Sorry i havent posted in awhile..alot of different things happening at home with son. Most of you are familiar with his opiate struggle and relapse. anyway after major discussions with tdocs and his pdoc and him really telling us how he feels, he decided to try suboxone. it seems like he just cant do it on his own..he is having horrible emotional withdrawels that he cant handle. He suffers from depression and maybe bipolar so with that happening along with the withdrawels he is a true mess. He has basically given up all his friends and just works, goes to outpatient and n.a meetings. he has been buying sub on the street because it helps him stay off everything else. So, we decided to help him with this because its his last chance. He started them a couple of days ago and is feeling much better...normal, as he puts it. it takes away the feeling of being uncomfortable in his own skin..if that makes sense. We are praying that between sub,his antideppresants and a mood stabilizer that he is on a better path to becoming a responsible adult. Bottom line, as you can probably tell is that im not 100 percent for sub...but i had to open up my mind a litttle more. because trying on his own was just not working for him..its a pathetic disease, very sad...I hope this works..

Hello Jules

Mama, I think you have made a wonderful decision in helping your son this way.

First off, it is so much safer and wiser to purchase medicine from a pharmacy through a doctor than on the streets. Who knows what is pased off as sub on the street, you know?

Second, I think the money and doctor help you use your money for is buying your son his very life. He needs time, lots of time, to deal with his issues. If he has given up friends, is working, and attending NA meetings, then the kid sure is putting in a lot of effort! He seems to be trying, and trying his best.

He is young yet, Jules. There is so much for him to learn. I don't mean just about not using drugs. It seems he knows that. He needs time to learn how to hande life without using artificial means of any kind to seek refuge in. Me? I still use food as a refuge. I finally, finally recognize how much of my behaviour for 56 years has been 'refuge seeking'. Hiding from insecurities about some things. I have had a good life, but think it is only this year that I totally have come into my own, totally become comfortable in my own skin.

Jules, the boy is not a failure any more than you and your husband are. We each are who we are. Sometimes it just takes some of us more time to discover who that is! Reaching emotional maturity is a process of different lengths for each of us. If you can buy the time your son needs to go through the process, then Hallelujah! Money spent this way is so much better than spent on cakes for jail visits or flowers for a grave.

There is not a parent out there who has a child that is perefect, 100 percent in every way... any more than any kid has a perfect parent :-). So what? Nothing in this world will ever reach the state of perfection. The best any of us can do is strive for it. Your son is striving for that better self. If sub is part of that equation, then so be it. For him, for now, it seems to be a needed tool for him to reach the heights he eventually will in life. He wants to be successful in life, he is trying, he seems sincere in his efforts. God bless him many times over as he travels along. And you, too, friend.

All good thoughts
reach

Hey Jules, I hope everything is going good for you as much as it can. I can relate to your sons problems, and even your problems as a parent because of what I put my parents through..Heroin addiction, their second son who they wanted so bad and couldn't have for 7 years after my brother was born was now doing one of the worst things possible. Enough about me, I just wanted to say that anything you can do for your son is all obviously limited, the most important thing in my opinion is not to bring your son down by telling him anything bad, instead uplift his spirits and make him feel like everything is fine and nothing is lost, see I never had anyone to tell me any of these things when I went through quitting, and I've quit heroin cold turkey, right now I'm going through some pretty rough methadone withdrawals and once again cold turkey and once again on my own, to me I think this is actually the best way and the reason is once you feel that bad it will make you never do the same again. All people are different, I have a very strong mind and will and I've always had to push myself and have done it, if there are other problems involved which are mental the case can be way different, besides most people can't do this on their own, we're talking a 1 out of 10 success rate. My advice would be be to try and control this suboxen use, that is really not a way out, its just a substitute, but it only becomes that if you abuse it just like anything else, there is a way to use these to quit and then stop using them to be sober, for opiate withdrawals I would try and use the subs for anywhere between 2 - 3 weeks and start coming off of them, the main problem is its all a drug and whenever you stop taking drugs you want to take drugs, then other problems come in which are both physical and mental and if your not strong enough or if you don't want it bad enough its going to continue and you will always give in to the temptations. My last words of advice would be, don't make your son feel too good here, because as you know anything thats real easy to do always has a great chance of happening again, if you know what I mean? make him feel what he has done, while helping him to overcome it but don't help him to continue it, take it easy and I hope everything works out for you, my prayers are always there with you and your son, I can only wish you all the best.

Wow Jules....I see a bit of what you've been going through.

How are you and the rest of your family doing??

I think about you all the time. I pray this new treatment will work.

love,

MM

ye mm we have been thru hell all of us involved..there is just too many parts to the problem..but we are heading in the right direction..and that is to make him better. he is more comfortable and able to relax now that hs is on suboxone..we dont love the idea of it..but we truley had to put ourselves in his shoes to see what he is going thru...he wants drugs to stop ruining his life ,he just cant do it on his own..to me the name of the drug should be LAST CHANCE!!

Jules, I am glad to hear things are stabilizing for your son. That's all we want, isn't it? Such simple things we hope for.

