse told you it just came out different. Glad that you talked and had a lightbulb moment.
Life is what it is you just have to make the best of it. I know it is hard but what choice do we all have.
Hope each day you have gets better and better.
Love
Linda
singer78
10-18-2007, 11:55 PM
Linda,
You said it well, too. Everyone has been so patient & understanding with me & such wonderful support.
The other thing that is very uplifting for me...my "thrush" is subsiding in my mouth. My onc seems to think my low iron had something to do with it. I also have stopped drinking so much milk, switched toothpaste, and am having the 'good' kind of yogurt (Meditteranean, I think) with acidophilus, daily. I don't know if that's what is helping, or not...but, it's not nearly as bad. That burning tongue thing was driving me nuts. I also always felt like there was something in my throat, come & go.....It can "go" anytime now. I think it was related to the yeast infection.
My husband just said, "One more to go this week, and you're 25% done!!!"
Hey--that's a great thought, huh?
Guess what? --Now I'm looking forward to the weekend (my 2 days off). It's all relative, isn't it???
love, S.
p.s. Heard any more from Don???
You said it well, too. Everyone has been so patient & understanding with me & such wonderful support.
The other thing that is very uplifting for me...my "thrush" is subsiding in my mouth. My onc seems to think my low iron had something to do with it. I also have stopped drinking so much milk, switched toothpaste, and am having the 'good' kind of yogurt (Meditteranean, I think) with acidophilus, daily. I don't know if that's what is helping, or not...but, it's not nearly as bad. That burning tongue thing was driving me nuts. I also always felt like there was something in my throat, come & go.....It can "go" anytime now. I think it was related to the yeast infection.
My husband just said, "One more to go this week, and you're 25% done!!!"
Hey--that's a great thought, huh?
Guess what? --Now I'm looking forward to the weekend (my 2 days off). It's all relative, isn't it???
love, S.
p.s. Heard any more from Don???
LINDA505
10-19-2007, 11:56 AM
Hello singer,
I am glad that you are feeling better. Thrush can be awful. Glad that you are getting it under control. I am still puzzled that they did not give you anything for it. Chemo is usually the culprit as it kills cells and that means it will kill skin cells and normal flora. That is why you might get a vaginal infection, thrush, hands and feet will peel, etc. My mom's skin became so smooth, like a baby on her face and it looked like she had a facelift. The chemo destoryed the top derma and she looked 10 yrs younger. Go figure.
Well I talk with Don everyday and yesterday he said that the night before he
had a reaction to the anti-rejection drug. He got fever, chills, vomiting. They got it under control by the next day. They gave it to him again and he was ok. Well today is the BIG DAY. He is getting his stem cells from the donor. This is crucial today. He said he was excited. I am glad that he is not looking at the risks . This is the moment of truth. Either it works or it doesn't but his life is on the line today. No going back. Please continue your prayers.
It is a good idea to see a psychologist. Just so you can get all your feelings out in the open and see what you are dealing with emotionally.
How far away do you live from your parents? Do you see them often?
I am sure how you feel and what you are going through is very important to them. No parent wants to see their children suffer. No matter how old they are. When you are done you should have a big party to celebrate LIFE. All
your lives.
Take care my friend
Love
Linda
I am glad that you are feeling better. Thrush can be awful. Glad that you are getting it under control. I am still puzzled that they did not give you anything for it. Chemo is usually the culprit as it kills cells and that means it will kill skin cells and normal flora. That is why you might get a vaginal infection, thrush, hands and feet will peel, etc. My mom's skin became so smooth, like a baby on her face and it looked like she had a facelift. The chemo destoryed the top derma and she looked 10 yrs younger. Go figure.
Well I talk with Don everyday and yesterday he said that the night before he
had a reaction to the anti-rejection drug. He got fever, chills, vomiting. They got it under control by the next day. They gave it to him again and he was ok. Well today is the BIG DAY. He is getting his stem cells from the donor. This is crucial today. He said he was excited. I am glad that he is not looking at the risks . This is the moment of truth. Either it works or it doesn't but his life is on the line today. No going back. Please continue your prayers.
It is a good idea to see a psychologist. Just so you can get all your feelings out in the open and see what you are dealing with emotionally.
How far away do you live from your parents? Do you see them often?
I am sure how you feel and what you are going through is very important to them. No parent wants to see their children suffer. No matter how old they are. When you are done you should have a big party to celebrate LIFE. All
your lives.
