sportsfanatic10
11-05-2007, 11:09 PM
I wrote this last December. I'm now 16, a Junior in High School, and branching out as a genuine young man. Thanks to those who have taken the time to read that. I've been told by my peers that I've inspired them and have given them a new direction in life by the following. I hope it can do the same thing for you.
Thanks,
sportsfanatic10
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I know exactly how losing someone close feels. Mind if I sound off? If not, then just don't read.
My father was like a hero to me. I mean, he always will be. He was the parent that was more there for me than my mom (though, that's a different story now. I love my mother very much.) I mean, they both love(d) me equal, but it's just I talked to my Dad more about life than I talked to my mother. He was a Miami Dolphins, Boston Celtics, and Duke Blue Devils (Basketball) fan. That's irrelevant, but you'll catch onto why I listed them in a second.
In May 2002, I was a 10 year old kid (at the time; I'm 15 now), thought my life sucked, had a great family. My more-favorable Uncle at the time had diabetes, ever since he was 12 years old, he was about 45, and he died May 21, 2002. I remember coming home that day from school. I got to my Grandmother's house where I got off the bus, walked into the house and everyone sat there plainly. My mom was in there, other aunt, and other uncle was in there just sitting. They weren't crying, just normal looks. They didn't say much. I didn't think anything was strange at the time. I just went on.
I rode my little bike around the neighborhood, and my Dad drove home early, he stopped by me while I was riding around with my bike and said "I think you should follow me home, I have to tell you something." Well I followed him over the trail to my house, put my bike over, and he walked over to me and said "[My uncle] died." My Uncle and him were like best friends. My uncle was on my mother's side of the family, married to of course my mom's sister. They watched Nascar, sports, and had a blast together all the time. When he said that, we both broke into tears and hugged eachother. It was a depressing time. I cried for days and couldn't stop. It was the first time a person that I loved deeply died. The same day, a neighbor who had seen me crying over the loss told me I could talk to them anytime I wanted to if I needed someone to talk to.
Well, the next 3-5 nights, I sat for hours in the kitchen crying, and my father spent hours telling me that my Uncle wouldn't want to see me crying like that, and knew that I missed him. My father also told me this exact that Saturday: "I'll always be here for you, no matter what. Mother's Day is tommorow and we could take Mawmaw (His mother. And southern talk. I'm from Virginia. Yeah.) out to eat tommorow because she's in pretty bad shape and there's no telling how long she'll be on this earth." I just wiped away my tears, and didn't really say anything else. The loss of my Uncle hit me hard.
August 2003: We were in Myrtle Beach for vacation, and my Grandmother (Dad's mom, of course) was in the hospital because of internal bleeding. We came back from vacation early, and on August 13th, she died. It hurt my Dad really bad, I mean..really bad. He loved her alot. As well as the rest of the family. He had 7 brothers, and 2 sisters. I think it might had hit him the hardest because he spent alot of time caring for her every year. It me me alot, as well.
December 2003: My father was getting pretty sick. He drunk alot, but never really got "drunk." He had liver damage, but he had liver damage before he even started drinking (this was found out later on after the horrible experience.) He was put into the hospital December 14. They sent him to a better hospital in Charlottesville, VA since he was not only suffering from liver damage, but kidney damage too.
December 18, 2003: Before they sent him to the other hospital, I went into the ICU room to speak to him one last time. I knew he wasn't going to live. I knew he wasn't going to survive. I knew it days before because I've been through this several other times (not only my uncle and grandmother, but many other close ones as well which some I won't get into)
I walked into the ICU room and seen him, his eyes were yellow, and he said exactly this: "Son, I don't know how to tell you this but, I'm going to die. Don't tell your mother this because this would crush her. I didn't want to tell you this, but I just wanted you to know that you were the best son I could have wished for. I know I told you a long time ago that I would always be there for you, and well, I will always be there for you, no matter what. You are the best son in the world and I wish I could had spent more time with you and your mother on this earth but I know for a fact my time is now. Don't cry, I'll meet you again one day. Stay strong, follow your dreams, never let anyone put you down. Remember, you can do anything if you put your mind to it." My last words to him were while my tears were shedding, "I love you, Dad" and his last words to me were "I love you more"
Later that night at 7:30 or so, my mom came home and told me the news, and I still cried. Of course I would. Life is just tougher now without my Dad. I mean, I can deal with it now and not even really cry anymore because I've done enough crying over the past three years over it.
