In order for my mom to recieve benefits from her LTC Insurance Policy, she will need to be interviewed by a nurse. I spoke with the nurse to set up the appointment which is on the 28th of this month.

She would like me to be there, which I will be, but I'm so afraid that my mom will go into "cover it well" mode and the nurse won't see what I see.

Being that she isn't on any kind of med for her dementia, nor even had a diagnosis of it, I'm worried that the benefits may be turned down.

I plan on making a list of all the reasons why AL is the best place for my mom due to the way she wasn't able to care for herself; overmedicating; etc.

Has anyone had experience with the interview? Thanks in advance.:)

We just went through that with Mom and she was in major "cover it up" mode!! There was a paper she had to fill out and then one my sisters completed as well as other information they gathered. We did have a diagnosis from MARS that extensively explained her cognitive inabilities.

According to Mom's portion of the application she had not depression (though she has been on depression medication for several years now), she was not forgetful, and had no trouble doing anything including finances. Her day normally included walking 5 miles (maybe 5 years ago), sewing (which she has not done in years), volunteering (which she gave up years ago), and swimming (I never remember seeing my mom in the water).

They did ask her to subtract numbers that involved borrowing and perform other task that would be difficult for someone with dementia but simple for somebody without dementia. She failed them all.

She was approved and we are 75 days into our 90 day waiting period. Evidently they put a lot more weight on the doctor's evaluation, family input, and other information they receive. I think they are very aware that a dementia patience thinks they are fine.... and the rest of the world has gone crazy around them. Give them all the documentation that you can and good luck with the interview and I will keep you and your Mom in my thoughts and prayers.

Love, Deb

Thank you Deb, so much! After having mom placed in the facility; I squirm to think it might fall all apart when mom goes into her "professional business mode". At the same time, I don't want to humiliate my mom by bringing up all these things that she cannot understand or comprehend right in front of her.

What do you think if I kind of forwarn mom that some issues will come up and I have to be honest with my opinions, just so she will be prepared that I will say some things that aren't very flattering to her? I won't down right humiliate her, of course, but I sure don't want the nurse to think I'm trying to milk this and not take care of her on my own.

Mom is still very aware of her surroundings; people, places, etc....so she isn't that far out of the loop yet. Amazing how well she can cope when she needs to, but when asked to do a task as simple as turning on a light switch, she can't!

If I remember correctly the nurse talked to my sister separate from Mom. There were forms for both to fill out so Mom was busy while my sister was doing her part. The testing was done with my sister there. It was simple math, orientation, and memory test, but just like the light switch, very much the types of things a loved one with dementia could not deal with. I am not sure it is necessary to exaplain anything like you suggested to your Mom.

My mom handles some things well and other things not so well. She has better days and not so good days. She knew where she was but not what day it was though she knew the year. The math was far beyond her grasp and she only got a few correct on the memory test. We were unsure about the outcome but shortly thereafter received a letter saying her LTC was approved.

Mom was a bookkeeper all of her life. Her lost look when they ask her to subtract was the probably the most important moment of that interview. It was a huge statment about how far she had slipped. So they will take her professional status into account when they make their assessment. Intellegence does not go away... just the ability to use it. My mom is the master manipulator and can go into "cover" mode but they saw right through it all. That is what they are trained to do!!! So don't worry.... they know what they are doing and do it in a very professional manner that does not embarass the patience.

Be sure to let me know how it goes and know I will keep you both in my prayers....

Love, Deb

Don't forget, these people ARE trained to spot the 'bluff behaviour', but whatever you do DON'T STEP IN !!!

My BIL tried that when MIL was being assessed. The Nurse asked MIL to make her a cup of tea. MIL just looked at her. Nurse repeated the question. BIL stepped in and said "I'll put the kettle on" Nurse said "No, let Mum do it", he didn't like that much but kept prompting MIL ..."here, in the kitchen, turn it on"

Meanwhile, MIL got a piece of fruit from the fruit bowl and ate it, showing how WELL she could eat.

Did anybody get a cuppa? nope.

BTW .. I was told to STAY AWAY (like I was going to influence anything!) so I sat on the stairs, listened in and played 'spy' watching reflections.

MIL failed miserably (or passed, depends which way you look at it) but when the Nurse was doing the assessment, BIL stuck his beak in and said "oh she can do that, this and that, she's just having a bad day today" and so the nurse was FORCED to make her Low-Care (not needing NH quickly).

That being said, it did qualify her for respite care, and from THERE, with NO INTERFERENCE from anybody, it all quickly went to pieces and MIL got placed, as she should have been.

Be patient. All will be revealed LOL

Hmmmm....good advice here! I sure agree that (early on) an Alzheimer's patient can easily "hide" what's going on! They are scared! Really scared! The reality of what is happening is often realized by THEM before others notice.

