Hi,

Well, lately I've been noticing that my dad is appearing a lot heavier than he once was. He was never thin, but never huge either. But there were times when he was more overweight than others. He had high cholesterol, then went on a diet and lost the weight. But this year, it all came back.

Well, I know I've been kind of rude about it, but I'm always telling him that he needs to lose the weight. I'm worried about him, because he's 58, and I know because he's aging, he's at greater risk for a heart attack. My parents say, "Well you're overweight, you can have a heart attack too, young people do also," but they don't have to be defensive, it's just that I worry.

Well, today, the doctor calls and asks for my dad. He wasn't home, so I asked if I could take a message, and asked if it was important, and the doctor said that it isn't CRITICAL, but there is still something wrong. Well, tonight I found out that my dad's cholesterol is up again. I knew that he was starting to look way too heavy, but my dad's response to that is, "I'm getting older, I'm supposed to gain weight," or, "I went to the doctor and my heart is fine," and my mom defends him by saying he's healthy. She doesn't care that he's eating unhealthily. They've always had a ritual since I could remember of eating junk food at night on the weekends. I know that contributes a lot.

I'm also worried about my mom, because she is an emotional wreck all the time. One little thing will stress her out to the max. Something like losing my dad, I don't even know how I would deal with that. But I'm not saying that to sound selfish, like I just don't want him to die so that my mom is okay. I just also fear how I can take care of my mom, I feel like she'll have to be locked up because she is so anxiety-ridden.

I have gotten a lot of anxiety from my mother as well. I should really get out and live on my own, but I am also afraid that I'll be home soon again to take care of them. I want to take care of them when they get older, but it's all just scaring me so much. Can anyone offer advice on how I can help my parents to help themselves, without being too controlling?

Thanks.

Hello,

I have gone through much of the same thing with my folks. I have learned there is nothing we can do for them. Everyone makes their own choices in life. Your parents need your love and respect. Perhaps rather than harp on your dad's bad habits, just tell him you love him and hope nothing happens to him as your mom needs him.

Then you need to take care of yourself. Your parents won't be around forever, so enjoy them while they are here....but you must take care of yourself and worrying about them is not good for your health. They will need you to be strong and in good health one day. So it is your choice now to take care of yourself so you can better cope and take care of them if and when they really need you!

May God Bless!
Deb



Hi,

Well, lately I've been noticing that my dad is appearing a lot heavier than he once was. He was never thin, but never huge either. But there were times when he was more overweight than others. He had high cholesterol, then went on a diet and lost the weight. But this year, it all came back.

Well, I know I've been kind of rude about it, but I'm always telling him that he needs to lose the weight. I'm worried about him, because he's 58, and I know because he's aging, he's at greater risk for a heart attack. My parents say, "Well you're overweight, you can have a heart attack too, young people do also," but they don't have to be defensive, it's just that I worry.

Well, today, the doctor calls and asks for my dad. He wasn't home, so I asked if I could take a message, and asked if it was important, and the doctor said that it isn't CRITICAL, but there is still something wrong. Well, tonight I found out that my dad's cholesterol is up again. I knew that he was starting to look way too heavy, but my dad's response to that is, "I'm getting older, I'm supposed to gain weight," or, "I went to the doctor and my heart is fine," and my mom defends him by saying he's healthy. She doesn't care that he's eating unhealthily. They've always had a ritual since I could remember of eating junk food at night on the weekends. I know that contributes a lot.

I'm also worried about my mom, because she is an emotional wreck all the time. One little thing will stress her out to the max. Something like losing my dad, I don't even know how I would deal with that. But I'm not saying that to sound selfish, like I just don't want him to die so that my mom is okay. I just also fear how I can take care of my mom, I feel like she'll have to be locked up because she is so anxiety-ridden.

I have gotten a lot of anxiety from my mother as well. I should really get out and live on my own, but I am also afraid that I'll be home soon again to take care of them. I want to take care of them when they get older, but it's all just scaring me so much. Can anyone offer advice on how I can help my parents to help themselves, without being too controlling?

Thanks.