Tracey68
11-21-2007, 06:50 PM
Hi, need advice my partner of nine years has just told me he has genital herpes, he keeps saying he hasnt slept with anyone else but I am finding this very hard to believe. He reckons the doctor told him it can lie dormant in the body for a few years, but we have been together nine so what am I to believe. He also told me that it was hereditary but I have been looking on other sites and they all say it is not. Although I am showing no symptons I am going to the doctors asap. Any advice would help as I feel like I am going mad.
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Thisby
11-22-2007, 12:06 AM
I believe the correct response would be "liar, liar, pants on fire".
I'm sorry you have a boyfriend who thinks you are that gullible... What I would be more willing to believe, is that he has been hiding it from you for a long time. Is he acting all casual about having it?
I'm sorry you have a boyfriend who thinks you are that gullible... What I would be more willing to believe, is that he has been hiding it from you for a long time. Is he acting all casual about having it?
sara43
11-22-2007, 10:55 AM
Hi Tracey. Yes he's probably a lier!!! Yes you can have herpes and not know it. And yes it can lay dormant for years but there has to be signs of it.
That's I how I got Herpes 1 and 2 about a month ago, from a lier.
We dated 3 months before doing anything. We got tested, we both said that we can back negative. What I failed to ask was to see a copy of his results!!! Dummy me. I am learning a lesson the hard way. It's hard for me to trust anyone right now. But I'm learning that I come first. And you should to. Go the Dr's and get tested. You need to know. Also keep in mind that it can take from 4-6 weeks to show up in the blood. So IF you just got it, it may not show up right away in your bloodwork. When I first tested I showed Pos for Herpes 1 for culture sample and bloodwork but neg for Herpes 2 in the bloodwork. Three weeks later I was retested and this time it came back Pos for Herpes 1 and 2 down there. How devastating was that!!!!
I am now trying to forgive myself from believing a jerk and to eat right and exercise. My self esteem took a major hit and I'm working on a recovery.
Take care of yourself and put yourself first!!!! It's obvious that he has.
Good luck.
Sara.
That's I how I got Herpes 1 and 2 about a month ago, from a lier.
We dated 3 months before doing anything. We got tested, we both said that we can back negative. What I failed to ask was to see a copy of his results!!! Dummy me. I am learning a lesson the hard way. It's hard for me to trust anyone right now. But I'm learning that I come first. And you should to. Go the Dr's and get tested. You need to know. Also keep in mind that it can take from 4-6 weeks to show up in the blood. So IF you just got it, it may not show up right away in your bloodwork. When I first tested I showed Pos for Herpes 1 for culture sample and bloodwork but neg for Herpes 2 in the bloodwork. Three weeks later I was retested and this time it came back Pos for Herpes 1 and 2 down there. How devastating was that!!!!
I am now trying to forgive myself from believing a jerk and to eat right and exercise. My self esteem took a major hit and I'm working on a recovery.
Take care of yourself and put yourself first!!!! It's obvious that he has.
Good luck.
Sara.
Tracey68
11-23-2007, 07:58 PM
Thankyou so much for your advice, he is still adamant that he has never slept with anyone else, but admits to having oral sex three years ago when we had a break. He is treating me like a fool and trying to carry on like everything is ok, but like you said he has probably had signs of it before. Last year he was on medication for what he said was a urinary infection but now I guess this was probably yet another lie. Do you think that his cheap thrill three years ago has come back to haunt him now. I am just so amazed that I have had no symptons but cant get to my Doctors till next week to get checked so got a great weekend of worrying ahead of me.
If it wasnt worrying me so much I'd laugh at some of his lame excuses but until I know for sure I'll save them for another day.
Thanks again for taking the time to reply to me
Take care
If it wasnt worrying me so much I'd laugh at some of his lame excuses but until I know for sure I'll save them for another day.
