peanut222
11-05-2007, 05:08 PM
My father-in-law has stage 4 lung cancer (diagnosed in June). He's had two rounds of chemo and neither has worked. His cancer has spread to his liver and his scalp.
Very recently, he has seemed to go down hill very quickly. He is in so much pain (in his back) that he has had to be on very strong pain killers. The drugs are making him mentally incoherent and he sleeps all of the time. His dr recently said that if another trial of chemo doesn't work, he has about 9 months. I am really worried though that things are happening sooner. He is too weak to even stand.
Anyone with perspective??
Very recently, he has seemed to go down hill very quickly. He is in so much pain (in his back) that he has had to be on very strong pain killers. The drugs are making him mentally incoherent and he sleeps all of the time. His dr recently said that if another trial of chemo doesn't work, he has about 9 months. I am really worried though that things are happening sooner. He is too weak to even stand.
Anyone with perspective??
Sponsor
SherryAnne
11-05-2007, 09:36 PM
Peanut.....
I am very sorry to hear about your father-in-law. Lung cancer usually metasized to the bones and brain. My mom was diagnosed the end of Dec 06 with stage IV small cell lung cancer. It was actually found because she had an MRI done because she had so much pain in her back. The cancer was found in her lungs (primary site), bones, spine, adrendal glands, skull, pretty much all through her. It now has spread to her brain. It would probably be best if you found out exactly where the cancer has spread to. There is NO REASON he should be suffering in pain. My mother (who lives with me) has hospice services and is kept very comfortable.
I hope you can get him help so that he is not in so much pain. My prayers are with you and your family.
SherryAnne
I am very sorry to hear about your father-in-law. Lung cancer usually metasized to the bones and brain. My mom was diagnosed the end of Dec 06 with stage IV small cell lung cancer. It was actually found because she had an MRI done because she had so much pain in her back. The cancer was found in her lungs (primary site), bones, spine, adrendal glands, skull, pretty much all through her. It now has spread to her brain. It would probably be best if you found out exactly where the cancer has spread to. There is NO REASON he should be suffering in pain. My mother (who lives with me) has hospice services and is kept very comfortable.
I hope you can get him help so that he is not in so much pain. My prayers are with you and your family.
SherryAnne
carol1961
11-05-2007, 11:11 PM
Hi...i lost my dad...and even though i knew it was bad...was suprised when the end came...i'm losing my Mom now....and i have been searching for a number....a day...a week...or month...to help me prepare....for me...and her...but none will...can....give you that....every person is different..everyone's will to survive is too....there are always those who beat all odds....so although I am still searching for that guestimate in time...i am enjoying each and every day now...as none of us know when our time will ultimately come....I still cry every night...just wondering....but then pick myself up each morning to spend quality time w/ my mom...so my thought for you is to find some help to manage the pain...and enjoy time together...my thoughts are with you....C
PS hospice offers palliative care for patients still having active treatment...and may be able to add additional support around pain management.
PS hospice offers palliative care for patients still having active treatment...and may be able to add additional support around pain management.
mishymay3
11-05-2007, 11:23 PM
Hello. I am very sorry for what you are going through. I lost my dad October 4th to this horrific disease. He was diagnosed in February with stage 3b NSCLC. He only lasted 9 months. However, about 3 weeks before he died, we were told he had about 6 months. The last month he went speeding downhill. His weight was so low, he had to have oxygen, he went from being able to walk with the oxygen to not being able to move on his own with the oxygen in what seemed like a few days. He couldn't eat. We called hospice in and he didn't live a week. He also had horrible back pain because it had gone to his bones.
I can't tell you how long but I know that we were told an amount of time that wasn't true. If it was, my dad would still be with us. I miss him so much. He was only 55 years old. What a nightmare.
Peace and comfort,
Michelle
I can't tell you how long but I know that we were told an amount of time that wasn't true. If it was, my dad would still be with us. I miss him so much. He was only 55 years old. What a nightmare.
