I have been holding things in for too long now that have been going on at my workplace. Things there anger me so much, but I have been afraid to say anything about them. I can't seem to come to a middle ground where I can peacefully say how I feel. I only know how to yell and be nasty to show how I feel, or see their point of view and be nice and understand them and say nothing, when I realize how bad that would be and how bad I'd feel. By the time I want to peacefully explain to them why I think what they're doing is wrong, I want to explode again, and when I'm done wanting to explode, I feel my opinion is wrong and theirs is right, so I give in and say nothing.

I've been beating up myself over this for weeks now, and I don't think it's fair to myself. The scary part is that I actually feel validated in wanting to hit them (I won't hit them, but I will throw stuff, and yell), and I actually feel good at the thought of releasing my anger onto them. I feel like one day I'm just gonna go in there and tell every single one of them how sick just looking at them makes me. The sad part is that this isn't entirely true, well it is true, but the reason I feel such an urge to say it is because I can't let out what's really bothering me. I have to beat around the bush the entire time, and my anger comes out for every single reason it can at work now, except for the problem at hand.

I just really don't know how to handle this, because either I keep quiet and feel incredibly shy and say nothing, and go home and mentally beat myself up for it. Or do I go in there and scream at them.. I know there should be a middle ground, but I can't see it. And my anger is getting to the point where it doesn't give a **** about the middle ground anymore. It just wants to go crazy. The saddest part is that although I know I'll regret it, I feel like I won't even get to the part where I actually understand my co-workers and can handle them again, until I unleash my anger on them. I need to know what to do so that I don't do the wrong thing and end up regretting it. Basically, I need to know how to get the guts to stand up for what's right.

Hi Bird, do you feel like you don't have a right to stand up for yourself or voice your opinion? I had to learn why I did certain things and I found my answers in how I was raised/treated/etc. You are born knowing nothing. You learn everything you do. What you describe sounds passive/aggressive where you have to get really angry to stand up for yourself? For me, I just had to understand why I did certain things. I had thoughts in my head which caused me to act certain ways and these thoughts did not benefit me. Of course the thoughts came from my response to my upbringing. I understood what was going on with me and then got rid of the stuff that was causing me problems.