Hi everyone

I have posted before on the colon cancer board and have gone through a lot of posts on this board when I found out that my mothers' colon cancer had come back the 3rd time.She beat it before when it came back in her lungs by chemo, but this time it had spread to her brain and she passed away in my arms on sep 22nd in India. I had flown down to be with her 2 weeks before she left me. She wasn't able to talk at all so I have a lot of things that I couldn't talk to her about, I did tell her I loved her and that I would always be there for dad. The thing is I feel like I didn't get enough time with her in this lifetime ( she was only 65), I feel like I have lost the only person in this world who loved me unconditionally no matter what I did. I'm not saying that I used to tell her everything that I was thinking of, but she was my safe haven when everyone else was against me ( and I mean everyone!) ,so I really feel abandoned. Does anyone out there have a similar experience. how do you cope? I miss her more every passing day.
Life is so much harder without her.

Hi Im Beth Im totally feeling your pain. I lost my mom in June from septic shock and she was only 67. She was my bestfriend, there wasnt a day that went by that I didnt either talk to her on the phone like 10xs a day or spend the day shopping with her. I could talk to her about everything and she was always on my side no matter if I was wrong or not. I miss just picking the phone up and her on the other line say"what do you want pain in the butt" but she still would do anything for me and my kids. I lost my dad when I was 17And I only have 1 younger brother and 1 older sister I talk to. But I cant talk to them like my mom. Theres not a day that goes by that I dont miss her. People tell me I will never forget her and it wont get any worse. And over time it will get easier, but truthfully I dont think it will. I try to keep my mind occupied with my kids. But I find myself getting more and more depressed. So I know your pain. If you need somebody to talk to feel free to reply back.

Hi Beth

I can completely identify with you. I too can get through the day but when I lie down to sleep is when I keep thinking about how she died and why did she die, why her , why now.. I had my wedding anniversary yesterday and the only only thing I could think about is that she would always send me a card, would always wait for me to call her from here so she could wish me, she would ask about my day and what I did, and she would be so happy to hear about anything special my husband and I had planned for the day. She was a wonderful person and I can say this not because she is my mom but because she would always find something nice in everyone, be there to lend a helping hand or just listen to your problems if you needed someone to talk to. Mom's are something special in this world, and I think you miss them no matter what age you lose them from your lives. So thf e thing that keeps me a little strong is I want to be as good a mom to my son as my mom was to me. I know that even if I can accomplish a little bit of what she did for me , I think I would have caried her legacy forward

My mother is in the active state of the death process. She is under hospice care and I am greatful for their caring, understanding and help with my mother these past few weeks. My mother lives in another state, SC and I live in GA. The trip is 4+ hours. I quit my job so I could help with the care of my parent. I also have a family to take care of as well. I usually leave on Sundays when my husband goes to work and return the day he returns from his job. He is an airline pilot, so his schedule is crazy. Anyway, our famiy had a gathering this past weekend to celebrate Thanksgiving and Christmas (as most of us live off). We had to physically pick my mother up and place her in the wheelchair to take her to the living room so she could see her great grands open their gifts. Of course, my family left the next day as my husband and kids had to go to work. Now, hospice is stating that my mother only has about a week to survive. It is a terrible death from what I've heard. She has IPF (Interstitial Pulmonary Fibrosis) and was given a life expectancy of 1 to 5 years. She has made to the 5th year and is tired. My conflict is I know where I am supposed to be now, but my brother and sister are there with my Mom. I find myself pulled between my family and my Mom. I know I am in denial and I am scared to death to go there and see my mother suffer. I have made excuses yesterday and today. The holidays are here now and I am afraid to travel the roads by myself. I said I would try to make the trip this coming Friday. I am not sure my mother will last. I am living with the guilt of not being with her and being afraid to face reality. I need some direction...is there anyone there that has faced this delima?

