Hi.
I'm so glad to hear from you, CC.
And that's wonderful about your bloodwork.
I guess it's a double-edged sword, that you can start chemo on Friday--but, think of it as "killing the beast."
When I went to my psychologist Monday, she told me she wished that I'd come to her before I started radiation. She said she had a "relaxation tape" that would help you imagine the rays of radiation as "soothing, healing rays." I, on the other hand, would shudder when the door would close, and they hit "the button" that goes "bzzzzz..." I needed to do better imagery. I jumped almost every time it went off.
Anyway...if you can imagine how the chemo is doing your body "good,"---that's a good thing. It's your friend, not your enemy.

Yes, the holidays can be rough, when loved one's are gone & especially when your health is not up-to-par. Just think of how great it will be next year!
We'll both make up for lost time!
I don't know about you--but, I think there's always room for turkey & dressing. I even eat it during the summertime at Bob Evan's. Turkey's good protein, you know.

I started a new thread, because the last one was being temperamental.
Sometimes it was there...other time's not.
Hopefully, this one will be better.

love, S.

Hi Singer,

I've been busy keeping myself busy. I've been on a cleaning frenzy and cleaning out my pantry, my oven and frig. I've got everything all sparkling clean and it smells so good in here even though it's so miserable out. Are you getting the nasty whether like we are? It's so raw and damp. :(

I too am sorry that you didn't get those tapes before you started radiation. I know how nervous you were about the whole thing. If I ever get that far, I'll remember the buzz. :D

Yes I hope next year is better for both of us. I'm sure you'll be dancing in the streets Singer. I'm dreading the holidays this year but there are some activities at the cancer center I just might go to.

I found out some more about what's going to happen the next few days. All I can say it's a good thing I have this port in or else I'd be a human pin cushion. First day I get the dreaded Ritauxin and an infusion of etoposide for an hour. On day two the etoposide is repeated and I also get a 60 min infusion of carboplatin and start a 24 hr infusion of ifosfamide and mesna. The mesna is given to protect my bladder and kidneys. Then on day 3 I get another infusion of etoposide over and hour and finish the 24 hr infusion of ifosfamide with mesna. And finally a 12hr infusion of mesna alone and treatment #1 is over. If all goes well I should be home sometime Sunday evening. :D I miss my kitty already :(

Back to more cleaning. I have to do this while I'm feeling good. I don't mind cleaning at all. I'm a neat freak. :D I hope you're having a good day Singer and Linda, as always, the prayers haven't stopped for Don. :angel:

Hugs,

CC. sounds like you are going to be on a whirlwind of treatment but it is so good that you know what to expect and you will be in the hosp. That is so good to keep yourself busy and cleaning is always a good what to accomplish both things. I am glad that you sound strong. You can do this.

Singer and CC:

I talked with my sister in law today and the news is not good. Don is bleeding to death and now the blood is coming out of his eyes even. I do not understand how it could come to this. It was a very stressful conversation as she is looking to me to help guide her in stopping the respirator. They have one more test tomorrow that will show if he has any of her stem cells working and if not than he will come off the respirator. I will support her decision on this as I can not bear to think of him living (if you call that living) on a respirator. There is no quality of life in that. I do not understand how he is still here but she does not want to give out on this last hope nor do I. If he is not making any platelets I find it hard to think that the transplant will work at this point. My heart is heavy with this so much so it is hard to think straight. They will go to my father and tell him together . He knows something is not right but is afraid to ask to many questions. My heart aches for him as they worked together for years and had a close father/son relationship. Even though they fussed with one another they had
alot of love for one another. Well that is the story and I do not foresee it coming to a good conclusion based on what my sister in law is saying. I will still accept all your prayers for him and maybe God will perform a miracle. If not the miracle should be that he goes in peace to his Maker. Thank you all for your support and friendship through these trying times.

