My daughter is a very bright, healthy 5 year old. I know that kids will eventually ‘discover’ themselves but, ahhh don’t know how to go about the right way. She plays with herself and I tell her to stop. I read books and such that say that it is natural and don’t tell them that it’s bad or it will mess them up and all kind of stuff. I am a single mother and no ones around my child but her grandparents. I asked her all the “Is somebody doing something bad to you?” talk and she honestly answered “no”. I find her playing and, Lol I just don’t know what to say that doesn’t make her feel bad or mess her up for the rest of her life all inset for “Stop”

Thanks for any help. First and only child and new to this. Lol

Hi, my son went through this also a couple of months ago. He's also 5. I asked him the same questions you did. like is anybody else touching you there? He said no. I asked him why he does it and he just said he likes too. So I just said well, ok but you really can't do that in front of people because it's a very private thing. He said ok and that was that. He didn't do it in public or in front of me anymore, though I would still walk in the room and find him exploring sometimes. I just turned around and walked out. Once I ignored it, he stopped doing it fairly quickly. It only lasted about a month or so. I don't think it's abnormal, just curiosity. Maybe try to ignore it (unless of course you're in the mall or have company etc.) and see how it goes. Also I never told him it was bad-In fact I told him it wasn't because he looked upset the first time I said anything, so I just made sure to tell him he wasn't doing anything wrong but that it was just one of those things you don't do in front of people- Just like you can't run around naked!

Hello there... I am a mom of a five-year-old daughter also. A couple months ago, I found her in her room with the door open. She was completely naked sitting in a yoga butterfly position, and she was, um, investigating herself.

I immediately walked in and asked her what in the world was she doing? to which she replied, "It's fun Mommie." I then gave her the big talk about "It's fine to touch your own body, but only in your own room or bathroom, and not in front of anyone." I didn't want her think it's forbidden and be ashamed of her body, but then again, I don't exactly want her doing that at kindergarten or at our library's story hour either!

I don't think you have any thing to worry about. If your child had something to tell you regarding a negative or weird situation, you could probably tell right away by the way they react to your questions, their behavior, and by the look in their eyes. They are just so innocent right now. Just wish this age would last forever... ;)

Warm regards,
~Flygirl

Every mother since time began has had to deal with this. Just tell her to do that in her room but not in front of others. She won't understand a lengthy explanation so keep it short and to the point. She may need a few reminders but she'll get the idea. As she ages she may ask more questions but for now that's all she would need.

Well said, AnnD!

Out of curiosity, has the 'how are babies made' topic been brought up by your children? Just wondering how you all have handled that one.

~Flygirl

uuummmmmm..... i'm not sure i agree with most of you..... sure, it's a natural curiosity, but should we be encouraging our kids to basically masturbate??? i caught my oldest exploring herself and i didn't freak out or anything. she didn't get in trouble. we just talked about germs from pee and poop and we don't want to be putting our hands down in our private parts because those germs can make us sick. i didn't make it a big deal, or like it was evil, or bad, i was just very matter of fact about how it's just gross.

i mean think about it.... your five year old is in her room with her fingers all up exploring herself and then she comes out and puts those same fingers all over your face in your mouth and such..... or worse, if you have a baby at home..... eeeewwwww!

so for me and my kids, my attitude is "okay you've seen it, you know it's there, don't go there anymore because it's gross."

I'm pretty sure no one is encouraging their children to do this, just trying not to make a huge deal of it and tell them it's bad or gross or anything negative since it is natural and most of us know when it occurs so we can have them wash their hands before doing anything else. Sometimes knowing they have to go and wash is enough of a deterrent, it is for my son anyway since he doesn't like to be bothered with that. If you think about it- Do you get up in the middle of well, lets call it "marital relations" to wash? I could go further in this area but I think my point should get across with just that.

I would in NO way "encourage" this behavior!! lol

I just don't want my daughter to think her body is "gross" in any way, shape or form. I respect your argument--Germs are definitely a health and hygiene issue! And, you better believe I told her to wash those hands after catching her in the act! (In fact, we are very fanatic about frequent hand-washing w/ sudsy soap.) By the way, I've never even seen her do it again, since then, although I'm quite sure she probably has. I feel that by prohibiting it or telling her that it's a bad thing, it will just make her feel more curious, and she may feel negative about herself.

okay, i think i was misunderstood.... i didn't tell my daughter she was gross or dirty, or that any part of her body is gross or dirty.... just that her girl parts are for going potty and potty germs are not something we want all over our hands because potty germs are just gross. i was raised the same way, and i certainly don't have any issues with my body (except for being grossly FAT from being pregnant again!!!!).

i don't know.... i think it's kind of odd that we live in a society where it's fine for parents to tell their kids not to pick their noses because nose picking is disgusting, and it won't hurt our children to tell them this. but we have to say that it's perfectly natural for our kids to stick their hands down their pants and play with themselves or our kids will grow up hating their bodies???? i often wonder if this whole "it's perfectly natural" way of teaching our kids is the reason so many 9,10, and 11 year olds are now experimenting with sex! i mean honestly, how many kids do you know that just hate their noses because their nose is dirty??? :)

Thank you all for your replies. I do understand that this is a natural thing that she is going through but I can’t help but feel uncomfortable and speechless as I do not want to say something wrong that’s going to affect her for the rest of her life. I am also saddened at the fact that she is growing so fast. It takes me back to my ‘exploring’ days when I did the “I’ll show you mine if you show me yours” days. I understand that it is harmless but just needed some advice on how to go about talking to her. The next time that I see her doing this, I will be more prepared.

Thanks again!