I remember being told that "they don't loose their intelligence"...at the beginning of my own Mother's disease. Mom always knew we were taking her to an appointment...and often practiced her 6 childrens' names...counted forward and backward...even tried to impress me by telling me she recognized the persons in the next car...the house we just passed...and such. I saw the same behaviour in both in-laws...they are trying so hard to cover up.

Trained medical personnel are only seeing your loved one for a short time...but they are in this special field for a reason! Good luck Sunny.......Pam;)

(My Mom was an accomplished artist...when she first drew "the clock" all were amazed at the drawing; it even included a beautiful shaded area! Each drawing became stranger and stranger...how difficult it was to watch this person who could do amazing things with her hands become unable to even choose a crayon to color a picture. We have to focus thoughts on who our loved one WAS...not only on who they have become......Pam;))

My dad moved pianos and was a semi truck driver. Now he can't lift 10 lbs.

Because he drove a semi around Chicago for so many years, he knew the city. One could ramble off any address and dad would tell exactly where it's located, if it was on the north, south, east or west side of the street and what streets it was in between. One could also give a name of any street and he would tell you it's 6200 block North or 17800th block South or 300 block East or 5600 block West. He was amazing with directions! We never had to look at a map. Dad WAS our map.

Now he's lost two blocks from home....

I miss my old dad but there are a couple of things I like about my new dad. He tells me he loves me. He never used to do that before AD. And he's a much more compassionate person now. So when I get sad about my old dad, I try to think of the few good things I have to cherish in my new dad.

I'm thinking of taking a short trip to see him before Christmas. I bought a Chicago Cubs coat for him. I know he'll love it. I'd like to be there to see his face when he gets it. He's still crazy about the Cubs! Doesn't miss a game if he knows it's on tv.

Love, Barb

Barb, your comparison of your "new" and "old" dad is comforting but such a puzzle to me. From so many caregivers' reports, I have the impression many AD sufferers get "mean" and argumentative and angry. What do you think has caused your dad to change in the opposite way? I suppose it must be something about the disease, but what? Why would he now be more open to say he loves you and "much more compassionate", as you say? Why would Alz. bring about such a reversal in his personality? :confused:

A lot depends on exactly which part of the brain has been affected. AD eventually attacks the entire brain (if the person lives that long without perishing from some other problem), so 'bits' go, bit by bit.

I've seen beautiful, calm, cuddly victims turn into screaming, hysterical, angry fighting people, biting, kicking, scratching .....

and I've seen angry, violent fighting people turn into big cuddly teddy bears.

I love the big cuddly teddy bears :-)

A lot depends on exactly which part of the brain has been affected. AD eventually attacks the entire brain (if the person lives that long without perishing from some other problem), so 'bits' go, bit by bit.

I've seen beautiful, calm, cuddly victims turn into screaming, hysterical, angry fighting people, biting, kicking, scratching .....

and I've seen angry, violent fighting people turn into big cuddly teddy bears.

I love the big cuddly teddy bears :-)

But angel bear, I thought dementia pretty much went in reverse of growing up as a baby and child -- what you learned later, you lose first. You lose your most recent memories and skills first, right? Then you lose your calculating and judgment memories that you acquired all through life earlier. Then your inhibitions you learned in childhood go so you poop in public and stuff like that. Until finally you're all the way back at the beginning where you can't walk, become totally incontinent, forget how to eat and when it's day and night. Finally I guess your body forgets how to direct its basic survival functions like a newborn would even have, like swallow, digest nutrition and breathe.

So it would make sense someone would get petty, childish, irrational, selfish, mean as they descend into dementia -- because you are losing or "unlearning" the inhibitions and behavior controls you learned as you grew up.

So how you suppose some Alz'ers becoming more gentle and compassionate, like Barb's dad and some of the "teddy bears" you describe, fit in there? Seems to me like those are more mature, developed behaviors which are the opposite of how a deteriorating brain would manifest itself. But what do I know, obviously.:confused: I just wish we could stop these horrible damages.:( Thank you for sharing your experience again, I've read a long time and so appreciated both your and Martha's wisdom and common sense, thank you both.

I thought dementia pretty much went in reverse of growing up as a baby and child -- what you learned later, you lose first. You lose your most recent memories and skills first, right? Then you lose your calculating and judgment memories that you acquired all through life earlier. Then your inhibitions you learned in childhood go so you poop in public and stuff like that. Until finally you're all the way back at the beginning where you can't walk, become totally incontinent, forget how to eat and when it's day and night. Finally I guess your body forgets how to direct its basic survival functions like a newborn would even have, like swallow, digest nutrition and breathe.