Love
Linda

Hi Linda, (and others)
I hate to barge in on your thread, but I am freaking out a bit here. I have had a hive looking lump on my left breast since september. It sometimes itches and i wasn't worried because I figured it was nothing. I just went to my dermatologist today and he took a biopsy of it and wouldn't tell me what he thought it was. He didn't have the best bedside manner and I am sitting here crying thinking the worst and thinking I have lymphoma.
I feel so selfish sitting here asking for your advice, when you are all going through so much with your own health, but I have read everything you have wrote to Singer and CC, and you just have such a calming way about you and you seem so knowledgeable. I was just wondering if you could tell me what this sounds like.
Again, I am so sorry to barge in on you guys thread.
Singer, and CC i pray for you guys everyday. I really don't know how you do it. I have had a close family friend survive stage 4 lymphoma and i know you guys will beat this nasty beast.
I just have no one to turn to and i feel so lost.
I am sorry if i am rambling. I am just so terribly nervous. Also have very bad anxiety, that i have been trying to maintain my whole life.
Linda- i have been following your posts about Don. Please know that you and him are in my prayers. I am so so sorry to hear the latest news.

Linda my heart aches for you right now. I'm not good at words in this type of situation but you and Don have been such an inspiration to me. I can see the love that you two have for each other and I so wish the outcome was better. He's been through so much and been fighting this beast for so long and now to hear this. I wish I could think what to say Linda but please know that I won't stop praying. I do believe in miracles and if that's what it takes we have to keep praying for that. :angel:

Hi Mar. Please don't ever think you are intruding. This forum is for asking and sharing and we're all here together. I'm sorry I don't know the answer, I'm just learning about all this myself, but if Linda is able to I'm sure she'll have an answer for you. She's so full of knowledge about this being a nurse and I can't say how many times she's calmed me down with her words.

And please don't feel selfish asking about this. It's your body and of course you're worried. And don't ever feel alone. I hope you can feel the bonds that we've made here. Everyone is so kind and caring and we'd love to have you join in and ask away. :angel:

I'm heading out soon because I have to be there at 8AM. I just want to thank everyone for their encouragement in the past.:angel: I'm not sure how things will turn out but I have to give it my best shot. :D

Singer if you're still here I'll miss you on the weekend. And Linda I hope when I get back there's some good news on Don. I'll keep praying in the meantime.

Bye :(

CC, just wishing you all the best!
Linda, how sad to hear about Don. It sounds as if you are coming to terms with the fact that he might not make it. He has fought a great battle and you have been so loving and supportive....you could not have done more.
This is so painful for your whole family but it is wonderful you are all so loving and close.

We are praying that whatever happens, Don is at peace and painfree.

Love,

Thank you all for you encouragement and kind words...yet again I do not know what I would do without your love and friendship.

CC: Keep your positive attitude and stay strong. You can do this and I will be praying for you all the while. Thank you CC for your prayers. You are so
dear to me.

Mar: You are not intruding on us...we are all here for different reasons but we each need a shoulder to lean on. As far as your breast problem it is hard to say not having any info but what it looks like. First it sounds like the raised area is on top of the breast tissue and not an actual lump. Seeing that you saw a hive like area and not felt a lump I am assuming that is why you sought a dermatologist and not your gyn. I do not think it would be lymphoma. That is not the way it presents itself and you would have other symtoms as well. Your derm sounds like a jerk for not offering you what he feels it might be. Sometimes when a doc does not know what it is they avoid talking so not to appear stupid. I know this sounds silly but unfortunately it is true with some docs. If you have not noticed any change in your breast tissue like dippling or drainage from you nipple or could feel a hard lump on the breast I would have to think that this is a dermatology problem. Dermatology problems are hard to diagnosis unless they are biopsied. I am sorry that I can not be much help but my brain feels alittle scrambled right now and I am not thinking clearly. I would not worry about
lymphoma though. If you are still very worried I would go to my GP and have him or her look at it to ease your mind. Thank you for your kind words to me and my brother.

Take care
Linda

Hello,
(I think this post might be messing up again.
The heading is supposed to read something differently....hope it posts.)