I like to see it this way, they are still here, I mean..not in some kind of skin masked face, but in spirit you know? I often have dreams about my father and we are always there arguing about the Rams and the Dolphins, about who was better and all of that. He was a fan of Ricky Williams when he passed away in 2003, when Ricky was actually Ricky. I've even had dreams agguravating him about all the things Ricky did with the drugs, etc.
I mean, the dreams seem so real, but you know? They aren't. They are just those dreams where you can control what happens. But I damn well know that he's still around, watching over, you know? Why? Well there's so many factors. They may seem silly but in the 2004-2005 season the Dolphins were winless until the Rams went down to Miami, and they beat my Rams for their first win of the season. He was a true Phins fan, and I just knew he had something to do with it.
Think that was strange or not? Well, he died December 18, 2003 (like I said) and the next December around the same time..it was December 21st, Monday Night Football between the Dolphins and the Patriots. The Patriots were trying to lock up home field advantage. Bare with me because I can't remember exactly correct; but the Dolphins were down by 12 with about two minutes left. I've held a hate for the Patties since Super Bowl XXXVI, so I was sitting there praying the Dolphins could come back. Well, you know the drill...Dolphins get the pressure on Brady by Taylor, he throws the pick, it's returned. The 4th and 12 touchdown. Dolphins win. That was the most insane game ever, and if my father and other Phins' fan spirits up there in the sky didn't have anything to do it, I'd be surprised.
Granted, deaths are difficult. Just don't take people for granted. Remember the great times, let out your tears, because if you don't, it's just going to emotionally scar you.
I use these deaths as motivation, good powerful motivation.. I keep the ideas in my mind that none of them want to see me suffer thinking about this. They want to see me go on and live a successful life such as I wish they done.
That's exactly why I hate when people complain about their life. They go to their parents and tell them that they "hate" them and all that stupid crap. They need to think of what if something happened to their parents or loved ones. What would they do? They'd keep that "hate" line in their mind forever with a bittersweet taste.
If my mom dies before I do, you know, I'll be extremely sad, but I'll bring back the mindset that at least I was there for her, I was a true son for her, helped her in every way possible so when we were out in public, she could always think "Damn right, this is my son." I want her to be proud of me. If I died before her, I would have wanted her to remember me as just being a faithful, always being there son. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Thanks for reading.
Thanks,
sportsfanatic10
----------------------
I know exactly how losing someone close feels. Mind if I sound off? If not, then just don't read.
My father was like a hero to me. I mean, he always will be. He was the parent that was more there for me than my mom (though, that's a different story now. I love my mother very much.) I mean, they both love(d) me equal, but it's just I talked to my Dad more about life than I talked to my mother. He was a Miami Dolphins, Boston Celtics, and Duke Blue Devils (Basketball) fan. That's irrelevant, but you'll catch onto why I listed them in a second.
In May 2002, I was a 10 year old kid (at the time; I'm 15 now), thought my life sucked, had a great family. My more-favorable Uncle at the time had diabetes, ever since he was 12 years old, he was about 45, and he died May 21, 2002. I remember coming home that day from school. I got to my Grandmother's house where I got off the bus, walked into the house and everyone sat there plainly. My mom was in there, other aunt, and other uncle was in there just sitting. They weren't crying, just normal looks. They didn't say much. I didn't think anything was strange at the time. I just went on.
I rode my little bike around the neighborhood, and my Dad drove home early, he stopped by me while I was riding around with my bike and said "I think you should follow me home, I have to tell you something." Well I followed him over the trail to my house, put my bike over, and he walked over to me and said "[My uncle] died." My Uncle and him were like best friends. My uncle was on my mother's side of the family, married to of course my mom's sister. They watched Nascar, sports, and had a blast together all the time. When he said that, we both broke into tears and hugged eachother. It was a depressing time. I cried for days and couldn't stop. It was the first time a person that I loved deeply died. The same day, a neighbor who had seen me crying over the loss told me I could talk to them anytime I wanted to if I needed someone to talk to.
Well, the next 3-5 nights, I sat for hours in the kitchen crying, and my father spent hours telling me that my Uncle wouldn't want to see me crying like that, and knew that I missed him. My father also told me this exact that Saturday: "I'll always be here for you, no matter what. Mother's Day is tommorow and we could take Mawmaw (His mother. And southern talk. I'm from Virginia. Yeah.) out to eat tommorow because she's in pretty bad shape and there's no telling how long she'll be on this earth." I just wiped away my tears, and didn't really say anything else. The loss of my Uncle hit me hard.
