Hi, my MIL is 82 years old, my husband and I both think she has alzheimers for some time, my husband has approached my FIL years ago and he said he agreed but won't seek help for her. This past week they were here visiting, and we took notice to a sharp decline in her since we saw them three months ago. I'll post what we feel are her symptoms can you please tell me if they are alzheimers symptoms or not.
1. She's afraid to be left alone in a room or at home at anytime, she was never like this in the past, but lately she's very fearful that when she is alone that she'll get lost even in the hosue.
2. We took notice to a sense of time lost, like it was dinner time and we were talking about having dinner and she was talking like she just ate lunch which was six hours ago, we could see the confusion on her face like why are we asking her if she's hungry for dinner cause she just ate lunch.
3. Gets very angry quickly, and I mean quickly at the drop of a hat, and it's a mean angry.
4. She forgets things from minute to minute or from what you tell her from hours to hours ago. but she remembers things very clearly from years ago.
5. She watches the same channel on tV all day the news channel, we don't think that she realizes that it's all repeated all day long, but to her it's all new all day, this is all she watches.
6. When she is out of her element meaning her own home, she is more confused then ever.
7. She is very fearful of more things then ever.
8.. When she speaks she has trouble finding words to come out the right way.
Thanks for your help.
Tulip15

Yes, it sounds like one or another of the many forms of dementia. At the top of this Board you will find a posting called 'The 7 stages of Alzheimer's.' This will help pinpoint just what happens and when. Your MIL needs to be evaluated by a professional, and her husband or child should get her POA and be legally authorized to make decisions for her when she cannot do so rationally any more. There are medications on the market that may slow the progress of the disease, but nothing stops it or cures it, and you cannot go back to an earlier stage. In the end it is fatal. You and your husband and FIL will need a lot of patience. Good luck to you.

Love,

Martha

Thanks Martha for the advice, we do have one problem tho, my husband approached his father about this 2-3 years ago and he did say that yes he thought she was starting it and said to my husband that he would mention it to their doctor, well we don't think he ever did, you see my in-laws are the type that don't mention much health realted issues to their doctors they are like don't say anything and nothing is wrong. My MIL also is very reluctant to take medication she has this fear that anything she takes will make her have kidney problems, she is also the type that won't listen to others very stubborn, we feel our hands our tied with all of this and it's very frustrating. My in-laws don't have a good marriage and that adds to all of this. My husband said that we cannot physically go and get her to a doctor cause they way my MIL is she would never ever allow us to take her because in her mind there is nothing wrong, plus we and my brother-in-law feel that there family doc. is not all that good. So how do we or should I say my husband approach his father with all of this, he really needs to get her some help and tested without us over stepping our boundaries.
This is just all so frustrating for us, because we don't know what to do, they won't listen to us, and they do as they want, we do live in separate states so it's even more frustrating.

We had visited them this past August, and now when we just saw them last weekend, we couldn't believe the change in her, and how she has changed for the worse, it seems that if it is Alzheimers it's progressing quickly. It's all so scarey.
Thanks for listening.
Tulip15

Sometimes the only thing you can do is wait. You and your husband have expressed your concern to your FIL, but he thinks he is handling everything just fine. He refuses your help, and sees it as interference.

One day it will become simply too much for him to handle. She will wander off and get lost, burn something on the stove, and he will be scared enough to make proper arrangements for her; probably she will wind up in a nursing home. As soon as he understands that he is not trained or equipped to deal with Alzheimers, he will be more willing to make chages.

Keep in touch with him, whenever you ask how Mom is doing, mention in passing that she needs a checkup for her memory, and mention that there are good medicines out there now that help some. Then leave it up to him - unless you are convinced that he has Dementia or another mental illness himself. If he is in his right mind, he is the next of kin to her, and unless there is criminal neglect going on (if he hits her, doesn't see to it that she is clean and fed, and safe ) in which cse the police can get involved, you have to take a step back and wait.

It may seem very hard to do. I am glad my mom was alone when her Dementia began, and I was able to move in with her and help her. I would not have done it if my dad were still alive....