Thanks again for taking the time to reply to me
Take care
sara43
11-25-2007, 04:15 PM
Tracey
Yes it can stay dormant for 8-10 years even. And yes you can get herpes from just oral sex. If the woman has Herpes 1 cold sores and goes down on a man, then yes the man can get herpes. Get tested for both herpes 1 and 2. They have to ask for each test.
I'm still crying about my mess I'm in but I'm trying to forgive myself for trusting the jerk, to eat right and exercise, and to move on. Easier said than done!!
Good luck and god bless.
Sara.
Yes it can stay dormant for 8-10 years even. And yes you can get herpes from just oral sex. If the woman has Herpes 1 cold sores and goes down on a man, then yes the man can get herpes. Get tested for both herpes 1 and 2. They have to ask for each test.
I'm still crying about my mess I'm in but I'm trying to forgive myself for trusting the jerk, to eat right and exercise, and to move on. Easier said than done!!
Good luck and god bless.
Sara.
Tracey68
11-25-2007, 08:36 PM
Dear Sara,
I really feel for you as right now I am in limbo land not knowing one way or the other. Stay positive, keep up the healthy eating and excercise and hopefully you will be able to keep it at bay. I am making an appointment for the doctors first thing Monday morning and then I will take it from there. He was here tonight trying to make peace but I cannot even look at him, the reason i am still letting him into my home is because if I find out I am all clear then I am free of him, if not I will make his life living hell.
I can only imagine what you are going through, as right now I feel very low and depressed, but at the end of the day us women are whole heap stronger than men. So be strong and positive and in this life you never know what will happen.
Thankyou for your time again
Take care
Tracey
I really feel for you as right now I am in limbo land not knowing one way or the other. Stay positive, keep up the healthy eating and excercise and hopefully you will be able to keep it at bay. I am making an appointment for the doctors first thing Monday morning and then I will take it from there. He was here tonight trying to make peace but I cannot even look at him, the reason i am still letting him into my home is because if I find out I am all clear then I am free of him, if not I will make his life living hell.
I can only imagine what you are going through, as right now I feel very low and depressed, but at the end of the day us women are whole heap stronger than men. So be strong and positive and in this life you never know what will happen.
Thankyou for your time again
Take care
Tracey
sara43
11-26-2007, 08:50 AM
Hi Tracey.
I'm glad you are making a Dr's appt. It's scary and sometimes embarrassing subject but you need to know for your health. I've been to the same obgyn for 9 years so I'm to the point where I just say it like it is. I'm finally over the feeling of wanting to clobber the jerk that gave this to me. Tues night I have a date with a man who is the same boat as I am. So I'm trying to remain hopeful.
But good luck to you and for your Dr's appt.
Let me know how things are going with you.
Sara : )
I'm glad you are making a Dr's appt. It's scary and sometimes embarrassing subject but you need to know for your health. I've been to the same obgyn for 9 years so I'm to the point where I just say it like it is. I'm finally over the feeling of wanting to clobber the jerk that gave this to me. Tues night I have a date with a man who is the same boat as I am. So I'm trying to remain hopeful.
But good luck to you and for your Dr's appt.
Let me know how things are going with you.
Sara : )
Tracey68
11-26-2007, 05:59 PM
Hi Sara,
Hope your date goes well and you have to keep me posted on that haha, will let you know how I get on at the Doc's.
Enjoy yourself
Tracey
Hope your date goes well and you have to keep me posted on that haha, will let you know how I get on at the Doc's.
Enjoy yourself
Tracey
itneverstops
12-06-2007, 02:08 PM
Hi, need advice my partner of nine years has just told me he has genital herpes, he keeps saying he hasnt slept with anyone else but I am finding this very hard to believe. He reckons the doctor told him it can lie dormant in the body for a few years, but we have been together nine so what am I to believe. He also told me that it was hereditary but I have been looking on other sites and they all say it is not. Although I am showing no symptons I am going to the doctors asap. Any advice would help as I feel like I am going mad.
