Im trying to figure out if its BP or if its just ME
I can be okay for awhile get involved in things, kids activities, church, even working and then i can go for quite sometime and not want to do anything or be around people.
Now, i have read a few of posts that sounds like Bp but does it last for awhile it seem like im down more then im up and i was just wondering if there was anyone out there that was like this and if they are, do they work a job and how do they do it? I want to get a job but i cant seem to stay stable or consistant:(

Theresa,

That is me to a T. I used to get exactly that way. I thought it was normal. I never had any extreme symptoms, but I had all the mild ones.

My husband called it the Black or White symptoms - All or nothing type activities.

I was an engineer and when I was up - I couldn't be beat, I'd pull all the extremely creative solutions and WoW everyone. When I was down, I could barely get emails answered. I was "sick" alot. After one of my up seasons (which varied in duration) I would just shut down. I didn't want to talk to anyone, go anywhere, do ANYthing except sleep and be in my bed.

Somewhere in the middle of my ups and my downs, I was a real grump- yelling, unhappy for no reason, just really irritated and angry inside.

Example during up times: I would throw myself into ANY activitie that excited me at the time - ignore every responsiblity and person other than my "mission".

During this entire time I was being treated for depression, but not diagnosed as BP. Now that I have been placed on a mood stabilizer - I see the difference coming around the corner.

I really hope this helps...sounds just like what I experienced.

BTW, I would also overcommit during my up times. I'd volunteer for everything at Church only to feel guilty when I came down -- letting everyone down. I can look back years and see where I've done these similar things.

:bouncing: Tea

Hey Tony,
Man that sound just like me! In the up times i will throw myself into something that excites me like im on a mission and ignore everything around me, im real bad at that:(
And in this last 4 to 6 months ive finally realized that i cant volunteer for anything b/c i let people down, its so dishearting.
Its really hard to function in everyday life but whats worse is trying to explain why i cant be involved in things and i have triggers so sometimes i feel like i just cannot do anything, does proper medication solve these problems or do you still have to deal with them? Tee

When you felt like not talking to anyone for a while, would that switch back on it’s own? Were there any “normal” feeling periods in between your mood shifts? As you guys have probably read, that’s what my friend is doing now and I’m trying to figure out how he feels.

Hey Bio,
Yes, for me i would eventually be okay. Sometimes i will go 2 weeks where i dont want to be around anyone then for like a month i will seem to be "normal then it seems like i get a real high before i go down again then ill be normal for a little while then up again so on and so forth.
Then in the mist of all those cycles i hit a trigger and boom i get a rage:mad: I hope that makes sense:) But yes for me it seems to switch on its own Tee

I echo what Theresa said.. I'm exactly the same way. I almost can't keep friends. I normally make them in a hi point and then they don't understand when I just drop out of sight. I do have some normal points in between, but they vary in duration.

In the down times, I care about my friends, but I just can't get the strength to engage. I think about calling, but just don't have the emotional energy.

I'm not familure with your thread - Bio - Tribe, what is your friend doing? I will share all I can to help you figure out what is going on.... :bouncing:

I’m glad you both wrote back. What you said helps a lot. That gives me confidence that maybe my friend still cares even thought he can’t talk to me. It’s been almost 4 months now since I’ve seen him and all I heard was one email a few weeks ago which was rather negative.

This is all listed in the thread is called “Concerned about my friend.” It’s a long one because a lot of people write in, so you’ll have to sift through things to find my posts. But basically he abandoned his goals and went into seclusion. Any ideas or information you have would be helpful. And if you have any questions, please ask. You can write to me there or here.

I know my friend can’t keep friends either. He told me once that he’ll be friends with someone and then suddenly gets mad at them, which is what he’s doing to me right now. I’m sure the others don’t understand, and I might be the only person who does, which makes me feel kind-of sad for him. That’s why I’m trying to find a way to be there for him through this so that he knows he can come back when he’s feeling better.

I’m glad to hear that your mood changed on it’s own. I guess it’s just a matter of time till he starts feeling better.

