alone22
11-15-2007, 03:46 PM
I am assisting in the care of my grandfather. He was recently given the official diagnosis of Alzheimers. I may be wrong but I think he is progressing quickly into his dimentia. Lately, within the past two months, he is suddenly not sleeping throgh the nights and he is getting confused and defensive.
The thing with his sleeping: he wakes up almost every hour throughout the night convinced that it is day time and that he needs to wake up. When we try to explain to him that it is still night he gets defensive and says things like, " why wont you let me be awake". We cant let him stay up all night like he seems to want to. He just sits in his chair and falls asleep. In his chair his legs hang down and it causes concern of a potential blood clot since he sits that way all day as well. He doesnt understand that he needs to lay in be and get a full nights sleep. THe nights that he wakes up often, which is almost every night lately, he hallucinates more during his waking hours. He sees people that aren't there and things that arent real.
He quit taking showers a year or more ago. He refuses to get anywhere near the shower, even with assistance. Im not sure what is scaring him or what is causing his aversion.
He is even starting to lose control of his bodily functions. He doesnt remember he has to go to the bathroom until it is too late.
I dont know what to do to help him or to get him to "see" things less. How can i help him to slow down his decline? What can I do?
The thing with his sleeping: he wakes up almost every hour throughout the night convinced that it is day time and that he needs to wake up. When we try to explain to him that it is still night he gets defensive and says things like, " why wont you let me be awake". We cant let him stay up all night like he seems to want to. He just sits in his chair and falls asleep. In his chair his legs hang down and it causes concern of a potential blood clot since he sits that way all day as well. He doesnt understand that he needs to lay in be and get a full nights sleep. THe nights that he wakes up often, which is almost every night lately, he hallucinates more during his waking hours. He sees people that aren't there and things that arent real.
He quit taking showers a year or more ago. He refuses to get anywhere near the shower, even with assistance. Im not sure what is scaring him or what is causing his aversion.
He is even starting to lose control of his bodily functions. He doesnt remember he has to go to the bathroom until it is too late.
I dont know what to do to help him or to get him to "see" things less. How can i help him to slow down his decline? What can I do?
Sponsor
DGabriel10
11-15-2007, 05:09 PM
I am sorry to say that you can not slow down the decline and you can not make him see your point of view. He is where he is. You just need new strategies for dealing what the current situation.
As for sleeping. You can talk to his doctor about giving him a light weight sleeping pill. That may be enough to get him a good night's sleep in the bed. I never had that problem with my Dad..... he slept like a log for 10 hours or more a night. But I can relate to the aggressions and aggitation. Dad is doing so much better on medication for anxiety and paranoia. We ony give it to him late afternoon and it has been amazing the difference (as soon as they found the right med in the right dosage).
Dad also resist showering. We have to catch him before he puts on his clothes in the morning. Then convince him there is something for him to do during the day that he needs a shower for. Lastly we pick out what he needs to put on. Once his clothes are picked out for him and in the bathroom he does not argue as much. Also you might want to check with Hospic. I understand they provide a few hours of help a day for late state ALZ patience. A friend of mine used this service and they were reponsible for giving her Mom her bath and getting her dressed. They were also valuable with tips on how to deal with other problems during the day.
I am sorry you are having to go through this. There are great people on this board with great ideas and even better ears and shoulders. Know I keep you in my thoughts and prayers......
Love, Deb
As for sleeping. You can talk to his doctor about giving him a light weight sleeping pill. That may be enough to get him a good night's sleep in the bed. I never had that problem with my Dad..... he slept like a log for 10 hours or more a night. But I can relate to the aggressions and aggitation. Dad is doing so much better on medication for anxiety and paranoia. We ony give it to him late afternoon and it has been amazing the difference (as soon as they found the right med in the right dosage).
Dad also resist showering. We have to catch him before he puts on his clothes in the morning. Then convince him there is something for him to do during the day that he needs a shower for. Lastly we pick out what he needs to put on. Once his clothes are picked out for him and in the bathroom he does not argue as much. Also you might want to check with Hospic. I understand they provide a few hours of help a day for late state ALZ patience. A friend of mine used this service and they were reponsible for giving her Mom her bath and getting her dressed. They were also valuable with tips on how to deal with other problems during the day.