Peace and comfort,
Michelle
mishymay3
11-05-2007, 11:24 PM
I forgot to tell you that he also went from sleeping quite a bit to sleeping almost constantly. The night before he died, I was over his house and he was sleeping for about 8 hours straight. The next afternoon he died.
carol1961
11-05-2007, 11:34 PM
I am so sorry for your loss...that is my fear.....being too hopeful and being so very disappointed not getting everything in that I want to before she passes....and at the same time not being too pessimistic...and wasting valuable time crying or planning for the end...you just don't know this...can you...
peanut222
11-07-2007, 12:42 PM
Thanks for the support. He is in the hospital in intensive care now because he is having trouble breathing and his heart is racing. I'm am so scared this is going so fast - they are not ready for it. They thought there was a lot more time. I hope he comes back from this.
Thanks.
Thanks.
snoopy63
11-08-2007, 12:47 AM
I have to say....you honestly never know.... my husband was diagnosed in March...we were told 6 months.... he was never well enough to gothorugh chemo... only a small amt of radiation and even then...about 2 months in..I htought he might die then b/c he was hardly eating and was weak... aft he stopped radiation..he started eating again and getting better... then about a month before he died we had to rush him to hospital...with similar symptoms to what you are saying now... I dont want to scare you but...by what you are saying...I think 9 months may be generous...
My husband couldnt breathe well... and his heart rate was jumping upwards of 210 and in a-fib. We were all thinking he was going...his body had retained a lot of fluid... they put him on heavy lasix and the swelling went away and he was better than he had been... I thought that maybe we would have him a while longer and at least for the 6 months they originally stated...
but a month later...his breathng got bad again (he had been on oxygen for that month)...and then all of the sudden...he went from walking and eating...to within hours being so weak he couldnt get himself off the couch...couldnt swallow a pill etc etc... I literally watched him deteriorate that fast...and I mean within 4 hours this happened... it happened so quickly he couldnt get off the couch into the bed...I had to have him moved to the bed... then about 2-3 days later is when he passed... it was quick...
all of that to say...it is really hard to know...things change very quickly and then sometime change back just as quickly...I witnessed it several times...
I wish you and your father well...and I pray that when the time comes it is peaceful
My husband couldnt breathe well... and his heart rate was jumping upwards of 210 and in a-fib. We were all thinking he was going...his body had retained a lot of fluid... they put him on heavy lasix and the swelling went away and he was better than he had been... I thought that maybe we would have him a while longer and at least for the 6 months they originally stated...
but a month later...his breathng got bad again (he had been on oxygen for that month)...and then all of the sudden...he went from walking and eating...to within hours being so weak he couldnt get himself off the couch...couldnt swallow a pill etc etc... I literally watched him deteriorate that fast...and I mean within 4 hours this happened... it happened so quickly he couldnt get off the couch into the bed...I had to have him moved to the bed... then about 2-3 days later is when he passed... it was quick...
all of that to say...it is really hard to know...things change very quickly and then sometime change back just as quickly...I witnessed it several times...
I wish you and your father well...and I pray that when the time comes it is peaceful
rockie
11-08-2007, 12:55 AM
Hello Michelle and May,
please know that so many of us are in your corner. I know that several of us pray for eachother, and hold eachother up. Sometimes it is really hard to determine what path God is guiding us through. But, He is. I cannot explain it. It...just is. I thank Him for it because on this earth (speaking for myself) life is so darn tough sometimes that everything goes wrong. But I know down the road things will make sense. When you feel the end is coming, then it is. It proved that way for me. It was a sense of intuition...and looking at this poor person suffering so much, how could I ask my husband to give any more. It is so frustrating. We want a cure...or at the very least...a remission. A remission happens, but then ... we find out there are mets.
Did I mention I hate cancer?????? Amen, and then again.....amen.