My heart is heavy for you, Linda.
I was gone all day yesterday (went to parent's) and I was hoping to log-on to some good news.
I lost my sister very suddenly & unexpectedly---so, for you to have gone this long haul with such fortitude & strength like you have...well, it's all so very heart-warming. And what a role-model Don has been! He's gone through this all with amazing strength. I pray he's at peace & not in pain, and like CC said, we'll all pray for a miracle. They do happen.

CC--I think you're at the hospital right now. I pray God is watching over you & helping you through this rough time. Please God, send her a special Guardian Angel to help her through these next few days.

Mar, Hi. It's always nice to have new people here. Thank you for your well wishes.
Yes, Linda has helped all of us tremendously & continues to do so, in spite of all she's going through. These are all my "special angels" here. :angel:

I had a nice afternoon with my parents. By all rights, they should be in Senior Housing somewhere... But, they refuse. They soon will be needing outside help. It's become very difficult for them both, with their health issues. Aging is no fun. With them not driving anymore, and only depending on family, it's become difficult for everyone.

I need to get going & take my med's in my usual timely manner.
I think the Zoloft is helping with my depression already. I'm going to "make" myself take it. What I'm going through seems small today, compared to Don & now, what CC is facing. I'm done with treatment---but, now it's the waiting game that's taking it's toll. You knew I'd do the "what if's," didn't you Linda? You know me too well. I'm trying to stay on track. I've got a lot going for me---I need to focus on that.

God bless,
S.

CC-
Thank you for making me feel so welcome here. It literally brought tears to my eyes. I wish you all the luck in the world this weekend. You will do great! I just know it. Please fill us in as soon as you get home and when you are feeling up to it.

Linda- I really think you are one of the most amazing people, and I have never even met you. The time you take for others and your selflessness is one of a kind. You deserve a miracle and I am praying for you and sending hugs your way.

Singer- I think I was the one who wrote to you a few months back, when you were first starting chemo, and I told you to take "babysteps". Now look how far you've come. You are at the finish line! I am cheering you on.

I'm on these boards pretty frequently, so if anyone needs to talk, please do. It's gonna be a loooong weekend waiting for these results so I need to keep busy. My therapist prescribed a stronger drug for me to take at nights to help me sleep, since I wake up all panicky in the mornings. Singer, I think you mentioned you were taking Zoloft? How are you doing with it? I know how terrible it feels to be anxious, especially when it is out of our control.
Hope you are all well..
xx,
marn

Marn, Yes...you WERE the one that said that to me..
And thank you.
Yet, I don't feel I'm completely at the "finish line"--that's part of my problem.
Linda & my chemo nurse's explained it very well:
Your life is busy, busy, busy with treatment...going here, going there--this test, that test...etc., etc., etc....and then BAM! Nothing.
It's like, I've been waiting and praying for "this" day...it's here...and I'm completely, totally numb. What a dumb cluck! But, I'm doing the "what if's" over & over (what if treatment did NOT work?) and driving myself completely crazy---hence, the need for "Zoloft."
So far, I'm not nearly as depressed. Actually, I had a burst of energy just a little while ago, and (tmi) got diarrhea. Considering I'm taking "iron," that's pretty amazing...you know "iron" supplements can "back you up." --And believe me, it has.
Anyway, I'm hopeful this is going to help.
I feel pretty good physically, except I'm still broken out in a rash from radiation, and occasionally I still get a feeling like something's in my throat. I also get swollen glands all over my throat, throughout the day.
The mental side of this, took me totally by surprise. I was doing so much better during treatment with my will power.
I pray you get a good report...and yes, the waiting can drive you nutso.
We both need to busy ourselves. It's so much better when I don't just sit around & fixate..and what good does it do anyway?

You know, I do the "panicky" thing in the morning, too. :(

The Zoloft does seem to be lessening that feeling some. :)

God bless,
S.