I am sorry you are having to go through this. There are great people on this board with great ideas and even better ears and shoulders. Know I keep you in my thoughts and prayers......
Love, Deb
rumpled
11-16-2007, 01:31 PM
Do get professional help. My MIL was this way with the sleep and kept asking to go to the bathroom even if she had just been and did not need to go. She was up all night and slept all day. Losing the ability to hold one's continence is a sign that things are progressing and you need to get them in diapers, make sure they are clean (one person will find this hard if he is combattive) and she used to wail like a soaked cat in the shower. But you need to be clean to prevent infections and to check to bedsores and things.
We had to consult with a psychiatrist to get the right mix of drugs to get her calm but my MIL also suffered from depression and wailed a lot and would repeat names and would scream a lot. Having other people around, getting socialization yet keeping a schedule is very important. Sad to say, a nursing home environment is probably better at that in some ways as there is much more help there as long as it is well monitored by family. There are also day care services too. But you do need to call in professional help.
We had to consult with a psychiatrist to get the right mix of drugs to get her calm but my MIL also suffered from depression and wailed a lot and would repeat names and would scream a lot. Having other people around, getting socialization yet keeping a schedule is very important. Sad to say, a nursing home environment is probably better at that in some ways as there is much more help there as long as it is well monitored by family. There are also day care services too. But you do need to call in professional help.
alone22
11-16-2007, 04:21 PM
my grandfather has to go through the VA hospital to get a lot of his meds because of prices and stuff. We are having a problem with the psychiatrist there. He refuses to accept the outside doctors diagnosis of alzheimers and wont give my grandfather the medication he needs. We are having to pay full cost for his medications since the VA wont give him what he needs. I dont know why the Vetrans hospital is being so resistant to this but they are. Until they make their own diagnosis we cant apply for outside help. He has no insurance other than what the vetrans hospital offers.
Martha H
11-16-2007, 04:24 PM
Fear of water or washing seems to be common in AD patients. My Mom was really good at pretending to take a bath. But eventually it becomes noticeable and then the struggle began. Once she was at the NH she just allowed the nurses aides to wash her without a peep. I think it was because I was her daughter, she couldn't let go and admit to me that she couldn't do it.
I also heard that AD victims have fears of fallng into a hole. Any dark blue or black or other dark colored mat in front of the bathtub/shower might scare them. Some people even manage to keep a 'wanderer' in the house by placing black doormats in front of the door. This is seen as a 'hole' and avoided.
It may also be the confusion of 'what do I do?' For us it is so easy - but break it down and you will see that our bathing routine consists of many steps. First I go into the bathroom and remove all my clothes. The Dementia mind already has a conflict - what do I do with these clothes, what do I take off first, how do I open these buttons, etc. Then, step into the shower. It feels cold and uncomfortable. Then I turn on the water and work at getting a comfortable temperature before I switch it from 'faucet' to 'showerhead'. Then I have to use soap or shampoo, (which one, and where is it, and how do I get the cap off?) and then rinse. How can a dementia victim remember all that, and in the right order? And then turn the water OFF and step out and have to figure out what to do next. Dry myself, how, with what? Put on clothes? Which ones? It is all so overwhelming that she will just stay dirty instead.
Trying to see if from their point of view makes it so much easier to be sympathetic instead of argumentive (as I once was) ...
Love,
Martha
I also heard that AD victims have fears of fallng into a hole. Any dark blue or black or other dark colored mat in front of the bathtub/shower might scare them. Some people even manage to keep a 'wanderer' in the house by placing black doormats in front of the door. This is seen as a 'hole' and avoided.
It may also be the confusion of 'what do I do?' For us it is so easy - but break it down and you will see that our bathing routine consists of many steps. First I go into the bathroom and remove all my clothes. The Dementia mind already has a conflict - what do I do with these clothes, what do I take off first, how do I open these buttons, etc. Then, step into the shower. It feels cold and uncomfortable. Then I turn on the water and work at getting a comfortable temperature before I switch it from 'faucet' to 'showerhead'. Then I have to use soap or shampoo, (which one, and where is it, and how do I get the cap off?) and then rinse. How can a dementia victim remember all that, and in the right order? And then turn the water OFF and step out and have to figure out what to do next. Dry myself, how, with what? Put on clothes? Which ones? It is all so overwhelming that she will just stay dirty instead.
