Hello - I'm very new to this....just found this board about 5-min ago. I lost my mom very suddenly on December 10th. She was 65 years old, in realtively good health and had no heart problems. When my dad called me at 4:10AM and told me she was in the hospital havnig a heart attach I couldn't believe it. Thankfully I made it to the hospital before she passed but they were working on her so I wasn't able to see her before she died.

I just feel like I'm in the middle of a nightmare and can't wake up. I'm sure that is normal and will hopefully go away at some point. I'm trying to remain upbeat for my boys (13 and 11) who were very close to her. For the most part I am ok but sometimes I feel like I could just fall apart any minute and don't want to scare them so I tend to hold it in until they aren't around. Is that the right thing to do?

Thank you
ZeldaMae
(not my "real" name.....my mom use to call me that when I was small and getting into mischief. :)

First let me say how sorry I am for your sudden loss of your mom. My 76 year old mom passed away on September 28th after a courageous 3 1/2 year battle with pancreatic cancer. It hurts more now than it did in the beginning. I guess in the beginning I was just so thankful that she was no longer suffering. This time of year is almost unbearable. My mom was the center of our holidays. My poor father lost his best friend of 56 years and is so sad and lost without my mom. My father in law passed away 3 weeks before my mom. 2007 has been a horrible year. I just try and take each day as it comes. When the tears start, I let them fall. It's o.k. to let your kids see you cry. Crying helps us heal and children need to know that it's o.k. to feel sad and cry. My kids are 22 and 20 so it is a little easier for them. Try and remember all the good times with your mom and just take each day as it comes. Take some time for yourself also. Take care. Wanda :angel:

Wanda - thank you so much. I am also very sorry for your loss as well. I just feel so lost and hate the feeling that I'm in the middle of a nightmare and can't wake up. 2007 is turning out to be a horrible year for us as well. My Aunt on my father's side passed away on the same day as my mom and now my sister, 36 years old is in the hospital. Admitted last night with sever head pain, dizziness and fever. She gets migraines but she said this is much worse than a migraine. So far they have ruled out a brain tumor, encephalitis & meningitis; however they are doing an MRI and some other tests today. I’m really worried about my dad now too. He is 67 with his own medical problems. His heart is broken from my mother’s death and now this. We had to take my sister to the same hospital that mom died at you could just tell it was tearing him up but no matter what I did I just couldn’t get him to go home. We were there until 1:30AM. I just want this to end with everyone being ok!

Thanks for listening and letting me vent.

Oh no! I will certainly keep your sister in my prayers. I am so sorry to hear about her medical crisis. I'm sure all the horrible memories of your mom's death came rushing back being in the same hospital. We found out the beginning of September that my mom's cancer was back and all through her. Her only wish was to die at home in her own bed, no more hospitals. She passed away 2 weeks later. It was horrific to watch her die the way she did. She stopped eating 2 weeks before she died and stopped drinking 3 days before she died. Thank God for my sister who never left her side. Hospice was wonderful but they aren't there 24 hours a day. We could have never done it without her. Trying to get the images of my mom dying out of my head has been the hardest. Towards the end it didn't even look like my mom. Please let me know what they find out with your sister. Wanda

ZeldaMae, I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my father on the 26th of Sept. of this year. He had an abodominal aoritic anerism that burst burst. He had gotten dressed for breaskfas, sat down in his wheelchair, was looking at my mother, who was still asleep and he died. They had been married for 64/5 years. 5 weeks later my followed him to heaven.

We were able to be with her when she passed. They lived in Minn. and we are out in VA. so we weren't by Daddy when he left his life. My oldest son in is the Navy and he was granted humanitarian leave to come home and play taps for his grandfather's funeral. I almost collasped when he played.

Let your boys express their grief and let them see you cry. They need to know that miss your Mom every bit as much as they do. They need to see that grieving is a normal part of life and living. We need to let children see that death is part of our world as much as birth is. Too often we tend to push grief away so that children don't see people mourn or see funerals..and that's wrong.....

Search the web and find the 7 stages of grief. I think that it will offer some good suggestions for you and for your children. Make sure that you contact the school guidance counselor and tell them that your children's grandmother has passed so that they will be keeping an eye out for them.

You are your family are in my prayers...

I am sorry to hear about your loss. About three months ago i lost my grandma very suddenly to cancer. She died the same week we found out she had cancer. Probably due to the fact that the doctor said " yeah you are going to die and there is nothing we can do about it" right after he told her she had cancer. He told this to her by herself in a very rude and heartless manner. I still can't believe she is gone, she was so fiesty and it didn't seem like she was going anywhere anytime soon. Just keep your head up, Its ok to cry and show emotion, it helps.

I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your mom. :( A terrible time too, right near the holidays, but I hope that you did have the best Christmas you could have (assuming you celebrate).

I can't imagine losing my mom. :( I bet that must have been a terrible shock. Sometimes that seems worse than having someone sick for awhile, at least being prepared, you know.

Time will make everything move the way it's supposed to. Maybe you are still in stages of denial. Do you feel like that?

I think that you will feel better when you finally break down and cry and get it all out.

Again I am so sorry.. you can talk to me or us or whoever more about it, I know it must be terrible for you right now. But you will get through this too. Good luck to your kids also.

ZeldaMae, first let me offer you my deepest sympathies on the loss of your mom. I can relate in that I lost my dad suddenly three years ago (a few days before Thanksgiving). It is quite a blow when it is so sudden. Your feelings are normal. I, too, felt like I was in the middle of a nightmare and couldn't wake up. I had a breakdown and was on medication for 1.5 years and attended grief counseling. It has been a long road for me and there are times I still cannot believe it happened and that I am still living this terrible nightmare, and often still in much pain. But time does help "soften" the pain. My main advice is to try to take one day at a time. Just get through one day and don't think too about the next. Don't push yourself—you will feel "better" when you do. If you need to get some professional advice, get it. It is not a sign of weakness. I don't want to answer your question about how you are dealing with your boys since I do not have children. But I will say that I understand why you are doing what you are.