How is your son sleeping with sub? What is his doseage? How often does he go? Did your insurance pay for it?

My son started sub last week. We pay dr, meds paid for by medicaid.

Can't report good things yet. Sub doc told him to stop depokote, so he did abruptly. Spiraled into a deep depression. We saw the change right away. ICMS worker came to meet son, he is going to get him a pdoc and therapy hoepfully early next week. Its critical he is semi suicidal.

Jules, no matter how we think we/they have a handle on it, new things constantly appear or old ones reappear.

cram i know what you are saying..depakote should not have beeen stopped suddenly...my son is started on a pretty high dose..8mgs 3x a day..they do affect his sleep, they kinda keep him awake..so he takes the last one at dinnertime..he has severe sleep issues and always has..he is also on lamictical and zoloft. anyway so far so good from the sub..its only a few days. apperently its almost impossible to find a doc that is in an insurance plan...sub is a big buisness and these guys want to make as much money as they can from it..its disgusting!! after argueing with my sons insurance company for days they will reimburse us at 90percent of what we are paying for the doctor..its 250 to start and then 175 per month ...the medication is covered by his insurance, it was 26$ for a week...im not sure how much a months supply will be..it all depends on the coverage..thats our price for it. insurance picks up the rest..im not sure how much it would be w/o insurance..hope this helps.

Jules -

I'm really praying that this is the solution for your son. I have a good feeling about it.

When did he start the Lamictal and Zoloft? How is he doing on them?

Thinking of you always, my friend.

Love,

Hope

this is a horrible disease sweetie but what a great parent you are supporting him like this God Bless you. I wish I had someone as non judgemental as you in my life I would truly feel lucky. Sub worked wonderful for me until I decided I could use again and the insanity started again. pray for him and keep up the good work.

Hello Jules ~

I miss seeing more regular posts from you. How are things going with your son? Do you feel like you've finally found the right program for him? How is he adjusting?

It's been a month already since I got out of the hospital. I'm doing OK but I have a new pain in the front of my thigh which is almost as annoying as the pain I had prior to surgery. :(

Write when you have a chance and know that I'm thinking of you every day.

xx MM:cool:

I'm sorry to hear of your stuggles, and I can relate in many more ways than one. The difference being that my mother is the addict. How do you make the choice to love them anyway? Regardless of how far they drag you down with them? Sometimes I feel like a masochist! I wish you and your's well.

oh mandy, i feel for you..i know how much i love my mom, i would be just as devestated if she were the addict..because we love our parents and our children unconditionally..it is very hard,isnt it? no one could imagine!

mm, im glad you are felling better, the pain in your leg might be from you compensating when you are walking...My son is doing ok, im going to be honest, i hate the fact that hes on suboxone,i hate the look it gives him..its the same look as being high without the nodding..i just hope we didnt open up another can of worms, because this one will be totally his responsibility.

Hi, Jules....sorry I haven't checked in on you for a while. I know how tormented you must feel okaying the sub with your son,...I felt that way when going to put my daughter on birth control at the age of 14 and the message that it may be giving her. I know that it isn't the same thing but it was a difficult thing to do as a mother that tormented me just the same. We can only do our best and love them and try to protect them sometimes even from themselves and hope that it will be the thing that will finally help them.

You are a GREAT mom and your son is so lucky to have you. How is hubby handling all of this???? I know that he must be as tormented as you are.

Look forward and hold onto hope....there is always hope and that is what we need to focus on.

As for me....my brother received the gift of being able to see his NY Giants win the Superbowl!!!:bouncing: We spent Superbowl Sunday with him as did the rest of the family.

The Hospice nurses are amazed that he was able to make it this far and never saw anybody with such a will to live like my brother. He continues to fight and who knows, perhaps he will pull a miracle just like his team did!! :angel:

The nurses and doctors say that he doesn't have long (as they have said many times before) and are surprised that he is still conscious and holding on. He is in Congestive Heart Failure and having such a tough time breathing and sleeping longer intervals but otherwise comfortable.

Daughters are doing well too which is another blessing. It was a hard road but we got here and you will too.

Miss you lots and I hope that this all turns around for you. I think of you often and hold you in my prayers everyday.

Love ~ IG :)

ivory, thansk for the response...hubby is feeling the same as me..we both are putting up with it..my son is trying so we have to keep trying..but we have reached our limit...my daughter and her bf broke up so we had a pretty bad weekend with her crying and sobbing..it broke my heart..she seems to feel better a little each day..oh to be 19 and have a broken heart, so sad..huh? but, this too shall pass right? so happy to hear your girls are well!!!:angel:;):)

Oh Jules'

I have been so hesitant to reply to your post because of feeling , here was my son doing so well and you were still struggling. I feel your anguish and pain .

I felt compeled to post to you today, because of the events of the last week. I know you are struggling with your son on sub. Last Wednesday a very good friend of my son's died. To make a long story short, this friend was at a party and called my son to come pick him up, he didn't feel well.
My son said to meet him out front and he would take him home. He picked him up and on the way to his house he keeled over in the car. My son could not rouse him so headed straight to the Er. Four minutes after he arrived he coded and died.