Take care my friend
Love
Linda
singer78
10-19-2007, 01:04 PM
Linda,
Oh my goodness....this is the "day" for Don. I'm sure this whole forum that has been reading about his (and your) struggle, is praying for him. Please let us know how it goes.
You've probably told me before, but what exactly is the drug they would give me for thrush? My onc seems to think it was related to low iron, and my dentist gave me the cream for the corners of my mouth, but other than that, nothing else was even mentioned.
I stopped in there today, after radiation, and had one of the chemo nurses look at, what I believe and pray it is, a keratosis on my shoulder. I got a bit of a sunburn there (stupid me) during chemo a few months ago---was only out for a bit, talking to my neighbor, and I believe it's where the sunburn was. Anyway, I go to the dermatologist the first week in Nov., but I was wondering if I should be concerned. The one chemo nurse that's fairly new, said she'd post it on my chart & mention it to my onc.
Well...radiation is now officially 25% done. 75% more to go.
I live in the next town from my parents. They are still in their home, and that's a constant worry, with steps, etc.. I try to talk to my mom everyday, or at least every other day. I think I worry more about them more than anyone else in the family. My older sister is their only "errand runner" right now, and it's hard on her. They took the keys from my dad, after his last accident. Thank God no one was seriously injured.
Yes, I need to speak to someone about my worries and cares. I don't realize how fragile I am, until someone says something kind to me....and there go the waterworks! It happened just a bit ago, at the hospital with the kind man that helps me with my insurance & bills.
Hopefully, today will be fruitful for me. The radiation, so far, is not affecting me physically....just mentally. It's a daily reminder I'm still in the "fight for life."
I'll check back later....
love, S.
Oh my goodness....this is the "day" for Don. I'm sure this whole forum that has been reading about his (and your) struggle, is praying for him. Please let us know how it goes.
You've probably told me before, but what exactly is the drug they would give me for thrush? My onc seems to think it was related to low iron, and my dentist gave me the cream for the corners of my mouth, but other than that, nothing else was even mentioned.
I stopped in there today, after radiation, and had one of the chemo nurses look at, what I believe and pray it is, a keratosis on my shoulder. I got a bit of a sunburn there (stupid me) during chemo a few months ago---was only out for a bit, talking to my neighbor, and I believe it's where the sunburn was. Anyway, I go to the dermatologist the first week in Nov., but I was wondering if I should be concerned. The one chemo nurse that's fairly new, said she'd post it on my chart & mention it to my onc.
Well...radiation is now officially 25% done. 75% more to go.
I live in the next town from my parents. They are still in their home, and that's a constant worry, with steps, etc.. I try to talk to my mom everyday, or at least every other day. I think I worry more about them more than anyone else in the family. My older sister is their only "errand runner" right now, and it's hard on her. They took the keys from my dad, after his last accident. Thank God no one was seriously injured.
Yes, I need to speak to someone about my worries and cares. I don't realize how fragile I am, until someone says something kind to me....and there go the waterworks! It happened just a bit ago, at the hospital with the kind man that helps me with my insurance & bills.
Hopefully, today will be fruitful for me. The radiation, so far, is not affecting me physically....just mentally. It's a daily reminder I'm still in the "fight for life."
I'll check back later....
love, S.
Nassau one
10-19-2007, 05:36 PM
Linda, wishing your brother all the very best today and for the days to come.
Love,
Love,
LINDA505
10-19-2007, 09:56 PM
THANK YOU EVERYONE FOR ALL YOUR WELL WISHES FOR MY BROTHER
I talked with him 2 x today and he has received both bags of stem cells and so far so good. He is stable and good. We continue to be positive and believe that God is by his side and he will give him the life he deserves to have.
Singer, the drug is mycostatin. it comes in lozengers. You can get a type of thrush from low iron especially a red and sore tongue. Sometimes you will get tiny bumps on your lips that feel like sandpaper. I am sure that if you are
getting better than he feels you do not need anything further. As far as your shoulder what does it look like? How long have you had it? What size is it?
The ABC's of skin cancer are asymmetry, border and color. If it has a blue, black color that is uneven and is small at one end and large at another or it bleeds and the borders are irregular that is worry some. If it is rough, tan color,
itches, flaky, small in size than it probably is a keratosis. Keratosis can vary in color and size so do not worry if it does not fit the typical description. Also not all moles that are black are cancer either. Most skin cancers are curable.