Trying to see if from their point of view makes it so much easier to be sympathetic instead of argumentive (as I once was) ...
Love,
Martha
alone22
11-16-2007, 07:08 PM
Ive been trying to see from his perspective but unfortunately I havent been able to figure out exactly what it is he sees. It changes so often for him.
As for the shower, I know it confuses him. He cant figure out how to turn it on and how to change the water temp. but he refuses to let anyone help him either. My brother has offered to help him with the shower (which has a chair in it to sit on and a hand held nozzle). He has enough of his mind to know he doesnt want help because it hurts his dignity, but Im getting concearned about his hygene and many people have stopped visiting because of the smell and the smell of the house. (we try very hard to keep the house clean but some things you just cant get the smell out of).
I love my grandfather greatly and I just want to be able to help him. I want to help him keep his dignity but I would like to get things where people will come see him again. He always seems so much happier after visits from people (even if he cant remember who visited him after they left).
As for the shower, I know it confuses him. He cant figure out how to turn it on and how to change the water temp. but he refuses to let anyone help him either. My brother has offered to help him with the shower (which has a chair in it to sit on and a hand held nozzle). He has enough of his mind to know he doesnt want help because it hurts his dignity, but Im getting concearned about his hygene and many people have stopped visiting because of the smell and the smell of the house. (we try very hard to keep the house clean but some things you just cant get the smell out of).
I love my grandfather greatly and I just want to be able to help him. I want to help him keep his dignity but I would like to get things where people will come see him again. He always seems so much happier after visits from people (even if he cant remember who visited him after they left).
LuvMyLilDoggie
11-16-2007, 08:53 PM
Hi Alone. My dad has alzheimers and is totally reliant on the VA for his medical care and medications. I had to fight like heck to get him diagnosed. I was shocked at how hard I had to work to PROVE there was something wrong with my dad. You said your grandfather's psychiatrist refuses to diagnose him with AD. Does he/she give a reason why? One VA psychiatrist told me there was nothing wrong with my dad other than being a bit forgetful. We went thru several doctors. Then we hit the payload when my dad's doctor started sending him to a VA clinic closer to his home. I told her what was going on with dad and she refered him to Hines VA Hospital near Chicago. Dad had seen a few doctors there before but this NP made an appt with a geriatric doctor who specialized in AD/dementia. There, he had all the tests first to rule out other things and then to test him for AD. Of course the best day to test him for AD is when he was having a bad day. As you probably have noticed, most AD patients have some good days and bad days. The problem with getting dad diagnosed was he always seemed to be having a good day when it was time to go to the doctor. We lucked out the day the memory test was scheduled. He was having a somewhat "off" day. Not bad but bad enough to convince the doctor that something wasn't right. He was put on Aricept and eventually, Zoloft for depression. He was ok for a while. Aricept can only help stave off the inevitable. When things started getting worse, it was another uphill battle to get the doctor to rx Nemenda. It's very expensive so the VA only pays for it in the later stages IF the patient isn't helped by any other drugs. My sister had to battle that one since dad moved south with her. I wish I could say my dad is better. The Nemenda did help for a while but eventually that will stop helping too.
Whoever has medical POA over your grandfather can get another doctor within the VA system. I would suggest making an appt with his regular doctor if his regular doctor is with the VA. Talk to that doctor and explain things to him/her. Write things down; grandpa's mood swings, sleeping during the day and staying up at night (sundowning), hallucinations, whether he remembers to eat, shower, take his meds or not, strange conversations, etc....Give a copy of your observations to the doctor but be careful not to do it in front of your grandpa so as not to embarrass or anger him. When the doctor has a hard copy of what your grandpa and his caregivers have been going thru, he'll be less likely to shrug it off and more inclined to at least consider it.
There are ways around the VA but you have to be persistent. Don't take no for an answer. This is your loved one and no one can be a better advocate for him than his family.
