CatGirl1975
01-08-2008, 07:56 PM
This book I have been reading said that we need to face our fears..Push the OCD obsession to the limit, face it..I did just that today..
Today after work I went to the bank..I thought to myself, I could go to the grocery store, it's only a couple miles away..It would be a good idea to go because Im busy all week and Im right down the street..But I knew I couldn't go..I don't have my returnable pop bottles(which go back only when I grocery shop) and I don't have my grocery list or coupons(which I never shop without)..And I didn't want to drive all the way home to get it all..(which I have done a million times before)..But I started to drive there anyways..And it was the hardest and longest drive in my life..I obsessed so much about not having my list, coupons and pop bottles that I gave myself a headache and small panic attack by the time I reached the store. The anxiety was so bad that I ran into the bathroom to scrub my hands..Then once I got my cart I scrubbed that with a lysol wipe.. I was lost in the store..Even though I know it by heart...I couldn't find anything I needed, I had shortness of breath, kept crashing my cart into people and just felt "out of whack"..I made it home in one piece..My ordeal took so much energy out of me, I came home and fell asleep..
But I did it!! I went outside of my box...Took one of my obsessions/rituals and rubbed mud in its face...
Today after work I went to the bank..I thought to myself, I could go to the grocery store, it's only a couple miles away..It would be a good idea to go because Im busy all week and Im right down the street..But I knew I couldn't go..I don't have my returnable pop bottles(which go back only when I grocery shop) and I don't have my grocery list or coupons(which I never shop without)..And I didn't want to drive all the way home to get it all..(which I have done a million times before)..But I started to drive there anyways..And it was the hardest and longest drive in my life..I obsessed so much about not having my list, coupons and pop bottles that I gave myself a headache and small panic attack by the time I reached the store. The anxiety was so bad that I ran into the bathroom to scrub my hands..Then once I got my cart I scrubbed that with a lysol wipe.. I was lost in the store..Even though I know it by heart...I couldn't find anything I needed, I had shortness of breath, kept crashing my cart into people and just felt "out of whack"..I made it home in one piece..My ordeal took so much energy out of me, I came home and fell asleep..
But I did it!! I went outside of my box...Took one of my obsessions/rituals and rubbed mud in its face...
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motherofOCD
01-08-2008, 08:08 PM
I think it's good that you want to take steps to overcome your OCD symptoms and I'd like to say congratulations on taking such a big step. But, maybe next time you could just leave out one thing, like, have your list and coupons but don't take the pop bottles. Or go to the store completely unprepared, but only to buy milk. I don't have OCD and I don't manage very well without a list!
What a good growing step though!
What a good growing step though!
dksea
01-09-2008, 03:33 AM
Wow, you didn't take a step you took a leap! I'm glad you were able to handle it, but I agree with Mother, next time maybe you should consider taking a step that won't be quite so drastic for you :) On the other hand who am i to stand i the way of someone who wants to grab the bull by the horns! ;-)
BadMalibu
01-09-2008, 01:48 PM
Cat-
Hey that's great that you took a step outside of your comfort zone, but it sounds like you bit off a little more than you could chew. Next time, try what mother says and maybe take everything you need, except your coupons, or maybe your bottles. We all have to remember that it's very anxiety provoking to step outside our comfort zone, so when you do, you must take it a step at a time and not bite off more than you can chew. Try little things first, and once you gain confidence, try more until it becomes easy for you. And remember that setbacks don't mean that you failed at stretching outside your comfort zone, setbacks simply mean you might have taken on more than you could.
I'm very happy that despite your anxiety you stretched a little bit, so keep us all updated.:D
Hey that's great that you took a step outside of your comfort zone, but it sounds like you bit off a little more than you could chew. Next time, try what mother says and maybe take everything you need, except your coupons, or maybe your bottles. We all have to remember that it's very anxiety provoking to step outside our comfort zone, so when you do, you must take it a step at a time and not bite off more than you can chew. Try little things first, and once you gain confidence, try more until it becomes easy for you. And remember that setbacks don't mean that you failed at stretching outside your comfort zone, setbacks simply mean you might have taken on more than you could.
I'm very happy that despite your anxiety you stretched a little bit, so keep us all updated.:D
CatGirl1975
01-09-2008, 03:14 PM
Thanks everyone for the great replies..I agree that I took too much of a big step..
