to release all this anger that has built up inside me throughout my life.


My whole life i have been taught that is unacceptable to get outwardly angry, so I have suppressed and suppressed all my feelings of intense anger. My problem now is i feel like I cant suppress any more, that the jar is full. My life has been filled with personal turmoil, which has greatly contributed to my anger, but I am not looking for pity, I am happy with the life i have lead thus far. It's just sometimes I feel like there will come a time when I am unable to get a grip and tone it all back down.


I am a really laid back most of the time but there are times when this beast inside me decides to grasp my mind and flood it with anger, sometimes legitimately so, other times it is completely unwarranted. It's almost impossible to describe, but its like a pot of water, over heat, with the top on, it will inevitably overflow if not tended to. Once I get angry it is sometimes so hard to calm down that I need to smash my fist down on a table or punch a doorframe to get level headed again....its like the pain lets me realize what I am doing. Yes, that is bad, not normal, but I know that other people do it so I cant help but wonder about those who used to do that, but dont anymore.

I hate getting angry, and when I do I always feel bad after, sometimes even guilty, even if I am completely alone during the whole outburst.

I am just at a loss. I am in a relationship and have been for the last 5 years with the same woman. She says i have been snapping at her more and more lately, but I dont feel I have changed....If anything she has. I am never right anymore in any argument, (not screaming and yelling arguments, more like heated discussions) lately she is a huge hypocrite and very stubborn, only adding to my frustration. Like last night, she asked me a question, i answered, she asked the same question again just phrased differently, again i calmly answered. She then asked again, I answered her but with a bit of an attitude...she said i snapped at her. WHAT?! she just asked me the same question 3 times and got her answer 3 times and i am in the wrong here. To add to the situation she had a friend over who also seemed to think I snapped...I just cant win, this only adds to my frustration when she then says that I do the same thing to her....****!! Situations like the aforementioned happen more often than I would like. I have tried to talk with her after the fact, but it does no good, sometimes the reconciliation will turn ugly, and nothing is ever resolved because she is so passive aggressive that she will admit fault only to have it happen again or just leave the room and not talk to me for a while. Even when I admit fault, which I have no problem doing, it seems to do no good.

I sometimes wish I was able to get fully enraged in a room where i could just break anything and everything, like those places in China. I just feel like if i was able to get mad and not have to suppress it, the anger would dissipate eventually.

What do I do? I have been to counselling before, had a journal, been on pills, practically everything that is listed to help with anger management. Yet, the only thing that seems to help anymore is punching something or destroying something.

Thank you to anyone who reads this long winded post, this is just the first time I have ever admitted my concerns to anyone but myself, its not everything but its a start.

I too have the destructive gene. I always feel better when I am angry after hitting something, someone or breaking things. I used to hit my husband alot, but have now stopped thak god.I still break things alot though and throw things almost daily, then there are the blood curdling screams I give to my kids and spouse when I am angry. I have a very hard time holding it in, and you have a hard time getting it out. It's a catch 22 right? Who knows, but I like you know that these thougts and actions arent normal but how do you stop? I stopped hitting all on my own, but now I yell and throw things more. If oyu find help let me know. But you are not alone!

its not that i have a hard time expressing anger, i do express it. just sometimes it goes overboard and i have trouble reeling it in...i am not a screamer, but i feel like screaming would help, its just not as satisfying as giving the door frame all i got in one uppercut.


thank you for replying, after writing that stuff i feel a bit better, i am an introvert, and keep to myself anyway, so i dont really talk about stuff like this...not even with my wife. I dont talk to her about it in fear that she might be scared of me, and thats the last thing i want...but after thinking about I would like to talk to her about but I know what would happen, nothing would get resolved because there are things that I just have to call her out on in order to get my point across and express myself properly. but she would just walk away, leave the house, or just not talk to me because that is how she gets angry, passive aggresively...nothing ever gets resolved, this is a catch 22 that really is horrible.

Hi anonymous, when your wife asked you the same question 3 times could you have just explained this to her "this is the same question" or something? Maybe if you communicate more about what is going on with you then you won't get so angry? I think that people can get angry when they are feeling pushed around and are not meeting their needs and feeling misunderstood. I also think that it is up to the individual to not let themselves get pushed around and to meet their own needs and to communicate so that they are not misunderstood. I can also see, however, how others can try to make this difficult but there is always a way to deal with people.

i layed it all out last night, we both said our piece and i feel better....we made up and are on good terms. sannah, i think you are right in saying people are more volatile when their needs are not being met. my wife and i had a long conversation and i found out that although she appears fine on the outside she is under extreme stress related to work and school loans and bills and late payments etc. After hearing this i realized that i was being a bit selfish and should have thought more about her state of mind before i assumed she was out of line. From now on i am trying to be selfless when it comes to her as she let me know that i am the only thing that brings joy to her life at this point in time.

i did a bunch of reading about anger and anger management techniques and i found one that i am able to employ no matter where i am or what the situation may be....Patience, the ability to be patient allows you to never have the need to be angry in that all negativity or stress factors can be waited out calmly. And i really thought about it and it can be applied to almost any situation from facing incarceration to that jerk who just cut you off and almost caused an accident. i am making it a point to have patience and utilize this to aid me in keeping my cool.

thank you to all who responded

Anonymous, this is great news!!!!!! Communicating with your loved ones is always the best route. Keep up the good work!