Oh and one suggestion as far as showering. Maybe it'll help for a while, maybe it won't. It worked for a while with my dad. My sister told him "You remember what the doctor said. She said if you don't shower, she's going to send someone out here to give you a shower". Like your grandfather, my dad doesn't want others giving him a shower. So my sister started laying clean clothes and towels in the bathroom and telling him "The doctor said she might pop in here today to check and see if you've showered. She said if you didn't, she'd get you in there." Needless to say he showered. He didn't want the doctor in their house! LOL!!!
I hope the suggestions and ideas given help you at least some. We've all been thru it. We know how hard and how sad this disease is for everyone involved.
Love, Barb
PS Maybe if you turn on the water and get it to a comfortable temp, that will prompt him to shower.
You might say "Grandfather, I've started the shower for you. The water is running. It's nice and comfy warm and waiting for you to enjoy." Try any means of getting him to shower.
Make sure the shampoo, soap and washrag are visible and easily reached from both a sitting and standing position. This may ease his confusion a little.
Whoever has medical POA over your grandfather can get another doctor within the VA system. I would suggest making an appt with his regular doctor if his regular doctor is with the VA. Talk to that doctor and explain things to him/her. Write things down; grandpa's mood swings, sleeping during the day and staying up at night (sundowning), hallucinations, whether he remembers to eat, shower, take his meds or not, strange conversations, etc....Give a copy of your observations to the doctor but be careful not to do it in front of your grandpa so as not to embarrass or anger him. When the doctor has a hard copy of what your grandpa and his caregivers have been going thru, he'll be less likely to shrug it off and more inclined to at least consider it.
There are ways around the VA but you have to be persistent. Don't take no for an answer. This is your loved one and no one can be a better advocate for him than his family.
Oh and one suggestion as far as showering. Maybe it'll help for a while, maybe it won't. It worked for a while with my dad. My sister told him "You remember what the doctor said. She said if you don't shower, she's going to send someone out here to give you a shower". Like your grandfather, my dad doesn't want others giving him a shower. So my sister started laying clean clothes and towels in the bathroom and telling him "The doctor said she might pop in here today to check and see if you've showered. She said if you didn't, she'd get you in there." Needless to say he showered. He didn't want the doctor in their house! LOL!!!
I hope the suggestions and ideas given help you at least some. We've all been thru it. We know how hard and how sad this disease is for everyone involved.
Love, Barb
PS Maybe if you turn on the water and get it to a comfortable temp, that will prompt him to shower.
You might say "Grandfather, I've started the shower for you. The water is running. It's nice and comfy warm and waiting for you to enjoy." Try any means of getting him to shower.
Make sure the shampoo, soap and washrag are visible and easily reached from both a sitting and standing position. This may ease his confusion a little.
alone22
11-16-2007, 09:24 PM
My grandfather goes to a doctor outside of the VA system (that is who diagnosed him), but we wanted him to see one within the system so that his meds would be covered. That doctor doesnt believe us because like you said he has a good day when going to the doctor. He tries really hard to convince the doctor nothing is wrong with him. The moment we are out of the office, he goes back to normal.
He already takes Aracep (sorry for spelling) and Namenda. There are other pills too. We pay for all of them out of pocket.
I do appreciate all of the suggestions and I think I will start writing down his daily routine. Maybe the VA doctor will believe that (but he wont take the outside doctor's reports).
I may try your idea about the shower one morning. We already lay his clothes out for him everyday and his sheets get changed everyday and i prepare his meals everyday for him. He doesnt forget to eat because I am the one who always tells him it is time to eat.
I am going to try everyone's suggestions. I am really grateful for all of this. It helps.
He already takes Aracep (sorry for spelling) and Namenda. There are other pills too. We pay for all of them out of pocket.
I do appreciate all of the suggestions and I think I will start writing down his daily routine. Maybe the VA doctor will believe that (but he wont take the outside doctor's reports).
I may try your idea about the shower one morning. We already lay his clothes out for him everyday and his sheets get changed everyday and i prepare his meals everyday for him. He doesnt forget to eat because I am the one who always tells him it is time to eat.
I am going to try everyone's suggestions. I am really grateful for all of this. It helps.
pohtr
11-16-2007, 09:41 PM
My mother stayed with me for the last 2 years of her life. she has dementia from small strokes & Alzheimers. The most help I got was from the support group through the Alz assoc. Next there were a couple of really good books. Mostly what I learned was to just go with the flow as much as possible. Get your mind with the patient and don't try to convince the patient that he is wrong or not thinking right. If it comes to it, sneaky is best. When pilltime comes and they won't take them, forget it and just grind them up in their favorite food.
