skinnyguy74
11-06-2007, 11:57 PM
I have dated only a few woman in my life, many have been met online. All have been able-bodied. I like to be honest and upfront from the beginning, therefore I try to explain my CP from the get-go. I have tried being very detailed, I have tried playing it off as "no biggy".
Well, after a long absence from online dating, I have met a beautiful, very intelligent woman. She is a few years older than I (I'm 33), and can tell she possesses a progressive view on life. I am hoping that when I do tell her about the CP, she will either be totally cool with it, or at least be willing to learn. I'm at the point in my life where I really want to settle down, and am really tired of rejection. I know I cannot force anyone to feel one way or the other.
Advice?
Well, after a long absence from online dating, I have met a beautiful, very intelligent woman. She is a few years older than I (I'm 33), and can tell she possesses a progressive view on life. I am hoping that when I do tell her about the CP, she will either be totally cool with it, or at least be willing to learn. I'm at the point in my life where I really want to settle down, and am really tired of rejection. I know I cannot force anyone to feel one way or the other.
Advice?
Sponsor
JellyRJFan
11-08-2007, 12:33 AM
no advice here... haven't really dated myself, but I just wanted to wish you luck with the new relationship!
sobannon
11-08-2007, 07:32 AM
If this woman is really interested, and not just looked for a casual thing, she will understand. Some women can be very understanding and some are very superficial (and vice versa). It is wonderful to hear that you lead a fulfilling life and seem to be self sufficient.
Just be honest, don't hold out for too long, and hope for the best.
As the mother of a boy with CP (not quite two years old), I can only hope that I am able to raise a man who possesses the same qualities and can live a fulfilling life.
I wish you all of the luck in the world.
Amy
Just be honest, don't hold out for too long, and hope for the best.
As the mother of a boy with CP (not quite two years old), I can only hope that I am able to raise a man who possesses the same qualities and can live a fulfilling life.
I wish you all of the luck in the world.
Amy
CortneyMarie
11-10-2007, 08:19 PM
Did you tell her? How did it go?
I think perhaps it was easier for me because I am a woman but I never found my CP to be huge issue with dating, but I did meet my hubby online, and was very upfront with what I can (and can not) do from the get go.
I think perhaps it was easier for me because I am a woman but I never found my CP to be huge issue with dating, but I did meet my hubby online, and was very upfront with what I can (and can not) do from the get go.
anxiouscpguy
11-20-2007, 01:31 AM
I'm in the same boat. I meet this great girl online and we've been talking on the phone for about a month and a half. She really wants me to come see her. I've yet to tell her I have CP (which is mild and pretty much only affects my left hand and mouth muscles). She seems very compassionate and understanding based on our many phone conversations, which usually last for at least 2 hours, sometimes 4 or 5. We've seen many pics of eachother and she says I'm very cute but my CP isnt very noticeable through photos. Telling her is probably going to be one of the hardest things I've had to do in a while because I've fallen for her and no one likes rejection, especially if its do to something that you have no control over and can do nothing about.
skinnyguy74
11-20-2007, 01:32 AM
Thank you all so much for your advice. We continued to talk back and fourth online and before I could tell her anything, she gave me her number. I debated with myself whether to simply have faith and call, or to put my cp revelation in another email. I decided to call, but had to leave a message. My cp effects my voice so leaving a message was a huge risk.
She called back a week later and was fine with the CP, so that was a load off. We didn't hit it off that well for a variety of reasons, but my self-conscious wasn't totally shot as it has been in the past. I recently received a note from a friend asking me to contact someone I met a few years back. I guess she "likes me a lot". Not sure what this is all about, but the "hard part" is out of the way. For myself, that's half the battle!
What happened with your woman?
She called back a week later and was fine with the CP, so that was a load off. We didn't hit it off that well for a variety of reasons, but my self-conscious wasn't totally shot as it has been in the past. I recently received a note from a friend asking me to contact someone I met a few years back. I guess she "likes me a lot". Not sure what this is all about, but the "hard part" is out of the way. For myself, that's half the battle!
What happened with your woman?
anxiouscpguy
11-20-2007, 11:50 AM
so how did you tell her? Did you just say "I have CP" or did you approach it differently? The last time I talked to this girl I almost told her because the conversation had turned to her being a little worried that I wouldn't be that attracted to her, which I am. But I couldn't tell her because someone sat next to me right before that so it would of been awkward. I need to find a good opening in the conversation that seems right.
timbo08
11-21-2007, 12:08 AM
skinnyguy I've told a girl I had CP online and I met her later on and she was cool. It didn't work out for other reasons but she was cool about the CP. I've never really been on a date before at least not a formal date, probably my own fault, don't have much self esteem lol. I usually don't ask a girl out unless I'm very interested too.