It's strange that grocery shopping can have so much drama for me..Most people just do their shopping..I have to do it "my OCD way" for lack of better words..I can't believe that not having petty items with me could cause so much anxiety..And that anxiety cause physical pain and forced me into my ritual of washing my hands and the cart..I am happy that I went for it..I acutally "lived for the moment" for the first time in years.
I haven't told any family members about yesturday..I thought of a way to tell my husband how it felt for me..Going to the store unplanned, and with none of my "security items" would be like a non OCD person going to the store naked..Thats the only way I could compair the two to help him understand, but I decided to keep the experience to myself..
I live my life by "list without risk". I write everything down that needs to be done..But im going to change that..Do more things on a spur of the moment outside of the list..Little things, like going to the video store unplanned, or even to the movies..
It's strange that grocery shopping can have so much drama for me..Most people just do their shopping..I have to do it "my OCD way" for lack of better words..I can't believe that not having petty items with me could cause so much anxiety..And that anxiety cause physical pain and forced me into my ritual of washing my hands and the cart..I am happy that I went for it..I acutally "lived for the moment" for the first time in years.
I haven't told any family members about yesturday..I thought of a way to tell my husband how it felt for me..Going to the store unplanned, and with none of my "security items" would be like a non OCD person going to the store naked..Thats the only way I could compair the two to help him understand, but I decided to keep the experience to myself..
I live my life by "list without risk". I write everything down that needs to be done..But im going to change that..Do more things on a spur of the moment outside of the list..Little things, like going to the video store unplanned, or even to the movies..
dksea
01-09-2008, 03:46 PM
That is a great (and amusing) analogy :) I think it really captures a sense of the anxiety we face by being confronted by situations, i'll have to remember that.
I also think that your attitude towards your OCD and your life is in itself going to make a big difference. The CBT I've been doing talks alot about living a valued life and the importance of focusing on those. If you are interested the workbook i am using is called "Get out of your mind and into your life" by Dr. Steven C. Hayes, it sounds like you are allready trying some of the approaches in it and it would be a good fit for you!
I also think that your attitude towards your OCD and your life is in itself going to make a big difference. The CBT I've been doing talks alot about living a valued life and the importance of focusing on those. If you are interested the workbook i am using is called "Get out of your mind and into your life" by Dr. Steven C. Hayes, it sounds like you are allready trying some of the approaches in it and it would be a good fit for you!
CatGirl1975
01-09-2008, 06:24 PM
Thanks dksea
I will pick up that book..
Glad you found humor and could relate in that post...It's funny and very true..
Since I haven't found the courage (again) to seek the right help, Im reading alot of books and soaking up all the advice on this board to get somewhat better and or to get the courage to find another Dr..
I will pick up that book..
Glad you found humor and could relate in that post...It's funny and very true..
Since I haven't found the courage (again) to seek the right help, Im reading alot of books and soaking up all the advice on this board to get somewhat better and or to get the courage to find another Dr..
BadMalibu
01-10-2008, 02:32 PM
I live my life by "list without risk". I write everything down that needs to be done.
As everyone knows, OCD really tends to focus on the "what if's" in life and tries to blow everything out of proportion so we stay within our comfort zone. Wouldn't it be great if we could live without risk and eliminate all of the what if's in life? In a way, that's what OCD tries to do is form a "list without risk" so we avoid things that can cause us pain or change our routines.
If I write everything down and do everything in this order without deviating from the list, everything will be ok. Unfortunately, someone at the store could smash your cart, run into you, yell at you, you could knock over a display (gosh that's embarassing=) or forget something, so when you really think about it, if life is a grocery store, there's always going to be a chance that we knock over a display or two.:D
As everyone knows, OCD really tends to focus on the "what if's" in life and tries to blow everything out of proportion so we stay within our comfort zone. Wouldn't it be great if we could live without risk and eliminate all of the what if's in life? In a way, that's what OCD tries to do is form a "list without risk" so we avoid things that can cause us pain or change our routines.
If I write everything down and do everything in this order without deviating from the list, everything will be ok. Unfortunately, someone at the store could smash your cart, run into you, yell at you, you could knock over a display (gosh that's embarassing=) or forget something, so when you really think about it, if life is a grocery store, there's always going to be a chance that we knock over a display or two.:D