My Mum never knew if it was day or night and would panic in the middle of the night because she thought no one was around when we were just in bed, sleeping. She would call people all upset that she'd been abandoned! I left her a note by the phone that said "if it is dark outside and it seems no one is home, we are upstairs sleeping". That worked for
a while. She always wanted the lights on and didn't understand why she shouldn't sleep whenever she wanted to. I went along with her and said it would just be more lonely if she was awake all by herself, but the choice was hers.
It's just not productive to argue. In fact I'm not sure its important to try to understand exactly what they're think either. Just go into their fantasy with them.
Maybe you could explain to him that you are studying nursing or something and need to learn how to assist people with their bathing. Like he'd be doing you a favor. I did label the faucets with arrows which also helped for a while and then later set the temp for her while she was getting undressed. I explained to her that we had a very difficult shower. Anything to keep her from feeling that it was her fault.
I had the help of some home health aids and a friend who we were able to hire to help. It did eventually become a 2 person job. Fortunately I also worked at home.
It is wonderful that you want to help. I have many bittersweet memories left from my Mum's time here. I wish she were still here, but she passed away 2 years ago.
My Mum never knew if it was day or night and would panic in the middle of the night because she thought no one was around when we were just in bed, sleeping. She would call people all upset that she'd been abandoned! I left her a note by the phone that said "if it is dark outside and it seems no one is home, we are upstairs sleeping". That worked for
a while. She always wanted the lights on and didn't understand why she shouldn't sleep whenever she wanted to. I went along with her and said it would just be more lonely if she was awake all by herself, but the choice was hers.
It's just not productive to argue. In fact I'm not sure its important to try to understand exactly what they're think either. Just go into their fantasy with them.
Maybe you could explain to him that you are studying nursing or something and need to learn how to assist people with their bathing. Like he'd be doing you a favor. I did label the faucets with arrows which also helped for a while and then later set the temp for her while she was getting undressed. I explained to her that we had a very difficult shower. Anything to keep her from feeling that it was her fault.
I had the help of some home health aids and a friend who we were able to hire to help. It did eventually become a 2 person job. Fortunately I also worked at home.
It is wonderful that you want to help. I have many bittersweet memories left from my Mum's time here. I wish she were still here, but she passed away 2 years ago.
michael12
11-25-2007, 10:06 PM
Hi,
I lost my grandfather physically at the end of August but because of dementia I'd been losing him for years and he was more a second father figure to me than a grandfather. As I understood it there isn't really anything about seeing things as such but rather how he percieves them - usually there's no difference in appearance but the mind's ability to realise what they actually are. In his last year or so my grandfather often didn't recognise his wife, his house, his age, anything. I'm not trying to steal your thread or anything but I can relate so much to it. Right to his last week grandad still went out the way to be coherent and on best form with people he percieved to be in authority. Once we had gone out for less than an hour and my grandfather, bless him, was sitting at the phone trying to remember the number for the police because he thought that we'd been kidnapped and had been gone for 96 hours.
The last words he said to me were "Take care, goodnight son" just 3 and a half days before he died of renal failure and this was at a time when 99.9% of the time he was talking about insurance ventures, fancy dress parties and things that just didn't make sense at all. He came through for me, I asked how he was feeling and he always used to say "good" or "fine" but towards the end he couldn't hide it and just said "awful" or "still alive, other than that horrid". The point I want to make is that sometimes you just have to dive into his world sometimes.
My heart goes out for you to having to do all this and clearly doing as much as you are, you know he appreciates it even if he can't say it.
I lost my grandfather physically at the end of August but because of dementia I'd been losing him for years and he was more a second father figure to me than a grandfather. As I understood it there isn't really anything about seeing things as such but rather how he percieves them - usually there's no difference in appearance but the mind's ability to realise what they actually are. In his last year or so my grandfather often didn't recognise his wife, his house, his age, anything. I'm not trying to steal your thread or anything but I can relate so much to it. Right to his last week grandad still went out the way to be coherent and on best form with people he percieved to be in authority. Once we had gone out for less than an hour and my grandfather, bless him, was sitting at the phone trying to remember the number for the police because he thought that we'd been kidnapped and had been gone for 96 hours.