This boys parents would not allow this boy to take anything to help him remain off the drugs. They said to cold turkey or else. Maybe and I say only maybe he would be here if he had tried sub. My son is just devestated. He tried to help him even going to talk to his parents.

Jules I am not judging you at all for the way you feel, just saying I think you have made a choice to try anything to save your son and I respect you greatly for it. There is hope for your son.

If I have offended you in anyway I am sorry, it was not my intention. I just wanted to say hang in there. With Faith all things are possible

Eric's Ma

erics ma, you have no way offended me..i want to hear about your son and well he is doing..it gives me hope..that is a terrible story and i feel so bad for eric..my son would be devastated too. eric needs to see his therapist and talk about it..it is a traumatic experience for everyone involved..

I wish my son could go cold turkey, he just doesnt have it in him..he cant handle the torment in his mind..Suboxone is our last chance...notice how i say "our" because my household suffers his addiction, not just him..I dont know how all this is going to pan out in the end, we have just learned that it is easier for us to live one day at a time..Hes trying!!

please keep an eye on eric..

Hey Jules ~

All this recovery -- whether it is from drugs or surgery-- is built on taking and getting through one day at a time. I have had this outlook for so long that it is weird to suddenly be doing a lot of thinking about the future -- planning the wedding, and now the responses to the grad school applications are starting to trickle in...so these are exciting times. A couple years ago I never thought we would reach this day. A couple years ago I wouldn't have bet on whether our son would live a couple more days, or not. Change can be very slow, but it can also happen in big chunks, too.

Do you see the lamictal making any difference for your son? I think you need to have him completely off drugs before you'll be able to start treating the symptoms for BP. How is the subox. working out for him?

I think of you every day. Is your son able to work?

Hang in there, my friend. I know this is not easy on any of you.

sending (((((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))) ))))))))))))))xx

MM:angel:

MM, yes he is working 3days a week and going to his outpatient 3 days a week..he has a schedule..very important for him! the lamictal is doing ok he just had a large increase from 50mgs to 100 mgs and hes very tired and getting headaches..other than that, the sub is stopping his drug cravings and hes trying very hard to move forward. so all is ok...and you are right 1 day at a time!!:angel:

One day at a time is a good way to go....sometimes looking too far ahead only leads to feeling overwhelmed with fear and unable to get anywhere at all.

I have been thinking about you and your entire family, Jules. How is your daughter doing since her breakup??? Is it getting any better???

We have lots of drama around here too....our younger daughter's opening night for the play was tonight and it was wonderful!! She has been going from 6:30am-11pm between school and rehearsals over the past few weeks and enjoying every minute of it!! I really thought it would throw everything off balance but it didn't, I never saw her so happy and part of something. However, she has been increasingly saying that things aren't going to last with the BF.....today she said that she is seriousy thinking about breaking up with him. She has really matured and sees things that I have been concerned about as well....he went to the show and they went out afterwards to a diner along with the rest of the cast. Daughter called saying that she sent the BF home and wanted to stay longer with the cast. (She said that he was being mean and she told him to leave;))

She came home and called BF....she was sobbing and I am going to check in on her in a bit but promised to give her some time. So we have some drama on top of the drama around here!!

MM ~ Looks like lots is happening with you too between your surgical recovery and all the wedding plans as well as graduate school plans for your son. Are you ready to put on those dancing shoes???

Jules....know that you are in my thoughts and prayers.

Love ~ IG :)

oh ivory i hope you come back..i need some lamictal info..my son started the starter pack about a month ago and at the point where you jump from 50 to 100 mgs he got real sick vertigo, nausea headaches. he looks horrible..its like a bad case of seasickness...could it be the large jump in doses?

my daughter is BACK with the bf after a 4 day breakup..im not crazy about him, but its her life..she is 19, not a baby.. erin might need some space from her bf, she is enjoying this time of her life..maybe a break for a lil while is a good thing. if things are meant to be, they will find each other again..dont you agree??

Jules, I was happy to jump on these boards and see things are at an even level. Sounds like your son does better with structure.

I was glad to read you fought your insurance company to cover your son's doctor visit but not everyone is as lucky. My son's medicaid won't cover the visit only the meds. These doctors are theives, they aren't doctors. There is no inexpensive way for an addict with no insurance to afford suboxone and doctor visits, it is a joke. How can they try to get clean when it is unattainable? Our children are fortunate, through us they have resources, people to fight on their behalf and a degree of financial help. Many aren't as fortunate and it is those I feel so badly for.

An acquaintance I know told me today my son is lucky to have me, her parents never knew she had bp, she only found out in her 40s! Being dx'd with depression all her life and given the wrong meds. She also was addicted. But almost 50 she conquered her addictions, on the right meds and is getting her life together but although her parents are loving have no idea how to help her. By the way, none of her siblings got addiction gene or mental illness gene.

My prayers are with all of you who fight this fight on your own.

Jules, I hope your days become easier as the winter fades away.

cram315

it really is disgraceful about these doctors...would you believe one wanted to make a housecall at 400 a svisit...they are insane, suboxone is big buisness now and they know they can get what they want...even with insurance its 100$ per month for meds..my son is lucky to have us and believe me we tell him all the time..

Hi Jules ~

I know IG is tied is this weekend. Her daughter is in the school play and she has people coming for dinner tonight...so let me try to help.

To answer the lamictal question, I would say the answer is a definite "YES." Lamictal is one of those drugs where the patient usually has a reaction for about a week after increasing the dosage. In my reading here and elsewhere, patients usually describe the reaction as "feeling icky." This reaction oftens happens after every increase. If your son is feeling really bad, it may be that the increase is just too much and that he needs to cut back and try 75mg. Can you call whoever prescribed this and see what he would recommend?

Don't let your son give up on Lamictal though, because it is such a great drug once the body gets used to it. It is usually given as an "add-on" drug that is given after the patient has been stabilized. It is not given as the drug that is used to stabilize the individual.

My son takes 400 mg in addition to 1200 mg of lithium plus the tegretol -- a lot of medication but that's what it takes to keep him stable.:cool:

Hope this helps a bit.

take good care, my friend.

xxxx M;)M

mm. yep the increase was too much..he will just take 75mgs for a week than increase...he is still so out of sorts from it..

Hi all. No update on my son. Haven't heard from him...3 weeks yesterday. I have no idea who he's staying with or if he's been to probation. got a call the other day from a EZ check cashers....his old girlfriend..YUK, wrote him a $100 check and herself a $100 check and they both bounced.....imagine that....and he is responsible for the one she wrote him if she doesn't take care of it. what a mess....he just keeps getting deeper and deeper. my prayers are relentless...that's all I have. I am a little glad he hasn't contacted us. My husband is still sooo hurt by it all. Every time I think about what happened I just get so furious and sad. Just wanted you guys to keep praying........that's all I have right now...but it's surely enough.;)

Hi Jules'

Eric is doing a little better but is still so sad. The questions he ask I just have no answer for. He has been going to a meeting everyday and staying in his circle of Na friends.

I posted on the other thread so I will keep this brief. Jules I hope with all my heart this is the answer for your family. And you are right about one thing this does involve the whole family, This event has all of us in an uproar. It is just so hard to watch the pain and conflict that a loved one can go through.

Jules when you and your family break through to the other side of this difficult time ( and I am praying so hard you do) it is simply amazing but as you can see thier are still times of great joy and great sorrow.

In faith all things are possible
Eric's Ma

Jules ~ Sorry I haven't been around....we have had lots of drama on top of drama here....PLUS a little scare. After the excitement of opening night and my daughter having that upsetment with her BF on the phone she came to say goodnight to me saying that she had a big headache and on the way upstairs I asked what time she had to be up at the school and she answered that she would talk later that she had to get some sleep with the headache and then suddenly when she was in her room screamed for me....I KNEW that she was going to pass out and told her to get to the floor until I got there..

When hubby and I got to her she was passed out on the bed and pale....we asked her what was wrong and she mumbled that her heart was racing really bad and told us her pulse was in her neck. I took her pulse and it was so fast that I couldn't even count it....when I could it was about 180. She asked for water and her pulse was still fast, around 120's and she said she needed sleep. I had her finish the water and told her that I would check on her often.....I was nervous because I have read that the Seroquel can cause sudden cardiac arrest/stroke but more in the elderly.

Anyway....she went down to around 100 by morning which was still high and my friend who is a cardiac nurse said that she had read that with Seroquel you can have hypotension that causes fainting and when that happens the pulse will race to compensate and that she had a feeling that with the play and working hard 16hrs/day for the past 2 weeks that chances were that she wasn't drinking enough or eating properly which would make it even more likely for this to happen.

I will of course inform our pdoc tomorrow....I still feel that she needs to come down on the Seroquel because her brain chemistry is less manic than when she was first medicated and she may be taking more Seroquel than is necessary. We decreased it by 75mgs 2 weeks ago when she was having hallucinations which is common when on too much Seroquel so I am thinking that we need to go even lower. WE don't want to do too much because she has been doing so well and with all the stress she is under it's not a good time to make too many adjustments without upseting the applecart.

Anyway....MM seemed to relay exactly what I would have to you about the Lamictal....it is best to go slowly with the titration and if he worsens to take a step backward and go slower until at a therapeutic level. I am thinking that with the Suboxone may even increase the effect of the Lamictal and thus rendering that your son take even a lower dosage than the usual. But the usual therapeutic level is 100mg-200mgs. My older daughter is on 150mgs and the younger one is on 200mgs....the pdoc tried to increase it to 300mgs with her but she got worse and we went back down to the 200mgs. Like MM said, there is usually some worsening of symptoms with each increase in titration that will level off after 4-5 days and just before the next increase is due moods will indicate the need for more. You will know that things are good when that doesn't happen anymore and that he is finally at a therapeutic level.

I will check in again soon....oh, and the boyfriends are such a part of life that I wish I could be exempt from!! :dizzy: I just could use less drama...my daughter has her own show going on and one day I think I will cash in with the screenplay.

Oh, and BTW....in her second performance she came out on stage with no shoes on....the set was of a highly professional office scene with everybody dressed to the "T". A little girl in front of me said to her mom "look mom, that lady forgot to put her shoes on!!":eek: And I look and follow the feet up to my daughter!! Turns out that in the first performance one of her shoes fell off during a dance so she decided on her own that it would be best to go on without them.;) My friend and I were cracking up!!! Thought you would like the laugh too!!

~ IG (the one who has a daughter with a mind of her own:))

ig, wow, i hope erinn is ok..that is definitly from the serequol..the side effects from these meds are so scary.. my son is feeling better and he did go back down to 50 mgs and will slowly go up to 75 than to 100..his doc is thinking of him getting to 175mgs..than leaving it at that. we shall see...

flint, how are you doing ? any word on where your son might be staying? you must be a wreck or just used to it by know. its terrible, i hope and pray that hes well..

erics ma, surrounding himself with na is great for eric right now...he needs time, he will be ok..

No word on son. haven't heard anything except EZ check cashers called the other day and seems his OLD girlfriend, dope head, wrote him a $100 check and it bounced. I told them he didn't live here.......she wrote herself on too for $100 and it bounced.................wow what a person............I knew that though............I just pray every day and nite............I just came from his bedroom and was on my knees praying some more.............he will overcome this and my family will come together..............we need him well............thanks for asking.;)

flint, i feel for you. my son is almost 22 and while right now hes doing well we never know what the the future holds. tell me, has your son ever tried suboxone? it seems to be helping in a big way..im actually my old son back. I know yours is not home now but he will be eventually. is it an option?

I think first, you have to WANT to quit and he's not at that point. He hasn't hit his bottom yet and I feel he has to do that. We've been through this now for 4 years........and it just gets worse with each episode. He's so violent when he's on xanax...because he takes sooo much of it at one time. 4-5 bars at a time, then drinks and smokes weed...and we all know that intensifies the effects. This time was too violent for us. We can't live that way. it ripped us all apart.....and we can't even trust him in our home. He steals money, we have to lock our meds up, he lies....if and when he is ready to change his life is the only time we'll allow him back in our lives. I know that sounds hard and cruel, but we're tired and scared for his life and sometimes ours.........I miss him so much and I worry as a mother does, but I can't take it anymore. My nerves are shot. My husband has been hurt the most I think, because of the physical altercation with him this time. My husband is a calm easy going person, and this physical stuff took a toll on him. I pray my son wakes up and wants help before it's too late.

flint, you do not sound mean at all..i know first hand what you are going thru. you are beaten and worn out. so am i, i cant take much more of this either. my son does want to stay clean..who knows if he can????? only god right? im very realistic when it comes to this and i was told more than once that they have their AGE against them because they have not had the losses and the tradegies happen to them. they dont have those horrific stories that they are hearing at meetings. i was told that most of them "flounder" around for most of their 20"s and dont straighten up till the late 20's early 30's...isnt that wonderful??:mad: so basically the odds are against them.. we have to keep praying...im here for you, i understand every word you are saying..i also have 2 younger ones that have seen and heard way too much and that pisses me off ..

20....30....oh Lord. Iam not sure I can wait that long.....I know I can't wait that long!!:confused: I have been on my knees for years for this child and the Lord knows I am tired. So it's up to him now. There is not a day that goes by that I don't think about him and pray for him. He knows we love him. I pray he is feeling horrible about what happened. But every time I think I know what he's feeling...I am wrong. What I wish would happen is he would go to probation for his bi weekly piss test and they take him to jail and the judge does what he told me, court order rehab. If he would go to rehab I would support him all the way. I don't know anymore. My feelings are all messed up....here I am 50 yrs old and I am confused..........can't even read my own son like I used to. I don't know him any more. That's not a good feeling. We all miss him. My 17 yr old has been sleeping in his room, he said he feels close to him there. so sad......I am praying for your son also. I hope he stays clean and lives a happy prosperous life.......he deserves it and so do you!! Thanks for being my friend. I count on your replies to get me through the day.......:angel:

Hi, i'd just like to say don't give up hope,
I've been a heroin addict for years(recovering now) but when i think what i put my family through well my mum mostly, well i hate what i've done to her over the years. She done everything she could to help me, not always the right thing as she was sometimes thinking she was helping by giving me money coz i'd be crying with withdrawals etc. but to cut a very long story short, in the end it was tough love that really helped, one day she just couldn't take any more and totally cut herself off from me and wouldn't give me anything and told my brother who's in the army about what was happening (which i'd always asked her not to do) only to protect myself from the humilliation and dissapointment etc, anyway, once she'd done all this and i eventually hit bottom that i really then wanted to turn my life round, i've now been on my Methadone script for two years and am doing really well so i just wanted to say don't give up. xx

Thanks Jinters! I appreciate that. It does give me some hope. My son is only 22 and if he continues this way, he won't make it to 25............your words made me feel a little better....thanks alot!