Jan
please know that so many of us are in your corner. I know that several of us pray for eachother, and hold eachother up. Sometimes it is really hard to determine what path God is guiding us through. But, He is. I cannot explain it. It...just is. I thank Him for it because on this earth (speaking for myself) life is so darn tough sometimes that everything goes wrong. But I know down the road things will make sense. When you feel the end is coming, then it is. It proved that way for me. It was a sense of intuition...and looking at this poor person suffering so much, how could I ask my husband to give any more. It is so frustrating. We want a cure...or at the very least...a remission. A remission happens, but then ... we find out there are mets.
Did I mention I hate cancer?????? Amen, and then again.....amen.
Jan
worm
11-08-2007, 03:26 AM
When my dad was diagnosed, he died within 3 years. When my mom was diagnosed, she died within 6 months. It has been in my experience that when they start to sleep a lot, it is not good and the time is coming. I remember reading a lot to my mom. I read her a book about how everything has a time to die, even people. I told her that it was okay if she had to go and that we would all be okay even though we would miss her and then the next day she died. I told her to go to Jesus and take his hand. It was so hard and I was trying to be so brave. Her grandchildren were (2 boys 2yrs and one girl 1yr) She had looked so forward to having them.
julie99
11-08-2007, 07:37 PM
Nobody knows when it's the end, but you can tell when it's close. My brother died Oct.27,2007.
His lung cancer spread after a lobectomy.
Hospice will help you even when you're still taking treatments. My brother decided not to take any more radiation. It was making him worse it seemed.
The last week when hospice started coming every day,
he was really bad. He was not able to get out of bed at all. He had not eaten any substantial food for about a month.
The last week, he was sleeping almost continuously. Of course he was on strong painkillers.
He also had a morphine patch. He couldn't wake up enough to even talk to us, but would wake just a little every now and then.
When they put him on oxygen I knew he was getting close.
He also had a bad congestion in his chest. I'm not sure what killed him exactly. Of course it was the cancer, but I think it might have caused him to have congestiver heart failure or something. I will never know that.
When it happened I was shocked but shouldn't have been.
I didn't want to see him in that terrible weak condition.
Julie
His lung cancer spread after a lobectomy.
Hospice will help you even when you're still taking treatments. My brother decided not to take any more radiation. It was making him worse it seemed.
The last week when hospice started coming every day,
he was really bad. He was not able to get out of bed at all. He had not eaten any substantial food for about a month.
The last week, he was sleeping almost continuously. Of course he was on strong painkillers.
He also had a morphine patch. He couldn't wake up enough to even talk to us, but would wake just a little every now and then.
When they put him on oxygen I knew he was getting close.
He also had a bad congestion in his chest. I'm not sure what killed him exactly. Of course it was the cancer, but I think it might have caused him to have congestiver heart failure or something. I will never know that.
When it happened I was shocked but shouldn't have been.
I didn't want to see him in that terrible weak condition.
Julie
organicgirl
11-08-2007, 08:55 PM
WOW! I'm reading these posts and most of this information is exactly what my dad is dealing with right now. He has lung cancer (stage 4) and was doing very well for the most part. was on extra oxygen and pain killers at home. he went downhill overnight and has been in the hospital since Saturday. sounds terrible but we're just waiting for him to 'give in' at this point. he's always been a stubborn man and he has such a strong will to fight this to the very end.
He basically sleeps the day away and eats very little. He hallucinates, and is in a state of delerium oxygen level is at 90 with the use of a mask to help him breathe. The doctor talked to us about DNR (do not resesitate) and said his life is now measured in days. I'm surprised that its Thursday and he's still with us. Dr. said today his heart is very strong and so is his will to still live. Just a painful waiting game at this point.
He had two falls in the hospital 2 nights ago when we weren't there. We've come to the conclusion that he can not be left alone now....at all!! Poor guy...
Not sure 100% of he knows fully how serious his situation is at the stage. Dr. said he will not improve to what he is right now...but can't predict how much longer. said it could be sudden and quick today or another 3 weeks because he's such a fighter. Its tough because we can NOT understand him. His speech is basically a mumble. only a few words occasionally come out clear. so frustrating for the family and himself.
