Hello all,

I am writing because I would like some advice as to whether to start going to counselling.
I am a really nice, caring, giving and patient person. Some would say a bit of a doormat to be honest.
I have always suffered from "shopping rage" where I turn into a monster out shopping (like most people) except my behaviour is becoming unacceptable, I mouth off at people who accidentaly bump into me, I nearly pick fights with people, I find myself clenching my fists and losing myself, I get so consumed with frustration and anger I either want to cry or lash out at anyone who is there. Part of me knows I shouldnt be like that, the other doesnt care. Friends and family are scared to go out with me now.

I think this is stemming from the fact that i am such a push over in my day to day life, I take alot of badness at work, i dont like rocking the boat and causing a fuss. I take a lot of nonesense off the boyfriend and the friends and parents and I never say anything because I feel I cant, then I seem to take this rage out on the anonymous public. I think that what I give to people is never reciprocated maybe?

So basically do you think that maybe I should explore these issues further with a counsellor? So as to avoid getting myself in trouble?

Sorry for the long post but its bothering me and the christmas shopping rush is coming...oh dear hehe.

x

sounds like shopping is not a pleasant expearience for you, or anyone around you. maybe you should keep away from it, I know when I don't feel like shopping because there are just to many people, I don't do it anymore. I'm tired of people and their "i'm more special then you attitude" I don't go to big places, like walmart unless I'm in a really good mood. and if I go any where busy and I can't find parking in 5 mins, that is my first clue to leave. I buy my food from small stores that don't get much business.

also, its not fair to take your rage out on people you don't know, you will end up in a big fight one day, and you will only come out more hurt when you pushover the wrong person. you are bothered becasue people push you over, so how does that make it right to go and do the same thing to other people? so they can do the same thing to other people as well? soon everyone wll be doing it. that seems so childlike. you get bullied, so when you are bigger you turn in to the bully and pick on the little ones. is that solving the problem? or making it worse? if you have problems with your boyfriend, or your life, yes it is time to make changes. and talk to the people who are hurting you. if you can't do that then yes, getting help is a good idea. but turning it inward, and raging to random people, is only going to make society worse off, its really sad the amount of road rage, and people who atttack random people becasue they have no clue how to coap with day to day, never learnt it as a child, and only teach their children to do the same.

Urm thanks for that...

You know its not something I am amazingly proud of and its not something that at the time I can control. ANd I can be the happiest person when I go out and flip instantly. As I said I am not a bad person (which thanks to yourself I feel like now) I was simply explaining why I think that I act the way I do. I dont want to pick fights with other people, I dont like making comments because it would upset me if someone did it to me. But it just comes out. It is driving me to dispair because I hate being like that, and I was wondering if this was enough reason to seek counselling for it to find the route of the problem. Seeking help is not a bad thing and to make someone feel bad for something that they are trying to fix and are upset about is not very nice to be honest. You are a judgemental bully in that respect.
If I was proud of it and gloating and not seeking help because I did not see a problem in my behaviour then feel free to judge but dont blame me for the downfall of society when I am out there trying to fix my problem thank you.

Yes, by all means seek out a counseler to explore this with. From what you've said about your non-shopping life, it seems you're fairly passive. Passive-aggressive patterns can be manifestations of a deeper wound that needs healing, or can be just a bad habit you've drifted into, but either way, it sounds like it's making you feel bad.

I can relate. Who hasn't felt the sense of entitlement, the indignation, the momentary flash of justice, followed by feeling like an idiot, whether it's in a traffic jam or a grocery store line-up or kid's soccer practice.

Go for some short term help.

Hello all,



I think this is stemming from the fact that i am such a push over in my day to day life, I take alot of badness at work, i dont like rocking the boat and causing a fuss. I take a lot of nonesense off the boyfriend and the friends and parents and I never say anything because I feel I cant,


x


The paragraph above you wrote stood out..
You feel you cant express feelings of emotions or thoughts to the above people..Well not being able to communicate with someone properly does harbor anger and w/o wanting to or knowingly you will direct this anger out towards other victims.. " lol i hate using the term victim"
Any ways I don't think you need to seek help, your not crazy!..I think you need to start being more open to people that hurt you ..
If someone says something to offend you or acts inappropriately "SAY SOMETHING" You can tell them in a tactful manner and if hurts them oh well your just being honest about how you feel.. Never be afraid to express an emotion you are feeling. This only causes problems as you can see.. : )
So just work on being able to tell people how you really feel when they upset you.. Soon peace of mind will shortly follow.. Take Care :angel:

If I can't buy it online, then I don't need it. There's no way I would put myself through the grief and aggravation of going shopping--except for food shopping (especially around the holidays!!!).