Singer,
I know what you are saying. During treatment, you don't have time to sit and focus on the what if's, you have one goal in mind, and that is to get yourself healthy. Now that all the chemo and radio is over, in a way, it is kind of a letdown. It's like this big buildup and then, ... silence. But you do have to think and know that the worst part is over for you. Now is the time to build back up all that strength and go on with your life.
I understand the anxiety all too well. Mine is worse on the weekends and in the mornings. :( I don't know why, but I seem to do better at night. weird, how it works. I'm trying to keep busy, until monday but it is always easier said than done i think. My poor husband has been through so much with me lately and I just don't think he understands the anxiety I go through. He doesn't have it, so he thinks I can just "snap out of it". However, my dad has terrible anxiety, which has been passed down to me and my sisters (thanks, dad!) so he gets it. I'm wracking myself with worry, eventhough it is out of my control, but the thing with me, is that, even if you tell me not to worry, chances are I will anyways.
You take care of yourself--have the nurses given you something for the rash?
Just a few more days till thanksgiving, I can't believe it.
Just holler if you need to talk..
I'm always around.
xx,
marn

Yes, they've given me Biofine(?) and also told me Aquaphor is good for the itch.
It kind of is starting to look like a sunburn, now.

You know, I am more anxiety-ridden on the weekends and it's also worse in the mornings, too. We're running a strange parallel....maybe that's just the way anxiety is.
But, like I said, the last few mornings it hasn't been quite such a desperate feeling.

I'm glad you say you're "here" all the time, especially the weekends.
Sometimes people get quiet here, and this is, at times, my only "Saving Grace."

I don't know why the thread heading is the same as the the other thread I started a few days ago....
I had a different heading, but it changed on it's own :confused:
I hope it's nothing I did.
love, S.

To everyone on this board whom I have had the pleasure of knowing:

Don passed away late last night at 1:47am with his wife by his side. He fought a brave battle and showed tremendous courage. That alone sustained me enough to be brave for him as well. He fought to live until he no longer could hold on and now he is with My Angel, our Mother in Heaven.
I pray that his final hour was peaceful and that he had no fear. Prayers that
were made on his behalf gave great comfort to me and my family. I talked to him often about all of you and he was so grateful that strangers cared enough
to want him to be well. My brother was an amazing man. He had a love for life and lived with zest. He appreciated all that he had and saw the world different than most of us. I always use to kid and say that its Don's world and it must be nice to see things the way he did. The day before he went into the hospital him and his wife were feeding homeless people. His wife told me those were some of the happiest moments for him and her. His home was
always opened to friends and he had many. His heart was gentle and his love
for his family abundant. My gentle teddybear brother whom I loved so dearly.

Rest my dear brother and know that many cared about you and your struggle to live. He said to me for all of you to never give up, to fight until you can no
longer fight and to live and love each day like it were your last.

Thank you for everything, your hopes, prays and friendship. It has meant to world to my family and myself. Be strong and brave and never give up your fight to be well.

Love to all
Linda and Her family

Linda, my sincerest condolences to you at this sad time in your life.

Love and prayers,
Alison

Linda,
I started a new post.
love,

hey singer-
Just seeing how you are holding up this weekend. I'm so glad it's almost over. Hopefully I can find something out tomorrow.
Hope your rash is getting better.
love,
marn
xxx

Marn,
Yes, good luck to you.
Please let us know how you're doing.

I'm trying the "anti-d" thing, which I'm not so sure is working.
It's taken my appetite, and making me jittery....like I really need that.

I'm supposed to get a flu shot tomorrow, so I'll check with my chemo nurse to see if I'm losing too much weight. I suspect I've lost about 5 pounds since starting this. Part of me likes it, and part of me doesn't. I'm "making" myself hang in there and try it (Zoloft) for at least one week. It's been 6 days. I don't think I can stand to lose another 5 pounds...not right now, at least.

Hang in there. I'm praying for good news for you!
love, S.
p.s. yes, my rash is subsiding, but it's leaving me with lots of unsightly-type freckles! It's always something!