Hey, Jules....just bumping this up to check and see how your weekend went. Anything new with your son???

My daughters are doing quite well....the younger one's hallucinations and tachycardia have gone away since the decrease in Seroquel (I had a feeling that was the culprit). The pdoc still wants us to see a neurologist to rule out other causes of her symptoms such as MS....just another thing to worry about!!;)

Older daughter is doing quite well....made the Dean's list and really has improved since diagnosed and put on meds. There has been a 180 degree change in her which is such a relief. I can't believe that she will have an associate's degree in Hotel Management at the end of this Trimester!!!:bouncing: And how are your daughter(s) doing???

I just wanted to let you know that you are in my thoughts and that I am hoping that somehow you get your big break that you are looking for. There is hope, Jules.....a while back there I was losing all hope but things do change and I am praying that they do for you really soon.

Love & ((((HUGS)))) ~ IG:)

Flint,

I might consider turning him in and asking a judge or parol officer or someone to give him the option of jail time or a long-term residential tx program. Either way, he'll be clean and safe and you can know he made any future choices with a clear head. Just an idea.

Jessica

Hi ig, things are ok. my son is ok,,no problems so far..doc is weaning him off zoloft and putting him on wellbutrin...so throw in the mix, suboxone, lamictical,wellbutrin and trazadone to sleep..we still are trying to talk him into an inpatient stay..hes saying hes got 60+ days clean..he doesnt need a rehab..once again hes not looking at the whole picture.

girls are ok, older one had a bad breakup with the boy she was going out with for a year..shes very sad..little one has some pvcs and a heart murmer (we just found out). so i was told to take her to ST.FRANCIS to have some testing done..im doing that this week...so he has to take a back burner for awhile..

Oh Jules....I sure wish that you would catch a break here. Please know that you are in my prayers. I hope that the little one's PVC's and murmur are something benign. St. Francis is a GREAT center and I am sure that they will get to the root of the problem.

As for your older daughter....heartbreak is something we all have gone through and have survived. At the time it didn't seem like we would but we did.....right?????;)

Your son is going to have to get to that point of KNOWING that he needs the help. Unfortunately at his age he cannot be forced and hopefully he will come to that realization on his own and not waste anymore time.

Meanwhile, focus on the others....you know what Jules ~ I noticed that when we focus on us my daughter(s) survive. Take care of you a little bit. Oh and BTW...whatever happened with your fibroids and the ultrasound results??? I hope that you are taking care of yourself too.

Sending lots of extra (((((HUGS))))) your way ~ IG:)

my daughter is so upsset snd i wish she werent... the boy is s fool and never treated her right, i do have alot of things going on at the same time,,after wednesday is over i will feel better..im sure. im worried about that now.

:dizzy:whew sorry about those large letterss:(

Yup.....those NGBF's (no good boyfriends;)!! ) Hubby calls him a slacker and we are just praying that she puts him out of her life so we have to bite our tongues most of the time remembering what a tdoc once told us..."NEVER say anything bad about the friends and especially the BF's!! If you do she will only want to defend him more and stay just to protect him from you even if she knows what you say IS true!!" So we bite our tongues ALOT!!!

Lately she pays her way and sometimes his which I don't like. I understand when he doesn't have a job then we tell her to pay her own way but there are times that if she wants to do something and he doesn't have the money she will pay for both of them which is quite often!! And.....now that he has a job the other day when she was out with him and they went through the drive through at McD's and she got a $1 item he insisted that she pay him back in school!! And.....whenever we enforce what we want her to do or not do while on the phone with him he is ALWAYS questioning her as to why....doesn't he get it....it's because we are her parents and we said so!!!

Grrrrrrrrrrrr!!!:mad:

Anyway, I just wanted to let you know that our younger daughter just went through some tachycardia and hallucinations that we feel were attributed to one of her meds (Seroquel). She went to a cardiologist who is playing it on the safe side by monitoring her over the month for any repeat performances since we couldn't duplicate it when she went to see him. (Her eho and EKG were fine)

She has had only one episode over the month since decreasing the med....she is hoping to get herself off of it and is working on that with the pdoc. I innately feel that she doesn't need the med either especially since we are having no breakthrough symptoms while decreasing it and the hallucinations and tachycardia have subsided. The pdoc, however, wants us to see a neurologist to rule out MS which is sometimes linked to BP as well as any other neurological condition (yet another thing to worry about which I may have already shared with you....if so I do apologize). We have an appointment in April for that.

So like you say....it never seems to end!! Brother is still holding his own, amazingly.....the Hospice team has never met anyone like him. His lungs are barely functioning but he continues to find the strength to make it through each day. He is certainly willing himself to be here for his family for as long as possible. He is still managing his own care and quite alert but his physical strength is diminishing day by day as is his breathing. But again, he wills himself to get out of bed into a wheelchair to shower and go to the bathroom.

Spring is almost here, Jules and the birds are singing away here as evidence of that.....it is a sign for us to hang in there and keep hoping for the miracles we need in our lives.

