Tinkerbell79
10-24-2007, 09:09 AM
Ok so last night I was havin a manic episode. Kind of a blessing from the almost month long of depression. Except....instead of taking my Seroquel and putting myself to sleep no matter how wide awake I was...I stayed up ALL night. I get hooked on this computer and can stay on here for hours ,and even though there's a little clock on the lower right of the screen,still lost time. I was excited though because a guy that I've been talking to on and off and more in the recent week IMed me around 12am when he got home from work. He and i talked till 5am!! I was fine until about 7am. Not I'm crashing and dead tired and I have an appt with the intake/eval lady for the outpatient program as well as an appt with SS right after that. Plus a ton of errands to run. I just hope I either catch a second wind or I can get home in time to catch a couple hours of sleep before my kids get home. If I'm still tired when they get home I will be very irritated. So anyway it's my fault but I have a hard time tellin myself to do things I need or should do. I'm totally defiant of myself most of the time.
I'll keep yall posted when i get back about how the eval/intake went. I better be ableto get into the program or I'm going to get pretty hostile in that office. No sleep and still in manic state does not look good for the pple in the office if they give me bad news. Oh man I will so go off!!! They may committ me then haha.
Catch up with you all later. :dizzy:
I'll keep yall posted when i get back about how the eval/intake went. I better be ableto get into the program or I'm going to get pretty hostile in that office. No sleep and still in manic state does not look good for the pple in the office if they give me bad news. Oh man I will so go off!!! They may committ me then haha.
Catch up with you all later. :dizzy:
Sponsor
fineanddandy
10-24-2007, 12:11 PM
Tinkerbell, I know it can be hard to make yourself go to bed (especially when you are IM'ing someone special!). BUT, I think you need to make 2 resolutions:
1. You will set an alarm clock and take your Seroquel when you are supposed to.
2. You will turn down the brightness on your computer when you take your Seroquel so that you aren't stimulated by the light from it.
If you feel the need to stay up - I wish you wouldn't: you know it will make you worse - but, okay, I understand. Just promise yourself that you will do the other 2 things to give yourself a fighting chance.
Good luck with your appt today.
F&D
1. You will set an alarm clock and take your Seroquel when you are supposed to.
2. You will turn down the brightness on your computer when you take your Seroquel so that you aren't stimulated by the light from it.
If you feel the need to stay up - I wish you wouldn't: you know it will make you worse - but, okay, I understand. Just promise yourself that you will do the other 2 things to give yourself a fighting chance.
Good luck with your appt today.
F&D
FallenAngel2007
10-24-2007, 01:54 PM
Tink I know how you feel and how easy it is to get in that position. And I justify it to myself half the time, lol. I think - well, for the past 2 weeks i haven't been able to get OUT of bed, so I need to take advantage of this "up" time while I have it. I typically start cleaning, doing whatever I can that is quiet so I don' t wake anyone up, cause I'm terrified of getting caught being awake, lol.
It's hard, and I know I probalby need to go on a mood stabilizer as my doc has suggested but i'm terrified of being numb. Christ, half the time I'm overanalyzing myself trying ot figure out *** I feel, lol. (Am I really like this or am I manic? Am I just exhausted and tired or am I depressed? I don't even know if what i feel is real anymore, and so the thought of adding another med is terrifying for me)
Anyway, didn't mean to ramble, just wanted to let you know you're not alone girl!
Angel
It's hard, and I know I probalby need to go on a mood stabilizer as my doc has suggested but i'm terrified of being numb. Christ, half the time I'm overanalyzing myself trying ot figure out *** I feel, lol. (Am I really like this or am I manic? Am I just exhausted and tired or am I depressed? I don't even know if what i feel is real anymore, and so the thought of adding another med is terrifying for me)
Anyway, didn't mean to ramble, just wanted to let you know you're not alone girl!
Angel
sacee
10-24-2007, 02:22 PM
Tink -
Hang in there and I wish you well today. Let usnow how it goes!
Hang in there and I wish you well today. Let usnow how it goes!
Llama
10-24-2007, 02:40 PM
Oh Tinkerbell, don't beat yourself up too much! We all make mistakes! I have done the same. We just have to work on them so we can get better habits! Easier said than done I know!
Well I'm off to the pdoc too. I'll post when I get back too and you post too! It will be funny. I am still a little manic! haha! The good kind too. I am sorry you are having the bad angry kind.
Well I do hope all goes well for you at your eval and appt! Talk to ya later!
Well I'm off to the pdoc too. I'll post when I get back too and you post too! It will be funny. I am still a little manic! haha! The good kind too. I am sorry you are having the bad angry kind.
Well I do hope all goes well for you at your eval and appt! Talk to ya later!
Tinkerbell79
10-24-2007, 03:27 PM
Thanks for your replies and comments and words of advice. I will make it a point to start taking my Sero every night and going to bed at the same time. I went for my eval and they strongly encouraged that battle the depression. I start my program tomorrow. I wish I had known about this 2 weeks ago I'd may be feeling much better already. I'll post back as to how it goes the first day.
Llama hope your pdoc appt goes well. I'm glad your feeling better.
Post back later.
Love ya guys ((((hugs))))
Tiff
Llama hope your pdoc appt goes well. I'm glad your feeling better.
Post back later.
Love ya guys ((((hugs))))
Tiff
goody2shuz
10-24-2007, 03:59 PM
Hey, Tiff ~ Don't beat yourself up about it....just make the changes you can so that you can steer this all in the right direction. I would make a point of even turning off the PC after you take your Seroquel and perhaps come up with a less stimulating activity such as knitting, crocheting, journaling, or reading which will relax you and allow you to get settled down for the night.