Many Thanks
There is a good chance he's telling the truth. 90% of people with herpes do not know they have it. Either they have no symptoms, or their symptoms are so mild they don't notice or recognize them. In fact, you could have it and not know it. Unless you've both been tested regularly, you honestly can't point fingers. Because of the lack of symptoms for so many people as well as dormancy times, it is nearly impossible to pin down when a person got herpes and who they got it from. For all you know, you were the carrier who unknowingly gave it to him. It definitely possible that it can be dormant for years, even up to 25 according to some reports I've read.
If you just NOW got it and don't have any symptoms, going to the doctor's isn't going to show you anything. If you newly have it, it won't show up in your blood yet, so you'd need a culture which can only be done on an open sore. You could have your blood tested, but if it came back positive, that would mean you've had it at least 3 months.
It isn't hereditary, though, that is definitely wrong.
As for having it for years and not knowing it, I have a first hand story. I was extremely careful and waited until marriage to have sex because I'm incredibly anxious about my health. The very first night I was with my husband, I contracted herpes orally. Less than a month later, I had it genitally as well. We were both flabbergasted because he hadn't been with anyone in over two years, and I never had. He'd never had any symptoms, so he naively thought he was herpes free, especially after two plus years. When I was diagnosed, he had his blood tested, and sure enough, he had it. He has no idea where he got it. He did have a girlfriend in the early 80's who had it, but he'd never had any symptoms, so he didn't think he got it from her. Maybe he did, maybe he got it elsewhere; it is impossible to say. If he did get it from her, it was dormant for 20+ years. But, considering that 1 in 4 woman have it, he could have been exposed several times throughout the years, just like your partner could have. 1 in 5 men have it, so you may have been exposed before meeting your partner.
These are the facts. Maybe your partner did cheat, maybe he didn't. Unless you both entered the relationship as virgins, it would be hard to say what happened. For you, it is a case of trust and judgment as to whether or not you want to stay with that person.
Many Thanks
There is a good chance he's telling the truth. 90% of people with herpes do not know they have it. Either they have no symptoms, or their symptoms are so mild they don't notice or recognize them. In fact, you could have it and not know it. Unless you've both been tested regularly, you honestly can't point fingers. Because of the lack of symptoms for so many people as well as dormancy times, it is nearly impossible to pin down when a person got herpes and who they got it from. For all you know, you were the carrier who unknowingly gave it to him. It definitely possible that it can be dormant for years, even up to 25 according to some reports I've read.
If you just NOW got it and don't have any symptoms, going to the doctor's isn't going to show you anything. If you newly have it, it won't show up in your blood yet, so you'd need a culture which can only be done on an open sore. You could have your blood tested, but if it came back positive, that would mean you've had it at least 3 months.
It isn't hereditary, though, that is definitely wrong.
As for having it for years and not knowing it, I have a first hand story. I was extremely careful and waited until marriage to have sex because I'm incredibly anxious about my health. The very first night I was with my husband, I contracted herpes orally. Less than a month later, I had it genitally as well. We were both flabbergasted because he hadn't been with anyone in over two years, and I never had. He'd never had any symptoms, so he naively thought he was herpes free, especially after two plus years. When I was diagnosed, he had his blood tested, and sure enough, he had it. He has no idea where he got it. He did have a girlfriend in the early 80's who had it, but he'd never had any symptoms, so he didn't think he got it from her. Maybe he did, maybe he got it elsewhere; it is impossible to say. If he did get it from her, it was dormant for 20+ years. But, considering that 1 in 4 woman have it, he could have been exposed several times throughout the years, just like your partner could have. 1 in 5 men have it, so you may have been exposed before meeting your partner.
These are the facts. Maybe your partner did cheat, maybe he didn't. Unless you both entered the relationship as virgins, it would be hard to say what happened. For you, it is a case of trust and judgment as to whether or not you want to stay with that person.