I am a 22 year old female who practices safe sex, but has had oral sex without condoms. I get tested for stds regularly, but I've never been tested for herpes since I hadn't had any symptoms.

Last weekend I met up with an old boyfriend and we had sex (with a condom) and oral sex both ways (without a condom). Around that same time, I noticed a single sore on my vagina, and it ended up going away about 3 days later. I am really worried that this is herpes, and that I've given it to him. I'm the only girl he's ever been with, and I would feel terrible if I've given him an STD.

From what I've understood from reading this website, it would have been safe for me to give him oral sex without a condom, provided I don't have the type 1 herpes, correct? He did go down on me - not very long, for about 5 minutes or so - how much of a chance would he have of contracting herpes? And this is a pretty stupid question, but if I did transmit herpes to him, would he only get it on his mouth (since it was oral sex), or could it give him genital herpes as well (even though there was no direct penis-vagina contact without a condom)? Thanks for any answers you could give me.

The quick answer to all your questions is "yes" - but nothing is ever that easy!!

Before you start panicing about whether or not this has happened, it's very important that you find out if you actually DO have herpes or not. Go to your Dr., and get a blood test to find out. Being in Canada as you are, I actually had a problem with getting my Dr. to do a type specific test. I'm hoping that's due to ignorance just on his part. Ask your Dr. for a type specific blood test, and you can find out if you have HSV1, HSV2 or, hopefully, no HSV at all!! The test is accurate for prior infections up to 3 - 4 months - meaing that if you acquired the virus in last 3 - 4 months your blood test will be negative.

As for transmission - condoms reduce the risk of transmission, but they don't cut it out completely. The virus can be present in the skin cells of the entire boxer shorts region, and is transmitted via skin on skin contact. So, you could have transmitted the virus to him genitally even though you used a condom. As well, since you engaged in oral sex, he would have been exposed orally as well.

You are correct in saying that it would be OK for you to perform oral sex on him, assuming that you don't have oral herpes and he doesn't have genital herpes.

Get to a doctor and get a blood test. If it comes up negative, take another one in 3 months or so to test for recent infections. In the meantime - if your ex shows up with symptoms, you might want to mention the possibility to him. If he doesn't, wait for the test results to be sure so that you don't worry him needlessly.

Good luck

Thanks for your advice and quick reply.

So if I did end up giving him herpes, he would only get it on his mouth? Would this be the type II?

No - he was exposed both genitally and orally. It is more likely that he would show oral symptoms, due to the condom during intercourse. But the exposure was there, so both types are possible. Keep in mind that it's possible that, if you are positive, he may not get the virus at all; he may get oral; he may get genital; or he may get both. He may also get the the virus, and never show the symptoms, acting mainly as a carrier. That's why it's important for you to be tested. If you are positive and he doesn't show symptoms, it would be the ethical thing for you to tell him he's been exposed and have him get tested in a few months.

What type he gets depends on what type you (maybe) have. Genital herpes is not type 2, and oral herpes is not type 1. Either strain can live either location. This is another reason why it's important for you to get tested - you need to find out what strain you may have.

Thanks again for the info.