I have been reading and wanting to write to all of you for over a year but am just starting to get the courage to face my addiction and understand when I am in pain and when I just want a bump. I had major back surgery a year ago and thought I had solved my problem when the debilitating pain was gone but then there was the oral surgery and on and on I am down to 6 hydro 7.5. My preseciption is over until December and for some reason the more I get the more I take. I take as few as 1 or 2 and as many as 7 all in little bits and pieces. Never an entire pill. I just keep bumping myself and keeping this stupid buzz for fear my pain will return. I am just fooling myself. I need to get tough and face the fact that eveyone has pain and I just need to adjust and use over the counter meds like everyone else. I have gone weeks before without meds wait out the time and then refill. I can't find a balance. I am weak. I count on my meds to give me courage, to make me happy and to get me going in the morning. My life is such a sham. Everyone thinks I am this dynamic, hard driving, intelligent and successful woman and honestly, I wonder why I can't get through this. I've been struggling for about 3 years. Excuses, some valid but this last year has been all about the pills. My w/d's will be primarily mental and that is the help I need. I think that the more you go off them the easier the w/d's are but the mental stuff. "I have got to find some." is what puts me over the edge after about a week. I always manage and then my script is renewed and for the next month I am okay. Medically I have justifiable need but mentally I am a wreck. Am I just fooling myself? I want off and don't know if I can. Forever. Is this all just nuts? I am so much better than this.
rrrag

Thank you spark. You are right. I just keep slipping back. I've tried and one side of my brain is all just do it and the other side is oh, it's okay, you have an excuse. I need to come clean with my Dr. She's been a friend for 30 years and I hate to disappoint her. I guess that's better than continuing to disappoint myself. I hate this.

Hi Red, once you make your decision to stop, then by al means tell your dr. 2 reasons.- 1 is he/she can help you taper down or detox with a substituted med, and also give you some comfort meds like valium, and clonodine. 2nd reason if you dont tell him/her, then as soon as you detox your gonna have cravings for a while and you will end up going right on back and getting more pills. So now the dr knows not to give you the pills. Spark is 100% correct that if you continue to use, its going to get worse, meaning needing more just to keep withdrawls away, and will be much harder to detox from higher dosages. Trust me it is no fun, but it can be done. I am 41 days today from a 320mg/day oxy habit. Good luck my freind!