He basically sleeps the day away and eats very little. He hallucinates, and is in a state of delerium oxygen level is at 90 with the use of a mask to help him breathe. The doctor talked to us about DNR (do not resesitate) and said his life is now measured in days. I'm surprised that its Thursday and he's still with us. Dr. said today his heart is very strong and so is his will to still live. Just a painful waiting game at this point.
He had two falls in the hospital 2 nights ago when we weren't there. We've come to the conclusion that he can not be left alone now....at all!! Poor guy...
Not sure 100% of he knows fully how serious his situation is at the stage. Dr. said he will not improve to what he is right now...but can't predict how much longer. said it could be sudden and quick today or another 3 weeks because he's such a fighter. Its tough because we can NOT understand him. His speech is basically a mumble. only a few words occasionally come out clear. so frustrating for the family and himself.
carol1961
11-08-2007, 10:37 PM
have you thought about hospice care? In a family members home...or a hospice center...might make him more comfortble..and allow easier acces for family to be w/ him...did w/ my Dad...it helped.....my thoughts are with you....c
organicgirl
11-12-2007, 08:10 PM
My dad couldn't hang on any longer. He died yesterday Nov 11th - Rememerance Day. Luckily we were there for his final breaths. he went into a coma for about 12 hours before his death.:angel:
he slept straight for 22 hours before dying.
cancer sucks!
he slept straight for 22 hours before dying.
cancer sucks!
carol1961
11-12-2007, 10:42 PM
I am sooo sorry for your loss....my thoughts an prayers are with you and your family...C
carol1961
11-12-2007, 10:44 PM
My dad couldn't hang on any longer. He died yesterday Nov 11th - Rememerance Day. Luckily we were there for his final breaths. he went into a coma for about 12 hours before his death.:angel:
he slept straight for 22 hours before dying.
cancer sucks!
PS...on your final line...IT DOES!
he slept straight for 22 hours before dying.
cancer sucks!
PS...on your final line...IT DOES!
MistiDawn31
11-12-2007, 11:03 PM
We were told that my stepfather had stage IV lung cancer in May of 2005. Not a smoker we were surprised. At this time, the cancer was just in the lung in windpipe. Radiation was first to make the tumor in the windpipe smaller so he could breath easier. No chemo started taking Tarseva, going for quality of life not quantity of life. Up until this last week anyway. My stepfather has been saying that his back hurts for months. They have removed kidney stones. This did not help. Last week we found out that he had fluid in his lungs. His lymph nodes were full of cancerous cells. Dr. now wants to stop Tarseva. Chemo is the answer. Need to have a brain scan to be able to take the three drugs they want to mix. Today we found out that he had brain cancer. Yesterday had to go to the ER due to coughing up blood, fatigue, shortness of breath, and rapid heartbeat.
Had first round of radiation for the brain tumor today.
Saturday he spent all day with my 3-year-old out on the tractor having the greatest time, a day my son will never forget. How did we end up at the ER and now staying in the hospital so fast?
Had first round of radiation for the brain tumor today.
Saturday he spent all day with my 3-year-old out on the tractor having the greatest time, a day my son will never forget. How did we end up at the ER and now staying in the hospital so fast?
carol1961
11-12-2007, 11:05 PM
My dad couldn't hang on any longer. He died yesterday Nov 11th - Rememerance Day. Luckily we were there for his final breaths. he went into a coma for about 12 hours before his death.:angel:
he slept straight for 22 hours before dying.
cancer sucks!
I am so glad you were there w/ him at the end...I know how hard it probably was....but still felt good that you were there w/ him...I remember when my Dad died...just happened to go over...no imminent death suggested...and then he died ...taking his last few breaths w/ me and my Mom...I work in the health field...work helping families hooking up w/ hospice....being w/ residents and families as their loved one passed...offering support...but I remember feeling some panic....when it was my family member...wanting to save him at that final moment...not exactly sure what to do...then being able to say goodbye...knowing he was out of pain and suffering...am glad I was there to tell him I loved him...he was in a coma...but I truly feel he could hear us...and left feeling ok...still not easy...still not the best "last memories" of my Dad...but do not have any regrets...I wish you all the best memories for you w/ your dad...c
he slept straight for 22 hours before dying.
cancer sucks!
