Im 18 years old, My mom died dec. 26 2007 its been a few weeks and I dont know what to do. She was fighting ovarian cancer for about 2 years in addtion to dealing with bi polar and paranoid schitzophrena. She had such a hard life even before the cancer. She tried to take her own life three times ranging from when I was 10 years old to 16, I was there for all of them.

Im really upset because I used to get very angry with her when I was growing up because I didnt understand her mental illnesses. I know thats not my fault but Im just really upset at the way I treated her sometimes. The worst part is she had overcome her mental illnesses tremendusly shortly before she was taken from us.

she had been sick with bi polar and paranoid schitzophrena since I was six years old. Everyone in my family went through some pretty bad times, but especially her. It's hard to describe how sad a mental illness is to anyone who has not experienced it first hand. Like I said, we went though really horrible things, but before the cancer she really was starting to get better. Everything, for the first time in my life, had just begun to settle. then she was taken from me.

I feel so cheated. Some people grow up without a mom or dad so they wouldn't feel the loss of somone being there for almost every day of thier life, simply because that parent wasn't there. Others had a parent who was not sick, somone they had many happy memories with. They would, in time, take comfort in the good life thier mom had and the role they played in it. I feel like I have the worst from both worlds and now that she is gone I just feel so alone.

My mom went through hell for the past 12 years of her life and just as the sun started to shine again, she was put through a year of physical pain and then was taken from us. Things are not supposed to happen like this. The pain she went through during her mental linesses were more than enough for a lifetime. No one should go through what she did only to be diagnosed with cancer. that thought is tearing me apart.

I don't now what I'm looking for in this post, I just feel so empty and lost without her.

I went through a similar experience with my dad when he was diagnosed with cancer and spent a year battling it until he passed away in '87. I was young like you (19) and I had a hard time seeing him go through that. How did I react? I stayed away and did not spend a lot of time with him because it was hard for me to see him like that. When he died, I had a lot of regrets for how I failed to be there for him. Years later, I have forgiven myself and accepted that I did the best that I knew how at that point in time.

My mom was diagnosed with ovarian cancer in '06. I was by her side the whole time, attending every chemo session with her. Why? Because that is who I am at that point in time. Now that her immune system is weaker, I find that I get angry with her for being sick all the time. I get angry because it is hard for me to see her like that and it is emotionally, mentally and physically draining. Anger helps us to deal with the pain.

Focus on the fact that she is no longer in pain and she is in a much better place than here. I lost my mother in law last week and I am dealing with the guilt of not spending more time with her. As much as I miss her, I take comfort knowing she is in a much better place. Take comfort in that.

Believe in yourself and know that all of your experiences in life will either defeat you or make you stronger. You decide. I am sorry to hear about your loss and know that at your young age, it is extremely difficult to bear. But with each day, you will be stronger. Use this experience to remind you to spend as much time as you can with your loved ones.

Learn from your mistakes, accept that you did the best you could, allow yourself to grieve and talk about it and know that one day, you must lift your head up and move on. Your mom would want that for you. She is happy now and would want the same for you. You have your whole life ahead of you.

Find reasons to laugh and smile. I wish you the best.

Hi,
I want you to focus on the thought that she is not suffering any more, she had a hard life and now she is at peace,. It's very hard but also your so young, it's hard to grasp eveything. When my father died I was a mess but after a while I knew he is a peace now and not stuggeling with his sickness. My mother in law suffers from manic depression, my husband had a really bad childhood due to her illness, she would always go off her meds and that is when things got bad, so the feelings you had growing up and dealing with all of the mental issues are normal. You understand why she was that way and I'm sure that was important to her-(your Mom), she felt she was more at peace before she died, like she had taken care of her unfinished business. You have a long road ahead of you, I think of my Dad eveyday and he died 7 years ago. Time dose make it less painfull but always keep your good memories of her in your heart forever.
Karen W.