Singer,
I have had anxiety my whole life and have tried so many different drugs, and the one I did worst on was Zoloft. It made me incredibly jittery, and I felt like I had the flu. Maybe this is the wrong drug for you. Anti depressants should make you feel better in the first few days you take them. Just a thought, because I do feel very strongly about people being on the right med for them. Of course I wish I didn't have to be on any at all, but that's a whole different story.
Just my 2 cents..
xx,
marn

Marn,
Hi. I called my chemo nurse & she told me to talk to my GP tomorrow about my anxiety issues. She, too, believed Zoloft was not the right drug for me. I can't see me sitting around another 2 or 3 days in my bathrobe, like a zombie. So, I "x'd" them, and took an anti-anxiety drug instead. Hopefully, my GP will know what's up with me & keep in "level-headed" throughout the next few weeks, until I get my scans. I wish it were tomorrow.
I'm just not very good at playing the "waiting game." I just pray treatment "did it's stuff." I need to get tougher with all this stuff going on.
By the way, did you get your results today?
I hope it's good.
May I ask, what you're taking to calm you now?
Maybe you've already told me....if so, sorry.
I'm in a fog from the Zoloft. It certainly isn't my drug of choice.

Linda, I don't know if you've left for Florida yet, or not...I don't know your plans...
But, if you're here, please check in from time to time & let us know how you're doing.
It's always comforting to hear from you.
God Bless, S.

Singer-
I don't think I ever told you what I am taking. So here goes, I take neurontin, effexor, seroquel, and klonopin.
The effexor, seroquel and klonopin have saved me from literally going stir crazy, when I wanted to jump out of my skin.
I recently started seroquel this past summer after having gallbladder surgery. For some reason, the surgery was so traumatic for me, and as soon as I started taking it, my anxiety went from 100% to 10%
The only problem, with seroquel, is that it is a very strong anti psychotic, so my dr doesn't want me on it for long periods of time. She wants me to use it to help get me thru "rough periods" of life.
I was taking xanax for a very long time, until I started to feel when it would wear off. So I started taking the klonopin (almost the same as xanax w/ less side effects) and it has saved me too. I have been a very anxious person my whole life so I am used to taking all this stuff. When I feel my health is compromised, I fall apart mentally, and these drugs help keep me in check.
Anyways, I hope that helped some.
I definitely would suggest going off the zoloft and trying something new.
There is nothing wrong w/ needing some extra "help" along the way.
I am still waiting to hear my results. I got my stitches out today and I thought he would have an answer but he didn't so now I am playing the waiting game. This is the hardest part.
Hope you are having a great day.
xxx,
marn

Hi Singer,
We are not going to Florida. We are a family that does not believe in funerals. My grandparents did but since them we have not had a funeral in our family. I know it sounds strange but we have a memorial but no viewing. Don is being cremated but that takes a week. Melinda is having a gathering at the house on Sat. It is too much for us to drive a thousand miles one way during the holiday. I was glad that I spent a week with Don in July and I talked with him everyday almost since that time . A part of me wants to be there but it will be too emotional. If my Dad was not doing well than I would
do it but he is adjusting to his loss so far. He realized now how sick Don was
and that his chances were not good. He did not want to see Don suffer so that is helping him to cope. Don's son is having Thanksgiving at his home and Dad will be there with them all.

I know this must sound strange to some but it is the memories that are shared when one is alive that counts.

Love
Linda

Linda,
I totally relate. My husband and I were talking about death & whether or not we want to be cremated, etc.. and, we both have agreed that cremation and a memorial service is the best. My neighbor's friend just passed, and that's what the family is doing for him, too.
Funerals here in America can sometimes be a strange tradition, and I, too, believe it's how you spent your life with your loved one...not the funeral, per se.

I'm so happy to hear from you. I think you're being amazingly strong. I feel so bad for your family...specifically your dad. Kid's are not supposed to "go" before their parents. My sister's passing was particularly (and still is) hard on my mom. I don't think she'll ever get over it, really.

