purplegirl1
01-07-2008, 08:47 PM
As I write this, I feel guilty, but I had this horrible thought while on the phone with my mother. I thought " Oh good maybe she will die". I love my mom more than anything and I would be devastated if she die. IT is the complete opposite, I worry about her dying all the time (My father died when I was 10 I am 31 now).....I know that this is just a OCD intrusive thought but still this was so disturbing to me. I was going to confess to her and tell her the thought but I was able not to do that....and it did go away...(the anxiety went away)...anyone have any similar OCD thoughts?
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twiceshy
01-07-2008, 08:57 PM
About "confessing" these thoughts... I wouldn't do it. Communicating the thoughts may alleviate your anxiety short-term, but it'll negatively affect the relationship. You're accepting these intrusive thoughts as your own. If you can get quiet within yourself, you'll see they're not yours at all... just rubbish talk. I like to think of my mind as two sides of a freeway. My conscious self is on this side, the traffic flying by is my inner dialogue, and the other side is my subconscious. If you lessen the traffic you'll be able to see over to the other side.
ineedhelpasap21
01-07-2008, 09:06 PM
twiceshy your advice was very insightful. I find myself suffering from the confession compulsion and its enough to drive someone mad. Purplegirl i too get this feeling. The obsession about death. Theres really no reason to feel guilt because you of course didnt do anything wrong. Please dont feel guilty, its annoying! I know it is so annoying but you cant feel guilty for an unintentional thought. Its ocd and its irrational. Often your thoughts are the exact opposite of what you truly desire. Hope that helped a little
twiceshy
01-07-2008, 09:31 PM
Years ago while seeing a psychologist to figure out what the heck was going on, he said referring to my psychotherapy: "You are halfway up the mountain. Everyone else is on the ocean floor." Although we didn't get as far as I'd hoped, I'll never forget that.
purplegirl1
01-07-2008, 09:53 PM
Thanks to both of you. And yes, I agree that confessing these thoughts would only alleviate my anxiety for short-term and in fact from my past experience, the anxiety will come back stronger....
It is just very disturbing to have thoughts that you know you don't mean. It is kinda weird but I guess this is just part of the OCD. I have my psychiatrist appt. tomorrow night, so good timing, LOL..
thanks again!
It is just very disturbing to have thoughts that you know you don't mean. It is kinda weird but I guess this is just part of the OCD. I have my psychiatrist appt. tomorrow night, so good timing, LOL..
thanks again!
CatGirl1975
01-08-2008, 08:31 AM
I have these intrusive thoughts as well, and I hate them..
I thought the same thing about my mother many times..I felt guilty but never wanted to confess this too her..I feel that when I think, "life would be better if she would just die", is just my OCD playing wth me..I do have issues with my mother, we are close, but I always lecture her on her lifestyle..She gambles everything away, she rents rooms from people(won't save to buy a home), and she had cancer and lung problems from smoking..She drives me crazy with the "ohhh Im so sick, need to go to the doctor because I have cancer again story", but yet won't quit smoking and get healthier..So, my OCD knows my feelings about her and plays it up...
I also have bad "what if they die" with my husband and daughter thoughts..
These intrusive thoughts are hard to deal with..Almost to the point Im afraid for my husband to leave the house or my daughter to play outside or go over to her real father's house on the weekends..
I will try the "two way road"..That makes alot of sence to put all the icky traffic in my head on one side of the road..
I thought the same thing about my mother many times..I felt guilty but never wanted to confess this too her..I feel that when I think, "life would be better if she would just die", is just my OCD playing wth me..I do have issues with my mother, we are close, but I always lecture her on her lifestyle..She gambles everything away, she rents rooms from people(won't save to buy a home), and she had cancer and lung problems from smoking..She drives me crazy with the "ohhh Im so sick, need to go to the doctor because I have cancer again story", but yet won't quit smoking and get healthier..So, my OCD knows my feelings about her and plays it up...
I also have bad "what if they die" with my husband and daughter thoughts..
These intrusive thoughts are hard to deal with..Almost to the point Im afraid for my husband to leave the house or my daughter to play outside or go over to her real father's house on the weekends..
I will try the "two way road"..That makes alot of sence to put all the icky traffic in my head on one side of the road..
BadMalibu
01-08-2008, 02:26 PM
She drives me crazy with the "ohhh Im so sick, need to go to the doctor because I have cancer again story", but yet won't quit smoking and get healthier..So, my OCD knows my feelings about her and plays it up...
