I posted earlier hoping to get some responses but I think my title threw people off. Basically I am having "severe" pain in my hand and arm. It is very hard to type, write, drive. I had a ganglion cyst that was big and right on a nerve. That burst last week. Since then it felt like my hand was bruised and like I had cuts all over my palm. I wasn't sure what to think of it. Yesterday, when I layed down my whole arm started throbbing and it felt like a turnequate was wrapped around it. I was scared, didn't know what to do especially because of tapering off the meds. I called my surgeon, they said to go to the ER.
Well after 6 or 7 hours the doctor asked me if would take something for pain. I was so scared, I had already told the nurse about some of my history. I guess the tendons are inflammed and irritating the nerves. After I cried to the doctor and told him no i did not want any opiates, he said SINCE YOU ARE REFUSING MEDICATION I CAN NOT TREAT YOU
so here I am, feeling totally HUMILIATED, LIKE A LOSER AND STILL CAN NOT GET A HOLD OF MY PSYCHIATRIST.
I am having a real hard time right now. As I told you Christmas eve is at my house and I also just found out that my aunt is drinking again, as well as her son who is on probation with a felony. I just don't even want christmas to come. I don't get it.
Two questions, could this pain be my brain trying to make me think I need more, or since the cyst was there for almost 6 months, could the nerves just be refiring to get back in place?
I really don't know. I really feel horrible right now. I am exhausted, haven't been sleeping that well lately and today it's got me. Well can't use the hand for more than 15 min at a time.
:(:(

Capt:

Until somebody more seasoned in Addiction and Recovery comes along, I will at least talk to you.

If you went to ER for pain, legitimate pain, then why did you turn relief away? You told the nurse that you had a problem with opiates. They normally don't offer these drugs to an addict unless it is absolutely neccessary.

You did the right thing admitting your problem to your heath care providers. I'm certain that the doctor didn't have any other options or he would have offered an alternative, unless he is a crappy doctor. If you can tough it out, then do. Otherwise, go back and get relief.

I'm sure that reach will soon come out of lurkdom with some good advice and great wisdon to share.:) In the meantime, you are in my prayers, smiles.

mk

mk

BTW, you were very strong to turn the opiates away. Good for you!!!:)

mk

thanks MK, thats my whole question i quess. I do have severe pain, but I also know that at this point during tapers the mind can play tricks on you. I at least wanted to make sure that it wasn't infected. I think I'm more baffled by having this pain and knowing, making the decision not to use the pain medications for it because I do not want to start down that road again. At this point, I can't say that I would not abuse them.
I do the treatment I received was very crappy. Especially for the person next to me. They were so loud, the doctors and people who worked there, not the patient that I couldn't help but hear everything they said to him. I think there still is hippa laws in the ER, right? Man they broke those on him.
Anyways I really think I'm depressed, then pain, then resistant for christmas eve just finding out that my aunt has relapsed along with her son, my cousin. I am just really bummed, crying a lot. Well gotta get off this computer, my time limit is up for my hand. that sounds so weird!lol

i'm so sorry that you are going through all of this so close to the holidays!!!. I agree with mk i will help what I can but I'm not even close to being fully recovered. I understand the part of not taking any pills from them, but couldn't they give you at least a shot to help with the pain? I don't think this is in your head I do beleive it is true pain. I also think though that when you get yourself worked up over other issues it does make the pain worse!! I do that to myself all the time. If it were me I would get some kind of relief you don't deserve to suffer just because of those stupid pills!! Hang in there!!

Winnie

Have u tried icing it?
How about an antiiflammatory like ibuprophen, which would work better then an opiate.

Thanks for the responses. I have not tried icing it because it feels too cold as it is, but I think that might help. I have to agree when I get myself worked up in a tizzy it makes things a lot worse. I just finally got off the phone with my shrink, and he said he was very proud of me for saying no to the opiates. Yes I did ask if something else could be given either through an IV or a numbing cream. The ER doc had absolutely no time for me. One thing that I remembered earlier today is that it was exactly this same time last year that I saw the doc for arm pain and was diagnosed with severe neck injuries in my spine which lead to the surgery in April. I may be panicking because I definately do not want something like that to happen again.
As for Christmas, now that I found out my aunt and cousin are drinking again, she probably will die from alcoholism. She already lost half her stomach and has seizures from it. I am totally not wanting christmas to happen. I myself am detoxing and to see my aunt try to fake being sober, my mom buying into it and my cousin on the phone with all of his friends waiting to get out of here to go party does not sound like fun at all.
I can't talk to my mom about it because she just wants everything to be peachy keen.
The facts are, Both my docs will be out of town, I just started the next taper, my aunt just relapsed and Christmas has never been that great anyway. I want to just call it off, but I know that's probably not possible.
Any ideas?
Mary Pat
By the way since my arm is swollen I should try ice, I'm going to buy a finger splint to see if that helps me immobilize it. There is really not much more I can do unles I want to go down the opiate road, which sounds way too scarey right now. I cry just thinking about it!