Hang in there and know that my thoughts and prayers are with you......ALWAYS.

Your friend ~ IG:)

Oh ig, that bf has GOT to go too...but, shes smart and she will see that eventually and he WILL go...;) a neuro is a good thing to do...it cant hurt at all...your bro has amazing will..god bless him every day:angel:

IG,

Crappy boyfriends are my specialty (from expereince - grimace). I found a book some years ago that chnaged my life. As a psychologist, I an attest to the fact that iit isn't some dumb 'pop psychology' nonsense.

"Women Who Love Too Much" by Robin Norwood.

It won't make her 'better' in terms of grief (not some 'quick fix') BUT may help divert a PATTERN, a future string of losers.

arlington, i am so worried about her frame of mind at this time..shes a sweet,SENSITIVE,young lady..she falls hard and probably always will..how can i help her gain some self-esteem? seriously...

I, too, am very sensitive. I still strongly reccommend the book -- for both of you. It's about identifying things about US -- not 'flaws', just traits that make us more sensitive/vulnerable to these situations/relationships. The only other thing I'd reccomend is EXACTLY what you're doing (which is quite rare, BTW, kudos to YOU) YOU are taking her feelings of hurt seriously, espectfully and not simply dismissing them based upon YOUR opinions nd/or 'comfort level'. Some times, the best thing to do is willing to be 'present' for someone WITHOUT increasing their stress by trying to FORCE them to feel better, being able to manage our feelings of anxiety (etc.) in order to simply be 'present'.

And if you think about it, just like our terrible w/d's, this period is pain and loss may help inspire her to make different choices down the road. This, however, is not at all the time to talk about that with her but, never the less, it is possible.

Finally, when you think about it, this is better than the alternative. Meaning, it sounds as if you have a sweet, caring daughter which, unfortunately, along with all the good things thisn leadsn to, it also leads us more vulnerable to grief. However, frankly, I'd be way more worried if she dated someone for a year and couldn't care less, you know?

Jessica

Jessica, thanks for your help..your words were tremendous to me..very helpful..She is hurting real bad,but you and i know with some time she will feel better..as her mom, i am crying along with her because i know how she felt about this guy..so here she is 19 with a brokenheart right in the middle of midterms..Thanks again, i will order the book today..

Jules,

You're welcome -- it always feels good to get out of my head and try to help someone else. Going through w/d's is so hard and, o top of things, has made me hyper-focus on myself (better myself then the pillz but still not good) and it is a HELP and a PRIVILEDGE to try to help someone else out.

Hugs, Jess

IG, As a psychologist, I an attest to the fact that iit isn't some dumb 'pop psychology' nonsense.

"Women Who Love Too Much" by Robin Norwood.

It won't make her 'better' in terms of grief (not some 'quick fix') BUT may help divert a PATTERN, a future string of losers.

Arlington.....thanks for stopping by and the wonderful advice.:)

Just a little update for the two of you....there have been some interesting developments!!

My daughter came downstairs just before going to bed in tears saying that her BF broke up with her (I tried to hide the relief and think that I did a pretty good job of it;)) They have been fighting alot over the past 3-4 months....she seems to have been hanging on to him knowing that if she didn't have him that she wouldn't have anyone else to take up her free time (sadly that is true because she seems to emotionally make it that way)

Anyway....for quite sometime she has complained about him not enjoying his company but hanging on still. This time she was upset but told me that she wasn't as upset as in the past when they almost broke up. I think it is because she is working on using that upsetment to figure out ways to "fix" him for breaking her heart!!

I don't know exactly what is going to happen from here.....last week they took a break from one another and it only lasted a few hours.:dizzy:

So.....I think I will grab that book and see if she can read it in her free time.

I do worry because she did end up in the hospital after breakups with guys but that was before she was diagnosed and treated & she has been doing well in terms of stability so I hope that it won't affect that. She did complain of having some visual hallucinations while trying to go to sleep and even said herself that she thinks that they are coming out of stress. She hasn't had them for a few weeks now since lowering the Seroquel.

We see the pdoc tomorrow and will figure things out with him I guess.

Never a dull one around here!! Tomorrow should be interesting!!

~ IG:)

ig, my daughter is not bp..but shes extremely sensitive and soft .i have to tell you she is taking this breakup so hard, shes away in school, we talk a few times each day and shes sobbing always..i made a therapist appt. for her next week..the problem here is that he turned into her best friend , they weere together a year..so shes feeling a void.and doesnt know what to do with it..she put way too much into it with him..shes devestated...keep an eye on your daughter please..i ordered that book yesterday..its probably good for every young woman to read..hope everything goes well for her today..try your hardest in your best way;) to keep her from NOT going back to him..

Hi ladies ~

Just wanted to pop in and say hello. It's nice not to have any story to add! We're still planning the wedding and waiting to hear from grad schools.

My back recovery had a setback when I slipped on some snow-covered ice on Sat. I thought I was OK, but I've been getting worse and worse and can barely turn over in bed now...so I'm going to see my surgeon tomorrow, probably for an X-ray.

