Hi everyone, I was wondering how some of you deal with the guilt? By this I mean- I have a husband a wonderful little boy who's 5. I am done with the guilt caused by my husband because I simply can't handle both and he is an adult and SHOULD at least TRY to understand but I have recently decided that if he can't well-too bad. I have let go there.
My little boy however is a different story, he is my life and to dissapoint him is something I really try not to do. And even though it's unintentional I have just found out that I've let him down. I had a parent teacher conference the other day and my son is not working up to his potential. He is actually very bright but because I have not worked with him enough to instill confidence he is not participating in class so the teacher of course thinks he doesn't know the work. I have been working with him at home the past few days and the things she thinks he doesn't know he is actually above average in these areas. He doesn't speak up in class because he's afraid he'll give the wrong answer. I feel this is entirely my fault. I have severe fibro and haven't been working with him so no one was giving him that positive feedback he so much deserved therefore resulting in low self esteem in class. I am working on this now and the rewards for both him and I have become apparrent in just 2 days. He is much more confident at home and so happy to be working with me that he's actually asking to learn more and more things. This is because I put the effort into making it fun instead of just making it seem like work. Why didn't I do this before? Because doing repetive things like cutting, making charts, even playing simple games causes intense pain for me and I can't help but say this is selfish on my part so I will continue and suffer for him. The suffering is the pain but seeing him build confidence is euphoric. Also I had no idea he was having any trouble in school until now. The things the teacher told me he had trouble with, he really doesn't. It's his confidence in himself that seems to be the problem. So, I guess my question is, how do you deal with this kind of guilt? It's tearing my heart apart that my liitle boy is struggling due to my illness.

After reading this post, I can't help but think that you are an awsome mom!! I can't help you with the guilt part, because guilt is really a personal thing. I don't feel that you need to hang on to this guilt because of what you are doing for your son now. You also, really, don't have all that much to feel guilt for.. blame it squarely on your FM. It's what has kept you from seeing what was occurring, not you. Just remember that the next time you realize that the pains have caused you to miss something that you feel should have been obvious. It's just not your fault! The pain will mesmerize you at times, and you have to be able to see that, and not so much the fact that you missed something you thought you would have been aware of. Just enjoy what you have begun with your wonderful child, and stop thinking of what might have been. Keep up the great Mothering girl... he can do nothing but benifit from your attention now!!:angel:;):D

Thank you so much for being so kind. All I ever wanted was to have a child and be a great mom. I finally got my child, much later in life than I hoped but he is truly a miracle and came as a wonderful surprise because I was sure I couldn't have children. I waited 10 long years for him and now can't help but feel I'm failing him. Life sure can be strange but I would endure anything thrown at me for my son. Again, thank you. You are the only one to respond to this post even though there were quite a few views.

I'm not a mom, but I can speak now as the adult child of a mom who has FM. She's had it most of my life, but only found a name for it about 10 years ago. We all turned out ok! My mom homeschooled 4 kids while dealing with FM, so there are definitely things that can be done to make things easier on the both of you.

If there's any way that you can explain to him what's going on inside your body, consider doing so. He sounds like a very bright boy and would probably jump at the chance to help you feel better.

being a mum of 4 plus two children i know exactly what your saying,my kids have suffered,along with me. my babies all know how much i love them and i have tried my best to keep up with there progress, dont be to hard on yourself your son is 5 and you have plenty of time to help him now,and you know there are plenty of people out there who dont have fm and dont care how there kids are doing at school, you to me seem like a great mum and your son will grow to be a great person, and as for the husband well what can i say, they are from another planet,he,ll work it out. my husband got ross river fever a few months ago he now understands what its like to hurt all over i hope he doesn't get a relapes as he thought he was dying, and he now is a little more understanding when it comes to me and fm, chin up keep learning and smile:) big hugs to your son and gentle ones to you,:angel:

Do not be so quick to let go regarding your husband. Help him to understand. Men are very visual by nature. Order the St. Amand DVD for him to watch; it will help you as well. When your son is old enough to understand you need to watch it with him to help him understand what you go through. If your husband doesn't improve after seeing the DVD then there is likely not much hope for him to ever understand.

hi kdel,
parent participation is everything. do what you are able. one of my daughters that i sorta got but did not birth came to me at 15 with all Fs in school. during the two years with me she carried a 4.0. and went on to college. it really is all about making it fun, giving tons of accolades, saying those positive words and praise, buckets of praise.
your body is what it is. guilt will not help your child or you. self confidence comes from being gifted with loving words as we grow AND seeing our parent set the example by having self confidence. guilt will get in the way of your self confidence. children learn by example. guilt is a waste of your precious energy. tell it to go, well, you know where.
keep up the good work. i have 5 children. all adults. now i set the example for my grandchildren. congrads on getting your child. they are a blessing. a gift. a wonderment.
peace,
bluelakelady

Thank you all for the comments and suggestions. In just this short time my son has turned around. He is speaking up in class and doing well. One of the things his teacher mentioned was that he never raises his hand to volunteer to answer a question. Finally on Monday he did only to be told he was wrong!
The question was- what is Thanksgiving? His answer- a celebration. When I asked why she said he was wrong he said she said that was not the answer she wanted. This of course upset him. I really do feel the teacher was wrong here. Even if that wasn't what she wanted he still wasn't really WRONG and remember this is Kindergarten. She could have handled this differently. She could have said yes it is a celebration but.... and then whatever else she needed to say. I volunteered 3hours in his class yesterday and came to find out from other parents that they have similar complaints so while I will take some of the blame here- It seems like an overwhelming amount of kids in her class are having "trouble". To my surprise he was brave enough to try again and this time he gave the "wanted" answer. Thank Goodness because I thought he would not try again, at least not so soon anyway.

may i suggest you speak with the principal about this?
congrad to your son. you hug him for me and take good care of your body so you can keep up the wonders you do. way to go mom!!! way to go kid!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
peace,
blue

Hi blue, I do have every intention of speaking with the principal. First though I am thinking I may see if any of the other parents would like to join me. Wether they do or not I will still do it myself. I intend to jump on this next week as school is of course closed until then. Thank you for taking the time to reply today and Happy Thanksgiving! I hope all is well with you.

within my mind there is such beauty i cannot describe. the body is what she is. the sun is out, what more can one ask for?
blessings to you also this day.
peace,
bluelakelady