Hi,

I am a new mom to Autism issue's. My son maybe PDD, or somewhere on the spectrum. He is very sensitive to just about everything, and scares easily. He is irrational, and has bad communication skills and few words. He is 4, but developmentally closer to 2 1/2. He throws tantrum and flaps his arms to get worked up. He bites, pinches, you name it.
His preschool, ese teacher recommended a picture schedule, and stricter routines at home and day care. How strict is a home supose to get? I am not sure how to do that, and get mixed information from therapist, teachers, friends and family. I was hoping someone with an austic child could help me understand how these routines help our kids. And what to expect from one at home? I am lost, and desperate to reach my son.
We also have a growing family with a new born and a 2 year old who is also having troubles of his own. Lots of advice i have gotten is about how all the changes can unbalance him, and make him insecure. Does anyone else get mental health professionals to work with their kids? I would appreciate any comments. I don't even know where to start helping him. I just recently realized that his behavior, though always odd, has autisic traits.

My house is not very strict.. I don't want it to be, because I've seen households where a child with Autism is doing nothing (it seems) except for therapy. I don't want that for my child.

My son (who is 4) is in a special needs preschool, and they have a Behavioral Support person there that works with teachers and parents for children with "issues". My son has problems himself, and the Behavioral Support person was very helpful. (She came to the house about once a month to talk with me, play with him, etc). She suggested things like Social Stories to ease with things like going to bed, going to school, etc.. And after taking a few classes at his school (like the Hanen program), I used the picture system. I just made up a huge chart (with the weekdays on it) and then pictures for most things my son does in an average week. (use velcro to take them on and off) If he knew what he was supposed to do, it meant less complaining about it. Sure, it doesn't get rid of all behavioral problems, but I think it helps tremendously. In fact, one thing I've noticed is that the teachers he has that are the "hardest" on him- they don't give him an inch- are the ones he has bonded the most with. Funny how that works. As long as he knows what's up- and you give him a heads up first so he can adjust to the idea of it- he's better off.

My son also started responding to his teachers counting to 3 to get him to do something. It didn't work with me at first, cuz I'm just mom. But once he saw I was serious and that he'd have to face some not-so-fun consequences for not listening, I almost never get to 3. And lately I'm finding that if I give him to the count of 10 to finish playing with something (so we can move on to something else I need him to do), he will stop at 10.

I have found that it's really important to tell your child everything you plan on doing, and get them thinking about it. The social stories help, as do the pictures. My son is verbal, but he still enjoys them.


Good luck to you. :)

I have to agree with datgrlstef. We are totally on the same page. My son is now almost 8 and I remember those days very well. My husband and I treat our son as if he was a "typical" child and have those special aids for the things that he has the most difficulty with . It seems that kids on the spectrum like predictibility, unfortunately life is not predictible. Mom has to go shopping...we have an appointment. Most spectrum kids have a difficult time transitioning from one activity to another especially if it is not to their liking. This is where the picture schedule comes as a big help. When you arrange all those activities, he will be able to see them visually and understand more if you where to do it auditory. You can have the picture of going to the store and then a picture of his favorite thing to do: playdoh, after. You can do this with getting ready in the morning and going to bed at night. They accept it as if it was written in stone, become to depend on it, then become fimiliar with it and they eventually grow away from it in time. I would say it was the most effective thing that we used...EVER.
It's hard not to get overwhelmed, but if you just look at one issue at a time and figure out how to help them, that issue seems to just resolve and you develop a system that just becomes natural. It ends up helping your other children as well and truly makes you be a better mother.
This is a great site and we are all willing to help. Good luck, hope to hear from you again.

Thank you so much for the advice. I am a bit overwhelmed by all of this. His teacher said she has a computer program, and it will help with pictures. I just have to make a list of pics that i want. I just don't know where to start. You all are so right about the transitioning.
What about the psy Dr? Does anyone feel a need for that? Their is depression on both sides of his family. I so worry about his feelings. He cannot express them. And so the behaior kicks in. I don't want him labeled and put on pills to calm him just because he doesn't behave. I just keep thinking if i knew why he did that, I could help him.

Hi Rebecca,

I think the scary thing about autism is that the 'establishment' themselves don't know much about it and, as you know, different people have different opinions on how to 'deal' with certain difficulties - I found conflicting advice was worse than having no advice at all.

If I was going to have my time again the main change I would make would be to look at my son's symptoms and focus on how to help with those, rather than worrying about a diagnosis and what everyone else was telling me to do (a diagnosis is important but it can take years and numerous assessments before you get one - I feel that I focused too much on getting him diagnosed and not enough on how to help him day to day). You also sound as if you really have your hands full with three little ones to take care of - although a 'strict' routine sounds very nice, I imagine with a new born and a toddler you have little chance of sticking to timetables - babies don't really care what you are doing if they want to feed!

I'd suggest keeping it really simple - get pictures for the routine things such as getting washed and dressed, eating meals, time at nursery, any activities that he likes to do, any journeys you make regularly (for example, a picture of a car/bike/bus or however you get around), bedtime and feeding time for your little one. You don't need to worry about what times these happen as just arranging them in the order you need will probably help to start off with - stick them on the wall and keep it simple - washed and dressed, breakfast, car to nursery, nursery time, lunch, feed the baby, park, tea, bath, bed (It's a lot in a day even when you're not doing a lot!!). Try and keep a diary (I know it's horribly time consuming but it can help) and note down when he's happy and content and when he struggles to cope. I find that by doing this we've managed to minimise difficulties as we concentrate on doing things he likes and try and avoid things he finds too hard to cope with, although that's much easier for me as I just have the one child and can set the routine around him.

Try and take it a day at a time - it's a long haul and I feel I really burnt myself out trying to 'sort' everything and make him 'better'. It might be worth asking if the various specialists involved could get together and decide on one set of advice to give you rather than telling you different things and, if there's any help you can get with babysitting, housework etc then take it - the more people that can give you a hand the better.

Also bear in mind that some strategies work better at school than they do at home - I found my little boy would do everything at school and then melt down when he got home - he just found school so stressful that once he got home he kind of broke down - horrible situation. So when things work at school and not at home don't blame yourself - they're different environments and so different things work in them at different times.

Also check the National Autistic Society website for advice and information - they're very useful.

x

My little boy at 3 was cross and bad tempered etc then we saw a tv program on fish oils - omega 3 - we started giving it to him, and after a while he became calmer. A couple of years later we went on holiday and forgot to take them with us, gradually his behaviour started to get more frustrated and angry, but gradually calmed down again once we were back onto the oils..
This is us, it might not be the same for others, but it saved our sanity!

Good luck with your little one.:)

PS I agree with the others - it's very difficult to run your HOME like a school with strict timetables etc, I couldn't do it even tho they really encouraged me with symbols etc. However, I am thinking of setting up a weekly timetable for the wall , as my boy is always 'asking' what day it is and what we are doing (I use the word asking , but it's all in his own form of asking!)