Sorry, didn’t meant to come off as a total B. didn’t want to make you feel bad, and I’m not trying to be a bully. I just wanted you to take an honest look at this. I’m sure many people laugh it off, or try to be supportive and encourage you to seek help. But most people don’t bother to seek help, they continue to hold it in, and continue to rage out on strangers. I hope that doesn’t happen to you.

Honestly so many people are like this, but it really sucks because we see it in children, and even though we encourage them to work it out properly using words and expressing how they feel, while the other child doesn’t care, and continues to treat them badly, how can we expect them to mature? Its funny because working with children you really see that they are little replicas of adults. And so many children never learn this and carry it in to adulthood. In stead of learning how to properly communicate with each other. children learn how to wear amour to defend them selves aggressively, or become manipulative to get their way. a child that is really manipulative grows in to a leader, not a follower.

So yeah I do encourage you to seek the help and not be like most people and hold it in or continue to be in a terrible situation at home. Which causes you to become more and more angry. The thing is, like a child if you make an effort to change but the people around you continue to treat you the same, how on earth can someone be expected to do that? If you are going to treat people with respect, because you want to be treated with respect and people around you do not comply with that, then I don’t think you should be sticking around. It may only end up creating someone you don’t want to be.

I would also have my family get some help too, I believe they too should be making an effort to treat you better, not only you making an effort to treat strangers better. And who knows maybe if you bring this up with the people who are bulling you, maybe you will find out that they too are being bullied by someone and have a hard time dealing so lash out to people(you) as they know they can get away with it. The cycle needs to be broken. That’s all I’m trying to say.

Claire, I don't personally feel you need councilling, I think you just need to channel your built up frustration in a different way.

You say your a nice person, when people who mean something to you insult you, put on you or whatever, you obviously don't tell them how they make you feel, so the frustration stores up until you explode, if you know what I mean.

I think your outbursts are of a result of adrenaline due to mounting frustration, and it has to go somewhere.

So why not try the gym, or even kickboxing/boxing or something, exercise is a great way of getting rid of frustration, anger and excess adrenaline.

Also, please try to stand up for yourself.:)

Hi Claire, it sounds like you answered your own question and that you know yourself well. Now it is time to do something about it if this is the path that you want to take. I would suggest understanding better what is holding you back from standing up for yourself in your intimate relationships. If counseling is the only way that you can tackle this completely I would go for it. Keep us posted!

I can kind of understand, I dont suffer with anger problems, but I do suffer from bad anxiety, and crowds are just awful I hate them, instead of lashing out at the people I almost resent them for being there and will avoid close contact with people as much as possible, people standing still arent as bad but when they are criss crossing everywhere and walking into me it just makes me feel horrible. Instead of getting angry i'll duck away from them, i can feel my breathing become shallow and i tense up and often end up feeling hot and dizzy. I think that it is because the situation itself IS stressful and we react in different ways, but the 'stimulus' is the same thing.
I guess if you've had pent up feelings and resentment towards people taking advantage or pushing you around then I guess this might make you more likely to snap. Have you looked into getting an anger management book? Im not sure if the methods to help in this sort of situation would be the same as with anxiety but i find those books pretty helpful! you dont sound like a bad person at all, i always worry that people will think im weird because of how i act when shopping like if someone comes up behind me i'll dash off lol, I AM getting better with it slowly but surely!!
My only other suggestion is something that i do myself- online shopping!!! Ahhh! make yourself a cup of tea, in your pj's in a nice warm room and broswe tiul your hearts content and the stuff delivered to your door! what more could you ask for!! hehe its prob not a good long term solution as you definitely dont want to lock yourself away as that wont help at all, but maybe it could lighten to pressure over the xmas period and then you could try to improve your attitude towards shopping when its not quite so chaotic?

Anyways not sure if any of this will help at all, im no expert but thought id make a couple of suggestions! hope the xmas period isnt too stressful for you :)

laura

save yourself the aggrivation........shop online
:angel: