I'm stressing out big time...I've met this great guy who has oral herpes. I've never gotten a cold sore or anything like that and we haven't kissed yet. Are there certain times that it would be safe for me to kiss him without getting oral herpes myself, or is it easy to pass on orally at any time? Also, I've read some stuff on here about skin transmission..so if he kisses me on the cheek (when he does not have a cold sore present) does this mean that I can get it that way, too? I guess what I'm asking is just how contagious is oral herpes?

Herpes is transferred via skin on skin contact - however, there are times when he will be more likely to pass the virus to you. Obviously, when he has an active cold sore would be a could time to avoid kissing him. And yes - if he kissed you on the cheek while he had a sore, he could transfer the virus.

The virus goes thru periods called "asymptomatic shedding". That means that no cold sores will be present, but his skin is still carrying an active virus. At these times it's also possible to get the virus. Unfortunately, there is no way to tell when this is happening. However, the possibility of getting the virus during these periods is quite low - sorry, I don't have a number handy.

I guess what you really need to consider is this. Even if you did get oral herpes from this guy - ask yourself - is he worth the risk?? If you have a relationship with this person that you want to continue, then it probably is. Many people don't ever catch the virus from their partners. And if you let him go just because of ther herpes, the chances of finding another guy that you like, who doesn't have herpes, are pretty low. 80% of people have herpes in one way, shape, or form. It's entirely possible that you already have it as well, and just don't know it. And the next person you find may have it, and not be considerate enough to tell you, or they may not know. Then you won't be allowed the luxury of a decision.

It's your health - but provided you aren't kissing him while he has sores, you are probably OK.

Herpes is transferred via skin on skin contact - however, there are times when he will be more likely to pass the virus to you. Obviously, when he has an active cold sore would be a could time to avoid kissing him. And yes - if he kissed you on the cheek while he had a sore, he could transfer the virus.

The virus goes thru periods called "asymptomatic shedding". That means that no cold sores will be present, but his skin is still carrying an active virus. At these times it's also possible to get the virus. Unfortunately, there is no way to tell when this is happening. However, the possibility of getting the virus during these periods is quite low - sorry, I don't have a number handy.

I guess what you really need to consider is this. Even if you did get oral herpes from this guy - ask yourself - is he worth the risk?? If you have a relationship with this person that you want to continue, then it probably is. Many people don't ever catch the virus from their partners. And if you let him go just because of ther herpes, the chances of finding another guy that you like, who doesn't have herpes, are pretty low. 80% of people have herpes in one way, shape, or form. It's entirely possible that you already have it as well, and just don't know it. And the next person you find may have it, and not be considerate enough to tell you, or they may not know. Then you won't be allowed the luxury of a decision.

It's your health - but provided you aren't kissing him while he has sores, you are probably OK.

So if I have never had a cold sore, is there a way for me to get tested to see if I already have it? Would it show up in my blood? Also, does this mean that if he performed oral sex, it would not be safe?

Thank you for the info, I really appreciate it.

Yes, you could have it. It's possible to have the virus and never show a symptom. As I said, 80% of people have herpes, and 70% of people show signs of having oral herpes. You can get a blood test that will tell you if you have herpes (ask for HerpesSelect) - but it will not tell you if it's oral or genital. You need to see symptoms to determine that.

You are as much at risk having oral sex as you are by kissing. The only difference is that you would get genital herpes instead of oral. Again, the risks are pretty darn low if he's not showing signs, but it certainly can happen. I know this from experience, as this is how I got infected.

Incidentally, even though I now have genital herpes from having unprotected oral sex and intercourse with my partner (who has never shown a symptom, but has likely had the virus for over 10 years) - I would do it again in a second. Our relationship is more important to me than being a bit itchy once in awhile. And for most people, that's all it is - a week of being uncomfortable once or twice a year. Had we known, I'd made the same choice again. Also, I went 2 years before I got the virus. There are people here who have gone over 20 years before getting it. Other's have sex once and get it. Luck of the draw.