Yes, your right, but this is the "usual", "typical" expectations. AD does affect different parts of the brain, although USUALLY follows a pattern, it doesn't mean each and every victim will 'do it by the book'. Most do, some don't. *most* get agro, *some* get complacent, and no, we can't predict it.

It's like babies. They all develop at different rates, but ideally, they are similar or the expected 'norm'. Once in a while, you get a 'superbaby' who does things outside the square.

In the early to mid stages AD behaviours CAN be learnt. They may be forgetting basic skills, but they don't lose their intelligence. Does that sound whacky? Yes, it does, but just because they have Dementia doesn't mean they're stupid (and I don't mean that in a degrading way). They learn that if they scream loud enough, someone will come running. They learn that if they are quiet and complacent, they will get cuddles. Late stage is when the brain has truly gone haywire and the body is on auto pilot. That is the basic "3 stages of Dementia" theory as opposed to the "7 stages" as in the top of this forum.

I think, from personal experience we need to take one day at a time yet be prepared for change in advance. We need to stop 'expecting' things (because that in itself is a stressful past-time) and to put in interventions BEFORE they are needed to keep our loved one safe. In the early stages of Dementia, we need to not sit back and wait for a deterioration to take place to put in an intervention, we need to get the interventions in place NOW so it is less stressful for EVERYBODY, including the victim in the long term. Get the high placed bolts on the door. Get the ID bracelet. Get the continence pads ready, book a respite (at home or day care), put th name down at a NH (you don't have to accept if your not ready). Get a routine so that when the deterioration happens (no set dates there either!!) it won't impact on everybody nearly as badly as if you weren't prepared.

STORY: My girlfriends Dad was a very stand-off-ish man. Never held his wifes hand, never cuddled his one and only child .. a daughter. He made it perfectly clear that he never intended to have a daughter, that he only wanted a son, and since no more children were forthcoming, then he would stay married (for the food/bed) but intimacy was out. So my girlfriend grew up, knowing her Father didn't want her. She never saw her parents hold hands, hug or kiss, in fact she grew up seeing them live very seperate lives .. seperate bedrooms .. very isolated. Fast forward a few years, and her Dad starts some odd behaviours. Hoarding everything and anything, walking and getting lost, driving ON SIDEWALKS (scary one that one) and .... playing with his grandson (! .. Ahh !! The Boy) ... fast forward a little while later, He can barely talk, is falling down, constant UTI's .... and finally admitted to a NH with the diagnosis of "dementia". Within 2 days, he was on the watch list for being 'TOO CUDDLY". He, who had never shown affection !! His wife now visits, and he holds her hand. My girlfriend visits, he gives her big cuddles. He's gone from 'aloof and indepedent' to "cuddly teddy bear". Go figure!

On the flip side .. yes, my MIL, a warm, gentle, loving woman turned into the creature from the black lagoon almost overnight! Go figure!

No, this disease DOESN'T make sense .. it keeps everybody hopping, but if they turn into the gentle teddy bear .... MAKE THE MOST OF IT !! LOL LOL

:jester:

I miss my old dad but there are a couple of things I like about my new dad. He tells me he loves me. He never used to do that before AD. And he's a much more compassionate person now. So when I get sad about my old dad, I try to think of the few good things I have to cherish in my new dad.


I love this--it so nicely sums up our experience with our dad as well. The old one was a bit controlling and ornery going waaaay back. When he couldn't remember things (facts etc) well any longer, he had his feelings to rely on. It was kind of ironic that dad, who-- along with mom--would diminish any talk of feelings us kids had, became reliant on his feelings and those he perceived in people around him. ...at times it made the whole AD journey "worth it". I miss my new dad but treasure that journey. :angel:

I have found the same to be true about my Dad. He was so preoccupied with making sure we had enough that he was absent a lot. He would come home tired from his two jobs. His brain was filled with efforts to provide for his family. How I treasure the hours I have spent with him sitting in the swing out back or by the koi pond just pondering life. I treasure each time he has hugged me and told me he loved me. Even when he tells me I am his favorite... eldest child. There is so much I love about my "new" dad. I also realized what an amazing man he truly is. Even in his confused world he is caring, loving, respectful, and giving.

My mom is another story. I do not like my "new" mom very much. She holds a lot of resentment and bitterness for the things she never got to do. I have seen a selfish uncaring side to her. She was always the hugger who said "I love you" and I never get that from her any more.

I think the thing that bothers me the most is now often Dad tells Mom that he loves her. He adores her and tells her repeatedly what a wonderful person she is and how beautiful she is. Mom only throws back hateful barbs. I want to wrap my dad in a safe cocoon but I know he would be totally lost without her. And the story goes on......

Love, Deb