Cat-
I think you hit the nail on the head becuase as I'm always saying,there's a strong psychological component to OCD. People feel extreme guilt when they have feelings of anger or frustration towards family members becuase we're supposed to love our family and never get mad at them, but unfortunately that's sometimes not the way it works. We repress these feelings and our sub-conscious winds up spitting them out as intrusive thoughts because we haven't effectively dealt with them when they originally occured. We need to realize how powerful the sub-conscious is, or as twiceshy puts it, just how much traffic is really on the road.:D
Cat-
I think you hit the nail on the head becuase as I'm always saying,there's a strong psychological component to OCD. People feel extreme guilt when they have feelings of anger or frustration towards family members becuase we're supposed to love our family and never get mad at them, but unfortunately that's sometimes not the way it works. We repress these feelings and our sub-conscious winds up spitting them out as intrusive thoughts because we haven't effectively dealt with them when they originally occured. We need to realize how powerful the sub-conscious is, or as twiceshy puts it, just how much traffic is really on the road.:D
dksea
01-09-2008, 03:29 AM
As I write this, I feel guilty, but I had this horrible thought while on the phone with my mother. I thought " Oh good maybe she will die". I love my mom more than anything and I would be devastated if she die. IT is the complete opposite, I worry about her dying all the time (My father died when I was 10 I am 31 now).....I know that this is just a OCD intrusive thought but still this was so disturbing to me. I was going to confess to her and tell her the thought but I was able not to do that....and it did go away...(the anxiety went away)...anyone have any similar OCD thoughts?
I don't necessiarlly think its bad to confess this thought, but not because you feel guilty about, but because you want someone to share it with and comfort you, and well my mom is one of those people for me. I'm going to guess but i'm betting she would be understanding, she might even laugh about it. My dad when he was little got mad at my grandpa and said "damn you" at him and ran away, so upset because he thought that when he'd said it he really was sending his dad (a minister no less) straight to hell. Well he told my grandma and she laughed and reassured him about it :-)
I don't necessiarlly think its bad to confess this thought, but not because you feel guilty about, but because you want someone to share it with and comfort you, and well my mom is one of those people for me. I'm going to guess but i'm betting she would be understanding, she might even laugh about it. My dad when he was little got mad at my grandpa and said "damn you" at him and ran away, so upset because he thought that when he'd said it he really was sending his dad (a minister no less) straight to hell. Well he told my grandma and she laughed and reassured him about it :-)
purplegirl1
01-09-2008, 07:34 PM
My mom would be VERY understanding and you are right, she would laugh. But, I know from previous experience, that confessing it would only feed the anxiety with OCD so that is why I didn't. I like your story it was very cute.
CAt - I too have the fear of my husband dying, (I don't have children yet, so I am sure that will one I have)... it is very hard to deal with but I just try to think, do I worry about myself dying, No? So, stop it, it is crazy!!! It is OCD making you think this way...I get nervous for him to leave the house, etc...but I know that he can't sit home all day.....
CAt - I too have the fear of my husband dying, (I don't have children yet, so I am sure that will one I have)... it is very hard to deal with but I just try to think, do I worry about myself dying, No? So, stop it, it is crazy!!! It is OCD making you think this way...I get nervous for him to leave the house, etc...but I know that he can't sit home all day.....
CatGirl1975
01-09-2008, 08:54 PM
Purplegirl-
Don't you hate the feeling of losing your husband? I know it is terrible..I also obsess about my daughter, but not so much..My husband has diabetes and his job requires him to drive all over downtown (Detroit) and go into the auto plants so thats why I think I obsess more about him..Like you said, once you have children you will obsess about them, your probably right.
Mine is starting to take over..I have a hard time sleeping so when I wake up (usually 2-3 times a night) Im up checking the doors, the kids, our cats, and my husband..Last night when I woke up, I was lying in bed listening to my husband snore(like a bear), then he stopped!! I listened then realized he stopped breathing too..Just when I turning over to shake him, he started snoring again..LOL..Talk about me freaking out!!
I don't know why we obsess about death, or losing our family members..I do think about my death as well...
Don't you hate the feeling of losing your husband? I know it is terrible..I also obsess about my daughter, but not so much..My husband has diabetes and his job requires him to drive all over downtown (Detroit) and go into the auto plants so thats why I think I obsess more about him..Like you said, once you have children you will obsess about them, your probably right.
Mine is starting to take over..I have a hard time sleeping so when I wake up (usually 2-3 times a night) Im up checking the doors, the kids, our cats, and my husband..Last night when I woke up, I was lying in bed listening to my husband snore(like a bear), then he stopped!! I listened then realized he stopped breathing too..Just when I turning over to shake him, he started snoring again..LOL..Talk about me freaking out!!
I don't know why we obsess about death, or losing our family members..I do think about my death as well...
purplegirl1
01-10-2008, 10:17 PM
Cat -
My husband drives a tracter trailer for a living, so you can imagine all the sorts of thoughts I have about about that......
My husband drives a tracter trailer for a living, so you can imagine all the sorts of thoughts I have about about that......