Squamous and Basal cell are treated easily. Melanoma of course is the one you do not want but can be treated if caught early. I am sure that it is a nevi or a keratosis. No need to worry about it.
I lived about 17 miles from my folks and use to go over there on my way home everyday from the hospital. The last 3 yrs when my Mom got ill and then the cancer and then my Dad with cancer I would eat with them every night. My poor husband never got to eat with me for 3 yrs. except on wkends. I always was the one to take care of things as my brothers were
not the caregiver types. Anyway I would not have let them do it. I am too
much of a control freak and would not want anyone to have helped my Mom in the ways that she needed care. It was my privledge to have cared for her as she had always taken care of me when I was a child with so much tenderness and love.
Anyway, I have been gone most of the day. We took our daughter to met her hubby at work so they could drive to Maryland.
Then we all went to lunch for pizza before they took off and we went shopping (My favorite thing to do) to keep my mind off worrying. We had a good day.
Well my friend you have a nice week-end. We are getting the fall foliage now and we are going for a drive on Skyline Drive which is a part of the
Blue Ridge Pky. but you have to pay for it. It is worth it. The scenary is
breathtaking. God's miracle of nature. Go for a drive with your hubby and
go out to dinner. You can live your life and still go for radiation. Live my friend and enjoy your time away from the hospital.
Thank you Nassau One for your well wishes.
Love to you both
Linda
CC hope that you are doing ok. Post so we know that you are ok.
I talked with him 2 x today and he has received both bags of stem cells and so far so good. He is stable and good. We continue to be positive and believe that God is by his side and he will give him the life he deserves to have.
Singer, the drug is mycostatin. it comes in lozengers. You can get a type of thrush from low iron especially a red and sore tongue. Sometimes you will get tiny bumps on your lips that feel like sandpaper. I am sure that if you are
getting better than he feels you do not need anything further. As far as your shoulder what does it look like? How long have you had it? What size is it?
The ABC's of skin cancer are asymmetry, border and color. If it has a blue, black color that is uneven and is small at one end and large at another or it bleeds and the borders are irregular that is worry some. If it is rough, tan color,
itches, flaky, small in size than it probably is a keratosis. Keratosis can vary in color and size so do not worry if it does not fit the typical description. Also not all moles that are black are cancer either. Most skin cancers are curable.
Squamous and Basal cell are treated easily. Melanoma of course is the one you do not want but can be treated if caught early. I am sure that it is a nevi or a keratosis. No need to worry about it.
I lived about 17 miles from my folks and use to go over there on my way home everyday from the hospital. The last 3 yrs when my Mom got ill and then the cancer and then my Dad with cancer I would eat with them every night. My poor husband never got to eat with me for 3 yrs. except on wkends. I always was the one to take care of things as my brothers were
not the caregiver types. Anyway I would not have let them do it. I am too
much of a control freak and would not want anyone to have helped my Mom in the ways that she needed care. It was my privledge to have cared for her as she had always taken care of me when I was a child with so much tenderness and love.
Anyway, I have been gone most of the day. We took our daughter to met her hubby at work so they could drive to Maryland.
Then we all went to lunch for pizza before they took off and we went shopping (My favorite thing to do) to keep my mind off worrying. We had a good day.
Well my friend you have a nice week-end. We are getting the fall foliage now and we are going for a drive on Skyline Drive which is a part of the
Blue Ridge Pky. but you have to pay for it. It is worth it. The scenary is
breathtaking. God's miracle of nature. Go for a drive with your hubby and
go out to dinner. You can live your life and still go for radiation. Live my friend and enjoy your time away from the hospital.
Thank you Nassau One for your well wishes.
Love to you both
Linda
CC hope that you are doing ok. Post so we know that you are ok.
singer78
10-21-2007, 10:14 PM
Linda,
I'm hoping since we haven't heard anything, that your brother's doing well. :angel: I pray he's hanging in there.
I haven't posted all weekend....I'm trying to use the energy I have to do some much-needed fall cleaning. It's going to take months, because I can only go about 3 hours at a time, if I'm lucky.
You asked about my shoulder --- I'm almost certain it's a keratosis. It's kind of tannish/brownish, and resembles the other one's I have on my side. It's not changing at all---so, I think my Nov. 7 appt. with my dermatologist, will be o.k., and I don't need to move it up. I want it gone, though, because it is a bit unsightly...like an age spot (yuck...don't like those).