I'm a pretty good looking guy, not too brag, and funny, good personality, but I've gotten down about not "having anyone" at times. This thread is really inspiring to me that I can find someone someday though.
Just a quick story of what I'm going through now. I recently started falling for my boss lol, she's actually 35, I'm 24, but she looks like my age and is the sweetest woman on the planet, cute too! We've known each other for a few years now and get along great at work. Well I felt so strong lately about her, I decided to ask her out for a drink, and she said she'd be up for it. I was so happy! I was shocked I got the courage up to ask her too, lol, I was so nervous inside but I think I hid it well when I asked her. Well I haven't made any plans due to the holiday, but I'm going to ask her again this time for a specific time and place after the holiday.
If she's still up for it, which I think she is it would be the really first time I've been out with a woman alone. I'm pretty nervous about it, but I'm very happy as well and I want to enjoy it, and I like her soooo much, I've never met any woman like her before in my life. I just don't wanna screw it up by being nervous and jumpy lol. I think she likes me too though cause we are always laughing and joking with each other and we have alot in common as well, personality and what we like to do. It's cool too cause she knows about my condition, not sure if she knows it's CP but I'd be willing to tell her, but I think she really sees me for me, not someone with CP.
Ok, I have to stop, I can't see her for a week or so! It's killing me lol. That's my little situation right now, so I figured I'd post on this dating thread about it.
I'm a pretty good looking guy, not too brag, and funny, good personality, but I've gotten down about not "having anyone" at times. This thread is really inspiring to me that I can find someone someday though.
Just a quick story of what I'm going through now. I recently started falling for my boss lol, she's actually 35, I'm 24, but she looks like my age and is the sweetest woman on the planet, cute too! We've known each other for a few years now and get along great at work. Well I felt so strong lately about her, I decided to ask her out for a drink, and she said she'd be up for it. I was so happy! I was shocked I got the courage up to ask her too, lol, I was so nervous inside but I think I hid it well when I asked her. Well I haven't made any plans due to the holiday, but I'm going to ask her again this time for a specific time and place after the holiday.
If she's still up for it, which I think she is it would be the really first time I've been out with a woman alone. I'm pretty nervous about it, but I'm very happy as well and I want to enjoy it, and I like her soooo much, I've never met any woman like her before in my life. I just don't wanna screw it up by being nervous and jumpy lol. I think she likes me too though cause we are always laughing and joking with each other and we have alot in common as well, personality and what we like to do. It's cool too cause she knows about my condition, not sure if she knows it's CP but I'd be willing to tell her, but I think she really sees me for me, not someone with CP.
Ok, I have to stop, I can't see her for a week or so! It's killing me lol. That's my little situation right now, so I figured I'd post on this dating thread about it.
nwmom
11-21-2007, 10:43 PM
As a nonCPer, I can tell you what would work for me. If the guy is in touch with a part of himself that feels comfortable with his condition, that would be a source of attraction for me.
"Yeah, I have CP, and it's a part of who I am. I'm also a golfer, love sushi and etc, etc."
If you can communicate to her the things you have a passion for in life, and yes, by the way, you have CP, then the focus is on You, not your physical condition. You can still say CP is a bummer sometimes, or whatever it is you feel about it. But I think women are attracted to men who love life and don't let things like their physical condition get in their way of their passion for life itself.
And if you've waited to tell her, you could just be honest with her and say you waited because you wanted her to feel like knew who you were so that she could see the whole of you, and not just focus on that one thing, because that is only a part of who you really are.
Hope this helps!
nwmom
"Yeah, I have CP, and it's a part of who I am. I'm also a golfer, love sushi and etc, etc."
If you can communicate to her the things you have a passion for in life, and yes, by the way, you have CP, then the focus is on You, not your physical condition. You can still say CP is a bummer sometimes, or whatever it is you feel about it. But I think women are attracted to men who love life and don't let things like their physical condition get in their way of their passion for life itself.
And if you've waited to tell her, you could just be honest with her and say you waited because you wanted her to feel like knew who you were so that she could see the whole of you, and not just focus on that one thing, because that is only a part of who you really are.
