Tasia W
11-16-2007, 07:36 PM
I had a bad day! My work requires me to participate in work functions such as volunteering in fundraising events. I work 30 hours a week at this job plus I have a second job where I work 6 hours a week (I need both of these jobs for financial reasons). I also work many unpaid hours just to get done what is needed. I love my career and am dedicated to the clients that I work with.- I willing participate (although often exhausted) in all fundraising events that my company puts on and these are usually on my days off. We have two big fundraisers per year, which requires lots of planning and prep and then we host little ones through out the year. We also plan fun recreation activites, such as barbecues, picnics, plays, field trips, etc.
Well recently the group planned a fun outing although it was a work function it was not a fundraising one. It was just a fun activity. I let everyone know the week prior that I would not be attending! I did not sign up nor did I pay to attend the function. Reason-too tired!
I am married and have 3 step children. Weekends are busy with sports, sports and more sports (often taking us out of town). When I am not at work I am running errands, doing laundry, making dinner, picking up a kid or driving a kid somewhere etc.
Because this was not a fundraising event I bowed out because I was feeling run down, tired and needed to be at home that evening. As I stated before I let everyone know well ahead that I was not attending! I had already worked over 8 hours that day-no break. I have a 20 minute drive home and I did not feel like driving back to town to watch the play which was over 2 hours long.
I work with people all day, I listen to their problems, gripes, issues etc, don't get me wrong(thats my job), I absolutely love what I do!! I just find myself emotionally drained at the end of the day and I need some "me" time when I can get it. I see these people all day and I did not feel like socializing with them that night. Is that wrong of me to feel that way? Am I selfish?
The next day at work my co-worker came down on me hard!! telling me that I was EXPECTED to be there!!, that it was a work function! Well, I had it out with her! I told her that I participate in all the work functions (unpaid hours) that I can and that she was being unreasonable. I told her that if her and the board (I am also part of the board) expected me to be there then it should have been stated to me that I was expected to attend! I also told her that if I was expected to attend then I expect to be paid for my time!! (I was mad at the time and things just flew out of my mouth!)
I have not been feeling well for the past couple of months. I have had flew like symtoms for going on two months. Stiff neck, sore throat, fatigue etc. I start to feel better and then wham it hits me again.
I have not told my co-workers that I have ms. To look at me I appear fine. I am still not ready to tell anyone cause I am still dealing with it myself! Fatigue is one of the biggest issues that I am facing right now and I usually ajm good about taking care of myself. That is why I opted out of this recreational activity.
I feel that my time is being taken advantage of. When I got home from work I cried my eyes out, my husband could not console me he wanted to come to the office and punch my co-workers lights out. Anyways, am I being selfish not to tell anyone? Really, it has not affected my ability to work, I get the job done and then some!!
Thanks for listening,
T
Well recently the group planned a fun outing although it was a work function it was not a fundraising one. It was just a fun activity. I let everyone know the week prior that I would not be attending! I did not sign up nor did I pay to attend the function. Reason-too tired!
I am married and have 3 step children. Weekends are busy with sports, sports and more sports (often taking us out of town). When I am not at work I am running errands, doing laundry, making dinner, picking up a kid or driving a kid somewhere etc.
Because this was not a fundraising event I bowed out because I was feeling run down, tired and needed to be at home that evening. As I stated before I let everyone know well ahead that I was not attending! I had already worked over 8 hours that day-no break. I have a 20 minute drive home and I did not feel like driving back to town to watch the play which was over 2 hours long.
I work with people all day, I listen to their problems, gripes, issues etc, don't get me wrong(thats my job), I absolutely love what I do!! I just find myself emotionally drained at the end of the day and I need some "me" time when I can get it. I see these people all day and I did not feel like socializing with them that night. Is that wrong of me to feel that way? Am I selfish?
The next day at work my co-worker came down on me hard!! telling me that I was EXPECTED to be there!!, that it was a work function! Well, I had it out with her! I told her that I participate in all the work functions (unpaid hours) that I can and that she was being unreasonable. I told her that if her and the board (I am also part of the board) expected me to be there then it should have been stated to me that I was expected to attend! I also told her that if I was expected to attend then I expect to be paid for my time!! (I was mad at the time and things just flew out of my mouth!)
I have not been feeling well for the past couple of months. I have had flew like symtoms for going on two months. Stiff neck, sore throat, fatigue etc. I start to feel better and then wham it hits me again.
I have not told my co-workers that I have ms. To look at me I appear fine. I am still not ready to tell anyone cause I am still dealing with it myself! Fatigue is one of the biggest issues that I am facing right now and I usually ajm good about taking care of myself. That is why I opted out of this recreational activity.
I feel that my time is being taken advantage of. When I got home from work I cried my eyes out, my husband could not console me he wanted to come to the office and punch my co-workers lights out. Anyways, am I being selfish not to tell anyone? Really, it has not affected my ability to work, I get the job done and then some!!
Thanks for listening,
T
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tuckersmom
11-16-2007, 08:18 PM
Selfish...? I would say absolutely not. It would appear that you have more than enough in just your regular career not to mention the most important priority..your family. Not having children myself, I just don't know how all of you do it.
