I find myself...deep in thought. My father died of Esophogial cancer on October 24th. I have found myself at the beginning just having to be strong to help my sister and mother through this. Now that it has been a little bit of time. I find myself thinking...what could I have done to prevent this terrible loss. I think of things like I should have put handrails up. I should have been around alot more to help him out. I know my mother was here to help him, but she isn't the strongest person out there. I feel that if I would have been around more then maybe he would still be here. I figure that one of these days I will totally break down and lose my mind, but then again...this isn't my first dealing with death. About six years ago...my brother committed suicide. Then a cousin did the same thing....then I lost both of my grandfathers within a year. I just want to know if it is ok to feel this numb about it, or is it all going to hit me all at once?

Hi priestly,
First of all i am so sorry for your loss!! But please dont blame yourself your father had cancer,even some doctors cant help with this.

People deal with greif in all diffrent kind of ways, some people are numb towards it if you feel as though youv'e got people to look after, If you want to be strong in front of your family why not take an hour for yourself and go and speak to someone for the grief your feeling?

I really hope things work out please keep in touch.

Thanks Marie....I find it hard to even find an hour for myself to find someone to talk to. I get up at 6am to goto work. Come home around 4pm...then have to watch my niece till 9pm...usually don't get to bed till 11pm. Even during the weekend....I don't have that much time to myself. I hope it does get better. Thanks for the advice....I suppose I will have to find time somewhere.

Im always ready to listen if you want? I cant imagine how hard this must be for you, Im battiling cancer at the moment and my husbands just like you, trying to prevent something that is out of his hands no amount of handrails or support can really help, But belive me when i say that your dad knew he had your support and love that would have brought alot of comfort to him.
Anyway stay strong and im always here.

Priestly, it's Ok to feel this numb. All of us grive in our own ways. I lost my father on the 26th of September. I am an only child and was given the task of telling Mom that her husband of 64 and a half years was dead. Momma had Alzheimers. Withing 5 weeks Momma had joined Daddy. So now I have buried both of my parents. At least I knew how to plan the funeral for the second go...

I had not finished grieving for Dad when Mom had died..how do you gireve for both of your parents? How do I even begin to climb out of the hole of despair that i find myself in? It is so hard to get up every day and get dressed and go to work. I have 60 people that depend upon my smiling face every day and it takes all that I have some days to put on my make-up and work clothes and carry on. Sometimes keeping busy is a good way to work through the grief.

Don't blame yourself for not doing more. You did what you could do at the time. There is a limit at each time in your life that you can do. Perhaps God had a reason as to why you could only do that much at that time. Did you consider that? Perhaps it was so another person could do something. There is always a reason why each thing occurs. Let it rest and let it go. It was what it was and you can't change it....as my mamma used to tell me.

But you do need to be kinder to yourself. We all need to take time for us. YOu need to let yourself heal. Whether it is through taking a counseling session, or trying yoga, or just walking by yourself...you need you time..