plowjocky70
01-26-2008, 08:22 AM
I have recently married a wonderful gal - I am 71 she 60. My first wife died after 44 years of marriage - this is my new wife's first marriage. We are physically active and involved with our community and she works in a school system. There is a schitzoid trend in my family - My sister was hospitalized most of her life - my brother was bipolar and I see some of the symptoms in me - to a lesser degree. I am also a very light sleeper.
My new wife revealed to me after several months of marriage that she was on medication for ADD. Symptoms include fidgeting when sitting and sleeping - even when she drives the car or sits in a chair watching TV she sometimes fidgets. Squirms and pulls at her clothes. She rarely sits long and often gets up to do "house chores". She is an excellent house keeper and we both tend to be workaholics. At night we are having a real sleeping problem - I sleep lightly and snore occasionally. I invite her to wake me when I am snoring and keeping her awake. When I try to communicate with her about her keeping me awake she often gets belligerent. She fidgets often, 20% of the problem of keeping me awake to other 80% is her frequent snoring. Some nights I get less than 2 hours sleep - with an occasional dozing off. When we try to discuss it she twists the blame all on me - as my problem - not hers. I am wiling to take partial ownership of the problem - she is not. Our relationship is good in every respect except for the problems arising from sleep deprivation - that is a real problem. It is threatening our relationship. I have suggested going to a marriage counselor - she wants me to go alone as it is "my" problem not hers. I think we should both go. Suggestions please
My new wife revealed to me after several months of marriage that she was on medication for ADD. Symptoms include fidgeting when sitting and sleeping - even when she drives the car or sits in a chair watching TV she sometimes fidgets. Squirms and pulls at her clothes. She rarely sits long and often gets up to do "house chores". She is an excellent house keeper and we both tend to be workaholics. At night we are having a real sleeping problem - I sleep lightly and snore occasionally. I invite her to wake me when I am snoring and keeping her awake. When I try to communicate with her about her keeping me awake she often gets belligerent. She fidgets often, 20% of the problem of keeping me awake to other 80% is her frequent snoring. Some nights I get less than 2 hours sleep - with an occasional dozing off. When we try to discuss it she twists the blame all on me - as my problem - not hers. I am wiling to take partial ownership of the problem - she is not. Our relationship is good in every respect except for the problems arising from sleep deprivation - that is a real problem. It is threatening our relationship. I have suggested going to a marriage counselor - she wants me to go alone as it is "my" problem not hers. I think we should both go. Suggestions please
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rheanna
01-29-2008, 11:05 AM
plowjocky70,
Finding a way to get both your needs met is important to the health of your relationship. If she won't go with you to a couples counselor, then my suggestion is to go yourself. It might help you find some alternative ways to approach this with your wife. Another suggestion is to invest in some soft foam earplugs. I rather suspect that these inexpensive little things have saved many a marriage. :)
Best of luck to you.
--Rheanna
Finding a way to get both your needs met is important to the health of your relationship. If she won't go with you to a couples counselor, then my suggestion is to go yourself. It might help you find some alternative ways to approach this with your wife. Another suggestion is to invest in some soft foam earplugs. I rather suspect that these inexpensive little things have saved many a marriage. :)
Best of luck to you.
--Rheanna
happymom28
01-29-2008, 12:39 PM
Along with counselling, is it possible to have separate bedrooms?
My grandfather was a snorer and would keep my nana up all the time. The had separate bedrooms for the last 40 years of their 60 year marriage (once my dad moved out she moved into his room :)). She contributes this to why they were so happily married.
It may not be the "ideal" solution, but you both need your sleep.
My grandfather was a snorer and would keep my nana up all the time. The had separate bedrooms for the last 40 years of their 60 year marriage (once my dad moved out she moved into his room :)). She contributes this to why they were so happily married.
It may not be the "ideal" solution, but you both need your sleep.
jozi209
01-29-2008, 12:58 PM
yeah I see nothing wrong with separate bedrooms. have you also tried snoring remedies at drug stores? depending on what part of your nose your snore from there are specific remedies (strips to wear on your nose), maybe those will work?