You're in my prayers. :angel:

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXX

You probably read from my posts, that I've "x'd" the Zoloft.
It's the best thing I could've done today.

Marn,-- I was on clonazepam (generic klonopin) for about a year and a half, right before my anxiety and my dx. After I talked to my chemo nurse, she told me to stop the Zoloft, and said I probably need something for "anxiety," instead of depression. Anyway, I hadn't taken a clonazepam for months....so, instead of my regular Zoloft, I took a whole clonazepam (before I only took half). What a difference! No jittery feeling & I actually got up off the couch!
I immediately felt a dark cloud lifted---I even called some old acquaintenances that I'd let "fall by the wayside." I started taking steps toward my "future," too...if you can believe that!

I see my GP tomorrow, so hopefully, he'll know what med I need.
All I know is, my appetite is slowly coming back, and I'm not in the fog I was.
My goodness...
Anxiety can really do a number on you, can't it?
It's so important to find the proper med's.
I'm happy what you're taking, is working for you.

love, S.

Singer,
If I think too much about it all I find I can sink real quick. I need to just accept what it is and go on with my memories of my brother. It is still hard for me to believe he is gone. If I was in Florida and this had happened I would be a basket case. The same when Mom passed away we had been living in Va 11 months. We were planning a trip to Florida and were leaving to go there the week Mom passed away. We use to go to Fla. every 3 months to see them. If I had been on the road when she passed I would have died.,.. This is something I feared my entire life losing the people I love.
This is life and there is nothing you can do about it. All we can do is live life to the fullest and when things are good to really rejoice in it. I spent so much of my life worrying about the unknown that my life was not as full as it
should have been. No one truly understands me and how my brain works as I do not know myself at times. I am just trying to enjoy the ride but as you know that is not always possible.
Today is a year anniversary that my Pogo passed away. He was my Himmy kitty, 14 yrs old. And of course he died of guess what....Cancer. Go figure.
He was the most beautiful pet and the last month of his life I stayed by his side and cared for him. He lived in our bedroom and I had him set up by the fireplace to keep him warm. It was one of the saddess times to see him suffer and my heart broke everyday. Now it breaks twice as hard as I have to mourn my brother as well. I know this sounds crazy comparing my brother and my cat but Pogo was a family member.
I am blessed to have Madison now who is a flame point himalayan and he is 7 months old and looks like a lion. He is so endearing and is loved so much too.
Yesterday my hubby and I walked 5 miles all around town. It was nice to be out in the cool air. The trees are still in full color here. We had a very long
autumn due to the crazy weather. It is breathtaking.
Okay, I am rambling now. Hope that you have a good day.. I am glad that you are feeling better. Go with it and do not think too much about it. If you feel good rejoice in it ...Love Linda

Linda,
I, too, can't believe Don is gone. It's just completely unfair.
Things were on such an upswing there for quite awhile....and his attitude about everything, gave all of us such hope here.
In spite of all you're going through, you come on here & continue to give us all hope. Thank you so much.
I have my GP's appt. in a little while.
I need to start my "list" of "complaint's," and address my mood swings, so I better get going.
I'll be back..
Thanks for staying in touch.
"Look for the rainbow"....
love, S.

I just want to say to everyone HAPPY THANKSGIVING.........Rejoice in all your blessings and even if things are not 100% everyone can find something to be
thankful for.

I am thankful for.........My family, my friends in life and for all of you my internet family. i LOVE YOU ALL.

We are connected to each other in so many ways.

I just want CC for you to know that I have talked with Don's wife about you and she wants so much to reach out to you and lend support. She cried and was so thankful to all of you for giving Don's death some purpose. I told her and forwarded to her all your posts and she was so grateful. We all try to leave this earth with something that made a difference in someone else's life.
If Don's courage and will to live gives you the same courage than he did not
die in vain. His battle will live on with your fight to survive. He never gave up even til the end as his heart continued to beat even after hours of the respirator being stopped. I believe his heart was beating for all of you.

