I know that may be a silly question but seems like I am always waiting for another seizure or something weird to hit. If I am feeling well in the back of my mind I am wondering what next. I don't ever feel joy anymore. I try to act happy for the family but inside I feel sad.
I just wondered if anyone else felt this way. Thanks.

Part may be the lack of sunlight possibly? It's called S.A.D. Seasonal Affective Disorder. It can cause slight mood swings, mainly moodyness towards depression due to lack of seeing natural sunlight. They have a very simple remedy (light exposure!) no added medication to help with this.

It's common in the northern states this time of year due to the tilt of the earth.

I will often be in my rooms for a few days at a time, no reason to go out. I can relate. However I don't fret the onset of seizures. Mainly due to having them since childhood.

--Travis

I know what you're saying, and do avoid going out (since I'm alone) and being in a vulnerable situation if a seizure would hit.... but at the same time, even with all of the other medical problems, I could be in worse shape.

Thanks for your reply. I love being in the sunlight but even in the south it's cold now. I think being alone so much & feeling like there's no one that cares is probably the worst part. I always feel fortunate & realize that there are much worse things.

Sammi,

It's not a silly question at all. When I was first diagnosed, I was petrified to be alone and that a seizure would hit at any time. It happened at school during finals, while at work, and soon I realized it was going to happen and it was something I couldn't control and it was not going to control my life. I surrounded myself with people who understood. I did not hide it from my employers, my boyfriend (now husband), as well as my friends. I am not ashamed, E is part of who I am and I embrace it.

In addition to having pretty severe health issues myself, I have suffered profound losses in my life (death of first husband, passing of mom and dad) I've taught children with extremely severe physical disabilities. Having experienced these tragedies has certainly put epilepsy into perspective. I feel I have a true appreciation for life and all that there is to love about it.

It is just sad that I had to have gone through all of that turmoil to appreciate all that is good in the world. I hope you are able to find joy again. If you can't speak to family or friends, perhaps you can talk to your doctor. Nobody should have to live with sadness.

I know what you mean about feeling like nobody cares- I moved away from my home of 17 years to return to my 'hometown' (feels like h*ll with a zip code) to help with a demented parent who died suddenly 2 days after returning from 3 months away from their house....I had 3 weeks with her, and moved my entire life away from my home for that. Then I got sick living in this climate (cold and nasty in the winter, as in painful to skin type of cold). Now I'm on disability, and am doing all I can to get well enough to return to where I feel like I'm home. My surviving parent has a life here, with friends. I don't, and want to go where my life was productive and healthier. I feel very alone here. Supportive as my parent may want to be, it becomes more of an issue of dealing with his panic and fears, not on healing. So, health issues are not discussed, as it's just too stressful. It's better when I'm 1300 miles away, and have my co-worker 'family', who knew I was 'alone' there, and looked out for me without the added stress of taking care of them when I was sick.....when they needed something, and I could help, I was there. It was a 2-way street. Here, it's just plain miserable.

I learned never to give up my life to do what I 'thought' was right, and not because I truly wanted to move. I wanted to help, not lose my identity (my work). Now I resent being here.

But it's not the epilepsy, diabetes, fibromyalgia, dysautonomia, arthritis, knee replacement, pulmonary emboli, heart cath, or anything else medical- it's other circumstances that cause more stress than that, at least for me. I've lived with the medical stuff 'there', and here, and it's so much worse here- partly because of climate issues and not adjusting to the cold again, and partly due to family dysfunction that I can't fix- just take care of my side of things.