I still am worrying about this feeling that comes & goes on my tongue, in the back. I'd asked my onc about it, the last time I saw him, and he actually said, "I don't know what the cause is." I think I'll call tomorrow, and see if I should do a follow-up with my ENT. It went away for awhile---I'm thinking it might be connected to the thrush. It doesn't hurt--just feels like something is there, occasionally. The corners of my mouth are better, but my tongue is still coated, especially in the morning, and this feeling of something kind of "coming & going" on my tongue (where I can't see--wouldn't you know?) is driving me bonkers. Do you think that's connected to my thrush? Maybe I do need mycostatin.
I actually accomplished some things this weekend. My husband helped, otherwise, I would've never been able to do it. He moved furniture, and we totally cleaned the living rooms windows, curtains, walls, etc... I can't believe how out of control things got while I was in chemo. So far, I haven't really felt any fatigue from radiation...just have to take things slow...especially because of my back. I think they told me to expect fatigue (possibly) the last few weeks. I have 3 to go.
How was your drive? I bet it was beautiful. I thought about going for a bike ride with my husband, since it was so lovely today---but, I'm on a mission to make my house "dust-bunny free." I had an allergy attack Friday night (I took Benadryl & slept until noon)...which prompted me to get started this weekend ---I just wish I had more energy.
Funny you should mention "3 years" of dining with your parents. It was 3 years for me, until my dx, that I was taking care of my parents, too. It just finally got to me---I was overloaded with too much, and I think it starting breaking down my immune system.
Well, I enjoyed my few days off.
I can't wait (hopefully) to have my old life back someday. Of course, if I'm lucky enough to get a clean bill of health, I have to make some changes....BIG ones. I can't ever get that caught-up again & so stress-ridden.
CC--I didn't see any posts from you. I hope you're o.k.
Back to reality tomorrow....
Keep us posted. :)
love, S.
I'm hoping since we haven't heard anything, that your brother's doing well. :angel: I pray he's hanging in there.
I haven't posted all weekend....I'm trying to use the energy I have to do some much-needed fall cleaning. It's going to take months, because I can only go about 3 hours at a time, if I'm lucky.
You asked about my shoulder --- I'm almost certain it's a keratosis. It's kind of tannish/brownish, and resembles the other one's I have on my side. It's not changing at all---so, I think my Nov. 7 appt. with my dermatologist, will be o.k., and I don't need to move it up. I want it gone, though, because it is a bit unsightly...like an age spot (yuck...don't like those).
I still am worrying about this feeling that comes & goes on my tongue, in the back. I'd asked my onc about it, the last time I saw him, and he actually said, "I don't know what the cause is." I think I'll call tomorrow, and see if I should do a follow-up with my ENT. It went away for awhile---I'm thinking it might be connected to the thrush. It doesn't hurt--just feels like something is there, occasionally. The corners of my mouth are better, but my tongue is still coated, especially in the morning, and this feeling of something kind of "coming & going" on my tongue (where I can't see--wouldn't you know?) is driving me bonkers. Do you think that's connected to my thrush? Maybe I do need mycostatin.
I actually accomplished some things this weekend. My husband helped, otherwise, I would've never been able to do it. He moved furniture, and we totally cleaned the living rooms windows, curtains, walls, etc... I can't believe how out of control things got while I was in chemo. So far, I haven't really felt any fatigue from radiation...just have to take things slow...especially because of my back. I think they told me to expect fatigue (possibly) the last few weeks. I have 3 to go.
How was your drive? I bet it was beautiful. I thought about going for a bike ride with my husband, since it was so lovely today---but, I'm on a mission to make my house "dust-bunny free." I had an allergy attack Friday night (I took Benadryl & slept until noon)...which prompted me to get started this weekend ---I just wish I had more energy.
Funny you should mention "3 years" of dining with your parents. It was 3 years for me, until my dx, that I was taking care of my parents, too. It just finally got to me---I was overloaded with too much, and I think it starting breaking down my immune system.
Well, I enjoyed my few days off.
I can't wait (hopefully) to have my old life back someday. Of course, if I'm lucky enough to get a clean bill of health, I have to make some changes....BIG ones. I can't ever get that caught-up again & so stress-ridden.
CC--I didn't see any posts from you. I hope you're o.k.
Back to reality tomorrow....
Keep us posted. :)
love, S.