August 2003: We were in Myrtle Beach for vacation, and my Grandmother (Dad's mom, of course) was in the hospital because of internal bleeding. We came back from vacation early, and on August 13th, she died. It hurt my Dad really bad, I mean..really bad. He loved her alot. As well as the rest of the family. He had 7 brothers, and 2 sisters. I think it might had hit him the hardest because he spent alot of time caring for her every year. It me me alot, as well.
December 2003: My father was getting pretty sick. He drunk alot, but never really got "drunk." He had liver damage, but he had liver damage before he even started drinking (this was found out later on after the horrible experience.) He was put into the hospital December 14. They sent him to a better hospital in Charlottesville, VA since he was not only suffering from liver damage, but kidney damage too.
December 18, 2003: Before they sent him to the other hospital, I went into the ICU room to speak to him one last time. I knew he wasn't going to live. I knew he wasn't going to survive. I knew it days before because I've been through this several other times (not only my uncle and grandmother, but many other close ones as well which some I won't get into)
I walked into the ICU room and seen him, his eyes were yellow, and he said exactly this: "Son, I don't know how to tell you this but, I'm going to die. Don't tell your mother this because this would crush her. I didn't want to tell you this, but I just wanted you to know that you were the best son I could have wished for. I know I told you a long time ago that I would always be there for you, and well, I will always be there for you, no matter what. You are the best son in the world and I wish I could had spent more time with you and your mother on this earth but I know for a fact my time is now. Don't cry, I'll meet you again one day. Stay strong, follow your dreams, never let anyone put you down. Remember, you can do anything if you put your mind to it." My last words to him were while my tears were shedding, "I love you, Dad" and his last words to me were "I love you more"
Later that night at 7:30 or so, my mom came home and told me the news, and I still cried. Of course I would. Life is just tougher now without my Dad. I mean, I can deal with it now and not even really cry anymore because I've done enough crying over the past three years over it.
I like to see it this way, they are still here, I mean..not in some kind of skin masked face, but in spirit you know? I often have dreams about my father and we are always there arguing about the Rams and the Dolphins, about who was better and all of that. He was a fan of Ricky Williams when he passed away in 2003, when Ricky was actually Ricky. I've even had dreams agguravating him about all the things Ricky did with the drugs, etc.
I mean, the dreams seem so real, but you know? They aren't. They are just those dreams where you can control what happens. But I damn well know that he's still around, watching over, you know? Why? Well there's so many factors. They may seem silly but in the 2004-2005 season the Dolphins were winless until the Rams went down to Miami, and they beat my Rams for their first win of the season. He was a true Phins fan, and I just knew he had something to do with it.
Think that was strange or not? Well, he died December 18, 2003 (like I said) and the next December around the same time..it was December 21st, Monday Night Football between the Dolphins and the Patriots. The Patriots were trying to lock up home field advantage. Bare with me because I can't remember exactly correct; but the Dolphins were down by 12 with about two minutes left. I've held a hate for the Patties since Super Bowl XXXVI, so I was sitting there praying the Dolphins could come back. Well, you know the drill...Dolphins get the pressure on Brady by Taylor, he throws the pick, it's returned. The 4th and 12 touchdown. Dolphins win. That was the most insane game ever, and if my father and other Phins' fan spirits up there in the sky didn't have anything to do it, I'd be surprised.
Granted, deaths are difficult. Just don't take people for granted. Remember the great times, let out your tears, because if you don't, it's just going to emotionally scar you.
I use these deaths as motivation, good powerful motivation.. I keep the ideas in my mind that none of them want to see me suffer thinking about this. They want to see me go on and live a successful life such as I wish they done.
That's exactly why I hate when people complain about their life. They go to their parents and tell them that they "hate" them and all that stupid crap. They need to think of what if something happened to their parents or loved ones. What would they do? They'd keep that "hate" line in their mind forever with a bittersweet taste.
If my mom dies before I do, you know, I'll be extremely sad, but I'll bring back the mindset that at least I was there for her, I was a true son for her, helped her in every way possible so when we were out in public, she could always think "Damn right, this is my son." I want her to be proud of me. If I died before her, I would have wanted her to remember me as just being a faithful, always being there son. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Thanks for reading.