Hope this helps!
nwmom
anxiouscpguy
11-22-2007, 06:27 PM
well I told the girl I'm talking to or maybe WAS talking to that I have cp last night and she freaked. at first she didn't believe me and then started to cry, asking me why I hadn't told her when we first talked. I awkwardly tried to explain that its hard for me to talk about and that I really like her and she then just said "i have to go" (which she never has done). she was very upset as was I. Needless to say I'm very depressed right now. Would it have never worked out or was she just angry and confused that I waited a long time after we first started to talk to tell her. If I had told her during our first conversation maybe she would've been fine with it or maybe she would've never called back a 2nd time or taken my calls and gotten to know me. Two months down the drain and a broken heart
anxiouscpguy
11-22-2007, 06:28 PM
well I told the girl I'm talking to or maybe WAS talking to that I have cp last night and she freaked. at first she didn't believe me and then started to cry, asking me why I hadn't told her when we first talked. I awkwardly tried to explain that its hard for me to talk about and that I really like her and she then just said "i have to go" (which she never has done). she was very upset as was I. Needless to say I'm very depressed right now. Would it have never worked out or was she just angry and confused that I waited a long time after we first started to talk to tell her. If I had told her during our first conversation maybe she would've been fine with it or maybe she would've never called back a 2nd time or taken my calls and gotten to know me. almost two months down the drain and a broken heart
nwmom
11-22-2007, 09:15 PM
Man, I hate that for you! It's such a bummer when people get upset and hang up vs. being able to talk with you about what they're feeling.
Anyway, I know there's someone out there just right for you (as I believe there is for everybody); so please keep us posted on how you're doing in your journey to find her.
Best of luck,
nwmom
Anyway, I know there's someone out there just right for you (as I believe there is for everybody); so please keep us posted on how you're doing in your journey to find her.
Best of luck,
nwmom
timbo08
11-22-2007, 09:41 PM
I'm sorry to hear that anxious. Eh keep your head up, there's other gals out there. The girl I got close to on the internet was actually in one of my online college classes, so I met her later at the college. She was cool about it, I didn't tell her right away though, we just kinda drifted apart, she had problems of her own, I found out she was bi-polar and suicidal. She was depressed everytime we talked too.
I don't do the online dating, cause I just don't like going through all the explaining. I've met a lot of great women around where I live, not lately because I don't get out alot because of work/college. After college I hope to get out alot more and met some women lol.
I'm probably setting myself up for a heartbreak with my boss. I only see her once a week, if that, she lives really far away from me, and I dunno if she has a boyfriend. I also won't be working there as soon as I find another job after graduation so I may never see her again, unless we end up together or something. She did say yes to going out for a drink sometime though, so I dunno if she's really interested or just being nice. She seems to like me though, but of course I know nothing about women haha.
I don't usually fall for a woman this bad, I dunno what it is, love maybe? Or maybe she's the only woman I've been close too? Well I shouldn't say that, I've been close to a few women, but this feels so different. Who knows what it is, all I know is I really like her. I've been really down in the dumps about her too, not sure why because she said she'd go out with me. I guess it's because of what I said before, the distance, work hours, age gap. I dunno if she's just being nice either, that would suck...guess I'll just have to win her over, but I've been trying to do that for a few weeks now.
Yeah I definately know what your feeling there anxious, she's all I've been thinking about lately. My own fault I guess, I had to fall for her. I like this feeling, but I also hate this feeling. Gets me so down just thinking about her and I dunno why, I should be happy when I think of her. She's just all I think about lately and not seeing her just kills me. :(
I'm just wondering how she's gonna act the next time I see her since I asked her out. Asking her out was like the last thing I did before I left work, so it's the last thing she'll remember me doing. Should be interesting, hope it's not awkward, kinda hoping she's flirty or something, could mean she's interested. Eh, don't mind me, just rattling as usual.
I don't do the online dating, cause I just don't like going through all the explaining. I've met a lot of great women around where I live, not lately because I don't get out alot because of work/college. After college I hope to get out alot more and met some women lol.
I'm probably setting myself up for a heartbreak with my boss. I only see her once a week, if that, she lives really far away from me, and I dunno if she has a boyfriend. I also won't be working there as soon as I find another job after graduation so I may never see her again, unless we end up together or something. She did say yes to going out for a drink sometime though, so I dunno if she's really interested or just being nice. She seems to like me though, but of course I know nothing about women haha.
I don't usually fall for a woman this bad, I dunno what it is, love maybe? Or maybe she's the only woman I've been close too? Well I shouldn't say that, I've been close to a few women, but this feels so different. Who knows what it is, all I know is I really like her. I've been really down in the dumps about her too, not sure why because she said she'd go out with me. I guess it's because of what I said before, the distance, work hours, age gap. I dunno if she's just being nice either, that would suck...guess I'll just have to win her over, but I've been trying to do that for a few weeks now.
Yeah I definately know what your feeling there anxious, she's all I've been thinking about lately. My own fault I guess, I had to fall for her. I like this feeling, but I also hate this feeling. Gets me so down just thinking about her and I dunno why, I should be happy when I think of her. She's just all I think about lately and not seeing her just kills me. :(
I'm just wondering how she's gonna act the next time I see her since I asked her out. Asking her out was like the last thing I did before I left work, so it's the last thing she'll remember me doing. Should be interesting, hope it's not awkward, kinda hoping she's flirty or something, could mean she's interested. Eh, don't mind me, just rattling as usual.