dodedoo
12-12-2007, 11:50 AM
has anyone ever had obsessive thoughts about killing themselves? i know i would never do it. but i have obsessive thoughts about suicide. it comes back during times of high anxiety and stress. i find it really annoying and scary at the same time. help?
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BadMalibu
12-12-2007, 01:29 PM
Dodedoo-
Intrusive thoughts can take many different forms and different people have different intrusive thoughts, but they're all just intrusive thoughts. If you're not already seeing a CBT for your OCD, it's probably a good idea to find a CBT in your area who can work with you to develop strategies to control your OCD.
You said that during times of high anxiety and stress your intrusive thoughts are worse, and that holds true for me too, as it does for many of us that have OCD. Most Psychologists will tell you that stress is directly related to an increase in OCD moments becuase we're experiencing all these feelings, whether they're scary or happy feelings.
I started driving with a new company this past Monday and no matter how long you've been driving a semi, they always put you with a trainer. So I was not familiar with the docks that I would be delivering too, although my trainer was. He wanted to see how well I did backing into a tough dock that wasn't straight, so he got out of the truck and was watching me. I hate it when people watch me because it makes me so nervous. Well after bumping the wall, and tipping over a few pallets in the back of my truck, I finally got the truck docked, but during that time I could see the expression on his face and he wasn't very happy. I apologized and went on with my day.
Later as soon as I left work on the way home I started having intrusive thoughts flood in like crazy, and although it was hours after the incident, I was having them anyway. This was because my brain was too busy concentrating on work and what I had to do, rather than thinking about OCD. When we're at rest or not using our brains, our intrusive thoughts will also flood in, especially if it's after a time where we know we cannot afford to use up anymore brain energy. So basically when I was nervous and backing up my truck and my OCD started I just told it to shut up, but OCD is resilient and later it came back, and when it did I dealt with it by saying that I had a tough day, and sometimes you have a tough day at work, and tomorrow would be better.
Hope this helps.:D
Intrusive thoughts can take many different forms and different people have different intrusive thoughts, but they're all just intrusive thoughts. If you're not already seeing a CBT for your OCD, it's probably a good idea to find a CBT in your area who can work with you to develop strategies to control your OCD.
You said that during times of high anxiety and stress your intrusive thoughts are worse, and that holds true for me too, as it does for many of us that have OCD. Most Psychologists will tell you that stress is directly related to an increase in OCD moments becuase we're experiencing all these feelings, whether they're scary or happy feelings.
I started driving with a new company this past Monday and no matter how long you've been driving a semi, they always put you with a trainer. So I was not familiar with the docks that I would be delivering too, although my trainer was. He wanted to see how well I did backing into a tough dock that wasn't straight, so he got out of the truck and was watching me. I hate it when people watch me because it makes me so nervous. Well after bumping the wall, and tipping over a few pallets in the back of my truck, I finally got the truck docked, but during that time I could see the expression on his face and he wasn't very happy. I apologized and went on with my day.
Later as soon as I left work on the way home I started having intrusive thoughts flood in like crazy, and although it was hours after the incident, I was having them anyway. This was because my brain was too busy concentrating on work and what I had to do, rather than thinking about OCD. When we're at rest or not using our brains, our intrusive thoughts will also flood in, especially if it's after a time where we know we cannot afford to use up anymore brain energy. So basically when I was nervous and backing up my truck and my OCD started I just told it to shut up, but OCD is resilient and later it came back, and when it did I dealt with it by saying that I had a tough day, and sometimes you have a tough day at work, and tomorrow would be better.
Hope this helps.:D
sobs
12-12-2007, 10:32 PM
Hi dodedoo:wave:
I'm not sure what information you want here, but this is my thought and experience.
I cannot say that I have ever really obsessed on suicide. Are you worried that your obsession may lead to suicide, even though you say that you would never kill yourself???
I have some physical illnesses with excruciating pain, and, like you, I know that I would never never kill myself. My thought runs more towards "I would really welcome death". Is that what you are thinking?
Just please be aware that if you are afraid that this may turn into suicide, that you must get help. Also, again..... distraction is a wonderful thing. Perhaps call a friend, put on a favorite movie. Or, put on some music and sing, sing, sing!!! The more senses that you can get involved in your distraction, the better!
Take care please!
sobs
I'm not sure what information you want here, but this is my thought and experience.
I cannot say that I have ever really obsessed on suicide. Are you worried that your obsession may lead to suicide, even though you say that you would never kill yourself???
I have some physical illnesses with excruciating pain, and, like you, I know that I would never never kill myself. My thought runs more towards "I would really welcome death". Is that what you are thinking?