Find the rainbow.......Happy Thanksgiving to you all.

Love
Linda and her family

Yes, Happy Thanksgiving to you, too, Dear Linda.

You have such an eloquent way of saying things---
--And to realize the pain & sadness you're feeling of losing a loved one, yet encouraging all of us here, is an amazing quality you have. You & your family are very special.
I'm glad you forwarded the messages to Don's wife. I'm glad she knew he was special to all of us, and gave our "internet family" strength.
There is something very unique and caring about "This Place."
I believe it was Divine Intervention when I found this site.
I'm not very computer-literate, and yet---when I stumbled on it---who would've thought you people would become my best friends during the hardest time of my life? :)
Through all of our trials & tribulations, we have each other....
And, I'm sure it's like you said, Linda---"there are no strangers, just friends we've yet to meet."
I do so appreciate you all, too.
There's so many things to be thankful for.

CC, I pray that God has sent you the right chemo-combination to "kill the beast" and allow you to live a fruitful, full life. I know you're not feeling very good right now...but, when you can, please let your friends (and me, of course) know how you're doing.

Thank you all, too, for listening to my long, sometimes rambling posts.
You've always lent a helping hand & have helped beyond measure.

God Bless you.
S.

"If Don's courage and will to live gives you the same courage than he did not
die in vain. His battle will live on with your fight to survive. He never gave up even til the end as his heart continued to beat even after hours of the respirator being stopped. I believe his heart was beating for all of you."

Linda, as Singer says, you have a wonderful way with words, in particular the above. I do hope this Thanksgiving will give us all hope and gratefulness for the future, whatever it brings, strength to face our challenges and courage to deal with our illness with dignity.

Love to all,
Alison

hey everyone-
just wanted to let you all know my dr called earlier this evening to let me know my biopsy results. I have something called benign lymphatic hyperplasia. I have absolutely no idea what this means, except him telling me it wasn't anything to worry about. I have been trying to do some research on the net (not smart, i know) but can't find much, other than it is sometimes linked to lymphoma. If anyone knows anything, please let me know.
Wishing you all a healthy and happy thanksgiving.
Linda- I will continue to pray for you.. I know how hard the holiday must be. I am thinking of you.
Singer and CC- hope you are both doing well. Please stay in touch.
Happy gobble day to all.
xx
marn

I wanted to come on here real quick before the day is over and wish all my friends a Happy Thanksgiving. I am blessed for "meeting" all of you. You have been my rock through all this.

I'm starting to come around a bit but I've had a headache off and on since I've been home. And the fatigue is so overwhelming this time. It was bad with the RCOP but this is 10x worse. I did watch the Macy's Thanksgiving parade though. :D This holiday has been so hard missing my mom. :(

If Don's courage and will to live gives you the same courage than he did not
die in vain. His battle will live on with your fight to survive.

I hope you're right Linda. I was so saddened by Don's death after he put up such a fight for life. I know now that if it comes to that I will have to dig real deep inside. I just hope Don knows that he's inspired me. :angel:

Alison you're words inspire me too. And Singer I hope you are able to enjoy your Thanksgiving and not worry too much about the scans. I know it's hard but it will all be worth it, I know.

Hugs,
Kayla

CC
I hope you got to have a little turkey & dressing, Kayla....did you?
I remember, before you went in the hospital, you spoke of having some turkey & dressing today.
I'm so sorry you're feeling bad. I've seen that particular chemo-combo mentioned on other sites, and it does sound really rough. I hope they've loaded you up with some good med's to take.
I can imagine how your heart aches, Kayla, missing your mom. Holidays are rough without loved one's. Remember---anytime you want to "talk" to me (us) about anything...we're here. I care.

Marn--anytime you hear the word, "benign," I think that's a good sign. I'm not familiar with your dx, either....and yes, please try to stay of the internet. I think it's been my #1 sense of worry, from Day #1. There's just a lot of bogus sites out there. I'm glad you're seeking answers. Hopefully, you're on the mend.