The most important thing I can suggest is this....

You may need to make first contact - he may feel too guilty to call you. I have rarely had the courage to recontact even dear friends after one of my down times.

When you do talk - if he is back to normal - he will want to apoligize...... If he is not back to normal.. he may make excuses.... this is normally a signal that "I'm not ready yet" Just keep the conversation real light and understand that regardless of how senseless his excuses are - they seem real to him and overwhelming.



If he apoligizes -- !! Quickly give him absolute forgiveness and offer that no futher explanation is necessary. (Hard I know, but not doing so can push him away)

Normally my down times didn't last more than 6 months at a time w/out a brief up time. Pre Medication.

Do you know if he is taking medication? Has he been diagnosed with BP? If so, does he accept it?

Wow, tony...what you described sounds just like me. I would be ok and then hit a down time and withdraw...and not be able to reconnect. I would get emails from a friend of mine but I wouldn't have the words to explain, and then so much time would go by it would seem futile. It's been a year now and from time to time I feel guilty for just disappearing, so to speak - but the friend didn't know i have bp or schiz, so maybe it's better this way, this way the friend doesn't have to ride the roller coaster, lol. Maybe some day when I get my meds straightened out!!

I have one amazing best friend who from the age of 10 has accepted me for who I am.. We are totally opposites of each other it's funny! She knows that if she doesn't hear from me something is wrong and I don't know if it's because we grew up together but she knows how my mind works, sometimes I don't even have to explain myself to her.. Other then her I don't really get close to people and if I do it's only for a short amount of time. I feel like I can't be myself and explaining myself is just a waste, after all I don't even get myself... I try to open up but it just doesn't happen! I even have a hard time going to school functions for my son only because people talk to me and if i'm in one of my funks I just shut down... I think if you find the right person you will know it, I was very open with my BF from day 1, he made me feel comfortable.. I also know that he has faults of his own so if I'm not going to hold that against him why should he hold mine???

Lady, Dee, Bio,


Well, back to topic. I have really learned that my friends, my true friends - sense something is not always right. I explain that I have depression, but I'm still to ashamed by stigma to let them know I'm BP.

The most touching and supportive friends, have been the ones that can resume our friendship as if nothing ever happened. I know this sounds selfish, but premed - that was all I had to offer.

There is a phrase which is very powerful in explaining our fears a BP people and just people in general.

"Why am I afraid to tell you who I am? ........ If I tell you, show you who I really am - beyond the mask that I wear - show you deep down who I am inside You may not like what you see. And that is all I have to offer you.

Hey Bio,
I tried to read your thread but like you say its a long one so you will have to fill us in.
Tony could not make it any clearer she has a good way of explaining things, her suggestions are the way to go, you make the first inital contact and if your friend is ready he will respond.
I know for me, even if im not ready i still take comfort down deep in knowing my friend is there and still cares.
I have never had a friend like that and couldnt imagine what it would be like to have someone love me and care about me NO matter what!!!!
I think thats the hardest part is i would love to have friends but im afraid to get close because thay always always go away:(
I know i cant talk about it on here or ill get in trouble but i just have to say that i met some of the nicest and sweetest people i will ever meet on here and they never gave up on me and i will never ever forget that but they to know are gone away and i am very very sad and blue:(
Your friend is very lucky to have such a wonderful friend as you:)

Teresa,

I have found a wonderful thread on the Relationship Health...hopefully you will find the support you need there too.

I'm having a HORRIBLE time. All these mixed feeling... I feel abandonded, rejected, disowned and a mix of other crudie feelings. I'm afraid to post my thoughts and I've never done anything wrong. I don't want to loose all my support. I'm afraid everyone is going to leave.


I don't get into reading negative messages.. I just skip them. Some of the senior members who have been so helpful to me -- just don't seem to be here.

I need some huggs.

I know I don't post as much but I read everyone's post all the time and I will definitely be there for you guys if you ever need me!

