i've been viewing your posts for the last five minutes, and it hasn't taken me long to relize that it wasn't very long ago that I too was freaking about one night stands and risks. That is until I found out that the person I was sleeping with had HIV.
There was a certain part of me that sort of died that night. The first thing I felt was "how could you?" From day one I was sort of confused by the amount of pills he was taking, remarks like "my junk is jacked up" and his constant use of the bathroom. I had asked him right off if he had something, but he said no and made something up. And though him and I had never had sex unprotected, I was terrified.
Thus it took me six months before I got tested. In the end I came out negative, but there is still everyday fear that I live with.
Believe it or not I ended up marrying this individual. So I live with HIV everyday.
Am I scared still. Yeah I am... But not as much. This is now an everyday reality. Lots of people have this, and its not easy anyway you dice it. In fact, its probably harder being married to the situation. And they told me to leave it behind. Told me to get on with my life.... But I'm still in it. It sucks, but there are more good things I can say about him than bad.

So let me get this straight, you not only stayed with but married a guy who literally could have killed you? Why? Someone who was so dishonest to you is not someone you should ever trust. HIV is bad enough when your close friends or boyfriend has it, it's 10000 times worse if you get it.

i agree with smar,i hope to find someone to be with again and someone willing to be with a positive person,but not bad enough to lie at all about it.
to me thats just being totally selfish and wrong and i already feel bad enough about myself and what has happened to me.. to be a liar like that would only make me feel worse,i would rather be lonely and keep a shread of dignity then take that path. good luck to you, you will need it.