Just please be aware that if you are afraid that this may turn into suicide, that you must get help. Also, again..... distraction is a wonderful thing. Perhaps call a friend, put on a favorite movie. Or, put on some music and sing, sing, sing!!! The more senses that you can get involved in your distraction, the better!
Take care please!
sobs
dodedoo
12-12-2007, 11:33 PM
I cannot say that I have ever really obsessed on suicide. Are you worried that your obsession may lead to suicide, even though you say that you would never kill yourself???
my fear is that i will act on my thoughts, even though i don't want to.
my fear is that i will act on my thoughts, even though i don't want to.
sobs
12-13-2007, 12:40 AM
Hi dodedoo!
Have you tried the distraction thing? Is there someone that you can call when you get this way?
Please get some help with this, if you cannot handle it on your own. You know what? We never realize how many people's lives we have effected in a good way. I will tell you that these boards, and the people who post here, have had a wonderful effect on my life, and that includes you. Please, do not leave this world. You are needed!!!!!
My best to you!
sobs
Have you tried the distraction thing? Is there someone that you can call when you get this way?
Please get some help with this, if you cannot handle it on your own. You know what? We never realize how many people's lives we have effected in a good way. I will tell you that these boards, and the people who post here, have had a wonderful effect on my life, and that includes you. Please, do not leave this world. You are needed!!!!!
My best to you!
sobs
dksea
12-13-2007, 04:35 AM
has anyone ever had obsessive thoughts about killing themselves? i know i would never do it. but i have obsessive thoughts about suicide. it comes back during times of high anxiety and stress. i find it really annoying and scary at the same time. help?
Yes, yes I have and it scared me more than anything else i can ever remember. Which of course, in retrospect means exactly the opposite of my fear. Funny in some sense I suppose :-) The idea of dying, of hurting ourself is causing so much anxiety precisely BECAUSE we don't want to do it.
My last spike was about this fear exactly, and I went in to see my psychologist about my medication, but I also started seeing a therapist and talked to a nurse on staff that day. I was afraid of telling them my fear, because what if they put me in a hospital or something? But I wanted to get help even more. And you know what? Not a single one of them worried even for a minute that I was a suicide risk after talking to me. My fear of dying was a key indicator. In the end its just the OCD. It will take any fear it can get. Sickness, harming others, harming yourself, it doesn't care, all it wants to do is cause anxiety.
If your fears are "what if I did something to hurt myself" and that thought causes you anxiety, then you are not alone, and its OCD. If you WANT to do it for some reason, then get help as quickly as you possibly can. Either way if you are seeing a psychiatrist or a therapist, talk to them about your fear and they can probably help you to deal with it and help reassure you that its just OCD. Just hearing from these trained professionals that they weren't worried was so much help for me, I mean after all if there was any doubt THEY would definitely step in.
Hang in there and please keep on posting here, we can all help each other get through our rough spots.
Yes, yes I have and it scared me more than anything else i can ever remember. Which of course, in retrospect means exactly the opposite of my fear. Funny in some sense I suppose :-) The idea of dying, of hurting ourself is causing so much anxiety precisely BECAUSE we don't want to do it.
My last spike was about this fear exactly, and I went in to see my psychologist about my medication, but I also started seeing a therapist and talked to a nurse on staff that day. I was afraid of telling them my fear, because what if they put me in a hospital or something? But I wanted to get help even more. And you know what? Not a single one of them worried even for a minute that I was a suicide risk after talking to me. My fear of dying was a key indicator. In the end its just the OCD. It will take any fear it can get. Sickness, harming others, harming yourself, it doesn't care, all it wants to do is cause anxiety.
If your fears are "what if I did something to hurt myself" and that thought causes you anxiety, then you are not alone, and its OCD. If you WANT to do it for some reason, then get help as quickly as you possibly can. Either way if you are seeing a psychiatrist or a therapist, talk to them about your fear and they can probably help you to deal with it and help reassure you that its just OCD. Just hearing from these trained professionals that they weren't worried was so much help for me, I mean after all if there was any doubt THEY would definitely step in.
Hang in there and please keep on posting here, we can all help each other get through our rough spots.
Superp150
12-17-2007, 09:31 PM
You are not alone in this battle. I have dealt with the same thought for a long time. I would never in any way do harm to myself but the OCD makes it so hard sometimes to believe yourself and your own values. My psychiatrist calls OCD the "Doubting Disease". You doubt almost everything you think. I myself have to constantly get reassurance from others that I wont do the things I obsess about.