Make a promise to yourself that you will commit to this and before you know it you'll be feeling better.
I hope that your first day of the outpatient program really helps you to feel better.
((((HUGS)))) ~ Goody:angel: :wave:
Make a promise to yourself that you will commit to this and before you know it you'll be feeling better.
I hope that your first day of the outpatient program really helps you to feel better.
((((HUGS)))) ~ Goody:angel: :wave:
tony72
10-24-2007, 05:12 PM
Tiff,
What is this program like? Can you describe what your going to be doing? Are there other places around the country related to it?
I'm soo curious.
1.) Fine&Dandy is giving AWESOME advice...I'm going to take it myself.
2.)Angel your cracking me up... I do the same exact thing..sneaking around the house at night afraid to wake anyone up... I wish they had a noiseless vacume. For some reason I get the urge to vacume all night and dust. WHAT IS THAT???
I can tell that my new med is already helping. Deplin. Check it out, Zero side effects. I have BIG news..........I actually went jogging for the first time in 5 years.
What is this program like? Can you describe what your going to be doing? Are there other places around the country related to it?
I'm soo curious.
1.) Fine&Dandy is giving AWESOME advice...I'm going to take it myself.
2.)Angel your cracking me up... I do the same exact thing..sneaking around the house at night afraid to wake anyone up... I wish they had a noiseless vacume. For some reason I get the urge to vacume all night and dust. WHAT IS THAT???
I can tell that my new med is already helping. Deplin. Check it out, Zero side effects. I have BIG news..........I actually went jogging for the first time in 5 years.
seaturtle
10-24-2007, 10:04 PM
Tinkerbell,
Great that you're starting the program!
You didn't mess up. It's just part of the good 'ol BP. I don't know how many times I have looked up and seen that it was getting light outside. Time has a way of just disappearing when we get so into things.
And it's so hard to stop myself when it's like that, too.
Best of luck to you now!
Seaturtle
Great that you're starting the program!
You didn't mess up. It's just part of the good 'ol BP. I don't know how many times I have looked up and seen that it was getting light outside. Time has a way of just disappearing when we get so into things.
And it's so hard to stop myself when it's like that, too.
Best of luck to you now!
Seaturtle
Tinkerbell79
10-25-2007, 01:01 AM
The last time I did the outpatient program in VA it worked wonders. We did group therapy mostly but also had music therapy and quiet therapy, art therapy and just a bunch of other stuff. I don't know exactly what this one here in Sumter has to entail. But as soon I start it I will let yall know. I found out about this one by calling my pdoc and asking for an outpatient hospitalization program. You may want to start that way.
HaHa I feel the same way at night. I walk around like a mouse to make sure I don't wakemy parents. And before it was walking around quietly with my ex. Cause he would get ticked if I was up in the middle of the night and would always accuse me of doin things. But I was like duh!! I'm just not tired and don't wanna lay in bed being bored lol.
I'll let yall know how my session goes tomorrow. It's at 9am but I don't know how long I'll be there and then I'm leaving for Charleston around 4ish. I'll miss you all.
(((((((((hugs)))))))))))
HaHa I feel the same way at night. I walk around like a mouse to make sure I don't wakemy parents. And before it was walking around quietly with my ex. Cause he would get ticked if I was up in the middle of the night and would always accuse me of doin things. But I was like duh!! I'm just not tired and don't wanna lay in bed being bored lol.
I'll let yall know how my session goes tomorrow. It's at 9am but I don't know how long I'll be there and then I'm leaving for Charleston around 4ish. I'll miss you all.
(((((((((hugs)))))))))))
deedeehurtn
10-25-2007, 05:23 PM
The last time I did the outpatient program in VA it worked wonders. We did group therapy mostly but also had music therapy and quiet therapy, art therapy and just a bunch of other stuff. I don't know exactly what this one here in Sumter has to entail. But as soon I start it I will let yall know. I found out about this one by calling my pdoc and asking for an outpatient hospitalization program. You may want to start that way.
HaHa I feel the same way at night. I walk around like a mouse to make sure I don't wakemy parents. And before it was walking around quietly with my ex. Cause he would get ticked if I was up in the middle of the night and would always accuse me of doin things. But I was like duh!! I'm just not tired and don't wanna lay in bed being bored lol.
I'll let yall know how my session goes tomorrow. It's at 9am but I don't know how long I'll be there and then I'm leaving for Charleston around 4ish. I'll miss you all.
(((((((((hugs)))))))))))
you really seem like a delighful person i've been following your post. you seem like you're the type of person you will not let this get the best of you!!! good work--- keep the smiles coming. deedee. oh yeah you said you wished you still live in viriginia>?/ well i lived here all my life i don't hear too many people say that about virginia!!!!
HaHa I feel the same way at night. I walk around like a mouse to make sure I don't wakemy parents. And before it was walking around quietly with my ex. Cause he would get ticked if I was up in the middle of the night and would always accuse me of doin things. But I was like duh!! I'm just not tired and don't wanna lay in bed being bored lol.
I'll let yall know how my session goes tomorrow. It's at 9am but I don't know how long I'll be there and then I'm leaving for Charleston around 4ish. I'll miss you all.
(((((((((hugs)))))))))))
you really seem like a delighful person i've been following your post. you seem like you're the type of person you will not let this get the best of you!!! good work--- keep the smiles coming. deedee. oh yeah you said you wished you still live in viriginia>?/ well i lived here all my life i don't hear too many people say that about virginia!!!!