The last words he said to me were "Take care, goodnight son" just 3 and a half days before he died of renal failure and this was at a time when 99.9% of the time he was talking about insurance ventures, fancy dress parties and things that just didn't make sense at all. He came through for me, I asked how he was feeling and he always used to say "good" or "fine" but towards the end he couldn't hide it and just said "awful" or "still alive, other than that horrid". The point I want to make is that sometimes you just have to dive into his world sometimes.
My heart goes out for you to having to do all this and clearly doing as much as you are, you know he appreciates it even if he can't say it.
alone22
11-29-2007, 01:58 PM
I've been trying so hard and it isnt working so well for me. I keep getting so frustrated with him and I know it isnt his fault and he doesnt mean it. He keeps going to the kitchen to get knives and trying to go outside when it is too cold for him and he cant keep himself steady. No matter what I say to him or everytime I stop him from doing this stuff he gets upset with me and I get upset with him. I know it isnt fair for him to not be able to go where he wants but its for his own safety. He cant be in the kitchen because of the food and the sharp objects. He tries to sneak food sometimes which he cant because even one thing not specially prepared can send him to the hospital. (we've had it happen more than once because he aspirates food into his lungs). I feel so bad for being irritated with him but i cant seem to make the irritation go away.
DGabriel10
11-29-2007, 04:12 PM
You are irritated with the impossible situation...... not with him. In your heart you understand that he can't stop what he is doing. That doesn't make it any easier to deal with day in and day out. The more aggitated you get the more aggitated he will get.... which aggitates you more. It is a vicious circle. You may want to consider that it is time for other placement for your grandfather..... for both of you. It may become a matter of his own safety and a matter of your sanity.
One suggest.... is there a door that can be latched between the kitchen and the rest of the house. Even if that means putting a simple screen door hook and loop latch or a slide latch on the door. Perhaps this will deter him from going in the kitchen.
Has the VA doctor recognized his disabilities yet? Did they give him any verification test such as memory or math test to see his abilities? I would definitely push them to recognize his disability.... then maybe they can help you with placement.
Martha said it and I will never forget it.... It is time for placement when the caregiver is ready... not the patient.
Good luck alone... I will keep you in my thoughts and prayer... especially for patience......
Love, deb
One suggest.... is there a door that can be latched between the kitchen and the rest of the house. Even if that means putting a simple screen door hook and loop latch or a slide latch on the door. Perhaps this will deter him from going in the kitchen.
Has the VA doctor recognized his disabilities yet? Did they give him any verification test such as memory or math test to see his abilities? I would definitely push them to recognize his disability.... then maybe they can help you with placement.
Martha said it and I will never forget it.... It is time for placement when the caregiver is ready... not the patient.
Good luck alone... I will keep you in my thoughts and prayer... especially for patience......
Love, deb
angel_bear
11-29-2007, 04:20 PM
HI Alone22
Yes, this is frustrating isn't it? And your making it *that* much harder by trying to make your Granddad behave "normally".
You know you can't, but that little voice inside you says "BUT HE SHOULD KNOW !!" and until you start thinking differently .. that little voice will continue to cause you more and more frustration until you yourself become physically ill and unable to help care for your Granddad.
I may sound harsh, and I am sorry in advance, but the only way your going to get through this is to totally change your way of thinking. He's got a terminal illness, he's not going to get better, he can't re-learn things and he certainly can't help himself. He needs protection.
Your Granddad CANNOT come into your world anymore. It's that simple. He can't do it. It's not that he WON'T, it's the fact that he CAN'T. However, your cognition CAN enable you to go into HIS world, however bizarre it is.
You need to put some interventions into place NOW to help you however that will protect Granddad and give you some peace of mind.
* Put a high bolt on the top of the door.
* Put a sensor on the door so it bleeps if opened when activated
* Put a child safety gate at the kitchen doorway.
* Put child safety locks on cupboards and the fridge
* Put child safety locks on the drawers
* Buy a soft and comfy reclining chair. (Nothing wrong with sleeping in a reclining chair.)