Linda, I hope your family rallying around you, helped make your Thanksgiving as pleasant as can be, during this hard time.
My husband and I went out to eat (not Cracker Barrel, this time). It was good, although my appetite is still not up-to-par. I started on another med (Celexa and klonopin) to try to alleviate my nervousness & my immobility. I hope to goodness it works. I'm going to give it the old "heave-ho" try.
How did your dinner turn out?
I'm not much of a cook, but when I have in the past, it's always nice to have left-overs to munch on.
We visited some of my ex elderly neighbors today in their nursing home, which was nice. Then took a pie to another neighbor, and yesterday took a 7 lb. ham to my mom & dad. I still don't have my energy back, but it's nice to help other's. I'm slowly coming around---and yes, still worrying about my scans. Hopefully, this Celexa will kick-in and stop my obsessive worrying. I think it's a learned behavior from my mother.

I pray each and every one of your Thanksgiving's was peaceful & hopeful, whether spent with family, or quietly alone. :angel:
God Bless,
love, S.

CC---you out there??????

Are you feeling better???

I'm praying for you. :angel:

love, S.

Hi Singer-
Glad to hear you had a nice thanksgiving. The klonopin should start to help ease your nerves a little bit. It really helps when I start to worry like crazy, and doesn't have the side effects xanax has. I know that you are going thru a nerve wracking time tight now but just remember to take those babysteps. We have to try and enjoy life while we can. I know how awful anxiety and depression is so if you have any questions about meds or just need to talk, please know i'm here.
xxx

Thanks, Marn.
Yep. Without the klonopin & celexa, and don't think I'd be as "centered" as I am today.
I'm not "there" by any means....but, I'm functional. I wasn't very good on the Zoloft. It made me a zombie & I didn't care about anything.
I'm already taking steps to continue my singing. I hope that's wise. I was thinking for awhile, I might do a "reversal" and do something entirely different, but my heart is still in music. I just hope I continue to build my stamina, and that I get a clean bill of health. I trying so badly not to obsess about it. I'm mad at myself for being that way---I knew I had those tendencies 'before,' but my dx made it come to the forefront.
I'm doing better, though.
How are you today?
You sound like you take everything in stride. That's very admirable.
Worrying a little is the norm, but to make it rule one's life, is when it's not normal.
That's kind of where I was headed. But, today, I'm trying to stay-on-track.
Like you said, "babysteps."
Thanks for responding. I always look forward to any positivity on here...it helps so much. I really don't have much support at home, other than my hubby---it's a long story....so, I thank you.
love, S.
p.s. Linda & CC....haven't heard from you. I pray for both of you & would love to hear from you both. :angel:

I'm still here Singer and it's the weekend so it's us again. It's been a rough one that's for sure. I'm so fatigued it's unbelievable. Yesterday I had to go start my 7 days of those horrid shots. I had to learn how to stick myself. I can't believe I'm able to do it. :eek: So now it's on to the achiness. But if this works, betcha I won't be complaining in the end. :D I had to ask for help with things this time too. I just haven't been able to do anything and I ran out of things and my cat was biting on me knee he was so hungry :D. Just kidding. Today I feel so breathless and I'm starting to worry about that. I'm waiting to see if it stops before I call the chemo nurse.

I'm glad you were able to spend some time with your parents Singer and that you had a good day. They'll be many more of those in your future now. I can only imagine how anxious you are but glad that things are settling down for you emotionally. And no I couldn't stomach turkey or anything, not that I had any anyway. :(

Marn that's so good on the biopsy results. I don't know what any of it means but like Singer said "benign" is a good thing to hear.:D I hope you had a good Thanksgiving.

Linda I know this holiday had to be extremely hard on you. I hope you know that I thought of you and your family all day and was wondering how you were coping. :angel:

I hope everyone is enjoying their weekend. It was in the 70's on Thursday and now it's in the 20's.

Hugs,
Kayla

I think I'll start a new thread....this is # 36, or so.
love, S.