DjTiesto
10-28-2007, 04:42 PM
Hey Im kinda new here, well I been a member but never really posted much. Well I never knew what Bipolar was or didnt care to until I realized one day when reading what it is and the symptoms, that it basically described who I was. Ever since I was 14-15 I suffered from depression and anxiety, and as the years passed it kept getting worse and worse. I kept this to myself until one day I told my sister and parents, and I got treated for depression but stopped taking it after 1 month. Not until I turned 20 did things get really bad, where to the point that I started cutting my wrist and was at the point of thinking of commiting suicide.
Besides from being depressed most of the time and not enjoying things, I was always irritable all the time and the smallest thing would get on my nerves. It was like my wife would always have to take care of me. I have these bad mood swings where one minute Im happy and the next I just want to be alone and I feel depressed. The thing that got to me and I started to notice this is way beyond just depression, is when I use to have these episodes(which I now know are called "manic episodes" of being bipolar). Its like something takes over me and Im filled with adrenaline and just go on a destroying spree. Theres no reasoning with me or trying to calm me down, its like Im someone else. I break stuff and punch stuff and I have gotten a knife and cut up the furniture, my wifes clothes. I once cut myself and wrote "love kills" with my blood on the wall. Pretty crazy, thats when I knew I needed help. I just feel like sometimes Im going crazy, and when I do have these episodes its just scary, cause I know im capable of hurting someone really bad, which I haved before. The worst being one day when I had an episode I ended up holding my hand over my wifes mouth and not letting her breathe for a while and then I decided to let go. It scares me to think I did that.
Im currently seeing a psychiatrist and Im on prozac, but I feel the prozac isn't enough, cause I still have had these manic episodes. Anyways sorry to ramble I just felt the need to get this off my chest to people who understand what Im going through.
Besides from being depressed most of the time and not enjoying things, I was always irritable all the time and the smallest thing would get on my nerves. It was like my wife would always have to take care of me. I have these bad mood swings where one minute Im happy and the next I just want to be alone and I feel depressed. The thing that got to me and I started to notice this is way beyond just depression, is when I use to have these episodes(which I now know are called "manic episodes" of being bipolar). Its like something takes over me and Im filled with adrenaline and just go on a destroying spree. Theres no reasoning with me or trying to calm me down, its like Im someone else. I break stuff and punch stuff and I have gotten a knife and cut up the furniture, my wifes clothes. I once cut myself and wrote "love kills" with my blood on the wall. Pretty crazy, thats when I knew I needed help. I just feel like sometimes Im going crazy, and when I do have these episodes its just scary, cause I know im capable of hurting someone really bad, which I haved before. The worst being one day when I had an episode I ended up holding my hand over my wifes mouth and not letting her breathe for a while and then I decided to let go. It scares me to think I did that.
Im currently seeing a psychiatrist and Im on prozac, but I feel the prozac isn't enough, cause I still have had these manic episodes. Anyways sorry to ramble I just felt the need to get this off my chest to people who understand what Im going through.