Oh Tony!
Me Too! I cant stop crying and i feel so lost and abandoned. The older ones helped me sooo much too and i didnt realize how much i counted on them.
Im afraid to write anything for fear ill will say the wrong thing.
Im so mixed up:confused: :( Tony please dont go away:( I need you im sorry for going on like this im so messed up. I tried to find you on the relationship health board am im looking on the right on one? Love and a big hug Tee

Teresa,

I will not go anywhere... we still have Tinker, llama, Deenah, .... lots of others I can't list them all.

As long as we lean on each other it will turn out fine. The other thread got removed.. :( Not sure why - I'm afraid to open another, I don't see some of the members listed in any of the threads, so we can't find them. Don't worry --- we WILL hold it together. As much as this hurts, I'm sure that there were reasons I can't understand...that is what I've resolved too. Tink will be back monday and paige should be out of the hospital soon.

(((((((((((( Big Big Hug to you )))))))) -- ((((still hugging :angel: )))

Another positive thing to think about is even though they were here to support you NO ONE knows what it's like to be like us besides us! I don't know about you but that gives me comfort to know that I can post the most outragous thought I may have and to have one of you say "i'm exactly like that" gives me so much comfort, makes me feel I'm not alone and that is something I need... We are not dangerous people and I hated the fact that SOME not all protrayed us to me... I hated to know that someone newly diagnosed would see that because If I did at the time I was searching I would of been scared to death... I don't know about you guys but I like to get advice from people that have walked in my shoes... Don't get me wrong I think it's important for people raising kids to come on these boards looking for advice, I couldn't imagine if my child was going through this not knowing where to turn... I think we were benefical to them in trying to figure this thing out...

Now as for the negativity I was always the one to speak out and I didn't appreciate it especially since it was more towards the un medicated... I guess I'm super sensitive about that kind of protrayal of us because of the new people.. If I would of seen that when I first searched out BP (cos obviously whoever is seaching it out for themselves is trying to get help) I would of even be more confused, upset, etc... No one likes to hear they have a medical disorder, ya know!

Thank you Dee-nah,
You raise some very good points. I know that you followed more threads than me. I pretty much stayed to the new people joining the group. Maybe because I felt more comfortable and less intimidated.
I would get confused about who actually was BP and who was not BP - I would always seek advice from BP people too.

The greatest of intentions is still full of disappointments.

Regardless, I am really really glad your here... you said you would be here if we ever needed you..... well...we always need you.
:bouncing:

Teresa, you are right that Tony explains it very well. Thanks Tony. I’ve copied it for myself so I can read it over and over. I’m going to do exactly what she says. I’ve already forgiven my friend on the inside. I’m really confident now that things are going to work out, thanks to all the help I got. I just have to be patient.

I also know it’s tough making and keeping friends, that’s why this is valuable to me. I think it’s important to remember that the past is over. Tee and Tony, don’t let the hurt from past friendships stop you from opening up and trying to make new ones. These would be new people with a whole different set of ideas. Sometimes we just have to pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off and just try to do better the next time. Also, I would say not to let guilt ever get in the way of doing what you really want. Maybe next time try contacting your old friend again. You might be surprised that they really wanted you to. And if not, you’re really not any worse off than if you haven’t tried at all.

Thanks for saying that my friend is lucky. That makes me feel good about it. You sound like you are a very nice person, Tee. I’m sure there are also lots of people who enjoy being friends with you.

Hello Tony and Dee-nah,
I really glad to hear from you guys, im having a really hard time with this.
I kinda miss everything going on and i dont know who said what or what happened.
The hard part for me was i, very rarely did i talk to someone like me and usually i read alot of the bpers stuff but mainly i talk to the non ones.
So this is very hard for me, i feel like someone died and im left alone:( But i do understand what you mean about when someone comments and says i know what you mean im in the same shoes, its very comforting to know they truly do understand.
And its hard for me as well to deal with people reactions to bp people they act like we have a disease or like you said dangerous, they wont even try and understand that we have a disorder just like other disorders and we have to be medicated just like other people are medicated, this is truly and unfair disease:( people understand cancer and diabeties why cant they understand this:( Oh well thats just the way it is!
Well thanks for letting me babble, let hang in there together, i really need you guys:( Lotsa Hugs and Love Tee

Bio,
I am very proud of you, you really try and understand and theres not many people who do.
I meant what i said about your friend being lucky to have you and i really hope that he will see that.
Bipolar is a very self absorbed disease and its not very nice to good people sometimes.
But if your willing to be patience and understanding im sure in time your friend will see this:)
I carry alot of guilt and i have a very hard time letting go of the past so things are up and down for me alot.But i am a very nice person and i do care so much about people i just have times like your friend where i cant be around people and i have a hard time anyway trusting people b/c im not very good at getting hurt or rejected so therefore i dont have any close friends and the ones i had on this board had to go away so now i have no one.
So now im very very sad:( You hang in there your very special and im glad i have the pleasure of meeting you on this board. Love and Hugs Tee

I just want to make a point and say that there are good and bad in EVERYONE, if keeping to ones self at times is one of the worst traits you have and a friend can't accept that then I wouldn't want to be there friend anyway! I have A LOT of good in me and that is what people should focus on not the fact that we/I have a disorder that at times enables me to be the fun loving person that I actually am... I could see if we/I caused havoc everywhere I went but I don't and it doesn't seem like you all do either... My friend called me last week to tell me that she was having a major fight with her husband, this lasted for a WEEK and I was there for her everyday... Another friend of mine just broke up with his girlfriend and calls me 20 times a day crying... These are beautifuly people and I would NEVER turn my back on them just like they shouldn't turn there back on me!

My point is to not sell yourself short, yes you do have a disorder but it doesn't define you and if your "friends" can't see that then they are not nice people and you should be glad that they are not in your life AND when you do find that special friend you will learn to appreciate him or her that much more making the relationship that much better!!!!

I guess its the being different that scares people away. I would love to have a friend that would love me unconditionally or at least if i had a bad day or a bad week that they would still be there.
I guess thats why im alone and afraid to be me and having bipolar on top of it, is no picnic.
But you do make alot of sense! If there not a friend in those hard and weird times then there not a friend id really like to have.
Thanks for insight! Hugs Tee

Hey being different has a lot of perks, Tee... I like to think that I'm open minded and I can see things that my "normal friends" don't see.. I also get a lot of compliments being able to see those things, if that makes any sense...

If someone can not love me for me (and I've never pretended to be anything less) then it's there problem! I'm a VERY paranoid person and just to give you an example.... I just got into a HUGE fight with my mother, I called my boyfriend and he could tell that something was wrong (i'm moving out with my son and she can't deal with it.. she is a very controlling person and once I'm gone she has NO ONE)... I told him I was fine (of course I did that is what I do when something is wrong with me) and he just said "do i need to worry about you" and I said no and he said I'm there AND that is all I needed to hear... YOU WILL FIND THAT! We are VERY careful people so if you haven't found that yet count your blessings... It's beats the crap out of THINKING you do only to be let down.. It's hasn't been easy for me but I lucked out and I'm greatful for that EVERYDAY so when you do find it Tee, you will appreciate it so much more then words can describe! It's worth waiting for, trust me!!!!

I hope that made sense, I'm not in the right frame of mind right now but I speak the truth... It's worth the wait!

Perks Hmmmmmmmm I havent had the priviledge to see that in me lol
But thats no surprise b/c i have no self-esteem and its hard to see that in me.
At least you have a positive attitude and that is a must but i think i have a low self esteem b/c i dont have a friend that gives me those comforting words:( People have a hard time relating too me b/c i am afraid to be me and if they dont like me its always my fault not theirs.
So i approach life negatively i guess b/c thats all im use too.But i am trying to do better and its helping just hearing you guys and what you feel and what your goin through, its like its okay to be me ya know! its okay! Thanks for your encouragement Love Tee