Hi,

I just got my 5 year old's first report card today, and it wasn't good news. We have been dealing with some issues this year, and we though we had them handled, but apparently nothing has improved since the PTC in early November. Of course, teacher didn't bother to tell us in any way shape or form-she's always too busy to talk when I go to pick up DD at the end of the day, but she always told me before if she needed me to stay and talk. Not lately, though.

So, the report card was a surprise. The issues we're having are: cries over little things a lot, won't say what's wrong when she cries, gives up too easily on learning things if they are at first too hard-she won't keep trying until she gets it, won't ask for help when she has trouble understanding something, or just needs help doing something. She has trouble following directions and paying attention, too. Is very quiet at school, and just doesn't speak up. We went over all of this in November, and have been working on it with her. Her self confidence seemed to improve a lot on our end, but what happens when she walks through that school door, I have no clue. She still cries at home over little stuff, but most of the time she is tired or just gets really frustrated. Heck, I do that myself. We didn't have this problem last year in Preschool(4th grade Kindergarten/Early Voyage). She swears she likes her teachers, and there's no problems there. She has problems with her other teachers, too(Music and Art).

I am at my wit's end. I don't know what to do to boost her self-esteem and help her get over whatever is keeping her to herself when she's at school. All the kids like her, and she has many friends, so she's obviously nice to the other kids and interacts with them.

Does anyone have any ideas on what might be going on with my little girl? I'm afraid she'll have to repeat Kindergarten if we don't get this handled very soon. She acts(according to my parents and grandmother) just like I did at her age. They were prepared to put me on Ritalin (sp?), but it turned out it was just a phase and by the next year, I was fine. I was "hyperactive". But, it never affected my grades. I was the opposite and didn't have many friends.

I am a SAHM and spend a lot of time with our kids, we always tell them we love them, and how proud we are of them, etc. We'd do anything for them-I just don't get why we're having these problems.

Any info would be appreciated.

Thank you!

I can give you a lot of advice as a former school administrator and teacher (now a SAHM).

First, demand a meeting with the teacher. Tell her you want an appointment and want weekly or bi-weekly reports on your daughter. You need to keep constant communication with the teacher so you know what is going on all the time and not just when report cards are issued. If your daughter has a bad day, you should know about it. If she has a meltdown, she (the teacher) needs to let you know that day. It bothers me that the teacher didn't notify you of these problems beforehand, or did she? You said she used to ask you to stay and talk. What did you talk about? Maybe the teacher felt you were not working with her. What has the teacher asked you to do?

Second, work out a plan with the teacher to help your daughter. When you meet with the teacher, ask her what can be done to help your daughter. It is great all these comments came home, but what is the TEACHER doing IN THE CLASSROOM to help your daughter? Then ask what you can do at home to help her succeed in school. Is she going to bed early enough, eating breakfast, are there any problems at home with fighting or a divorce, etc.

Last, how old is your daughter and how does that compare to the other kids in the class? Children with late birthdays (spring or summer) often experience these problems in the classroom because of immaturity. Do not be upset if she repeats kindergarten. I know many parents who are bothered by this but always tell me years down the road that it was the best thing they ever did for their child. Some children at my school repeated PreK and not ONE parent regretted it a few years later. Some children just need that extra year to mature.

If you try all these things (it will take several months to do, if not a whole other school year) then I recommend your daughter be tested for a learning difference. Another option is choosing a different school that better suits her needs.

The crying seems like immaturity, the not paying attention could be that she is young or has a learning difference. The self esteem could be because she is younger than the rest of the kids and cannot do what they are doing. They all work hand in hand and can turn into a vicious cycle.

Best of luck. You are your daughter's advocate so don't give up! Does she attend public or private school?

Had anything happened in her life that may make her the way she is? Like a death, divorce, something significant?

Best of luck to you! :)