I started another post earlier. I haven't been diagnosed with BD but according to 2 docs its pretty certain. I'm posting now because i need to know like right now how to control myself. I feel the urge coming over me again to leave my house and the last two times this happened I have no memory of the night. I have no idea what happened or how I got home and i'm scared i'm gonna do it again.. This isn't like me. I'm a very responsible person but lately itry so hard and i cannot control my impulses, i've spent so much money and been so irresponsible but it's like i dont care i always have a good excuse i feel so good i just wanna go. there is a little part of me that is saying no no no. dont do it. dammit i need to take control of myself. I Hate this hate it hate it. Since i started this antidepressent i have been out of control. please stop me, talk to me, so i dont go

please someone talk to me!!!!!!

ok, i tried, i'm going. god please let me come home safe.

whoa...I just posted on your other post sorry~ Are you still there?

I don't know, I should be an expert at this by now. Um...can you give someone your car keys and checkbook/credit cards for safe keeping until you can see your pdoc? That should help. Try taking a relaxing bath (or so the people at the hospital say sometimes if you call them freaking out).

If you really are in that much danger of yourself though I suggest you head straight to the ER. That's the best place for you now maybe if you feel that out of control. They will be able to help you. Don't be afraid, just do it.

Mary ~ If there are two docs who feel that you have Bipolar the worst thing that you can be on is an antideptressant!!! That alone can trigger a manic episode and it is imperative that you perhaps have somebody drive you to the nearest ER to be evaluated. One should always be on a mood stabilizer before starting an antidepressant if there is a question of Bipolar. This is the time that they can properly diagnose and treat you....if you go into a full blown mania you can really get do some irreversible harm and not be in the frame of mind to accept treatment.

Do you think that you can get somebody to get you to the ER and be with you???? OR if you cannot do that perhaps call a hotline for mental illness and somebody can tell you what you ought to do. In any case, DO NOT leave your home...if at all possible call somebody you trust to be with you, this isn't something to ignore especially if it has happened once before.

Keep on writing here if you need to....there are lots of us around to help you out but like I said, you should get some help now before you go into a full blown mania and past the point of no return.

((((HUGS)))) ~ Goody:angel: :wave:

Mary, goody is right. I really hope you haven't left yet. Please post as soon as you can. I am really worried. I am just coming out of a mania, and it's not pretty to leave it uncontrolled.

Mary,
Please post and let us know something. We are here for you. From behalf of everyone on here we welcome you to the board. I myself am always up late so I can be here for you tonight if you need someone to talk to. Just please DO NOT leave your house. Stay here and stay on the board if you need to. I'll post again in a few. I just wanted to get this to you quickly.

I'm here, thank you all for posting. It wasnt fast enough for me. I guess i wanted to go i needed someone right away to say stop. Thank god i had a scary experiance and that brought me back home. I was walking to a bar that is 3 blocks from my house. maybe I am drunk i dont know, when i'm my normal self i drink 3 beers and im ready for bed, when i'm like this it seems i can just drink and drink and not feel drunk, someone scared me on the way to the bar. to me i am not drunk, i feel normal. I think my body is still reacting in the normal way to alchohal even though i dont feel it I was walking to the bar and a man pulled over and wanted to give me a ride and i said no thankl you, but he said get in the car. oh my god he scared me so bad i ran home. I found some sleeping pills and i took them because i klnow i would still leave when the fear wore off. I'll be ok, i'm glad that happened cause otherwise it would have been like before where i have no idea what happened. thank you for caring.

OMG! My last post sounds terrible, i'm sorry. I was still kinda freakin out from that guy scaring me. When he said "get in the car" it was like mean and scary. Not like, hey, wanna ride? It makes me wonder how I got home the last couple times I got crazy like this.

Mary,
I'm glad you posted and please don't take this the wrong way. I'm glad you didn't get hurt but maybe the scare will help in your decision making. Sometimes we all make wrong choices and sometimes we learn from them but other times we don't. That sounded bad I'm sorry. The point I'm trying to make is that sometimes it takes a scare to wake us up. I hope your sleeping pills kick in and you can get some sleep. One~~so you can get rest and Two~~so you can stay home and not worry about going somewhere you don't want to go.