I am so glad you were there w/ him at the end...I know how hard it probably was....but still felt good that you were there w/ him...I remember when my Dad died...just happened to go over...no imminent death suggested...and then he died ...taking his last few breaths w/ me and my Mom...I work in the health field...work helping families hooking up w/ hospice....being w/ residents and families as their loved one passed...offering support...but I remember feeling some panic....when it was my family member...wanting to save him at that final moment...not exactly sure what to do...then being able to say goodbye...knowing he was out of pain and suffering...am glad I was there to tell him I loved him...he was in a coma...but I truly feel he could hear us...and left feeling ok...still not easy...still not the best "last memories" of my Dad...but do not have any regrets...I wish you all the best memories for you w/ your dad...c
snoopy63
11-13-2007, 08:35 PM
organicgirl...
I am so sorry for your loss... I read your post on the 8th and I didnt say anything b/c you never know...but everything you said about your father was IDENTICAL to what I went through with my husband just about 3 days before he died as well and he died exactly 4 months to the day 7/11....I might as well have written that post...
mine wasnt in the hospital..but he fell twice at home..you could only understand a few things he was saying etc etc...
yes...cancer does suck! bite! and everything else....
the only good thing is that he is no longer suffering...it is too bad though they had to suffer at all!
just wanted you to know I am thinking of you and again...sorry for everything you and your family have had to go through....
I am so sorry for your loss... I read your post on the 8th and I didnt say anything b/c you never know...but everything you said about your father was IDENTICAL to what I went through with my husband just about 3 days before he died as well and he died exactly 4 months to the day 7/11....I might as well have written that post...
mine wasnt in the hospital..but he fell twice at home..you could only understand a few things he was saying etc etc...
yes...cancer does suck! bite! and everything else....
the only good thing is that he is no longer suffering...it is too bad though they had to suffer at all!
just wanted you to know I am thinking of you and again...sorry for everything you and your family have had to go through....
organicgirl
11-16-2007, 11:18 AM
thanks so much guys for your words and taking the time to post. I REALLY do appreciate it.
One More Day from Diamond Rio was played at the start of my dads funeral yesterday. I totally broke down in tears. ... I'm sucking back tears as I write this.
If you've already lost someone or will be go to 'you-tube- and listen to that song. "Time to Say Goodbye by Sarah Brightman and Andrea Bocelli was also played. beautiful
OK. I'm totally in tears now!
To anyone who will be losing someone to cancer. Make the time and effort to visit that person. You'll regret it if you don't. And as much as that person may seem strong you know they are scared and need the support of loved ones. Don't listen to the doctors that say 6 to 12 months left and think that you have time. My dad was given that amount of time and died probably 3weeks later. Things can take a turn and go down hill VERY FAST.
CANCER SUCKS!!! F.U. CANCER
One More Day from Diamond Rio was played at the start of my dads funeral yesterday. I totally broke down in tears. ... I'm sucking back tears as I write this.
If you've already lost someone or will be go to 'you-tube- and listen to that song. "Time to Say Goodbye by Sarah Brightman and Andrea Bocelli was also played. beautiful
OK. I'm totally in tears now!
To anyone who will be losing someone to cancer. Make the time and effort to visit that person. You'll regret it if you don't. And as much as that person may seem strong you know they are scared and need the support of loved ones. Don't listen to the doctors that say 6 to 12 months left and think that you have time. My dad was given that amount of time and died probably 3weeks later. Things can take a turn and go down hill VERY FAST.
