I am going trick-or-treating tonight w/ my family and some friends, (the only friends I still like). My question/comment is, I don't like others. Maybe I should explain a lil'.

I am very quick to cut people out of my life. Does anyone else do this? Usually I am loud spoken and quick to say what I think and/or feel. I also tend to not be forgiving of others and their flaws. I am this way regadless of meds or flux moods. An example: I had a married couple that my husband and I were friends with, they were due to pick up my daughter for a sleep over (just set hours earlier) and they never showed up or called to cancel. My daughter had all of her things packed and ready to go and could not understand where they were or why they never showed. So, at this point I am done w/ them. I have seen them at a few social gathering since and they still offered no explanation. Since this occured, I have no desire to speak to them or call them my friends. My husband on the other hand is much more forgiving. So, is this a trait of BP or am I just an unforgiving person? This is only one example of many. I have no patience and really I don't think I care to. I am very caring and loving to my family, and very forgiving of them, as they are of me. I would like to have more friends, but I am very closed off and rather protective of my emotions and feelings. I have one friend who I have been close to for 15 yrs. we are more like sisters actually. So I know I am capable, I just feel like a loner.

At work I am very bubbly and happy to talk to anyone. I am very funny and enjoy talking to strangers. (sounds weird). But with friends, I don't tolerate much. I don't tell them off, I just cut them off. I usually just vent to my husband instead of the perp.

Anyway, just thought I'd ask.
Naturemomma

All I can say or will say now is those with BP DO WITHOUT QUESTION cut people off, and seem very unforgiving at times, cruel, and blameshift. And no matter what others try at times, it doesn't change it. A lot more I could say to balance that, but you are not alone in how you feel, that is for sure.

My husband did not make many close friends but with me he stuck like glue. He had told me to divorce him and then he explained it was because he knew he was not any good for me. No matter what happened between us he always came back the next day. When he use to say divorce me I thought he was pushing me away until I learned how he meant it for my protection.

I think I started opening up more when my child was born and people would come up and ask how old he was, etc... Before that I would never talk to anyone and now I talk to everyone! I DO NOT get close though, that is a NO NO for me! Only certain people I will allow to get close to me!

I think that sometimes we can go overboard with lableing everything BP. I've always been the crazy one but I haven't had interpersonal problems. I have many more close relationships with friends and family than my "normal" wife. We do have individual personality traits, independent of our mood swings.

LW

I am in the first real relationship I've ever had. It took a LOT of hard work from him to convince me that this would be an okish idea and even after falling in love with him and him moving in I spent a long time not allowing myself to feel attatched to him, insisting that "I don't do love".

I also only have one person in my life that I call a friend. We've been friends for ten years and I met her through circumstances. If I'd not met her I know to this day I would still have no friends. She is moving soon to Australia and on the one hand I get a little scared that once she leaves I'll have no friends but on the other I think maybe I won't even miss her. I've never missed anyone before. In some aspects I hope I do because I'd hate to think I'm that heartless that I don't miss my best friend.

I am very loyal to her and I love her to bits and it's not that I don't care but that I shut my feelings off because I'm unable to deal with them. I think if I let myself actually feel something real I'd fall apart and end up with a nervous breakdown. Those unreal feelings are bad enough don't you think?

I also tell my fiance regularly that he should leave me, for his own good of course. In my head he'd be much happier without me, could lead a 'normal' life and meet someone who can give him everything he deserves. I also regularly think my kids would be better off without me too and contemplate giving them up, but no matter how much I believe it at the time I've never got to the point where I felt strong enough to do it. I think I need them more than they need me!

I think that sometimes we can go overboard with lableing everything BP. I've always been the crazy one but I haven't had interpersonal problems. I have many more close relationships with friends and family than my "normal" wife. We do have individual personality traits, independent of our mood swings.