Sorry your daughters are learning one of life's more painful lessons...

Jules ~ what's happening with your son regarding the pdoc changing meds?

Any luck getting him to go inpatient??

Oh my, MM....I am soo sorry to hear about your fall!! After all that you have been through I am praying that it is just your body shocked and nothing more. I recall having just gotten out of the hospital from having major colon surgery, a friend of mine picked me up since hubby was out of town. We stopped off at a convenience store and sitting upright was uncomfortable. So I used the handle on the side of the seat to recline it a bit and it went straight back!!!:eek: I felt this internal tearing which burned my entire abdomen and all I could imagine was that all the internal handiwork that the surgeon had done was torn apart!! Turns out that I was just fine. Hopefully the same will be true for you.

Oh Jules....I am soo sorry about all that your daughter is going through. I think it is a great idea that she speak to a therapist and hopefully that will help her through the pain of it all. How did things go today with your younger daughter???

Today was the longest day for me as a mom. Daughter went off to school and hubby drove her in. Her NGBF's (no good boyfriend's) father would drive them each morning so we wanted to ease her into all of this. She has a few classes with him as well so I KNEW that it wouldn't be an easy day for her.

When I picked her up for her pdoc appt. she was smiling and the first thing I thought was that she was back together with him. But she wasn't, she shared with me for the 45 minute drive (while she was driving) how free she felt and how so many people in school were there for her including some of her teachers. I was actually shocked and she even went on to say how great it feels to be single again and that she thinks that she is going to stay away from boyfriends because in just a short time she will be going away to college and doesn't want to go through all of this again.

I was so impressed with her emotional maturity but did forewarn her that she probably would have some sad days when this all hit her and that it would be normal and how proud I was of the way she was handling it and how much she deserved to be happy.

We saw the pdoc and he was impressed with the way she was handling things as well. Before she was diagnosed and treated something like this landed her in the hospital or led to self injury. The pdoc agreed that the decrease in Seroquel was doing her well and decided to decrease by 25mgs/week over the next month to bring us down to 250mgs. (We use to be at 575mgs) We also were impressed with her new self awareness in terms of working with the pdoc in figuring out the meds and any necessary adjustments.

We got in the car and within minutes she was in tears:dizzy: Apparently a song came on that reminded her of him....she applied new makeup and before it was even dry the tears came again!! It wasn't something I didn't expect, it was just a little sooner than I thought!!:) We went shopping and she tried on a bathing suit talking about how now that she was single she had to look good for the guys!! We got back in the car and again the tears. I suggested we get a bite to eat to get her mind off of things....we agreed on Applebees and to split some apps since she wasn't very hungry. We sat down and more tears :dizzy: We told the waiter that we lost our appetite and left. Went to the grocery store to get something she wanted....I ran into a friend and she came to me with tears rolling down her cheeks. Friend shared some breakup stories and she was soon laughing again.

We came home and she spoke with friends on the phone. She seems okay now and I KNOW that this is completely normal as she makes the adjustments. It feels so good to see her letting it all out rather than allowing it to stay in where there is no release. The way that I see it is that she is using healthy coping skills and that is HUGE compared to what we have seen in the past....really HUGE!!

Well tomorrow is another day and I pray that she continues to stay strong and realizes how much better it is without him. I am hoping that her friends keep on surrounding her so that she can continue to stand her ground on this.

Well it was an exhausting day for me and it is time to catch up with some much needed rest. Thanks for listening.

~ IG :)

need to be quick,,sorry...mm im so sorry about your setback..:(

ig, my daughter is still doing the same on/off tears...we all know it will get better..time will heal.;)

son is probably going to do an inpatient for 3 weeks..he still ahs to be the 1 making the rules..so he agrees 21 days NOT 28 days...oh well....

talk later, oh little one is perfectly fine..all tests came out great!!!:)

Well Jules, it looks like things are panning out. Your son agreeing to the inpatient is a step in the right direction I wouldn't get too upset about the timeframe....just knowing he is willing to go must be a great relief in itself. Most likely once he is there he will be much more open to staying an extra week if he sees things are helping and he will most likely be more reasonable.

Is he going to that place by the "Sea" and with open "fields"?????? And have you heard anything more about the place???

I am soooo glad to hear that your younger daughter's tests went well and all is okay....what a relief!!!

As far as your other daughter goes....sounds like she did what mine did and that was put all of her eggs in one basket. I am hoping that something will occur that will distract her from feeling so sad and heartbroken. She needs something else to focus on that she feels passionate about....any ideas????

I will continue to keep you and your family in my prayers.

Marlo....any improvements with you??? And when exactly do you see the surgeon??? Please give us an update when you are able to.

Love ~ IG:)

(((Jules)))

I completely agree with Ivory in regard to son's in-pt. 'time frame'. Having been hospitalized myself I can attest to the fact that the propect of going is scary (even if necessary) so if he needs to focus on 21, let it be! :)

I am thrilled you ordered the book and am looking forward to hjearing what you think!

Jessica