My sister call me today and ask me if i still had that ottoman she gave me and i didnt, i sold it in the garage sale. Well she was very very mad at me and screamed at me and i told her i was very sorry, she didnt want to talk too me anymore.
Well the first thing i thought when i got off the phone was that i was a very very bad person, im stupid and i wanted to hurt myself.
Now im all upset again thinking im a bad person and i want to hurt myself. I just wondered if other bipolar people react this way when something simple like this happens or is it just me, am i just weird.
I know im not on the right cocktail of medicine right now and i have no pdoc to talk either but ive really always been like this anyways.but does other bpers go thru this too? any comments would be appreciated.
Tee:confused:

No, I never want to hurt myself, but lots of bipolar people do, so it can be a symptom of your bipolar. First you need to be on the correct medicine. Do you have any kids at home to help you get this off of your mind?

Also, I would call a doctor or therapist today and get some help, you cannot allow people to upset you that way. I ended up in the E.R. with a panic attack for allowing my mother to get to me that way. It's not good for your health.

And say the serenity prayer during times like this, it really works, say it 100 times a day if you have to, and eventually it will sink in.

"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things that I cannot change, the courage to change the things that I can, and the wisdom to know the difference".

You must accept that you cannot get the ottoman back and accept that your sister is upset, then you must realize that you cannot change any of that, you cannot change the way that your sister is acting, but you CAN change the way that you RESPOND to her, then you must move on..........Your sis will get over it, and I would say screw her!

Just tell your sister, in the most calmest voice that you have. "I'm sorry that you are so upset, maybe we should talk when you are more calm". Goodbye, hang up the phone. Don't let her put a guilt trip on you, you did nothing wrong.


JMHO

Mia

My sister call me today and ask me if i still had that ottoman she gave me and i didnt, i sold it in the garage sale. Well she was very very mad at me and screamed at me and i told her i was very sorry, she didnt want to talk too me anymore.
Well the first thing i thought when i got off the phone was that i was a very very bad person, im stupid and i wanted to hurt myself.
Now im all upset again thinking im a bad person and i want to hurt myself. I just wondered if other bipolar people react this way when something simple like this happens or is it just me, am i just weird.
I know im not on the right cocktail of medicine right now and i have no pdoc to talk either but ive really always been like this anyways.but does other bpers go thru this too? any comments would be appreciated.
Tee:confused:

Hi,

Well, if someone gives you something, it then belongs to you. If a gift is freely given, as it should be, then you are perfectly free to do whatever you want with it. If she didn't give you an indication that she wanted it back at some point, then she has no right to get upset with you.

I get the same way, very upset is someone is upset with me or I think I've done something wrong, but with time, I try to put it in perspective and see often that it is the other person who has the problem, not me. And I think your sister is the one with the problem here, not you.

You're in no way a bad person for selling it. Why shouldn't you, since it belonged to you?

Your sister is out to lunch on this one, I think. Talk with your therapist about it. I know it's hard not to take things to heart and assume that since someone is unhappy with something we've done, we must be guilty and horrible. But that's just not true.

I hope you get some realtime help with this and can deal with these feelings and see things realistically, not emotionally.

Wishing you all the best.

Hi Tee,

You are NOT, I repeat, NOT a bad person. She gave you that, so she has no right to take it back. I'm sure your sister will get over it, just give her a little while. Try not to worry about it too much.

I react in the same way when something gets me upset. I think I'm stupid and I want to hurt myself. Sometimes I do hurt myself and always regret it afterwards. Don't do anything rash, you'll wish you hadn't later. I'm sure you are a nice person and you don't deserve to hurt yourself. No matter how big a deal you think it is now, when you look at the whole scope of things one fight isn't the end of the world.

I would also suggest that you get a pdoc asap! The right combo of meds is key to your health. Do you have a tdoc? I think that might also help, if you don't already have one.

Feel better soon,
--steamroll

Theresa; Please take it easy on yourself you didn't know that your sister was going to ask for it back. It was a communication problem on her part. Once someone gives you something then it's yours. Your not a bad person. I would have thought the same thing. Yes, I think alot of us bipolar people get down on ouselves over little and big things. We're just very sensitive. Most of us are very compassionate people too. Anytime that you want to hurt yourself call your crisis hotline. Don't stay alone. You are important. Keep posting, hugs to you, Sassy:angel:

Thank you guys for your responses!
I think that since im not on the right meds im not properly thinking!
I did freak out some yesterday but i did call my husband at work 2 times and he got me thru it.
I am really a compassionate person and i wouldnt hurt anyone intentionally at all.So when people think i would do that purposely that really messes me up.When im on the right meds i think a liitle clearer but im not and ive had a really stressful month too.
Yes i do have children so that does keep me somewhat together but some days are worse then others.All i have is just a regular doctor and he know nothing i mean nothing about bipolar, he just keeps me supplied in what medicines i am taking and in my area we just dont have much help for mental health issues and i would have to go out of town which i really dont want too but it looks like i cant put it off much longer.
Theres something about myself that confuses me and i know your going to think im weird but i need to know why i do this and maybe someone might be able to tell me, so here goes..... When i get very upset like i did yesterday and when i feel like ive wronged someone or just get in one of my eposides i like turn into this child and start babbling and i cant talk does anyone know what that is and i keep saying over and over im bad and i dont remember the other stuff i say, i know that sounds weird and im sorry but does anyone understand it. I hope i dont scare you away im just really confused.
Thank you for your advice, it meant alot. Tee

I think I know what you mean. I can get totally unhinged in that sort of situation, reduced to tears and panic attacks, total fear that I've done something wrong.
For me, these reactions come from abuse in the past - anything like that there for you?

I turn into a complete child, too, with the intensity of a child's emotional reaction toward an adult, terror of the adult. And the "I'm bad" is always just beneath the surface, ready to emerge, along with a feeling of awful shame.

You're not alone! I hope your meds get straightened out soon.

Teresa,
I am not sure but it may be what is called disassociation. This means you are trying to cope the best way you can.

Personally, I have had this problem and it is very important that you contact your doctor and let he or she know what is happening. Even as adults, sometimes we can go back to the same coping mechanisms we used as children.

It can be very confusing, frustrating, especially when you are trying so desperately to communicate what is happening, or how you are feeling. As for myself, I actually got to the point I had to write to communicate when the speach went away. And the most confounding thing happened. I could only "print", like a child.

Do not hesitate to call for help.

Take good care,
genes

Thanks for sharing that with me and explaining it very well. I do believe there was lots of thing that happen in my past, one thing that really sticks out in my mind is my family and the way they treated me.
I was the baby of the family and they treated me as such, looked down on me, would never include me in anything and always treated me like i was stupid and i grew up always feeling that way and i have a hard time communicating with people because of it:(
I was never very close to my mother she always did things with my older sisters and showed them things and taught them things, i mainly hung out with my brothers which sometimes they were abusive in a joking sort of way like my one brother would tie me to a bed and leave me there and lock the door and i would just cry.
So there is alot of things in my past that i think are unresolved. It does make me feel better to know that im not crazy in this and that someone understands a little of what im going thru. I do have to get a new doctor. I am going to make a copy of what you told me.
Thank you ! Tee