The thought of suicide scares me more than any of my other OCD thoughts. I dont know what it is but it really gets too me sometimes. I guess it is just the nature of the thought of suicide. It is wrong and detestable and I can't believe I get obsessed with the thought of it. It goes back and forth in my mind like a pinball.
The best way I have gotten over some of the fear of it is to just let the thought be there. Don't try and dismiss the thought or analyze it because that just makes you think about it more. It eventually fades down because you have dropped the importance off of the thought.
As strange as it sounds, It is good that the thought gives you anxiety. If you did not get the anxiety then you would be more apathetic and not care if you did something like that to yourself. If the thought causes you anxiety and fear, then it is the OCD talking and NOT YOU!!!! If you fear it then you dont want it to happen.
It helps me to know other people have the same struggles as I do. Hang in there it will get better.
Are you taking any medications? The meds help me let go of the thoughts/obsessions faster but sometimes it takes them longer to work than I would like.
The book "Brain Lock" written by Jeffery Schwartz helped me a bunch. Also family and friend support has really helped me to.
The thought of suicide scares me more than any of my other OCD thoughts. I dont know what it is but it really gets too me sometimes. I guess it is just the nature of the thought of suicide. It is wrong and detestable and I can't believe I get obsessed with the thought of it. It goes back and forth in my mind like a pinball.
The best way I have gotten over some of the fear of it is to just let the thought be there. Don't try and dismiss the thought or analyze it because that just makes you think about it more. It eventually fades down because you have dropped the importance off of the thought.
As strange as it sounds, It is good that the thought gives you anxiety. If you did not get the anxiety then you would be more apathetic and not care if you did something like that to yourself. If the thought causes you anxiety and fear, then it is the OCD talking and NOT YOU!!!! If you fear it then you dont want it to happen.
It helps me to know other people have the same struggles as I do. Hang in there it will get better.
Are you taking any medications? The meds help me let go of the thoughts/obsessions faster but sometimes it takes them longer to work than I would like.
The book "Brain Lock" written by Jeffery Schwartz helped me a bunch. Also family and friend support has really helped me to.
CatGirl1975
12-20-2007, 09:28 AM
I hate when my obsession is about suicide..I have battled this intrusive thought when I think about the "what if's", which seems to go hand in hand with OCD..My thoughts consist of:
"What if" my child would die?
How could I go on?
I will commit suicide.
How?
Drive our 3rd car into the garage and sit in it running..
I will obsess with those five sentences..I don't know why I chose our 3rd car. And not the SUV I drive or my husbands truck. Maybe because our 3rd car is small or maybe cause I don't like the car much..
The car hasen't been driven in months..We decided to keep it for our son who will be driving in a year and keep it parked on the street..Till the snow storm hit the other day. We had to bring the car in the garage. Which might I add fits perfectly with all the stuff in there..So now when I come in to the garage to go into the house, I inch past this car. And the thoughts come back..Im trying to avoid the obsession by using the front door more..Seems to be helping some, but I know the car is still in there, or I should say, OCD still knows the car is there..
I don't want to commit suicide.....I know this......Just one more obsession to get around..But Im just alittle worried, and I don't know if this could happen, that maybe my OCD would get ahold of me..The keys are in the kitchen, I will feel better if I told my husband to hide them from me..
"What if" my child would die?
How could I go on?
I will commit suicide.
How?
Drive our 3rd car into the garage and sit in it running..
I will obsess with those five sentences..I don't know why I chose our 3rd car. And not the SUV I drive or my husbands truck. Maybe because our 3rd car is small or maybe cause I don't like the car much..
The car hasen't been driven in months..We decided to keep it for our son who will be driving in a year and keep it parked on the street..Till the snow storm hit the other day. We had to bring the car in the garage. Which might I add fits perfectly with all the stuff in there..So now when I come in to the garage to go into the house, I inch past this car. And the thoughts come back..Im trying to avoid the obsession by using the front door more..Seems to be helping some, but I know the car is still in there, or I should say, OCD still knows the car is there..
I don't want to commit suicide.....I know this......Just one more obsession to get around..But Im just alittle worried, and I don't know if this could happen, that maybe my OCD would get ahold of me..The keys are in the kitchen, I will feel better if I told my husband to hide them from me..
Kiara_90
01-02-2008, 11:28 PM
Yes, I think of suicide and deaths all the time.
And I can see myself or someone else in a casket close to me.
It really sucks. I can't get it out of my mind.
And I can see myself or someone else in a casket close to me.
It really sucks. I can't get it out of my mind.