My dad (aged 54) has very high blood pressure (about 219 over X???). He refuses to go the doctor about it because he's terrified about what the doctor will say. And he doesn't want to have to take blood pressure pills. So he uses a blood pressure monitor that he bought to check on it occasionally.

He needs to lose about 40kg as well, and start doing exercise.

But he's just so stubborn about not going to the doctor, and I'm really worried about the damage he's doing to his body.

Has anybody got any suggestions about what I could do to convince him to go to the doctor? Could you please tell me a bit about the medications used for high blood pressure, and if there are any side effects as well?

I'd really appreciate any advice/suggestions you have!

Dear Emma- Oh my dear, how difficult this must be for you.

Your father is obviously frightened and feels very vulnerable after a lifetime (I presume) of good health. It's often terrifying to us to one day come to the realisation that we are indeed mortal and things happen to these bodies of ours that need fixing.

However, hypertension is not a death sentence... Tell him MILLIONS of people world wide have it...it doesn't mean they are sick or fragile or can't lead a completely normal healthy life....BUT tell him that if it is not treated, especially with his upper # (systolic) @ 219, the disorder can and probably will ultimately cause severe, permanent, life-threatening consequences from pressure damage to multiple organs of the body, including the brain, eyes, blood vessels, heart, and kidneys. The blood vessels of the kidney are highly susceptible to damage caused by pressure, and renal failure may develop; this renal failure may be permanent.

He is definitely in great danger of having a stroke. And I'm sure you know this or you wouldn't be posting here.

Hypertension is a chronic disorder but thank god one that can be controlled. (Ask your father if he had diabetes, would he not take insulin? If he were either hyper- or hypothyroid, would he not want to control it ? If he had glaucoma, would he risk blindness rather than use eyedrops to reduce the pressure in the eye? If he had chronic virulent sinusitis that presented a danger of infection spreading to the brain, would he not take antibiotics?)

I have a feeling that if he decides to seize control of his own body and health by being PROACTIVE, he won't feel so scared and vulnerable anymore.

There are many different BP meds available and everyone has different experiences with every single one of them. What works for me may not work for someone else and vice versa....but again, your father should get himself to a physician immediately because his BP is truly dangerously high. Even borderline BP of 140/90 needs treatment.

Nearly everyone posting on this forum has had to experiment at first with different meds either because a particular drug either didn't give adequate BP control or there were some unpleasant side effects.

I took 3 different kinds of meds at first before I found the right one for me and I have NO side effects at all...my BP is beautifully controlled and there is no damage to my heart or kidneys, and I feel great, look great and know that I'm doing everything I can to live a long healthy vigorous life.

My vital, charming, fun, beautiful, talented Mom had a massive stroke at 55 because she refused to take meds...and she lay in a hospital bed in London for two years, a total vegetable. No speech, no movement, no sign that she understood what we were saying. We tried everything we could to communicate with her but we never broke through. She just stared at us, followed us with her eyes...we tried asking her to close her eyes or blink if she understood us. Nothing. Speech therapists tried. Neurologists tried. Nothing. It was devastating. In a way I hope she didn't know what was happening or had happened to her, because it would mean that she suffered terribly,her mind trapped inside this useless body and unable to communicate on any level.

Have your father read this if you think it'll galvanize him to do something good for himself. It's not too late.

Tell him you want him around for another 50 years...(okay, 45!)

At this point, by the way, I would not press the issue of weight loss and exercise until he gets to a doctor, who no doubt will discuss lifestyle changes with him...but because his blood pressure is so high, in my opinion the BP has to come down first, ASAP, and THEN you deal with weight, exercise, diet etc.

Good luck. Post again if you need more specific info.
I hope this helps in some small way.

Zuzu xx

Thankyou so much for your reply! I printed it out and gave it to my dad two days ago when the rest of my family was around. He shrugged off the points you mentioned, but we still told him how worried we are about his health. And then yesterday when he was having lunch with my mum, he told her he's going to go to the doctor this saturday, because he realised how worried we all are about him.

So thankyou ever so much for your post. I just hope that he keeps his promise and goes to the doctor's this weekend!

Emma- I'm so relieved for you (and your Dad)....I have a feeling he would have "caved" to you guys eventually, seeing how concernd and upset you all are with him...But if your print-out of my post in any way accelerated his decision to see the doctor, I can't tell you how good that makes me feel....that it m ight have helped in some small way.

Good luck...don't let him back out of this!
And please let us know how things go, or if you need any info at all later.

zuzu xxx

Zuzu - what a wonderful answer you gave Emma! Emma, I just wanted to add this: Sometimes it takes a bit of trial and error to find medications that work and that don't cause side effects. I've been on blood pressure medications for over 27 years, and at first I had to try several, but I've been regulated on the same medication for years now with no side effects. So please tell your Dad to be patient with this, and work closely with his doctor.

Emma, I know how you feel. My Dad is 62 and has very high blood pressure. He goes to the doc and has been on several meds for his BP, but nothing is controlling it. They said if he doesn't stop drinking and smoking there's nothing they can do. He refuses. He suffered from a minor stroke just the other day, but he won't go to the doctor. He doesn't want to realize he can and will get worse if he doesn't get checked out. All I can say is keep trying. I know I will!! I wish you luck!!

this is callous but cull the web and newspapers for all the pre-need funeral plans you can find and give the stubborn/scared folks the stack....tell them to hop to it since they're running on borrowed time and you don't want to be stuck with the loose ends when the inevitable comes much sooner rather than much later. the much later is an option that they can take and they'll thank you for it.

i've always been a loving son to my mom but i did this ten years ago....she was floored when i walked out of the room but she went to the doc a couple days later and is still around...healthier than when she first went in....

Drisnya, that's great advice for many, but it wouldn't work for my father. He's already told us he has a number to a place that does cremations for only $600. He says he's been ready since his first wife killed herself in front of him. He is an alcoholic and heavy smoker and says that's the ony way he's going to die happy, so why stop. I've accepted that nothing is going to change his mind, but Emma don't give up on your Dad. Maybe this plan will work for him!!