22 of January 2008, I will never forget that day.
How can you possibly move and and forget and heal and want to actually live again?
I'm 16 and my childhood bestfriend was taken away from me.
The worst thing is, they don't even know what killed her.
It was so quick, flu like symptoms, throwing up, achey, fever.
Trips to the walk in clinic where they just told her to take advil and then her lungs just failed. I want to give up and just lie down and let everything surge around me and not have to feel. I want my mother and my father and my best friends to hug and comfort me.
I want to be home, where everyone gets to heal together while I'm left out by myself in cold, miserable Finland..
I have to question everything because I don't know how to let it out to anyone else. If I hadn't have gone on this exchange would she have died? I wish I had've sent that christmas card to her family... Why didn't we make time to see eachother before I left in August. URGH
I want everything to be better, I want to forget and move on, I want her to be alive and well and lighting up the world with her beautiful presence.
How can I heal?
I dont know if what i feel inside me are feelings of stress i feel dizzy, light headed spells, nausea, ear aches, trouble breathing, fatigue and my hands feel like, tingly and they won't work right and at times hurt really bad. I don't know what it is, am I sick like her? Am i going to die too?
I'm really scared.

I'm sorry for your loss. When I was 13,(I'm 35 now) I lost my neighbor/good friend in a car accident. There are alot of car accidents where I grew up, I used to loose at least one friend a year, and continue, even now... It's very hard to deal with. I've found over the years, the thing that helps me is to think of the best place possible, where you can have anything and everything you want, and tell yourself that is where you go when you die, then picture your friends there. I'm sorry I can't help with your symptoms, they could be stress, but I'm not a doctor, so I can't tell for sure. Just know that, in time you will heal, you will never forget, but you will heal. :angel:

Hon no your not going to die. ((hugs)) to you. Its not your fault she died so please don't feel that way. I think if it's ment to be it will be no matter what when it's our time to go we will. I know im new here but I know what your going through im here if you want to talk to cry.