Some of these simple interventions can give you an easy nights sleep that will help you keep your strength up to battle this disease. Don't procrastinate, don't say "Oh not yet" .. just do it.
Hope this has helped. Cheers
Yes, this is frustrating isn't it? And your making it *that* much harder by trying to make your Granddad behave "normally".
You know you can't, but that little voice inside you says "BUT HE SHOULD KNOW !!" and until you start thinking differently .. that little voice will continue to cause you more and more frustration until you yourself become physically ill and unable to help care for your Granddad.
I may sound harsh, and I am sorry in advance, but the only way your going to get through this is to totally change your way of thinking. He's got a terminal illness, he's not going to get better, he can't re-learn things and he certainly can't help himself. He needs protection.
Your Granddad CANNOT come into your world anymore. It's that simple. He can't do it. It's not that he WON'T, it's the fact that he CAN'T. However, your cognition CAN enable you to go into HIS world, however bizarre it is.
You need to put some interventions into place NOW to help you however that will protect Granddad and give you some peace of mind.
* Put a high bolt on the top of the door.
* Put a sensor on the door so it bleeps if opened when activated
* Put a child safety gate at the kitchen doorway.
* Put child safety locks on cupboards and the fridge
* Put child safety locks on the drawers
* Buy a soft and comfy reclining chair. (Nothing wrong with sleeping in a reclining chair.)
Some of these simple interventions can give you an easy nights sleep that will help you keep your strength up to battle this disease. Don't procrastinate, don't say "Oh not yet" .. just do it.
Hope this has helped. Cheers
ibake&pray
11-30-2007, 10:58 AM
Alone 22,
One of the hardest things to do is to learn to look at your Grandfather as someone who isn't related to you. Your real Grandfather is no longer in that bady. It may look like the man you remember as your granddaddy, but that man if he isn't really gone is fast on his way to leaving you. It is a very evil impersonator who is sucking the life out of your grandfather's body.
If you can learn to step back and view him as some else, it will make it somewhat easier to deal with! I got where I would just step back and deal with Mom like she was my friend's mothers, not mine..it made it easier to handle her and mood swings and yelling and arguing...
What angel bear said about your grandfather no longer being able to function in our world is, unfortunatly, true. And what decade he is in will change as the disease progresses. But you CAN enter into his world. It feels much like Alice sliding down the rabbit hole in Alice in Wonderland. You're never quite sure where you end up or what conversation you've entered into, but it can be interesting!
One of the hardest things to do is to learn to look at your Grandfather as someone who isn't related to you. Your real Grandfather is no longer in that bady. It may look like the man you remember as your granddaddy, but that man if he isn't really gone is fast on his way to leaving you. It is a very evil impersonator who is sucking the life out of your grandfather's body.
If you can learn to step back and view him as some else, it will make it somewhat easier to deal with! I got where I would just step back and deal with Mom like she was my friend's mothers, not mine..it made it easier to handle her and mood swings and yelling and arguing...
What angel bear said about your grandfather no longer being able to function in our world is, unfortunatly, true. And what decade he is in will change as the disease progresses. But you CAN enter into his world. It feels much like Alice sliding down the rabbit hole in Alice in Wonderland. You're never quite sure where you end up or what conversation you've entered into, but it can be interesting!
LuvMyLilDoggie
12-01-2007, 09:15 AM
Call the VA and make an appt with a physician there. If you can't get grandpa in to a geriatric specialist, then a reg doc will have to do. Get copies of your grandpa's medical records from his outside physician and show them to the new doc. Document everything you can about specifics (gp called me by another name, keeps thinking he didn't eat when he just finsihed eating, thought there was someone sitting next to him but there wasn't, is getting upset because he can't find the spoons that are in the same drawer they've been in for the last 30 years). That's what I had to do with my dad because I was in the same position as you. The VA didn't want to diagnose him. You have to be persistant but nice. You will have to continue with doctor appts there in order to receive medication from there.
I get a bit upset when someone says "Having someone with AD is like having a 2 year old in the house." It's not. It's nothing like that. A two year old can and will learn. They're mind is expanding while the AD patient's mind is shrinking. You're getting frustrated because you're stressed to the max. You know this is not going to get better. But in your heart, you're wishing for a miracle. I am too.