LW

The above is exactly why I posted this question. I wanted to know if others share in this trait as well. I once believed that I knew all there was to know abour being BP. I read many many books and believed I was well educated/versed on the topic. Then I discovered this board and realized that I knew very little. Talking to everyone here has made a huge impact in my life. I no longer feel alone in all of this. I no longer feel so crazy and hopelss. It has helped me to distinguish the difference between BP and just being human. I am still learning from all of you and myself. I am not into labeling, I am just looking for answers.

Thanks for your post. I always find your posts very insightful. :D

Naturemomma

Im BP and I think we often say its not the BP and it's just being human to excuse ourselves when we are cruel or mean and fed up with being BP. Nevertheless I have other friends who are BP and I have seen the same things from them. They are biased towards lovers often, mean to friends, and I DO think that it's often traits that have to do with BP. If it's not BP then its pretty much inexcusable the stuff that happens. I think BP should get you a bit more understanding, but if you are just mean and dump friends why should they tolerate that from anyone, except unless they choose to be merciful. I feel that if only those with BP were allowed opinions on here it could be a mistake. BP or not we like to free ourselves of guilt and hear only what we like to hear at times.

Im outgoing, and have what many might call a lot of "close" friends. But really what I see is that for most out there the relationships they call close aren't as much so as they'd like to think. Sometimes being superficial aids in keeping friendships today, because again, people don't want anything too serious. If people leave us alone on the personal side we leave them alone. But more often than not what's good for us isn't ok for them. That's just true, and I think it's healthy to being open to admitting it just in case it is. I don't think cutting off friends is normal, and shouldn't be ok for anyone, unless they truly are deserving of it.

I was around some friends tonight and I kept a close watch on my emotions. Keeping this post in mind, I really wanted to do some soul searching. I think what I came to realize is that I am not willing to share my garbage w/ others because it just takes too much outta me. I can come here and post and I don't feel judged, everyone here gets me. I don't think I have it in me to explain what BP is to another person. Buy a book. geesh. I don't need to explain to all of you why I do this or that, I just am and you get that. It's bad enough explaining things to my husband/other family members. It ends up feeling like the third degree, so maybe my pot just doesn't runnith over. Maybe there is just nothing left for others. I know often times I feel as though there is not enough left for me. I am not cruel to others and I do not purposely hurt others, I care very deeply for others and I hope my posts here always reflect that. I am just tired and fed up w/ trying to maintain something (certain friendships) that really aren't worth maintaining.
Does that make sense?
Naturemomma

I am going trick-or-treating tonight w/ my family and some friends, (the only friends I still like). My question/comment is, I don't like others. Maybe I should explain a lil'.

I am very quick to cut people out of my life. Does anyone else do this? Usually I am loud spoken and quick to say what I think and/or feel. I also tend to not be forgiving of others and their flaws. I am this way regadless of meds or flux moods. An example: I had a married couple that my husband and I were friends with, they were due to pick up my daughter for a sleep over (just set hours earlier) and they never showed up or called to cancel. My daughter had all of her things packed and ready to go and could not understand where they were or why they never showed. So, at this point I am done w/ them. I have seen them at a few social gathering since and they still offered no explanation. Since this occured, I have no desire to speak to them or call them my friends. My husband on the other hand is much more forgiving. So, is this a trait of BP or am I just an unforgiving person? This is only one example of many. I have no patience and really I don't think I care to. I am very caring and loving to my family, and very forgiving of them, as they are of me. I would like to have more friends, but I am very closed off and rather protective of my emotions and feelings. I have one friend who I have been close to for 15 yrs. we are more like sisters actually. So I know I am capable, I just feel like a loner.

At work I am very bubbly and happy to talk to anyone. I am very funny and enjoy talking to strangers. (sounds weird). But with friends, I don't tolerate much. I don't tell them off, I just cut them off. I usually just vent to my husband instead of the perp.

Anyway, just thought I'd ask.
Naturemomma

Hi Naturemomma,

I personally can relate to a LOT of what you said but I am (supposedly) not bipolar but I have depression with anxiety. My husband has bipolar and he seems to be able to overlook the flaws of others more easily...go figure? Most bipolars I know are very very social and popular, maybe I am missing something but for what it's worth I thought I would share my persprective.