Hi Lucy

This question is one that you can only answer, my mom passed away in my arms with me holding her, I told her how much I loved her and that I would always remember. My mom was in a coma till the end but I feel she knew I was there the whole time. These memories help me heal, I am still not there though. Some days the pain is so intense I can't function. I know your mom would love you to be there, maybe she would not be in so much pain as you think, my mom's doctor said that she wasn't feeling any pain towards the end. No matter what she will always live on in you. I hope you can come to a decision you are comfortable with.

take care

Hello Lucy,
I admire you for doing what you have done so far. It isn't easy watching a parent go through any kind of pain or death. My father recently passed with cancer. I was there when he was going to have the ventelator taken out. I didn't stay with him, but went in there to tell him that I loved him and I am ready to take care of the family. I then told him that I couldn't stand to see him pass away in front of me. He said it was ok with a thumb up sign. I can not tell you one way or another what to do, but I will be thinking of you and your family in my prayers. I wish you the best.

Lucy, This may be too late...I just sat with my Mom til she passed. Death is not something to be afraid of. IT is a natural part of life..just like living and giving birth. Don't be that afraid of it.

Don't let your fear hold you back from something that you will regret the rest of your life...

I lost my sweet little mother March 13 2007 from septic shock at a very good hospital (or so I thought) in MN. She went in with a bad cold and got sepsus from her IV in her hand. Her hand was actually black. She was diagnosed on Sunday and put on hospice Monday evening late. She was dead by 5:30pm Tuesday. I have cried everyday since I lost her. I am only glad it all happened so quick. She was still talking late Sunday. It was so hard to deceide what to do..they said her kidney's were failing and she was not responding to antibiotics. I don't know when it get's any better..the holiday's were so sad, as her birthday was Dec 23 she would alway's come and stay with us for 3 day's over the holiday's as all of our family lives in Denmark. I have a brother in South Carolina who made it here in time to say his goodbyes..I hope one day I will wake and feel better, but she was bot just my mom she was my best friend and confidant. We would go on trips go to the casino..I lost my father when I was 15. It is very hard to have no family left except a brother who lives so far away. I hope we all get better it is so hard to loose a parent especially a mom when you are a woman..I don;t know when my dad died I was so young and I grieved for a long time but being older now and having her see my kid's grow up I guess I was blessed. You would think I could deal with it better as I work in the Funeral business but even seeing it day after day I think I have more compasion then other's at work due to my losses. Time makes all a little better but everyone grieves in their own way and time god bless all who have lost anyone close to them.

I lost my sweet little mother March 13 2007 from septic shock at a very good hospital (or so I thought) in MN. She went in with a bad cold and got sepsus from her IV in her hand. Her hand was actually black. She was diagnosed on Sunday and put on hospice Monday evening late. She was dead by 5:30pm Tuesday. I have cried everyday since I lost her. I am only glad it all happened so quick. She was still talking late Sunday. It was so hard to deceide what to do..they said her kidney's were failing and she was not responding to antibiotics. I don't know when it get's any better..the holiday's were so sad, as her birthday was Dec 23 she would alway's come and stay with us for 3 day's over the holiday's as all of our family lives in Denmark. I have a brother in South Carolina who made it here in time to say his goodbyes..I hope one day I will wake and feel better, but she was bot just my mom she was my best friend and confidant. We would go on trips go to the casino..I lost my father when I was 15. It is very hard to have no family left except a brother who lives so far away. I hope we all get better it is so hard to loose a parent especially a mom when you are a woman..I don;t know when my dad died I was so young and I grieved for a long time but being older now and having her see my kid's grow up I guess I was blessed. You would think I could deal with it better as I work in the Funeral business but even seeing it day after day I think I have more compasion then other's at work due to my losses. Time makes all a little better but everyone grieves in their own way and time god bless all who have lost anyone close to them.

I agree with ibakeandpray,

Don't let your fear hold you back from something you'll regret.

I still think back to when my grandfather died, and am glad that I made the decision to see him one last time.

My mom told me he was in hospice. I knew what that meant. My parents didn't go to see him that day, but I wanted to; I knew he could die anytime now.

Well, I called off work, and my parents yelled at me for it. I got my friend to take me to see him. We went for a short drive, and when I came home, my mom had told me that he died. Only about a half hour after I visited.

I would never forgive my parents nor myself if I hadn't gone that day. I still can't believe they felt that going to work was more important than getting to say goodbye to someone who was on their deathbed.

Anyway, I hope everything is well with you Lucy.. yes realize also that this is probably way too late. But whatever decision you made, I'm sure it was the best for yourself.