CANCER SUCKS!!! F.U. CANCER
organicgirl
11-16-2007, 11:27 AM
g...am glad I was there to tell him I loved him...he was in a coma...but I truly feel he could hear us......c
I just wanted to mention one more thing. I've read a few times now that cancer patients who are nearing the end fall into a coma. Some say they can hear and some say they can't. I really do hope that my dad heard our final words but honestly I'm not so sure.
I've read that it would be a total nightmare for a person in a coma if they could hear but wasn't able to do anything else. I guess what I'm getting at is you need to say what you want them to know or hear before that point comes.
I just wanted to mention one more thing. I've read a few times now that cancer patients who are nearing the end fall into a coma. Some say they can hear and some say they can't. I really do hope that my dad heard our final words but honestly I'm not so sure.
I've read that it would be a total nightmare for a person in a coma if they could hear but wasn't able to do anything else. I guess what I'm getting at is you need to say what you want them to know or hear before that point comes.
mishymay3
11-16-2007, 12:10 PM
We were told the same and he went much quicker. I am very deeply sorry for your loss. My dad passed on October 4th. My thoughts and prayers for peace and comfort go out to you. Now, my mother in law has small cell lung cancer. Just diagnosed, started chemo and radiation Wednesday. What a nightmare. My children are so close to her. They weren't to my father.
Michelle
Michelle
MistiDawn31
11-16-2007, 01:46 PM
thanks so much guys for your words and taking the time to post. I REALLY do appreciate it.
One More Day from Diamond Rio was played at the start of my dads funeral yesterday. I totally broke down in tears. ... I'm sucking back tears as I write this.
If you've already lost someone or will be go to 'you-tube- and listen to that song. "Time to Say Goodbye by Sarah Brightman and Andrea Bocelli was also played. beautiful
OK. I'm totally in tears now!
To anyone who will be losing someone to cancer. Make the time and effort to visit that person. You'll regret it if you don't. And as much as that person may seem strong you know they are scared and need the support of loved ones. Don't listen to the doctors that say 6 to 12 months left and think that you have time. My dad was given that amount of time and died probably 3weeks later. Things can take a turn and go down hill VERY FAST.
CANCER SUCKS!!! F.U. CANCER
Thanks for reminding me to take the time even when it seems that there is not enough time in the day.
Misti
One More Day from Diamond Rio was played at the start of my dads funeral yesterday. I totally broke down in tears. ... I'm sucking back tears as I write this.
If you've already lost someone or will be go to 'you-tube- and listen to that song. "Time to Say Goodbye by Sarah Brightman and Andrea Bocelli was also played. beautiful
OK. I'm totally in tears now!
To anyone who will be losing someone to cancer. Make the time and effort to visit that person. You'll regret it if you don't. And as much as that person may seem strong you know they are scared and need the support of loved ones. Don't listen to the doctors that say 6 to 12 months left and think that you have time. My dad was given that amount of time and died probably 3weeks later. Things can take a turn and go down hill VERY FAST.
CANCER SUCKS!!! F.U. CANCER
Thanks for reminding me to take the time even when it seems that there is not enough time in the day.
Misti
carol1961
11-16-2007, 09:07 PM
The hardest thing about this web site...is feeling so connected to everyone...but not really knowing them....w/ that said...i am sending a huge hug and a strong shoulder for tears your way...It is soooo hard...but you were there...and never lose site of that...in my thoughts....C
PS remember...in a better place now...no pain or suffering...when my Dad was ill with this...i would leave work every evening and go and spend time w/ him...and always saw the most spectacular sunsets....the day after he passed...I saw the most beautiful one to date...so I invision him painting me those sunsets...to let me know everything is ok w/ him...gives me peace...and keeps me connected....take care
PS remember...in a better place now...no pain or suffering...when my Dad was ill with this...i would leave work every evening and go and spend time w/ him...and always saw the most spectacular sunsets....the day after he passed...I saw the most beautiful one to date...so I invision him painting me those sunsets...to let me know everything is ok w/ him...gives me peace...and keeps me connected....take care