Luckygem13

Maybe I am not being clear. I have a ton of aquaintences, and get along great at parties and I am ususally the very loud and cheerful one. I am usually considered the life of the party. I am talking about intimate relatioships, friendship, being close to someone, my true self with others. I am not talkin' about the superficial stuff. I am talking about maintaining something genuine.

I have been off my meds for a week and I am rapid cycling, maybe that has something to do with my I can't explain properly.

Funny that, I USED to have a lot of 'friends'. In one fell swoop I cut them all off after realising I was just collecting a bunch of idiots! They all took advantage of my soft and giving nature. Now I CHOOSE my friends more carefully and to be honest I have my one friend and really couldn't care less if she is all I ever have, I don't want anymore thanks.

Even before I was diagnosed with BP I was told I had 'intimacy issues'. Do I care? To be honest I really really didn't care till I got together with Martin my fiance but now I do because even though I am much more intimate than I have ever felt before there is still a part of me that can't get close. It isn't that I don't want to, I really really do, and I love him endlessly. Sometimes I feel closer than anyone could ever feel to anyone but most of the time I feel detatched still and try to shake that feeling, give and recieve reassurance but still I don't get that connected feeling. It's hard to feel connected to someone when you feel they don't understand you but also when you feel you can't understand them.

As much as we can sit here and say how noone else can ever really get to know us, feel how we feel, understand us, we too can not enter their world, cannot feel their feelings, understand their thougths or what they go through, we can only TRY to imagine what it is like but never really know.

We often assume we know more than they do, we assume we understand them but they do not understand us, we assume that they can't feel any worse or more confused than us. We assume they do not suffer like we do.

I don't believe anyone here can tell me that they know for sure that we are worse off than them. Unless you have been there how do you know?

Naturemomma or anyone else, if the person you cut off apologizes and tries to make it up to you, would you forgive them and give them another chance?

sweetdeanie,

Oh my GOD, you nailed it!!! That is what I feel and have been unable to express. I am now in my thirties and realize that I no longer have time for anything that isn't genuine. I have one friend and the rest are there, but they aren't deep.

I have BP I accompanied with psychosis at times. I have only just begun to realize that the things I see/hear aren't there. I have found a pdoc that I really trust and have been able to open up to him about this. I only shared this with my husbnad just recently. I thought that I was "normal" and everyone had this. I thought maybe people just don't talk about it, (please pardon the example) like anal sex. Ya know people do it, but they aren't tellin' stories about it either. Sorry. Anyway, come to find out people don't see what I do. I thought I was blessed with a gift, that I could see spirits and angels from time to time. They always visited when I was stressed and really needed someone to talk to. Now I am coming to realize that they were only stress induced hallucinations and weren't really there. I feel like I am losing my mind and I don't know what's real anymore. I am doubting everything I knew. It's very scary and lonely. I am sure I will find my back, I always do.

If I have a friendship with someone, how could I not want to share that? This is me. Like it or not.

Thanks for "listening".
Naturemomma

P.S. Bio-tribe, I certainly would forgive them, I already have and they didn't even ask me to. But would I continue a false friendship with someone who I obviously don't trust - certainly not.

Naturemomma,

You sound like a wonderful person that I would be friends with. First of all you're funny, like with the little analogy ;) ...Second of all you are REAL and into being friends with others that are REAL. Don't freak too much about the other stuff, we all have stress induced "something".

Take Care,



LuckyG

Luckygem,

Thanks for the wonderful reply/support, it's exactly what I needed.
Naturemomma

I think that sometimes we can go overboard with lableing everything BP. I've always been the crazy one but I haven't had interpersonal problems. I have many more close relationships with friends and family than my "normal" wife. We do have individual personality traits, independent of our mood swings.

LW

I couldn't have said it better! Thanks for your post! :)