HELLO?
anybody out there just knock if you can hear me.
lol pink floyd

Good Morning Captnanny!! How are you feeling this morning?

Winnie

Hi Winnie, Today I guess I'm doing a little better. Arm, hand still hurts but I got the day off because the dad was staying home and said I could just come on Monday to exchange gifts. That worked out great. My therapist and I met today. Talked about why and how I feel humiliated when I'm not sure of myself, like the pain, christmas eve, etc. I guess it all comes down to the fact that I have to keep talking about stuff.
I tend to push away when things are at the surface. I'm trying so hard not to push away, but find this annoying almost reflexive way of getting mad and blaming others for how things are. I hope I can past that soon. It's really not anyone's fault for the way I feel. I need to stop putting myself down and stand up for myself with the people I need to, not the ones who have no clue who I am.
Winnie, I'm sorry I haven't posted to your thread. I know you are having a hard time also. I think the holidays can be rougher than we want them to be. For me, I'm so afraid to tell anyone how scared I am of having my aunt here possibly drunk with my cousin driving. It really bothers me, she's relapsed this whole week and doesn't have to go back to work until the 27th. It just feels uncomfortable to go through my own withdrawals and cravings and having her here in a relapse.
Anywhooo, I'm gonna read some more posts.
Take care, hope you are doing ok, let me know.
Mary Pat

i'm glad your doing better today...I guess you just needed to get some things off your chest. They say its best to get it out there than to hold it in.. I tend to do this. I hope everything goes ok with your Aunt.. don't stress!! it will just make you feel way worse. I know its hard but you need to do this for yourself.

Winnie;)

Mary Pat,
I don't think you and I have ever really talked on here, but I've read a lot of your posts. Me and my Grandmother went through detox together, and she was a previous alcoholic. Well, now she's turned back to alcohol...and I don't know what to do! I can't make her stop, but I think it will end up killing her as well. So I know where you stand in that situation. Plus we're dealing with our own taperings or whatever... double burden is what I call it.

Hope things continue to get better and hopefully you can enjoy the Holidays..

g8trgrl

Hey g8girl, I know who your are. I've missed you along with a lot of others. In fact this holiday year seems to have me really in a HUGE FUNK. I am trying to tell myself positive things everytime I catch myself saying something negative about myself or just wanting it all to go away. It doesn't seem to be working though. This is really the first year where I'm not on a lot of drugs to numb myself, and I am very depressed and angry. My mom of course says my aunt will be fine, she didn't drink yesterday. But the way I feel is that no matter how I set my place in order passive judgements will be made. I'm not ready to hear how I should be done with this withdrawal, how my hair should be a different way or how I should work faster in school so I can graduate next year. I JUST STARTED. Of course there will be no mention of my aunt. that is what hurts the most. I wish I could be more positive right now, but maybe it will have to wait until after Christmas. The one good thing is that I haven't strayed away from my taper. I take that very seriously. Do I sometimes want to? YES I even thought of getting drunk today. That would have accomplished absolutely nothing but more shame and depression for me. I definately don't need that.
Anyway g8, do you know where everyone else is?
I miss everyone. No one that has been posting since before thanksgiving has been here. Emsom, Yoss, Ohnotagain, mk, maggie, jerry, tat, reach, I know I'm forgetting alot of names but thank you for posting. We still have a great bunch people here on the board.
Winnie, ya reading this? Jules, fitz, everyone

how long have you been off of pain pills ?

Cap...you've come so far...hang in there. Now...about the hand...it sounds like complete legit pain...when my brain sends those signals, it isn't related at all to an actual injury. Go to the ER and see if they can give you something for the pain which is non-opiate. Surely there is something!! Tramadol?

That's always my biggest fear...is, what will I do when I ACTUALLY need vics? I know it's not safe for me. I'm hoping that if I ever have surgery again, they will give me percs or just anything other than vics. Maybe if I convince myself my addiction is only VICs then I'll be ok if that happens.

I went C/T from vics a year ago...thought I was fine and dandy, then got RXd vics again (for a legit dental surg) and wham...I was right back where I was and even WORSE. So, hmmm...I don't know.

What I do know is this...keep your chin up girl. This too shall pass.

Just to let you know I still am tapering off the vic's. My doc wants me to gown 1/2 every two weeks. That sounds real slow to me, but he said with my history any faster and I probably wouldn't make it.
As for the ER, they said there wasn't anything other than opiates. They did say steroids, but I'm allergic to them. GO FIGURE. Anyway, yeah the biggest fear is when and that I do have legit pain. The downfall is that I do not trust myself quite yet to take it properly.
The past couple of days I have been in quite a funk. A BIG ONE TO BE EXACT I can't seem to get past it. ugghugghuuugh

then you did the right thing...........you should not take any pain pills right now...........if you were completly clean off of them........then I would say it would be ok to take them in a very controled way but for now stay away from them

GOOD LUCK