Love,

Martha

Martha, you have been a lot of help. My FIL is of sound mind, and my husband said that as long as he is and alive there is nothing we can physically don as of right now. It's so frustrating for us, but yet very difficult to be around my MIL as she becomes more difficult. And what I have read about this disease is so scarey as it gets more progressive.
I just have this gut feeling that '08 will be a very trying year for us, I'll keep reading all the posts here for information as I have read so much already, and I'll keep in touch.
Tulip15

Tulip, you are facing what I faced with my own mother and father. Mom was diagnosed with it. So both of them knew that she had the disease and yes they "acceped it", but that didn't mean that they were going to do anything about it. I fought with them as the only child, for three years until I got mom in a home. The only reason I was fortunate enough to get her in a home was that she had had surgery and needed to have rehab.

So, instead I was flying home to Minn. every two to three months to cook meals to put in the freezer and to take the to dr. appt. and to argue that they needed meals on wheels. Mom had done everything for Dad and it was almost impossible for him to do anything for them as a couple. How it brok my heart and soul to watch them struggle. I fed them and prayed for them - hence the screen name. The good lord had strong guardian angels that watched over them or they shurly would have died from Mom doing one thing or another.

Unless you want to call in the county and deem that your fil is unfit to take care of your mil there isn't much to do except pray and keep track of them as much as possible. It will be a burden that will wear your fil out sooner rather than later....

hang in ther edear....we're praying for and with you.

Hi ibake&pray, so nice to see you again, I didn't realize all that you went through with your parents, you were a very special daughter, and now you have very dear guardian angels watching over you.
This is, and will be a struggle we fear, but I agree with you that all we can do for right now is to watch and pray that my FIL makes the right choices and that he can.
It's so hard especially when the both of them are very stubborn and don't like to listen to us, so for right now our hands are tied.
I hope your Thanksgiving was a peaceful one for you this year.
Tulip15

Tulip, I swore off Thanksgiving this year. Even with a 9 month old grandson, I found it hard to give thanks for much of anything. Exhaustion and tears being constant conpanions plus the mask of normalicy that I wear as an EA eat away at any reserve that I have as I continue to mourn. How funny people are. They assume that once you have buried your dead the mouring must be done. Especially if the dead are in another state, such as Mom and Daddy are. But that isn't what I wanted to say.

Please make sure that someone in your hubby's family has durable POA over both of your inlaws. It will be needed quicker than you think. Daddy had it over Momma and Momma over dad but I had it over both of them and this proved to be extremely valuable. You need medical and durable. You don't want the state to be able to step in and "help" you out.

Our giant schnauzer Gustavus Adolphus helped us out by getting the pecan pie off of the island and eating the half pie that was left. When that didn't seem to fill him up (he weighs 93 lbs.) he took the half pound of butter that was also sitting there and ate that also. Decided that the wrapper wasn't necessary and left that on the floor in the living room. I do wish he would learn to pick up after himself.......

Hi Ibake&pray, I can understand why you are feeling the way you are about not feeling much to be thankful for, I still have that feeling at times 17 years after the death of my first born son, it's always so hard around the holidays especially when we loose those we love right near the holidays, I lost my dad 12/18 almost 30 years ago and that date is still hard for me, so do know that I hold you in my thoughts and prayers, and that the love of your family and friends will help ease your sorrow and the memories of your parents will help.
You take care of yourself.
Tulip15

I'm late to the thread, just popping in--I think you can call Adult Protective Services if you think your FIL isn't getting your MIL the care she needs.

There's something to be said as well for antianxiety medications, antidepressants, even antipsychotics--my dad was on all of these along with his Aricept or the newer AD med. They made his life much more enjoyable for him. He wasn't freaking out all the time and feeling suspicious like he had w/o the meds. Caregiving for someone w/ AD is very draining (I'm sure I'm singing to the choir here), and if she and your FIL already don't have a good relationship, this not-ideal relationship and caregiving frustration can combine and come out in unhealthy ways.

Dad lived on his own for a long time--every time we hired a support person he turned around and threw them out (or never let them in the door). "Luckily" he had a bad fall that required hospitalization. After that we moved him across country to be near my sister.

I don't envy you, caregiving from afar. BTDT.