Hi, I have a rather bad anger problem, that usually explodes into rage bacause I let it build up & up & up. I have a confrontational personality that makes it difficult to remove myself from possibly explosive situations. I've gone to Psych docs (which were'nt too much help other than to say my life sucks, and I should find some way on my own, and then the other ones that want to make me drugged up to not care), their solutions seemed rather unhelpful. So, here I am, looking for help from my peers, so I can try and fix this, so I can save my marraige and family. This is my first step. Am I in the right place?

My problem stems way back, with these outbursts happening back to when I was a kid. It almost seems like they come every 1 to 3 months and can be very destructive to inanimate objects. I just don't have the heart to abuse people. That and I yell and say rather stupid things. Talking about the issues are tough for me because there are few I can trust. I prefer venting in a calm environment with a 3rd party (friend), but what I say usually comes back to bite me in the a**, because they share with their spouses who share with my wife and that adds fuel to the marital relations fire. I feel trapped unable to get rid of the frustration (so it builds).

TikiDiver ~
You're in the right place! If you don't mind me asking, what happened all the way back when you were a kid?

Not that I want to blame other people for my problems, but I was a child of divorce, in the early 70's. My parents would often be in court, using what I said as fuel for their fight. Dad wasalways pretty cool about the issue, but mom would be mean, and would take out her "disappointment" by calling me a spy, etc... I guess by not being in control of my environment, I sought to be in control of my group of friends (to try & create some stability), which didn't work out exactly, and as I got pushed back farther into the pack, my frustration atarted to grow. I eventually settled into the "3rd fiddle" position, but again set myself up to be controlled (which again added to my frustration) creating more frustration, anger and rage. Soon I found myself relatively solitary, dwelling in a world of toys & things (the last area I knew I could control, and that became my obsession for a time). This loop kept repeating but with different themes up to the current time.

fortress of zen so to speak). Now I find myself getting upset for what in retrospect seem to be the most petty of reasons, money for survival being the thing that causes anxiety spurts (that I have some meds for). I would like some aspect of control (as I mentioned earlier) not for controls sake, but for a handhold of stability from which lifes chaos can somwhat be handled . I just feel so incredibly lost & powerless now, with no one who seems to understand, or that I would want to burden with my rantings (possibly in hopes that I'm not alone in this boat). My family does not deserve being on "eggshells" for fear that I may explode, I love them too much. This is my problem, and I need to find a way to fix it (preferably not by chemically labotamizing myself). First so I can be mentally stable, and second for them (a happy home is my ultimate goal).

Have you ever spoken to your parents about any of this?

Hi Tiki, I would try therapy. Sounds like you don't meet your own needs and stand up for yourself maybe? You can work through all of the stuff that makes you angry. I think that when people don't take control over their lives in the correct ways (standing up for themselves, etc.) that it causes them to want to control things that shouldn't be controlled (the small things in life). If you learn how to control things that can be controlled (meeting your needs and standing up for yourself) then you don't feel the need to control the little things that will drive you crazy. Keep posting, you will find understanding here.

Mill, I've spoken to both about this several years ago. Dad was pretty cool about it, saying he never talked details with me because I was too young and it would have been unfair (this is pretty much how I remember it), mom on the other hand became very defensive "acting in your best interest", then going off saying how unappreciative I was, and I was out of line for "attacking" her on this subject (followed by not talking to me for a few months). She's 60 now, remarried and has her new life going... we talk, I tell her about the grandkids and they visit once or twice a year for a couple days. I'm fine with that because she won't change, I aired my beef... the rest is just a matter of her having a "relationship?" with my kids.

Sannah, I've been in therapy (about a years worth (last year)), sparing much of the details, we determined I am stuck in a bad situation and there's no way out, "but here's some drugs that make you a zombie, life will still suck, but now you won't care" (Kaiser). I took the drugs and then stopped because they were too altering (although I still have a good supply of anti-anxiety meds that will calm me down (it just takes about a 1/2 hour for it effects to start setting in). Really I can ahndle most little things and not give a darn about control, my real peve comes with money & time. I work graveyard at a job 70 miles away, because the pay and benefits can't be beaten (by anything closer, believe me I'm looking). I work a 7-1-7-2-7-4 (8 hr shifts) rotation and have 4 more years until I'm eligible to retire from the Navy (Reserve). We have 2 special needs kids that have therapy all over town and in-home. Combine unavoidable fatigue, multiple demands (mainly I'm back-up on) & high operating costs... the stress can get mighty weighty at times. My dw's mother helps out when she comes to town, but where we live there is no other family, or close knit support system. Dw has a couple friends and I fully support her going for a much deserved break. Me?, I just like to recharge the batteries when I have a day off. If it seems like I'm rambling, it's because I've been up for 25 hours and about to go to bed for about 5 hrs, because there are things I must do.

Tiki, wow, sorry about your stresses. Keep posting here to relieve yourself a bit from them psychologically?