How do you tell your strongly christian,anti-gay family that your gay?:confused:

Well, the only reason you feel like you cant tell them is because of the reaction you will recieve, so honestly when you dont fear that reaction then it is the right time, Im sure it wont be easy, but dont make it bigger then it needs to be, if you explain it with a clear level head and stand firm about your decision even if they dont like it, they will have to accept it, and then you can begin to live your life with a much needed weight off your chest. The choice is yours, but i wouldnt hide it any longer if i was you, Being afraid to live the way you want to because of others is one of the worst things you can do.

I have a cousin that had to deal with this. Her parents didn't know she was a lesbian and she brought a girl home with her to visit her parents. They didn't know the girl was anything more than a friend, but once they saw the two of them interact they suspected something. They confronted my cousin, and it was a very ugly scene. They are both born-again Christians, so that made it that much harder for them to even begin to understand it.

I tell you this story as a warning: don't put off telling them. Especially if you are in a relationship already. If you are too scared to tell them in person, maybe a hand-written letter would be a better choice. But in person is probably best. Is there anyone in your family at all that might support you? A sibling or a cousin? If there is, sometimes it helps to tell that person first.

They will probably be upset at first, but you are family, and people can be remarkably resilient. They might even be more accepting than you thought. But you have to at least give them the chance to either accept it or not.

I hope that it goes well for you and that you at least have a good group of friends that accept you for who you are.

Never forget:

You are your own person. You belong to no one else. Be confident. Live how you want to live. No regrets.

Having come out when I was 15 (now 41) those days are far behind me. You have to remember it may take your parents' just as long to deal with it as it took you.

Perhaps the idea of writing them a letter and giving them am opportunity to read it and process it a bit might feel safer to you. Who knows, maybe they already have an idea that you are gay.

Whatever their reaction - just remember they do love you and this may rattle their faith a bit. Given time they will come around. I remember asking my father if it would be better for him if I were tricking for drug money as long as I was doing it w/men - he said yes. That response was all about him. He told me my partner at the time wasn't allowed in his house - so we never went. That lasted maybe a year, then he got over it. My mother - well she was easy...

Good luck and just remember you are who you are - and it's not a choice.

Who knows, maybe they already have an idea that you are gay..

My friend told me about the time he told his mother about his sexuality- and his mum replied, "I already knew!"
So, who knows, as wonderwoman has suggested, maybe they have an idea.

I am a christian parent. I have one son. I think he MIGHT be gay. I have never asked him. I would hope that I could be the kind of parent he could come too....if this were true. (I really don't know for sure). I have gone over it in my mind many times, as all the signs are there, but if it isn't true....I don't want to pry or offend him by asking....and I want him to come to ME with it. The point I am making is this: I am Christian, he is my son. I love him unconditionally. I will always love him. I will always stand by and support him. No matter what he is or isn't. I am praying that your family have the sense and compassion to feel the same.

Mileena

he is my son. I love him unconditionally. I will always love him. I will always stand by and support him. No matter what he is or isn't.

Mileena[/QUOTE]


Mileena - that is all he needs to know. Perhaps in a conversation that has nothing to do with him. A hypothetical or a story about someone else you know. Trust me, the parents are usually at the end of the line when coming out. It is so hard to risk losing them, and it's so scary to think of how they will change towards you once they know. The really sad thing is these fears are valid and because of all the "pretending" its hard to have a genuine relationship with the people who have loved you all your life.

Create a safe place or opening for that - and if he is gay he will eventually tell you.

I have a friend who is gay and a cousin who is gay (both women). Both sets of parents took it hard and didn't accept it for some time. I can say that both came around - somewhat.

My friend's family wanted nothing to do with her partner for many years. Now, her father hangs with her partner and looks forward to her visits. It is just unbelievable how they learned to accept them - even though it took close to 10 years.

My cousin pretty much always had her partners around and my aunt and uncle seemed OK with it, but to this day they want to change my cousin. They have never fully accepted her - and let me tell you, this has been very hard on my cousin. After being out of the closet for over 10 years, she has recently turned to drugs and alcohol. It obviously has not been easy on her, even though her parents seem to accept my cousin and her girlfriends - having them over for dinner, taking vacations with them, etc. They are very religious (although hypocrites) and this gets in the way of them fully accepting my cousin.

So, make sure you have a strong group of friends and someone to turn to for help if you need it. Your family may not talk to you and may try everything in their power to change you. Be open to counseling because this type of rejection can really screw up a person.

I wish you luck as you go through this. Please know that we are here on the healthboards for you.

First I would just like to say thanx for the info and second I just want to thank u guy's an girl's for being so understanding and everything I don't know u guy's but already think ya'll are some of the nicest people in the U.S.:)