Telling co-workers is a hot topic. Some people do and some people don't. It is a personal decision but it sounds as if you need to set some boundries both for your own benefit and so they understand where they are. Saying no to doing extra things is very hard but so is having a relapse and you suffer both from the relapse and from guilt from not getting everything done you think you should be doing. The others that suffer are your family.
Sometimes I think it would be better if we all walked around with a big MS on our forehead. Then maybe we wouldn't have to explain things.
Can you find a way to set some limits on what "extra" things you say yes to? Any employer is going to take advantage of any employee that is good at what they do and willing to work for free!;)
Please take care of yourself.
Lisa:angel:
Telling co-workers is a hot topic. Some people do and some people don't. It is a personal decision but it sounds as if you need to set some boundries both for your own benefit and so they understand where they are. Saying no to doing extra things is very hard but so is having a relapse and you suffer both from the relapse and from guilt from not getting everything done you think you should be doing. The others that suffer are your family.
Sometimes I think it would be better if we all walked around with a big MS on our forehead. Then maybe we wouldn't have to explain things.
Can you find a way to set some limits on what "extra" things you say yes to? Any employer is going to take advantage of any employee that is good at what they do and willing to work for free!;)
Please take care of yourself.
Lisa:angel:
Bearygood
11-16-2007, 09:17 PM
Tasia, sorry you had a bad day and no, you're not being selfish. ;)
The disclosure thing is very personal. Very few people in my life know I have MS and the risk for me is mostly professional. Of course, there's another thing about it I don't like and it actually happened to me just last night. Got to talking to a total stranger in a vitamin store last night -- she was looking for supplements to treat an auto-immune disorder. We compared auto-immune disorders and when I told her I had MS, the first thing she said was "Oh, I'm sorry". People just do not understand that MS is not necessarily is what they see portrayed on TV. But funny, right? I tell a complete stranger, yet some people very close to me don't know!
Hope you have a better day tomorrow. :)
The disclosure thing is very personal. Very few people in my life know I have MS and the risk for me is mostly professional. Of course, there's another thing about it I don't like and it actually happened to me just last night. Got to talking to a total stranger in a vitamin store last night -- she was looking for supplements to treat an auto-immune disorder. We compared auto-immune disorders and when I told her I had MS, the first thing she said was "Oh, I'm sorry". People just do not understand that MS is not necessarily is what they see portrayed on TV. But funny, right? I tell a complete stranger, yet some people very close to me don't know!
Hope you have a better day tomorrow. :)
sharpaul01
11-17-2007, 01:08 AM
Hi T :wave:
NO you are not being selfish. I wouldn't tell them unless you have too. They may say they don't hold it against you, BUT they do believe me been there and 'lost' my job of 4 years only 3 months after telling them...but had nothing to do with being sick...that i could prove.
Also about all this time that you are putting in for 'free' is this written in some contract that you have signed? I don't believe that they can do that. My husband and I own 2 corporations and we have laws that we have to follow, I would ask them to show you a company policy that mandates that you have to be at all these.
I do hope it gets better sweetie :)
Sharon:angel:
NO you are not being selfish. I wouldn't tell them unless you have too. They may say they don't hold it against you, BUT they do believe me been there and 'lost' my job of 4 years only 3 months after telling them...but had nothing to do with being sick...that i could prove.
Also about all this time that you are putting in for 'free' is this written in some contract that you have signed? I don't believe that they can do that. My husband and I own 2 corporations and we have laws that we have to follow, I would ask them to show you a company policy that mandates that you have to be at all these.
I do hope it gets better sweetie :)
Sharon:angel:
Tasia W
11-19-2007, 01:34 PM
Selfish...? I would say absolutely not. It would appear that you have more than enough in just your regular career not to mention the most important priority..your family. Not having children myself, I just don't know how all of you do it.
Telling co-workers is a hot topic. Some people do and some people don't. It is a personal decision but it sounds as if you need to set some boundries both for your own benefit and so they understand where they are. Saying no to doing extra things is very hard but so is having a relapse and you suffer both from the relapse and from guilt from not getting everything done you think you should be doing. The others that suffer are your family.
Sometimes I think it would be better if we all walked around with a big MS on our forehead. Then maybe we wouldn't have to explain things.
Can you find a way to set some limits on what "extra" things you say yes to? Any employer is going to take advantage of any employee that is good at what they do and willing to work for free!;)
Please take care of yourself.
Lisa:angel:
I have been trying really hard to keep my personal business personal. If I was slacking off at work, calling in sick, not fulfilling my responsibilities I would understand why my co-worker would be upset. On Friday after work, I volunteered 2 hours at the mall for a fundraising event. Today after work I will be going to the mall to decorate a christmas tree on behalf of our company.
Thankyou for making me feel better because for a moment I did feel selfish, however I know that to be untrue. I would give the shirt off my back if it would help someone!