Don't forget we are here for you and we care about you. If you feel the urge to leave your house and know you shouldn't cause youre scared of what may happen...have a cozy seat and pull up to your computer and chat with us on the board. There is usually at least one person on here. I know there are more than one but I'm just saying there will always be someone to talk to on here. So many have helped me on here and they can do the same for you.
Hang in there. (((((((hugs)))))))
And I'm so glad you're back home and are safe.

Mary ~ That is a blessing in disguise but if you are feeling as if you cannot trust yourself right now perhaps you should call somebody to be with you.

Who do you trust the most??? You say you have children....are they grown??? By the sounds of it I would guess that you live alone. I think that you really have to ask yourself if you can trust yourself to be able to control this and if you can't, for your own well being you either have to get somebody to come be with you OR call for help to get you to the hospital even if you must call 911 and have the police do so. Believe me, you are best off getting help when the doctors can see you in a manic state and diagnose and treat you.....each episode will get worse without proper meds and treatment.

So how do you feel??? How many sleeping pills did you take??? Please be careful and like I said if you are unsure of what you may do you need to call somebody.

Tiffany is here and I will be for a little bit more but I am afraid what may happen if somebody is unable to respond as quickly as you may need.

((((HUGS)))) ~ Goody:angel: :wave:

Goody, Mary
I am always up till at least 1-2am. Mary if you need me I'm here. If you really feel worse and aren't feeling any better after posting please please call 911. If you need help don't be afraid to ask. Just please don't do anything that may cause any harm. i don't know you but Im very concerned and worried about you. That's how all of us are on here. Post as much as you want or need to.

Dear mary, I hope you are getting some sleep. Like goody said you should really call someone to be with you or to take you to the ER. Definitely, even if you get some sleep and are able to stay home tonight, CALL YOUR DOC IN THE MORNING. This is important and has gone too far, wouldn't you say? That creepy guy could have seriously hurt you! That worries me too because I walk to the bars as I live close to the "downtown" area in my city. Makes me think twice about doing so unless I am with one of my guy friends.

I will also be awake until about 2am. Post to us if you need to.

Ahhh Llama,
Us nightowls..what are we to do if we didn't have each other? I really hope Mary is getting some sleep and that she gets some help in the morning. I still feel like I need to go into the hospital. I need major group therapy if anything else. I need the security that everything's going to be ok and to learn how to cope with BP. I never really got to do that being I was sure that I would be fine once I was on meds. Now I know that's not true. Arrrhghgh. I'll be up with you so we can chat back and forth.

Hello, Mary,

I just came online, wish I'd been on when you first posted.

I hope you are all right. The advice about the anti depressant is so right, you shouldn't be on it, and I wonder if you're seeing the right doctor if he prescribed it without a mood stabilizer.
For the present, though, please do call an emergency service or go straight to the ER and explain what's going on. A mania can be just as life-threatening as an accident.

Please do keep posting. We are indeed here to listen and to try and help.
I'm concerned for you and hope to hear from you very soon.

Tinkerbell: what's going on? You mentioned going into the hospital. Are you okay?
Seaturtle

Seaturtle,
Thanks for your concern. I hate to get off the subject of Mary. I was just mentioning that Im still having my ups and downs and thoughts I shouldn't be having. I'm hating it. I want to go into the hospital but of course they have no beds and I dont' warrant a hospital stay. Plus Im working on getting a job and cant afford to go into the hospital. If I can find an outpatient day prgram I think I would be ok. Other than posting on here I feel so alone. I feel like I have a ton of bricks on my shoulders and the Klonopin they gave me in the ER is not helping.

Antidepressants, as has been said, cause mania. And sleeping pills could too, if you use them regularly in an indirect way via rebound stimulation when they wear off. Many times drugs themselves, legal and illegal, including alcohol ,can cause bi-polar and unipolar symptoms.

In other words what goes up must come down and what is forced down will tend to spring back up.