You need help with this. You can't continue to do it alone. This situation as you've discribed it is hurting you and your gp. When you're frustrated, he's frustrated. You're burnt out. You're physically, mentally and emotionally stressed. Get help! If you can get someone to come in for a few hours a week so you can relax, that would be a good.
Honey, I don't mean to sound harsh but I've been through this. I know the stress well. I know the guilty feeling and the feeling of failure that comes with this. Being removed for the situation (my sister is dad's caregiver now and they're in another state), I can see how this affected me, my family and most of all my health. I can see now that I had no reason to feel guilty. I can see now that I wasn't a failure because I couldn't care for him any longer. I'm a winner because I tried.
You're a winner too.
HUGS, Barb
I get a bit upset when someone says "Having someone with AD is like having a 2 year old in the house." It's not. It's nothing like that. A two year old can and will learn. They're mind is expanding while the AD patient's mind is shrinking. You're getting frustrated because you're stressed to the max. You know this is not going to get better. But in your heart, you're wishing for a miracle. I am too.
You need help with this. You can't continue to do it alone. This situation as you've discribed it is hurting you and your gp. When you're frustrated, he's frustrated. You're burnt out. You're physically, mentally and emotionally stressed. Get help! If you can get someone to come in for a few hours a week so you can relax, that would be a good.
Honey, I don't mean to sound harsh but I've been through this. I know the stress well. I know the guilty feeling and the feeling of failure that comes with this. Being removed for the situation (my sister is dad's caregiver now and they're in another state), I can see how this affected me, my family and most of all my health. I can see now that I had no reason to feel guilty. I can see now that I wasn't a failure because I couldn't care for him any longer. I'm a winner because I tried.
You're a winner too.
HUGS, Barb
DGabriel10
12-01-2007, 11:44 AM
Well said Barb... we are all winners because we try. The general problem seems to be our inability to see our own limitations and over extending ourselves to the point of self destruction. Then we feel guilty or like a failure because we are not super woman or super man. It is hard to know when to do different but at some point we have to make that decision and know we did our best.
Love, Deb
Love, Deb
alone22
12-06-2007, 12:52 PM
Well I took everyones advice. I partially childproofed the house. I havent been able to put the locks on the kitchen drawers yet but I do have them to do it. I put the childproof doorknob things on the front door and the garage door. I also put the locks on the fridge too. So at least he cant get outside unless I help him and he cant get into the fridge (concern becasue of his food needing special prep). It eases my mind some. There is still more work that needs to be done though.
DGabriel10
12-06-2007, 01:36 PM
Kudo's to you Alone!! You are doing well. I am glad you have a little more peace of mind at this point. The sad part is that there is always more to do. You just have to keep chipping away day by day doing the best you can.... then recognizing you have done your best and pat yourself on the back even if nobody else does. I hope you and your Grandfather will have a Merry Christmas and I will keep you both in my thoughts and prayers.
Love, Deb
Love, Deb
angel_bear
12-06-2007, 03:35 PM
Excellent progress Alone!!
Well done on taking the 'bull by the horns' and getting some simple strategies put in place .. now your becoming more aware of what can and can't be done.
yes it's slow, but you will get there. Your next learning curve is how to be 3 steps ahead of Granddad!! We've all learnt to anticipate the next stages, some of our charges have done it gracefully, some have done it the hard way (falls, hospital, UTI's).
Make sure Grandad has enough fluid, because he could be seeking out something to drink (and that causes more wandering behaviours!!), make sure he's warm enough, make sure there's no scratchy clothes or anything to bother him.
well done !!!
Cheers
Well done on taking the 'bull by the horns' and getting some simple strategies put in place .. now your becoming more aware of what can and can't be done.
yes it's slow, but you will get there. Your next learning curve is how to be 3 steps ahead of Granddad!! We've all learnt to anticipate the next stages, some of our charges have done it gracefully, some have done it the hard way (falls, hospital, UTI's).
Make sure Grandad has enough fluid, because he could be seeking out something to drink (and that causes more wandering behaviours!!), make sure he's warm enough, make sure there's no scratchy clothes or anything to bother him.
well done !!!
Cheers