My co-worker is going away for a week. When she gets back I am going to sit down with her again, and tell her that I will participate in all fundraising events, however It is my option to choose if I participate in fun recreational activities. The purpose of these functions is to help get "shut ins" and people who do not have social lives out and about. The problem is I have a social life, a home life which keeps me pretty busy!
I agree that informing co-workers of my ms would not be a good thing. I do not have the energy to explain to others about my ms. People hear only what they want to hear and so no matter how I try to explain it they are going to think the absolute worst. I know cause that is how my mom is. Sometimes I wish that I never told her.
Anyways, thank you for the words of wisdom
Tasia
Telling co-workers is a hot topic. Some people do and some people don't. It is a personal decision but it sounds as if you need to set some boundries both for your own benefit and so they understand where they are. Saying no to doing extra things is very hard but so is having a relapse and you suffer both from the relapse and from guilt from not getting everything done you think you should be doing. The others that suffer are your family.
Sometimes I think it would be better if we all walked around with a big MS on our forehead. Then maybe we wouldn't have to explain things.
Can you find a way to set some limits on what "extra" things you say yes to? Any employer is going to take advantage of any employee that is good at what they do and willing to work for free!;)
Please take care of yourself.
Lisa:angel:
I have been trying really hard to keep my personal business personal. If I was slacking off at work, calling in sick, not fulfilling my responsibilities I would understand why my co-worker would be upset. On Friday after work, I volunteered 2 hours at the mall for a fundraising event. Today after work I will be going to the mall to decorate a christmas tree on behalf of our company.
Thankyou for making me feel better because for a moment I did feel selfish, however I know that to be untrue. I would give the shirt off my back if it would help someone!
My co-worker is going away for a week. When she gets back I am going to sit down with her again, and tell her that I will participate in all fundraising events, however It is my option to choose if I participate in fun recreational activities. The purpose of these functions is to help get "shut ins" and people who do not have social lives out and about. The problem is I have a social life, a home life which keeps me pretty busy!
I agree that informing co-workers of my ms would not be a good thing. I do not have the energy to explain to others about my ms. People hear only what they want to hear and so no matter how I try to explain it they are going to think the absolute worst. I know cause that is how my mom is. Sometimes I wish that I never told her.
Anyways, thank you for the words of wisdom
Tasia
Tasia W
11-19-2007, 01:45 PM
Hi T :wave:
NO you are not being selfish. I wouldn't tell them unless you have too. They may say they don't hold it against you, BUT they do believe me been there and 'lost' my job of 4 years only 3 months after telling them...but had nothing to do with being sick...that i could prove.
Also about all this time that you are putting in for 'free' is this written in some contract that you have signed? I don't believe that they can do that. My husband and I own 2 corporations and we have laws that we have to follow, I would ask them to show you a company policy that mandates that you have to be at all these.
I do hope it gets better sweetie :)
In my job description it does state that I participate in fundraising events however I am not required to attend all of them. I do what I can. I work for a non profit society and the money that is raised helps determine my hours of employment. We also get funding from a huge corportation yearly.
I participate in all the major fundraising events, plus I participate in a lot of the little ones as well. However, when activities such as "kaeroke night", bowling, going to a play are scheduled it is my right to choose if I want to go or not. I do not appreciate feeling pressure to attend these because they become no fun! And like I stated before, I need my "me time" and I need my family time as well. My type of work requires me to work with individuals with different needs and this can be emotionally draining. I do not want to burn myself out. If I am not longer enjoying myself or effective in my role then I am no good top the people that I work with
Thank you for your support
Tasia w
Sharon:angel:
NO you are not being selfish. I wouldn't tell them unless you have too. They may say they don't hold it against you, BUT they do believe me been there and 'lost' my job of 4 years only 3 months after telling them...but had nothing to do with being sick...that i could prove.
Also about all this time that you are putting in for 'free' is this written in some contract that you have signed? I don't believe that they can do that. My husband and I own 2 corporations and we have laws that we have to follow, I would ask them to show you a company policy that mandates that you have to be at all these.
I do hope it gets better sweetie :)
In my job description it does state that I participate in fundraising events however I am not required to attend all of them. I do what I can. I work for a non profit society and the money that is raised helps determine my hours of employment. We also get funding from a huge corportation yearly.
I participate in all the major fundraising events, plus I participate in a lot of the little ones as well. However, when activities such as "kaeroke night", bowling, going to a play are scheduled it is my right to choose if I want to go or not. I do not appreciate feeling pressure to attend these because they become no fun! And like I stated before, I need my "me time" and I need my family time as well. My type of work requires me to work with individuals with different needs and this can be emotionally draining. I do not want to burn myself out. If I am not longer enjoying myself or effective in my role then I am no good top the people that I work with
Thank you for your support
Tasia w
Sharon:angel:
moore170
11-19-2007, 11:58 PM
For me personally I think it is good to disclose. There are many pros and cons though - if you search the older threads on this subject there are many reasons for both disclosing or not.
Your insurance company cannot share your health history with your emloyer but if they are a self insured plan they can see the dollar amount.
Your insurance company cannot share your health history with your emloyer but if they are a self insured plan they can see the dollar amount.